Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Batarael, Day 4: Release- Family Therapy

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Batarael, Day 4: Release- Family Therapy

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Batarael, Day 4: Release- Family Therapy
Dr. Dalayne Davenport surveyed her newest patients and their sombre mood. “Thank you for agreeing to meet here. I think we can agree that having a neutral place will help a bit, even if it is its own complication. Now, before we get into why you’ve chosen to do family therapy, I want to go over the ground rules. You’ve been given them already, but I will reiterate as a reminder. First, there is no shouting, no name-calling, or anything of the sort. There might be strong feelings that come up, but there must be respect for each other in this room. Second, you speak for yourselves, not for others. Use ‘I feel’ statements if that helps frame someone else’s behaviour or actions. Interruptions might happen, but I will ask you to be mindful of your urge to interrupt. Everyone will have time to speak. You each have something to write with, so please do take notes if there are things you want to bring up and that moment might not be the right one. Third, if you need a break, ask for one. You can step out and give yourself a moment, especially if something is brought up that is difficult for you. And lastly, it’s okay to agree to disagree. You each have your own experiences and perspective. You may see the same events very differently and that is okay. What I want you to try to do is listen to these other perspectives and see how they differ or align with your own. Are these rules something you can all agree to?”

A chorus of yeses and nods ensued. More than that was the threads of determination, nervousness and anticipation she was sensing from the trio. A psi-positive therapist had been a request of the family, given they were empaths themselves and they were journeying into very difficult territory.

The head of the psychiatry department had asked her to take on this case for some key reasons, but namely her half-Napean ancestry and her status as a retired Starfleet officer. She had been a doctor in her previous life, and after retiring after her last tour of duty had gone back to do a new residency in mental health. She was technically a civilian at Sacred Heart, but was cleared for the security access required to take on this unique person as a patient. Was it daunting having the Lieutenant Governor as your patient? Yep! But more than that was the delicate position of having her adult children with her for family therapy. After getting their individual files sent to her (a necessary action in this particular case), Dalayne knew she had her work cut out for her.

Each in their own large armchair set in a semi-circle before her, they sat in her light filled office at Sacred Heart Hospital and Delayne mentally confirmed that her initial plan of action would be the right one. “Alright, let’s get right into it, shall we? I’d like to start with each of you explaining why you wanted to do family therapy, why you personally are here in this room today. Eela? Why don’t you go first.” It was a conscious decision to use first names, one because she knew the woman preferred less formality when she could get away with it, but also to set a more casual atmosphere from the get-go.
Eela Dasca had spent many an hour in the last few weeks trying to figure out exactly how to explain this odd place she had come to. She had gained a great deal of clarity these last few weeks, but she knew she needed more, that there were pieces of the puzzle to her life that others held. She needed them to help her see and understand how she had come to this particular place in her life.

A glass of water in hand, Eela took a sip and set the glass on the coffee table, inhaling a deep breath. Breathing it out, she gathered her thoughts. “I guess there is a bit of backstory, but ever since my accident I’ve been trying to figure out who I am now, what I’m meant to be doing. It was easy when I was Starfleet, clear. It wasn’t until I came to Oed that something shifted. For the first time I felt like a weight lifted off of me. It was as if I had been taking small shallow breaths for years and all of a sudden I could take these deep full breaths. I could breathe. And in that space I realized that I had these thoughts in my mind that kept creeping to the surface, and I felt instinctually that they weren’t my thoughts. They had come from others, mostly from my ex-husband. After everything went down here with Cory, I was in this state of shock and I began the very difficult process of examining the forty years of our marriage and trying to understand how it happened, how I might have turned a blind eye, and accepted behaviour that was not okay, all in the name of keeping things peaceful. I’ve been slowly examining each piece, each event and trying to see where the deception lay. I know I played my own role in it, but the…” Eela paused and found her words stuck in her throat. She shifted her gaze to Caridee on her right and then Jourin on her left, unsure how to proceed.

“I know it’s hard, but let’s try to be as honest as we can, even if the words we need to speak might be hard for others to hear,” Davenport said.

Eela nodded. “The emotional abuse and psychological manipulation was so covert, so insidious that I either couldn’t see it, or didn’t want to. And I know in the family dynamic I was the scapegoat. Whenever something was wrong, he made it my fault, even if it hadn’t anything to do with me. That in turn affected how I related to others, how I was as a mother.” She looked at her children again, but this time gave a tiny smile before her gaze returned to their therapist. “I’m here to sort out where we are all at now and figure out a way forward. I know I’ve made mistakes but I also want to be able to clear the air in areas that I am not responsible for. And hopefully, we can start to create a new story as the new family dynamic that we are.”

Delayne nodded. “A good goal to work towards. Jourin? How about you go next?”

Jourin had listened to his mother’s explanation with a thread of trepidation but also curiosity. They had had several lovely moments since his arrival but there had been an agreement to not delve into anything until these family therapy sessions. To do otherwise would not have been as productive. “I am here because somehow I’ve found myself outside of things and I don’t entirely understand how. It was never a conscious decision but it sort of just happened. Except that’s not true, right? It was a series of decisions, mine or others, over time.

“In the last couple of years, I started doing my own therapy because I was having something of a revelation about my sexuality and I wanted guidance sorting it all out. At one point my therapist asked if there was anyone I had in my life I could ask for guidance or support in this, and I said the most logical person was my mom. When she asked why I hadn’t, I started to explain the weird place our relationship had come to. Well, that led down some difficult paths but it helped me see that I was responsible for my own actions yes, but my father’s influence over them had been… profound, and not in a good way. I’m here today, in part to own up to where I caused pain, but also to see if there is a way for us three to be a family again, even if everything is very different now.”

Davenport smiled. “Truths can be difficult but also liberating. I am glad you are open to more of that.” She shifted her gaze to the daughter, also a psychiatrist. “Caridee? How about for yourself?”

Dee traced a small circle on the top of her right thigh with light pressure, allowing her swirling thoughts to solidify with each completed round. “It’s all been such a shock. For me it felt like it came out of nowhere, but then after my father’s… incident-”

“I normally wouldn’t interrupt but It’s very important we use honest language. Name it for what it was, if you can,” Delayne said.
Caridee blew out a breath. “After my father assaulted my mom, Roger, her best friend and someone I always thought of as an uncle told me that she had been shielding us from the reality of what she had been dealing with for a long time. I was just trying to wrap my head around all that when Mom got sick after Dash died. Dealing with the Kuskaartiz triggered me more than I wanted to admit at the time, but I realized I had to stop and work through some of the difficult feelings I’ve had since her accident and her ship was destroyed. I can use my training and see the narcissistic family dynamic we had been forced into, and in our family I became the peacemaker. I’ve always tried to smooth things over and I know that that wasn’t always helpful. But it’s not only made it hard to see those I love in any pain, but I want to try to fix it. That’s not healthy behaviour, not ultimately helpful. I’m here in the hopes that we can find a new place to begin as well, but also to reset my own expectations of myself and learn how I can be gentler with myself as I also learn to be a better sister and daughter.”

Delayne nodded. “It’s clear you have compassion for your actions that have distressed you. It might be hard at times but hold on to that compassion as we move through different topics.”

“I’m hearing that you are all aware that you have taken actions at times with each other that you might regret. And that you are willing to own up to mistakes made. It’s honestly very encouraging and I think you are starting this work from a good place. But I also want to say something so that it’s in all of our minds that there is one person not here to defend himself, nor do we need or want him to. The difficult part of family situations like yours is that it can be hard to delve deeply when someone who was a big part of these events is not here. To be clear, his perspective is not important here. Each of yours are. It’s not a betrayal to speak your truth even if it clashes against someone else’s. We’ll go slowly and mindfully.” A thread of tension pinged on her senses. She took a measured breath and focused her attention on Eela.

Eela met her gaze and felt the intentional calm radiating from her. She fought back a smirk knowing that they were going to start with her and Delayne was trying to create a soothing space for them to delve into it. Fortunately for Eela she had been talking about a lot of this with different people over the last weeks.

“My turn, huh?” Eela said.

Delayne nodded. “It seems obvious that Cory’s trip to Oed is the catalyst for many of the new understandings and also the permanent change in the family dynamic. How would you describe that dynamic before and after the assault?”

Eela had told her that she could push more than she might with others given her own training. Well, here it was. The words were intentional and ensured no one, especially Eela herself could downplay any of it. “Well, before I would have characterized mine and Cory’s relationship as tense. We tried to be amicable through the separation but every interaction felt like he was baiting me. Especially if it was an interaction around other people. It always felt like he was trying to provoke a reaction so I would behave badly and others would think negatively of me. Sometimes it worked, but most of the time I bit my tongue, or walked away, all the while saying in my own head what I never felt I could in that moment. And even if I had it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Eela sucked in a breath and gave herself a moment to ease the tension building in her chest. “I had to remind him I could defend myself before he let my arm go. And I told him right then that he was no longer welcome in my home and had no place in my life. Well, we know how that went, but in the aftermath I have a restraining order myself, and the government of Oed has barred him from even entering the system. We have no contact, nor do I want any. But it’s created a situation where we can’t be in the same place at the same time, even if our children are involved.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Delayne said.

Eela snorted even as her jaw tensed. “Pissed off! It’s forced people to pick sides if they hadn’t already. Including my children. I never wanted that! We had a brief time after the divorce decree was finalized where I thought we could have a mostly amicable relationship. It’s not like I’m going to go to Earth anytime soon or often. But now I feel like every move I make has to be exceptionally calculated, and that’s over and above the considerations I always have to keep in mind as a colonial leader.”

The weight of her declaration hung over the room and its occupants. Jourin sucked in an audible breath that was half a sigh and that drew attention from the others. In particular he could feel his mother’s mental focus on him and he lifted his gaze, turning his head to meet her eyes. They had been in the same spaces together, shared that wonderful First Day meal and, after the initial reunion, kept away from the more dicey topics. But it had all been surface interactions. Safe interactions.

He missed her. He had told the Governor as much. As he had told her in different words, but it was this intensity of her gaze that he had forgotten. It was a gaze that especially as a Starfleet captain could be quite intimidating. But as her son, he had encountered it either when he had done something wrong, or he had done something that made her curious. She was always trying to understand, to find the right framing for things. Which had made her a great therapist and now made her receptive to her adult children’s thoughts and feelings. He envied this ability of hers.

“I understand why you feel like we have to pick sides, but we’re not. For myself, I’m still trying to figure things out, but in my own therapy work I’ve tiptoed into the places where maybe his and my relationship was toxic. I know that I need to create more space between him and I, but I don’t know what that looks like or if it’s possible. Maybe something like what Dee was saying she was doing.”

Eela and Dalayne shifted their attention to Caridee, who took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ve gone Grey Rock.”

The two other women nodded, but Jourin couldn’t quite parse what that meant. “Grey rock?”

Dee nodded. “Essentially, when I’m ready to have contact with him again, it will be very limited. We will talk and I will listen, but I won’t tell him anything too deep. Everything will be kept to surface topics and feelings. The idea is to give him nothing he can then try to use against me then or later. So, for example, I might tell him loosely about work and whether it’s busy or not, but I wouldn’t tell him about a client that really struck me deeply. I won’t give him deeper personal information about myself, or others in my circle, which includes both you, Mom, Kian, and even Alais. I can talk about her milestones, but not about how I feel as her parent, because I know he’d try to change everything to make it about him. Not gonna lie, it can be really hard at times, but I know that if I give him something deeper, it’ll cause nothing but pain for myself or others.” She said it so matter-of-factly that if her family hadn’t been empaths, they wouldn’t know that she was struggling with the idea.

Jourin couldn’t blame her. They were talking about a serious alteration to their relationship with their father and he already knew his dad was going to make a big deal about it one way or another. Hell, he hadn’t even let him meet Sibu. At first he hadn’t understood why he felt resistant, but after learning about everything that had gone down here on Oed between his parents, and pairing that with the sometimes painful work he had been doing in therapy, he realized that he was subconsciously protecting himself. Self preservation and all that.

“That might be the way I go. I don’t know yet,” Jourin said, returning his gaze to his mom. “But know that I care about your well being. I don’t feel pitted between you two. If there is any of that, well, he did that himself, yeah?” Tears shone in her eyes and Eela nodded.

Was it an instinct, an impulse, a need? A moment later his hand was gripping hers and giving it a squeeze. That precious bond between them flared and felt tangible for the first time in… well, years. He nodded as he felt her acceptance of his words. She believed him. “I know I’ve pushed you away. I didn’t even realize exactly that it was happening. Certainly not how it happened. There was suddenly this gulf between us and it felt unfixable. And then of course, he’d say stuff and he said it with such truth, and I trusted that, rather than talking with you and getting your side. I know why I didn’t, and we can talk about that, but I see now how it was unfair to you and for that, for the pain it caused, I’m really, truly sorry.”

Eela burst into tears, and lifted their joined hands to her cheek, resting into it. He had wondered why they were seated so closely to each other in this circle and now he understood it had been by design. Designed to facilitate connection between a touch telepath and her children should an opportunity and need surface.

Jourin felt moisture on his own cheeks, but he let the tears remain and do as they would.

(to be continued…)

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.