Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- The Comfort of Friends

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- The Comfort of Friends

Posted by Civilian Astrid Rousseau (Chief Justice) in Dasca’s Apartment- The Comfort of Friends
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“The only time I have ever gone for the jugular is in the legal way. Writing my research publications or helping to draft a better law than is currently in use. Physically hurting others is definitely not something I naturally gravitate to. However, I would say that both my physical training and arms training has come along well. I am significantly more capable than I used to be.” She sat back and sipped her tea, enjoying the warmth of the cup on her fingertips.

“You sound as if you have first hand experience about losing yourself. Do you want to share?”

Rousseau, HotJ

Eela was no longer backing away from the subject and in many ways, talking about the major transitions in her life in recent years was helping her not only cope but reframe everything that had gone down.

Hands wrapped tightly around her cup, she blew out a breath. “I told you a bit about how my ex-husband had been psychologically and emotionally abusive, and that was the method of manipulation he tried to use on me when he showed up at my place. But when I first came to Oed we had been separated for awhile and were awaitign the final divorce decree. It wasn’t until I was physically away from Earth and out of his immediate reach that I could finally breathe and start to reexamine my life. At least through my training I was all too aware that I needed to go slowly, that I needed to tackle one thread at a time, lest I unravel everything too quickly and ceased being able to cope and process.”

Eela leaned forward and set the cup on the table, turning herself to face Astrid, her eyes full of mixed emotions. I confided in a new friend after a few weeks here that I was starting to notice negative self-thoughts that would surface in my mind that weren’t mine. There was a series of them and when I stopped to examine them I realized that most of them were from Cory. Things he had said to me over and over again over the years that I had eventually come to believe. That friend made me write them down and then write a positive counter statement. That exercise broke me in a way that is hard to explain, because the abuse and dysfunction of my marriage was right there in front of me.

“And then you also have to factor in my accident. Most people don’t realize how much it turned my life upside down. I lost my ship, my crew, my career, as well as a part of my physical mobility and personality and cognitive processing all in one moment. One explosion. Boom, gone. Ever since my medical discharge I was searching for who I was now, who I could be if I wasn’t in uniform. And I loathed ever second of it. I resented it. And Cory’s behaviour got worse over that time. It was only when I was away on assignment with the Diplomatic Corps that I felt like I could breathe and just be myself, whomever that was.

Astrid understood the entanglements of abuse all too well and she ached for her friend’s personal pain. A husband should be a partner and a safe place to go to when all the rest of life is chaos. while she had no experience with serious life partners, she did understand how abuse of any kind could utterly change a person and how they perceived the world around them. She also understood what it was like to break away from that abuse and life view even for a short time. It could give you a perspective and relief from the constant trauma. Some could use it to empower themselves to leave. Some couldn’t. She imagined Eela had much on her mind in those moments of freedom.

“Oed has changed me, and me life, Astrid. It’s forced all the trauma and buried thoughts and feelings to the surface and forced me to confront it all. I wasn’t just lost, I was hiding. I’m still trying to figure out who Eela Dasca is. I’m reclaiming the things I realize I left behind that were important to me, like my spiritual and cultural practices. I’m also getting more comfortable with how I move through the galaxy, both physically and mentally. That the changes to my body and brain are not bad, just different. Don’t get me wrong, the issues with my back I’d happily do without, but they’re not stopping me from moving forward in my life.”

She shook her head. “I thought that moment in my apartment where Cory grabbed me was the one that broke me, and I do think it did a little. But I’ve since come to see it as being broken open, and while it’s a painful process, I’m grateful for it. As strange as that is.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“It’s not strange at all.” Astrid gave her a reassuring smile. “Anyone who has been through abuse and come out the other side has that moment of breaking open the shell of who they were to welcome who they are now. I imagine most feel grateful for the transition that happens due to that moment.”

Rousseau, HotJ

Eela nodded slowly. “I think it helps that I have formed some wonderful connections here on Oed. Without that I don’t think I could have handled Cory’s appearance. Certainly not in any productive way. Hell, I might have been sucked in again and tempted to give him a chance. But each time I connect with someone here, in whatever way that happens, I’m reminded of the core of who I am, who I’ve always been. She’s still there, even if she shows up a bit differently than before.” Eela broke into a smile. “And you know what? I think I really like this Eela that’s rising to the surface. She’s imperfect and sometimes impulsive, but I like her and I wasn’t sure I would. I’m glad that Dash got to meet her, even for a short period of time.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“I am glad for you too. I think when someone who has been abused and trapped finally finds a true home like you have here as well as a support system that shows her life can be different than she experienced before.... it helps her become irrevocably changed. I don’t think you can ever go back to living under Cory’s thumb. Even if a part of you allowed a moment of weakness, the rest of who you have changed to be would make it discordant within you. It would very quickly turn sour and you would see him for what he is. There is a power in you now that you did not have before and it is not something he can curtail or trap.”

Rousseau, HotJ