Posted by Civilian Kenzo B’tren-Hyrushi (Governor) in I Don’t Mean to Interrupt Such a Busy Person… (Tag Hyrushi)

(snip)

Hyrushi enjoyed good food, but today it was the company that intrigued him the most. “So tell me how you came to become a chef, if that is not too personal a question. You obviously have a gift for culinary art. Was it something you discovered early on?”

Hyrushi, Governor

Caitlyn nodded, dabbed her mouth with her napkin and then carefully reached for her class to clear her throat. “It was.” The expression on her face changed, she was remembering and far away for a moment. There was a hint of fear in a way that only a child can understand it. “I remember being able to see and going blind. It was terrible, losing that input. The loss of color and distance and shape and position. My parents had me fit for a VISOR of course, as soon as I was well enough, but it took a long time to adjust, I was so little and it was hard to adapt, to understand what was happening. So even after I had it, I couldn’t always use it, and things looked so incredibly different than they were supposed to.”

“Eating was incredibly difficult, everything was. Then one day we went out to eat, I don’t remember why, and my parents were reading the menu to me and I smelled something. It smelled delicious and I wanted it. Of course I had no idea what it was. The server tried to help, and finally the chef came out and took me into his kitchen and let me smell everything. He explained to me what each scent was from the spices to the meat and how it was cooked. I’d never really paid attention to the aroma of my food before,” she smiled ruefully, “most children don’t. Unless it is very bad. I just knew if it looked good and tasted good I liked it. After that I hounded my mother constantly to let me smell what she was putting in the food, to let me add things and try cooking. I wanted my food to smell good. I guess it was something that I felt was uniquely mine at the time and incredible, not difficult or a struggle.”

“Some things, the aroma was wonderful, but the taste was horrid and we couldn’t eat it.” Caitlyn laughed, “but I learned and I enjoyed it. That’s how I knew what they were making in the kitchen. I was able to identify the aroma. It’s turned out a useful skill, I don’t need to have a menu read to me all the time.”

Dillon, Director, The House Sanctuary

Kenzo listened intently, more so than he realized, and then he asked “May I ask why you do not use the VISOR? Or have cybernetic prothesis? If that is too personal, please simply say so. I mean no offense and I do not want to seem like I am prying. I am simply curious why you choose not to pursue that avenue.”

Hyrushi, Governor

She knew the question was coming. It always did, but even after all these years, the memories were still hard, frightening, painful. The burden never got less heavy, it just became familiar. “It is a fair question.” She paused, her whole body still, even her breath. “The answer is why I went to the House. It is not a pleasant story, and not for those that have a weak constitution.” She carefully set her fork down, in a way that indicated she was simply pausing in her meal, and not ready for it to be removed. “I will tell you, but you must promise to say if you wish me to stop. I will not be offended.” He could feel the rush of nervous energy, fight or flight, but a very quiet resolve. She would not let Gavin and the memories take one more moment from her.

“I had a VISOR, as I said. My parents opted for that because cybernetic prosthetics were still in the developmental stage when I became blinded. They didn’t want me to go through several surgeries so young. Despite the struggle to adjust to it, I loved my VISOR, and if it was my choice, I would still have it.” That was the easy part to tell. Her face was expressive, and the fear, remembered pain, and terror were physical for him. It was a long moment of silence as she picked her words carefully, the pulse in her throat was visible as it pounded in a very wild rhythm. “My ex-husband was a malicious man.” Caitlyn forced a deep breath, as memories flashed before her unseeing eyes. “His favorite form of torment was to steal my VISOR. He knew I was afraid to be alone in the dark, and that I had never learned to navigate without my VISOR. It… brought him great pleasure to see me afraid of him and then have to beg for his help.” That was not the extent of Gavin’s depravity, but it was the part relevant to his question. He could feel how hard it was even now, to accept help from anyone after that, but despite the deep aversion, she did. From Ashran and those in the House and even from him. Which had been difficult.

“I finally managed to arrange to get away from him. I was scheduled for surgery to have cybernetic prosthetic eyes implanted. I wasn’t going to let anyone do that to me again.” She set her hands in her lap, shifting in her seat as the memories became present. “Gavin found out about the surgery and then he found me. He followed me to where I was staying, after my pre-op appointment. He was very … thorough.” Caitlyn couldn’t stop the hitch in her voice and paused, reaching for her glass, and then changing her mind, feeling her hand shake, and returned it to her lap. “No one knew I was hurt or came looking until I missed my surgery. My doctor sent the police to check on me. I suffered a concussion, broken bones, chemical burns,” this time she moved her hair away from her face on purpose, showing the scarring where the VISOR implants had been. “I have permanent brain damage to the occipital lobe, so a VISOR or prosthetics won’t work for my anymore. Medical science is wonderful, but the thing about the brain is that it must be treated quickly in order to reverse the damage. Gavin made certain that I would always be trapped in the dark, and cognizant that I was.”

She was shaking from the tension, and had a need to get up and move. The adrenaline from the retelling, but she knew where nothing was in the restaurant nor the colony. But there was also a deep resolve to not run from ghosts of memories.

Dillon, Director, The House Sanctuary