Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Eela’s Apartment- Processing (TMODJ)

Posted by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) in Eela’s Apartment- Processing (TMODJ)

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Eela’s Apartment- Processing (TMODJ)
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Karilan came and took her hand. “Come… sit with me.” They half-led, half-guided Eela out onto the patio and set them down right next to each other on the small loveseat facing out towards the city. Karilan put an arm around Eela and wrapped a throw they had grabbed off the couch inside around her shoulders. “Come. Lean on me. I’ve got you. Do what you need to do darling Eela…”

Karilan

The blanket stilled the chill that swept over her but Karilan’s arm grounded her and gave her warmth too. All day she had bene either utterly emotionless or so overwhelmed that emotions were fickle. Nothing seemed tangible enough to hold on to. Now, in the quiet of her sanctuary of a patio garden she wasn’t sure what she was exactly feeling. It wasn’t numbness. Eela leaned against Karilan, her brace adding support so she didn’t bend her back. “I’m thinking about going to the hospital to see Dash. I know going to a morgue is odd and it’s not like I’m identifying a body, but… part of my body still feels him, Karilan,” she said, her breath catching as ears slipped over her cheeks. It’s convinced it’ll feel him again and I can’t live like that. I need my brain to make the connection that he’s gone. To feel that the body there is just a former shell. It’s not him.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Karilan was quiet for a long time and then said “I am not sure that is such a good idea Eela… but you know what you need more than anyone else. And if that is what you need, I will go with you. That isn’t something you should do alone.” They sighed deeply. “Keep in mind the part of your body that still feels him isn’t you, though.... it’s the remnant of the crystal. Caridee says that will fade. But again… I go where you go.” and they rested their head on Eela’s.

Karilan

Curled up against Karilan, Eela was torn. “I don’t know. I kept being reminded that I’m not in a place to make the best decisions right now, and while I want to be able to trust my instincts, I can’t help but second-guess everything. Maybe it’s best to just wait till tomorrow and see how I feel about it then.” It wasn’t like she had to decide anything now.

She tired to imagine what Dash would say to her in this moment, what he’s advise, but that only made her chest tighten. Before she knew it, her body was shaking and that sob of actual grief she hadn’t been able to touch finally let loose. She had many other feelings, but Eela let herself feel the profound sadness that had bene trapped in her body all day. And once the sobbing started, it was hard to stop it. Eela was not a loud crier usually- she often kept her emotions more contained around other because of her work. But all her controls were not only different these days since her accident, but she had no energy for them. Her desperate wail pulled on something deeper than even just the death of a man she cared for deeply. It was the culmination of so many deaths that she had borne witness to and could no longer hold on to.

And she just cried, long and hard, until her body was so worn out she could barely lift her head.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Karilan didn’t speak… they didn’t need to. They simply held Eela close and let her cry. They rocked her gently, but stayed silent until she could feel Eela’s body drain of it’s energy. Only then did she say “It is time for sleep. Come, Love. I have you.” and they helped her to her feet and began moving her slowly into the apartment. “Guest room or your room? I cleaned up earlier.”

Karilan

Eela sucked in a breath as they crossed into the dining room, her movements strained. The emotional pain had eased to a dull ache for now, but her physical pain radiated from her body. Was it need or masochism that made her want to see the room again. “My room,” she said softly, the space drawing her like a magnet.

When they reached the open doorway, Eela took a step inside and took in all the details, right down to where Caridee had returned her canar to its usual spot. “It’s not just Dash, Karilan,” she whispered with a quiver. She turned to face them, hazel eyes awash with sorrow. “I’ve been trying to figure it out, but when everything came flooding back to me after the canar connection, it felt… familiar. I’ve been trying to figure out where from and then I remembered: there was an incident on one of my diplomatic missions. Long story short, I was in close enough proximity when a group of people on one side of the conflict I was trying to negotiate peace for took their own lives in a group suicide as a protest. And it destroyed me for months after. I’ll tell you more about it another time, but this thing with Dash, the intensity of that feeling also felt so similar in a way to that.” If she could have cried more tears, they surely would have come again.” She reached out and took Karilan’s hand, giving it a tired squeeze. “But I’m almost certain that when the Steadfast was destroyed, and probably because I was unconscious, I was subject to the deaths of my crew. At least those were fairly, but you know how life forces are. I was so attuned to my crew for fifteen years to suddenly have 231 of them suddenly gone feels like a gut-punch, even now. All this death. And then everything with Cory…” Eela shook her head, as if some form of clarity had washed over her in the last half an hour. “No wonder life has felt so terrifying to live. My body only knows death and pain and struggle these last years. Lan, I think that’s why Dash and I using the canar was so important and why it’s now so devastating to have still had that connection when he died.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Karilan looked at her for a long moment and then said “So… so with a computer that is having problems with conflicting code or a virus, you have to either wipe it and start over; or you can overwrite the code of the virus or the code you don’t need with a more robust program. Something that takes the majority of processing power to run. When you do that, the problematic code is deprioritized and then the system is able to make adjustments on it’s own and get everything straight. The brain is just a computer… could that work?” and the looked at the canar and said “Use that to overwrite all the bad with something better?”

Karilan

For a moment Eela tore her eyes away from the canar and Karilan, and looked over the bedroom that was so different than any one she had had in her life this far.
Only a few people, like Karilan, had seen her bedroom and most might have been surprised to see how different it was from the rest of her penthouse. Like everywhere else, it was filled with soft colours and a multitude of textures, and there were the same floor to ceiling windows in places, but that’s where the similarities ended.

From the ceiling were swaths of cloth in shades of dark and pale blue. They dropped the visible ceiling creating a cozier space. Her bed was large and had a thick duvet and different soft blankets. The furniture was all a darker wood and was more ornately carved than anything else in her home. While the windows were also able to be tinted, she had actual drapes with a white, green and blue floral pattern framing them. They overlooked a corner of her patio garden that most people didn’t see and in the daylight was filled with blooming flowers she had planned out carefully to provide a constant succession of colour.

The hard floors were covered in plush rugs in similar colours and laid out so her strides never struck something harshly. In the corner nestled amongst the windows was a plush chaise lounge in a midnight blue with pillows and another blanket where she could relax and read. Beside that was a console table where the canar rested in its blue velvet bag.

There was a door to a large walk-in closet opposite the bed, and another door next to it that led to a luxurious bathroom with a separate large tub and walk-in shower.

Eela nodded, as much to herself as to Karilan, and moved over to the canar, the object even now she felt somehow betrayed by. “The brain of many humanoids is geared towards a negativity bias, because paying attention to the bad things can keep us safe. So then, to counter the bad experiences we need several positive ones for each negative one. The more intense a negative experiences, the more powerful the positive ones need to be to counter it and bring us back into balance.” She turned and smirked slightly. “I might not have been a practicing therapist for a rather long time but it’s funny how easily it all comes back to me.”

She inhaled deeply and let it out, her shoulders relaxing. “What you say makes sense on many levels. My unease with the canar, and with the accidental trauma it facilitated, can only be countered by many positive experiences with it.” Eela reached up and rubbed her eyes. “It’s something to consider when I’m ready. The connection the canar creates is…” A brief but blissful expression passed over her face, as a thread of remember joy swept through her body. “It’s so hard to describe. And while it’s most often used in moments of intimacy, it’s not required. But for me, it’s been the predominant way I wove its use into my life.” She looked back at it briefly. “But even now I think that had a lot to do with the fact that Cory was not comfortable with it, and so I saved it for others who were. It was never a whim, and always a joy.”

Shaking her head, she moved over to the right bedside table and picked up a hypo that rested there next to a PADD. She changed the pre-set dosage from pain relief ot sleep and pressed it to her neck, the hiss telling her she now had fifteen minutes before she started to feel the effects. She picked up the PADD and began tapping. “I log all my medication usage. I’ve had to since my accident. There’s been so much of it and I had terrible memory problems even after I was released with from the hospital. It was as much a protection for me as it was a way for others to monitor for issues.” A simple sentence with layers of meaning. Yes, she was saying a lot, but as best Eela could understand right now, this was her way of letting Karilan into her world more. If they were going to be so deeply entrenched in her everyday life, especially here in her own home, then she wanted them to understand not only what they were getting themselves into, but what Eela dealt with that sometimes she just kept to herself or didn’t think it something most people would be interested in.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Karilan nodded and said “That is good idea, and thank you for letting me know. Now do you want some time to yourself, or do you want me to sleep in here with you? I can be right down the hall if you need some time to decompress.”

Karilan