Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Iven’s Office- Trauma Doesn’t Keep to a Schedule

Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Counselor) in Iven’s Office- Trauma Doesn’t Keep to a Schedule

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Iven’s Office- Trauma Doesn’t Keep to a Schedule
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Eela nodded slowly. “I know without a doubt I’m not alone. People came this morning because I was in need to help and I am very grateful to them.” She paused, gathering her words, not because she wanted to be careful with them, but because her mind needed to sort through the jumble that had surfaced. “We’ll definitely be talking more, because there is only so much I can process right now. And I think that’s the harder part. Unlike the recent event with my ex-husband, this is not just personal. It’s professional too. The lines are blurred so badly, despite the fact that Dash and I had kept things at work very professional. But his death has massive ramifications for Oed, for our dealings with our Vren guests, for our Federation Ambassador and the Embassy they were still in the process of staffing. All of this I can’t ignore. Oed needs it’s Lieutenant Governor and I’m used to compartmentalizing in order to make sure things happen and more people don’t get hurt, but… all I want to do is curl up in bed and not surface for a week,” she said with a bitter laugh. It was not possible for her now. Ever. Not in a situation like this. Vacation, yes, but that was not the situation before her.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan nodded in understanding. “It’s a tremendous burden, especially when personal and professional aspects intertwine in such a complex way. Grieving while navigating the responsibilities of your role adds an extra layer of challenge. It’s completely valid to feel the need to retreat, but as you said, the demands of your position don’t afford you that luxury at the moment.”

He leaned forward slightly, expressing empathy. “It’s crucial to acknowledge your own needs in this process. If there’s a way to delegate certain responsibilities temporarily or if there are support systems within your staff that can share the load, it might help ease the immediate pressure. Grieving isn’t a linear process, and it’s okay to adjust your approach as needed. Self-compassion is key, and finding that balance between your personal well-being and professional responsibilities is a delicate but necessary pursuit.”

Counselor Iven

She nodded, taking deep breaths that Eela hoped would steady her through this conversation. “My staff are well used to deflecting work when it is required. At least we had a trial run of that when my ex showed up. As it is, my meetings for the next 48 hours have been cancelled. I know the Governor will take on what I cannot right now, but the reality is that I get today, maybe a bit of tomorrow, but then I have to be back out there. Ambassador Mathis needs assistance and I’ve been working closely with her. We have a rapport, and now a common grief. Dash was… family to her and her family. They need support too.”

Eela gazed past Karilan to look out the windows that provided such a lovely view of Kenzo’s gardens. “I can’t change what’s happened. All I can do is work through it from here. But there are things I’ve realized that have much deeper implications for other events in my life.” She looked back at Séan. “I suppose it’s just more of the same unravelling of truths I’ve been doing since my ex blew through here and upended my life.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan listened attentively, recognizing the intricate dance of responsibilities and personal emotions that Eela was navigating. “It’s evident that you’re adept at managing crises, and I appreciate your candor in sharing your experiences. It sounds like you’re acutely aware of the broader impact of Dash’s passing on those around you and the larger diplomatic context. The unraveling of truths can indeed be a challenging process, often revealing unexpected connections and vulnerabilities.”

He leaned back slightly, his expression thoughtful. “While the circumstances are undoubtedly difficult, it’s also an opportunity for growth and understanding, both personally and professionally. The support you’re providing to Ambassador Mathis and others is a testament to your resilience and dedication. Just remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to lean on your own support systems, whether it’s friends, colleagues, or even taking moments for self-reflection.”

Counselor Iven

Her gaze dipped. “I know that… and yet I can feel that strange part of me that wants to pull away.” Eela took a deep breath and looked at Séan again. “I know where it comes from, and that is not something we can tackle right now, but for a Haliian whose physical, mental, and spiritual well-being depends on connection with others, it’s hard in moments like these. And I know I have a great deal of support, and my support system has expanded greatly since I came to Oed.” The but sat there, daring to be said. It was hard to admit, especially given everything that had happened this morning already, and the incredible things people had been willing to do for her. And that was not even factoring in the man she was grieving for whom had happily spent hours in her company.

She couldn’t hide the pain from her eyes and so Eela didn’t even try. “There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to take focus and energy away from where it should be, or rather where I think it should be. Which most times is elsewhere from myself. And if I too can focus elsewhere, then it’s easier to get through the difficult things, even though I know I will have to stop and reconcile it all at some point.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan nodded, recognizing the internal struggle Eela was articulating. “It’s completely natural to feel that pull, especially when your instinct is to be there for others. Yet, it’s important to acknowledge your own needs and emotions. Grief is a complex process, and everyone navigates it differently. While your commitment to your responsibilities is commendable, taking time for yourself doesn’t detract from your ability to support others.”

He offered a gentle smile. “Allowing yourself moments of introspection and acknowledging your own grief isn’t a diversion from where your focus ‘should’ be; it’s an essential part of the healing process. You’re not alone in this, and there’s no rush to reconcile everything. Your support system is there for you, and they understand the weight you’re carrying.”

Counselor Iven

Eela let his words wash over her in the hopes that she could accept them as true. She could, to a degree, but that sensation of being alone in her own body and mind was still so strong even though she was experiencing quite the opposite right now. But there was more to it than that and it was hard to wrap her mind around. “I know they are, and I’m grateful for each and every one of them.” That was very true. She turned her head to look at Karilan still besides her and smiled, glad for more than just their presence.

When Eela looked back at Iven and sighed. “I’m fighting the past right now, Séan. Things that were true before, and might or might not be true still. Much has changed in my life, but not everything. These are the things I’m still struggling with. They complicate how I act with others, how I’m going to proceed with all this.” He might have access to her medical record, but she wasn’t going to assume he had time before this call to look at any of it given that they had just met a few days ago. “My body remembers things intensely. It’s a part of being a touch telepath and a part of being just who I am. I’m very in my body and it a wonderful thing most of the time. But after my ship was destroyed it’s become something I loathe.” She leaned forward slightly, her hazel eyes intense. “An explosion threw me against the edge of a door, shattered three vertebrae and resulted in a life threatening head injury. Even though it’s been eight years since the accident, I still wake up some days surprised I’m still alive. Especially after losing a third of my crew. I didn’t even know that until I woke up from a coma ten weeks later. My recovery was very difficult and I still have to have physio regularly to maintain my body. But the brain injury was the hardest part. I could focus on learning to walk again as a goal, but I couldn’t change how my brain was wired now. And it’s affected everything.” She suddenly wasn’t even sure where she was going with this all and slumped back against her pillows with a sigh. “Remember when we met in the courtyard? I said that I was thrilled to have my daughter here but that it was going to being up some difficult things we had to deal with? That is still true. The reality was that I was married to a emotionally abusive narcissist for forty years, and right now when there is so much energy focused on me, it feels just like those early days in my recovery when I was an uncertainty for everyone around. My moods were volatile and my needs complex. I had very little control over any of it, and at times it pushed people away. What you are telling me is very true and yet deep down I am resisting it because a part me still can’t believe I’m worth all the fuss. I know that is Cory’s influence, that I’ve been so used to interactions being transactional. I can’t accept from others without feeling an immediate need to give something of myself to make sure it’s even, that I’m not being greedy. Intellectually I can see this at play, but the feelings in my body make me want to run away where I won’t be a burden to anyone.” It took her a moment to realize there was a trail of moisture on her cheeks and she wiped the tears away as she subtly shrunk within herself.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan listened attentively, recognizing the layers of pain and self-doubt that Eela was navigating. Her journey through trauma and the lingering effects on her mental and emotional well-being were evident. He spoke with a gentle understanding, wanting to offer support without overwhelming her.

“Eela, it’s clear that you’ve faced immense challenges, both physically and emotionally. The past can cast a long shadow, and it takes time and patience to navigate through it. It’s okay to acknowledge the complexities of your feelings and to feel the weight of your experiences. The narrative we tell ourselves can often be shaped by past relationships, but it’s important to recognize that you are worthy of care and support just as you are, without feeling the need to ‘even the score’ or fear being a burden.”

He leaned forward slightly, maintaining a comforting gaze. “You’ve built a life where you’re valued, not just for what you can give but for who you are. Accepting support doesn’t diminish your strength; in fact, it can enhance it. Vulnerability is a courageous act, and you’re not alone in this journey. We’ll work together to explore these feelings and find ways to navigate the challenges ahead. Your well-being is a priority.”

Counselor Iven