Posted by Civilian Jason Reilly (Assistant Director - Colonial Intelligence Agency) in First Step of a New Journey

Posted by Lieutenant Hannah Lori Asimina (Asst. Chief Medical Officer) in First Step of a New Journey

Posted by Civilian Jason Reilly (Assistant Director - Colonial Intelligence Agency) in First Step of a New Journey
Posted by… suppressed (35) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Hannah slept for a long time. Meds combined with physical and emotional exhaustion. She woke slowly, her body stiff from laying on her side in the same position for so many hours. Her hand slid slowly down over her womb. She felt empty and hollow. The loss knotted her gut and burned her throat, and she felt cold. She could feel the sunlight through the massive windows, but it didn’t warm her.

The intensity of the grief she felt was shocking. Hannah let it wash over her and accept it. Tears pooled in the corner of her eye, slipped over the bridge of her nose, across her cheek and soaked into the pillow. Life would continue. In a little bit she would open her eyes and accept that it was a new day, that they would be okay. She would be able to accept that it was better this way so the baby wasn’t born simply to suffer in its few short minutes of life. Right now she let herself mourn the loss and what might have been.

Had it been a boy or a girl? She hadn’t even asked. Should she have a name put in the record, or just leave it at baby? She wanted to say goodbye. Even if no one else would go with her. She felt like she had to. It was the one thing she could do as its mother. She knew, nor did she feel, that it was her fault, but she needed to do this. Even if they never spoke of it again, she couldn’t just forget like it never happened, like the baby had never existed.

Hannah

The door slid open silently and soon a weight settled on the bed beside her… Jason. “You are awake. Good. How are your feeling? Body-wise, that is.”

Jason

Her hand found his, the other wiping her face before she opened her eyes. Jason His presence made it easier to breathe. She watched his face as she considered his question “Stiff. Cramping some, but nothing too bad. A little sore inside. It’s better than it was. You?”

Hannah

“I’m okay.” He squeezed her hand and then said “Feel like eating? I had some stuff delivered you might like.” and he smiled at her.

Jason

“Yeah, I can eat. You always order the most amazing food.” She smiled back at him. She pushed herself up with a poorly suppressed groan. “Then maybe a shower? I can come down stairs and eat if it’s easier.”

Hannah

“Tell you what. You shower, then come down. I’ll have everything set up.” He stood up and then said “Oh yeah… get dressed, too. We have a errand to run.” and he walked out of the room.

Jason

Hannah looked at him curiously but nodded. She slipped her implants off. She wasn’t used to sleeping with them, but had been to tired the night before. She stood carefully and made her way into the bathroom where the shower started soon after.

She took her time, letting the hot water help the soreness and stiffness in her muscles. After, she towel dried and brushed her hair. She slipped on a pair of soft relaxed blue jeans, a satin and lace tank top with a soft pink cardigan. She slipped her implants on and fluffed her hair around them. She slipped her combadge I to her pocket. She wasn’t expecting a call, but she should have it anyway.

She made her way gingerly down the stairs and toward the kitchen. Whatever it was smelled amazing. “Do you know where I left my hypo? I couldn’t find it and I think I am going to need it.”

Hannah

“Docs said you’d be better and not to use it unless you really need it, but it’s on the counter… next to the pizza.” It was the pizza: chili powder sauce, pepperoni, spicy beef, spicy green chilies, and black olives, mozzarella cheese on a garlic flavored crust. Next to it was a tall silver cylinder… peach milkshake. “Hope I remembered right.” Jason said from behind her.

Jason

Hannah nodded, “I’ll wait then. I just it might be good if we’ll be moving around a lot. I’m okay right now, I just don’t want to over do it.” Hannah looked at the food and smiled. That day would always be a happy memory for her. She turned around, sliding into his arms. “You did, and you know you did. Thank you.” Hannah brushed her lips across his. “I love you, Jason.” Then she kissed him again.

Hannah

He kissed her back, holding her close for a long time. Finally he pulled slowly away and said “Ok. Eat. Drink. And then get your shoes on.” and he smiled at her before grabbing a slice for himself.

Jason

Hannah grinned and grabbed a slice of pizza, sitting down on one of the bar stools at the counter. “Jason, there is something I want to do.” She took a bite of the pizza. After she finished she continued. “You said you had the baby cremated. I… I want the ashes.” She took another bite and then grabbed the milkshake. She took a huge sip of it and made a horrified face. “Ugh! That’s disgusting. Why did you let me eat that?”

Hannah

Jason laughed and said “Because that is what you liked a few days ago!” and he laughed softly again. He looked at her for a long moment and said “I figured you would. In fact… I thought that maybe you could do with some closure. The ashes are at a local funeral parlor. They are waiting on you to make the final arraignments. I picked this one because they do a lot of special things other than just burials or scatterings. They can make the ashes into gemstones, use them to grow things in the parks, pack them in fireworks… all sorts of things. I also might know some folks at the Terraforming lab, and maybe I could persuade them to let you incorporate the ashes into one of the terraforming projects. I heard the new Conservation Director is a bit weird… we could ask him, too.”

Jason

Hannah looked at him a long moment, “Thank you.” She ate the rest of her slice. “I will have to think about it. That is a lot of options. At home, we only had ine person pass, but Elvar took the ashes and put then in one of our little shuttle probes. He launched it and set it to explode so the ashes scattered across the atmosphere. So they were always a part of our home.” The things Jason mentioned were all similar in purpose. She would have to decide.

She took another slice and tried the milkshake again. No, it was a nasty combination. She laughed quietly at herself and got up to put the shake away. She wanted it, just later. Her shoes were next to the couch where she had slipped them off. She sat down and slipped them on. “Alright, wherever you lead.”

Hannah

That could get you into trouble, you know. he signed and chuckled. He then led her out of the apartment and out into daylight.

Hannah actually laughed. She thought it would feel strange to laugh after everything, but it didn’t. It felt good, especially with Jason. I know. I want to get into trouble with you.

It was a twenty minute slider ride to get to the funeral parlor. Arriving, the slider stopped outside of a nondescript building with a small brass plaque next to the door. It read ‘Markosis and Sons, Est. 2317’. Jason helped Hannah out of the slider and looked at her. “You ready?”

Jason

She took his hand looking at the building. She took a breath and another. “Yeah, I’m ready.” She paused after a few steps. Was it a boy or a girl?

Hannah

Jason stopped and looked at her for a long moment. They think it was a boy. There was… a lot of deterioration. But the sequencer said male. he signed. He took her hand and led her inside.

Hannah nodded even as her hand gripped his tighter. She knew, in her head, physically it would be bad. Alexis had told her. Watching Jason pause as he signed it made it suddenly very horrifyingly real.

The interior was not at all what most thought if when they heard the term ‘funeral’. The insidenof the place was warm and bright… almost cheery, but distastefully so. Bright but comfortable light flowed from the ceiling and walls, and the accents were bright, shiny gold metals and dark woods. The floor was a deep-pule carpet that swallowed the spund of their footsteps. They had stepped into a spacious reception area dominated by a single desk at which sat a single, golden-skinned female figure with almost glowing blue eyes. She rose as Jason and Hannah entered, with a grace that was almost but not quite disconcerting. “Mr. Reilly. Ms. Asimina.” She walked to them and took Hannah’s hands in her own. As she did, a feeling of immense warmth and understanding flowed rheough Hannah. “I am truly sorry for your loss. And know that whatever we can do to assist you at this time, we will. Please… be seated.” and she gestured to the two chairs in front of the desk. Jason held Hannah’s hand as she sat down and then took a seat himself.

Hannah took a slightly easier breath as the warmth spread theough her. She gave the woman a greatful smile. “Thank you.” Hannah withdrew her hand and sat, her fingers laced tightly with Jason’s.

“My name is Nasiria. My file and I are at your service. We have a complete library of all Federation and most know species’ routes and ceremony for the passing of an individual. Wr have relationships with many religious and spiritual leaders, so we can attend to any matters of faith that you need or require. And we offer a wide variety of options to house the remains of your loved one in whatever way you feel appropriate. Now, before we begin, do you have any questions?”

Nasiria

Through Nasiria’s introduction, Hannah held tightly to Jason’s hand. She wasn’t particularly religious, slightly spiritual perhaps. Questions? She had this overwhelming sense of overwhelm and being lost. Specifics she really had no idea. Hannah cleared her throat slightly so her voice would be clear. “I don’t know where to start.” She looked at Jason.

Hannah

Nasiria gave her a knowing smile and said “You are not the first to feel that way, my dear. If you feel up to it, perhaps I could ask you a few questions? Kind of… get a feel for what we need to do. A direction, if not a destination. Is that acceptable?”

Nasiria

“Yes, thank you. I think that would help.” Hannah knew what her parents wanted; she had written instructions for herself in her personnel file. She had had a rather long and analytical conversation with Alexis over it one night when her friend couldn’t sleep because the lights had gone out. Hannah had never considered what to do if she had to bury her child. That had never been on her list of things she needed to know or plan when she found out she was pregnant.

Hannah

Nasiria nodded and said “Very well. First, tell me… are religious? Do you want or need any specific things to happen?”

Nasiria

Hannah glanced at Jason. Was he? They hadn’t talked about that yet. Looking back at Nasiria, “Not really. We were raised to understand the interconnectedness of all things and respect that. But I’m not religious, no.” She squeezed Jason’s hand. She knew this could be complicated or simple because of the circumstances. As far as she was concerned his opinions, wants, needs were equally important and valid if he wished to give them.

Hannah

Jason squeezed back and said softly “Religion isn’t a factor, then. But I do think Hannah may want to have something productive… meaningful… come from this loss.” He looked ar her and signed Is that right? Or do you just want it over with?

Jason

There was a part of Hannah that wanted it over with, but she couldn’t simply dismiss it like it never happened and didn’t matter. Despite the turmoil and pain around the pregnancy, it wasn’t the baby’s fault. It He deserved however much care she could provide now. That’s right, she confirmed. Hannah swallowed slightly and looked back at Nasiria. “I know he was very tiny. Jason said he picked here because you have several options than just entombment or simple scattering.”

Hannah

She nodded and said “We do. We offer a wide variety of services that are considered ‘outside of the norm’; but know that whatever you choose, they will be treated with dignity.” She tapped a few icons and a holo-display came into view. “We offer an arboreal package. The remains will be mixed with a nutrient-heavy compound and a tree will be planted in it. Once it is capable of transplanting, it will be planted in one of the parks. We have a service that will take the ashes and put them into a small probe that will be launched into the sun. We can compress the remains into a precious stone of your choice, and we have a jeweler that we work with closely that can create a necklace or a ring or something. We also have a new service. There is a book purveyor here on Oed. They have offered to include ashes of the departed into a special ink, and that ink is then used to inscribe a literary work… either original or known masterpiece. The book is then sent to libraries all over the quadrant. Those, amongst others, are what we can do.”

Nasiria

Hannah slipped through the various images. She paused on one for a long moment. They added a small vial of ashes inside the child’s favorite stuffed animal. It was a precious thought, to have something to still hold on to. They hadn’t bought anything for the baby though, and now she was would only buy a memorial. She squeezed his hand tightly. It was so much harder than she ever could imagine.

She liked the idea of planting a tree and went slowly through the different arboreal packages. She stopped at one and a faint smile touched her lips. There was a children’s garden in one of the botanical gardens. “Jason, do you remember on Theta Kizvik, the hedges the children kept pulling seed pods off of and eating them? The Penny Inkberry Hedges?” It was a safe plant, and grew on Theta Kizvik where they ‘first met’. Hannah liked the idea of that memory linked to the baby, and lots of children would enjoy it. Hannah turned to look at him, What do you think?

Hannah

Jason looked at her and nodded once. I think that would be a fine idea. “I remember. Beautiful hedge. And I think it would handle Oed V weather pretty well.”

Jason

“We’ll do a Penny Inkberry Hedge in the children’s botanical garden,” Hannah told Nasiria. The woman nodded and pulled up a 3-D holo image of the garden. “Is there a particular place you would like it planted?”

“Oh no. I will leave that up to the garden caretakers. Where ever they think it will thrive best.” Her father could probably look at it and decide. Hannah lived the outdoors, but her thumb only had a small dot of green.

Hannah

Nasiria nodded and tapped in a few commands. “I think that will make for a lovely memorial. Now… do you want a ceremony of some kind when the hedge is planted? Or would you like us to simply let you know when the memorial is in place so you can go see it?” she asked Hannah.

Nasiria

Hannah didn’t think she wanted a ceremony. It was just her and Jason. She had a sudden strong conviction that she wanted to do the planting herself, but just as quickly she was sure she didn’t want to do that. Maybe she just wanted to be there while they planted it, but no ceremony? So she would know exactly where to go when she visited. Just like that she began to cry. She closed her eyes even as tears tracked silently down her cheeks. I don’t know…

Hannah

Jason set a hand on her shoulder and said “It’s okay.” He then looked at Nasiria. “Make the arraignments and let us know when the planting will take place. We will either be there or not, so don’t do anything extra.” Nasiria nodded and said “It will be taken care of.” Jason took Hannah’s hand and said “C’mon. Let’s get you home.”

Jason

Hannah nodded mutely as she held onto his hand a stood. She leaned against his side, one arm going around his waist, as she let him lead her out. She paused and turned slightly, looking over his shoulder at Nasiria. “Thank you.”

Hannah slid into the seat of the slider. She rested her head back, eyes closed. She took several slow deep breaths around the knot that burned in her throat. She wiped her cheeks with her finger tips. “It’s harder than I thought it would be.”

Hannah

“Grief usually is.” Jason said softly. The ride back was quiet, and as soon as the slider stopped in front of their building Jason stepped out and took her hand, helping her up before holding her hand in his and walking with her through the lobby and into the turbolift.

As they exited the lift, they saw the other penthouse apartment door opposite them propped open and workers inside. Jason looked and said “Must be getting new neighbors.” He opened the door and waited for Hannah to enter before following close behind.

Jason

Hannah looked over, “Hmmm neighbors. Though I will admit I’m glad we saw this place first, or we would be over there.” She didn’t miss how close he followed her in. She wondered if he was worried about having neighbors. Should she be worried? Jason would tell her if she needed to be, she didn’t doubt that.

She moved into the kitchen for a glass of water. She was tired, but not hurting. She took that as a good sign. She looked around, out the windows, and then settled on him. “I should call my parents, but do you want to try our luck at chicken parm tonight?”

Hannah

He walked over to her and set his hands on her hips and smiled. “How about comfortable pajamas and we order in? Chicken parm can wait till we are better suited to enjoyment.”

Jason

Hannah rested her arms across his shoulders, tipping her head slightly to the side sent her hair swaying. She stared into his eyes. They were startling and captivating. “Okay, but only if you throw in popcorn and a movie too. You pick the movie,” she smiled. It was slight, but it was a smile. “I’ll call my parents before I change.” She looked over at the desk. She wanted to call them, but she didn’t. She knew they would be worried, so she went over to call them anyway.

Hannah

Jason made a few quick calls, ordering some salads from one place, sandwiches from another, and finally a cake from a third. He then went upstairs.

While Hannah spoke to her parents, Jason laid out some very soft and comfortable lounge wear for her on the bed. He then changed into sweatpants and a faded maroon t-ahirt with gold lettering that said ‘Cambridge University Fencing Team’ on the chest. He walked back downstairs, careful to not I trude on her call, and answered the door when the food arrived. He took it I to the kitchen, plated the meal and put it on a large tray and carried it to the living room.

Jason

Hannah sat in front of the computer and waited. It took awhile for the connection to go through. When it did, she thought she might not get an answer. The screen finally flashed to the image of an older woman. Hannah, we’re all so sorry. How are you holding up?

Hannah swallowed. She wasn’t ready to talk about it. They were all her family though and she knew they loved her. I’m not. I’m still sore and tired. Jason is wonderful. He’s taking care of me. I just wanted to tell mom and dad I’m okay. Are they there?

The woman, Colleen, shook her head. Hannah sighed, it was migration season, they were out in the field. They left on the cargo ship last night. The captain agreed to drop them off at Starbase 514. They said to tell you to take care of yourself and they would be with you soon. I’m sure they will call once they get to the Starbase.

They were on their way, but it was such a busy time. Hannah felt comforted knowing they were coming. She spoke for a moment longer and then ended the call. She got up and made her way upstairs. She smiled slightly at the clothes. A sense of calm wove around her knowing how deeply she was cared for. The clothes were soft and loose. They would keep her tired body comfortable. She changed and made her way slowly down the stairs. She wasn’t hurting much. The dull ache was a bit more like crampiness but she was tired, very tired. Really they hadn’t done much, but it was more than she had done in the last few days. Hannah also knew she would have to be careful of her blood pressure for at least a week while her body came off the physiological roller coaster it had been on.

She made her way into the living room and sat down on the couch next to him. “My parents are on their way here. They left last night.”

Hannah

Jason chuckled. “Mine leave innnn…” and he looked at his chronometer, “… twenty-six hours Terran time.” He did some quick calculations. “They should get here around the same time, looks like. Remind me to get them hotel rooms lined up.” He tapped the vid controls and a very old Terran vid came on: Buckaroo Bonzai- Across the Eighth Dimension. Jason grinned. “You’re gonna love this. Is terrible.” and he laughed.

Jason

The title even looked awful. “Oh then it should be funny.” It looked like a good choice for after everything. Something silly and not serious. She tucked her legs up on the couch and laid against his side. She should eat, but for the moment she was comfortable and starting to relax. It wasn’t long before the absurdity of the plot tugged a grin from her lips.

Hannah