Posted by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) in The Quill & Parchment- Second Chances

Posted by Civilian Rafael Torres (Resident) in The Quill & Parchment- Second Chances

Posted by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) in The Quill & Parchment- Second Chances
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Karilan looked at him and cocked her head to the side. “So do you, you know. Just because you are an addict doesn’t mean you have to suffer.” she said matter-of-factly. “Mr. Torres, you have paid your debt to the justice system. You are paying your debt to those around you and who care for you by staying sober. Every day you pay them back for their support. You encourage them to continue to support you. Now you have to learn to forgive yourself. And to allow yourself to be happy. And as long as you are in my employ, I will make sure you have every opportunity to be such.”

Karilan Massat

It wasn’t that Raf doubted what Karilan was saying but that he was moving cautiously. It was easy to get caught up in what could be and lose sight of where he was right now. He also know that his sobriety depended on him being in the moment. Was he hard on himself though? Yeah. He knew that too, but it was a hard habit to break. “I appreciate that,” he said quietly, offering her a tiny but genuine smile.

Karilan said he could ask her anything and rarely did people mean that, but Torres was quickly recognizing that Karilan Massat was not your average person. All bets were off. “What’s your crutch? The thing that trips you up more than you would like?”

~Rafael Torres

Bump

“My sense of self.” she replied without hesitation. “I have only recently come to a place of comfort with regards to who am and who I present to the world around me. That… hesitation… has caused me to miss out on so much.” and then she grinned. “But no more. A dear friend has helped me see that I am who I am in the moment. And the length of that moment is o ly up to me… no one else.”

Karilan Massat

Raf studied her intently for a moment. “I guess that makes a lot of sense actually. And I’m glad you have that. I guess I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”

“New planet. New people. New job. New friends. New life.” Karilan replied. “You can be whoever you want.”

A server came by to take their orders. Raf ordered the spiced skewers with rice and grilled vegetables, and an agua fresca. It had bene awhile since he’d had the drink and wondered if they made it any good around here. You just never knew.

~Rafael Torres

Karilan copied the order and then leaned back. “So tell me what you want out of all of this, Mr. Torres. What, to you, would mean you had made it and were happy?”

Massat

His brows knit together as he worked through the question. It wasn’t that he hadn’t asked himself the same thing many times, but the answer had been elusive and seemed to change depending on certain variables. “To feel at home somewhere, I guess. To have people in my life that aren’t just transitory because I am. I want to do something that I really like doing, not just trying to get by each day. I mean, I need to take things one day at a time, but…” He wasn’t sure how to explain it fully.

~Rafael Torres

“But what?” Karilan asked. She watched him carefully, and made mental notes of what he said.

Karilan

It was silly. He was a grown up after all. Gazing down at the table, Raf traced a small circle with the tip of his index finger. “You know how when people are kids, they have these aspirations, these dreams. They want to be this, or that. They think really big, even if in adult terms it’s a pretty normal thing. They change their mind regularly. I don’t remember ever doing that. I don’t think I ever wanted to be anything, Karilan. Not once. Life was too unpredictable for that. And I think that’s where I’m stuck. But it’s not working. I just don’t know how to make it something else. Not yet anyway. Hence the one day at a time thing.”

~Rafael Torres