Posted by Lieutenant Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Expanding the Offerings

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Expanding the Offerings

(snip)

Fayth’s hand on hers was a tether and it made her close her eyes and soak up the sensation, ground her in the here and now. When she finally opened her eyes again after processing the other woman’s words, her shoulders relaxed and Dasca nodded. “When I first arrived here I would have laughed at that, because I spent those first days cursing Roger and his damn nomination for this job. But this place, Sharah, it’s in me.” She reached her other hand over to rest it on top of Sharah’s, sandwiching her hand between hers. “The hardest thing about being here has been the isolation. Hallians are particularly… needful of physical touch, of those small moments of connection. It’s a part of that sensory connection to our world, I think. But away from Halii, we have to work to find it in the places and people around us.” Never mind that touch for her also equated telepathy, and though she didn’t venture into Sharah’s mind, she was open to her and whatever she shared.

While she centered herself, Sharah was simply there, letting the other woman connect as she needed to. It was a strange and bittersweet thing for her to do. It wasn’t that Sharah hadn’t tried, but she spent a lot of time being shunned by other telepaths, and so she’d given up trying. “You know, I’m having the opposite experience. I’ve been isolated for most of my life. It was ingrained in me, and then when I left home I continued, without really considering if I should or even had to. I have never been more accepted in a place, and it’s terrifying.”

“Because you feel seen, Sharah, as you are, without any qualifiers conditions. And I think something similar is happening for me too,” the older woman said.

Eela blew out a breath. “It’s so strange. You’re here talking about an auction and all I can think of is how freely I moved through the world around me, how open my heart used to be. Cory and I had a semi-monogamous marriage. When our careers allowed us to live together, it was just us. But for twenty of our forty-year marriage we were apart. We both valued our careers and weren’t willing to ask the other to sacrifice in that area. But as a Hallian, going years without physical intimacy was not an option. It was the quickest path to depression and other mental health issues, and so we agreed before we got married that when we were apart we were free to connect with others. It’s not an arrangement that works for everyone, but it worked very well for us. And so I used to date others. I used to go without fear. But now? Now I doubt myself, doubt everything and I’m trying to figure out what part of it is my own thinking and what might have been imposed from external sources.” Cory, she meant Cory of course, but it was hard to admit aloud even as this deeper realization settled over her. “So I guess what I’m saying is that envy you all your courage and fun and willingness to just put yourself out there. An Eela from years ago not only would have helped run the damn thing for the sheer fun of it, but she probably would have jumped into the fray. I’m a lot more cautious these days, though some of it is out of necessity.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov

When Eela said it wasn’t an arrangement that worked for everyone, there was understanding and amusement that flowed off of her. Her thoughts of understanding and the need to ‘catch up’ came across clearly. Sharah did laugh when Eela said she envied her courage and fun and willingness. “Oh no…no no no. I am as far from willing as I can get without saying I’m being forced into it.” She laughed again, “I’m terrified. But I’m banking on the fact, that I’ve done some really terrifying things lately and they’ve all ended amazingly. So maybe, just maybe this will go well too. But if we want to change how things are, that’s scary, and it won’t change if we hesitate because we are afraid.” Sharah blew out a breath, “It sucks.”

Eela smiled, warmth flowing off of her. “Yes, it can. But we have courage because we know the best and more honest growth comes form doing the things that scare us, that we know will challenge us.”

She took both of Eela’s hands in both of hers. “I know something about trying to figure out what is your thought and what is not.” She squeezed the other woman’s hands, “But I think that, like me, you know what isn’t, but it’s close enough to your own thoughts, your own doubts and worries, it’s hard to separate without a lot of effort. And it can hurt to examine it to find out.” Sharah sat up a little straighter. “I have an idea. If I can steal an hour or so of your time, and invite myself back to your office.”

Fayth, SFCMO

The fact that Sharah leaned into to Eela’s professed need for touch was overwhelmingly wonderful in a way that Eela wasn’t sure she could express. In her work there was a certain separation, a distance, that one expected her to have because she was in a position of power. Her constant security detail didn’t exactly discourage that notion. Of course she wasn’t going to be this close with everyone, but where there was connection, Eela was treasuring these moments. It was like that brief but poignant moment with Kenzo. It meant something.

“That might be possible,” she said slipping her hands out from Sharah’s, but not before giving them a grateful squeeze. She lifted her hand and pressed the tiny device in her ear in a specific pattern and then waited. She smiled. “Hey, Cort. I’m heading back to the office shortly, but my next call needs to be moved…” She smirked as Cort gave her a good-natured hard time for making more work for him. But as the man talked in her ear, she gazed at Sharah, her eyes glittering, and her shoulder shaking with slight laughter. “They can just deal with it… And that’s my problem, how?… No, it’s fine, that time can work… yes, I know. Mmmhmmm. No. Tell them next week. And clear my next hour now that we’ve freed it up. I have a meeting that takes priority… Yep, see you soon.” She tapped the device again and winked at Sharah. “We can finish up eating and then I’m all yours. Though you might want to bring Cort a bribe. I’ve learned it’s very important to keep your support staff on your good side.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.