Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Expanding the Offerings

Posted by Lieutenant Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Expanding the Offerings

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Expanding the Offerings
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Eela grinned. “Oh that I have no doubt. But look at this way. Something like this doesn’t have to have a romantic connotation. It can simply be a friendly lunch and if you don’t get along, oh well, right?” It had been awhile since she had dated at all but that had been self imposed after her accident. It had been too much to figure out the relationships she already had, let alone try to bring anyone into the aftermath of her injuries and retirement. She had thought at the time that it was a kindness to both her and Cory, but it felt like yet one more thing she had compromised even if it had been fulfilling their agreement made years ago. It had been the longest time they had lived together in years and by then she had felt like she was suffocating. Hence why she had spent more and more time away with the Diplomatic Corps. Maybe she had run away after all.

Sharah laughed slightly, “Oh I’m not worried about any romantic connotations. That is not my goal at all.” Though maybe she was worried about how others might approach the auction. She was about to make some flippant remark about people getting their money back if it didn’t work out when she was hit with a tidal wave of emotion from the woman across from her.

The sudden realization sparked a flood of emotion and Eela sat back alarmed. “I’m sorry,” she said holding up a hand, as if she could protective the sensitive telepath form the onslaught. She steadied her breath, letting everything tamp back down to be dealt with later now that she knew it was there.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Sharah let it wash over her, some of it more clear than other parts, some snippets of thought coming with it, but those were like flotsam in the wave. Some of it tugged and connected to her own emotions from recent struggles, but it wasn’t hers and she allowed it to slip past her. She reached out and took Eela’s hand, lowering it flat to the table and placed her own hand over Eela’s. “Don’t apologize for how you feel.” Sharah breathed in and as she exhaled calm and acceptance flowed out of her. Oh she was quite aware of the irony of telling Eela to not apologize and her own tendency to do so. Sometimes it was easier to be kind to others than it was to yourself.

When Eela seemed to have steadied herself her hand slipped back. She shared a look with her that clearly conveyed the offer to stay or leave as she might feel she needed.

Fayth, SFCMO

For a moment Eela was frozen, her chest rising and falling with a breath she couldn’t feel, her mind a whirl of things that had been forbidden to think, to feel. Things tucked away for safe keeping. But Oed was a funny place and it was opening her up in ways she hadn’t expected. Some moments she felt that familiar tingle of excitement, of positive energy coursing through her. She couldn’t remember the last time before Oed she had felt hopeful. It felt lost, drowned in a mire of misery and self-recrimination.

Tears pooled at the corners of her hazel eyes, but Dasca remained seated. The pub was quiet and so that meant those around could possibly be more aware of her presence, but it also meant less eyes on her in general. A momentary respite. “That moment on my patio when you were helping me with the garden?” she all but whispered. “That trip up, that strange notion of reminding myself I’m divorced? I feel relief Sharah. Sadness, yes, because I feel like having made it as long as we had in our lives married makes divorce feel a like failure. My failure. After my accident I thought learning to walk again was the thing that was going to take the most strength, the most courage, but… walking out, when the man before me said terrible things, issued ultimatums, and made me feel yet again so horrible about myself took far more strength. I don’t even remember the sensation of my steps, but all I felt when I closed the door behind me was relief. Like air could flow into my chest again. And somehow in the eighteen months since then, I just… forgot how hard it was, how painful. I moved on. I came here. But I haven’t really moved on, because sometimes I’m standing at the door again realizing that I ran away from everything I had had before. But there’s no where to run to anymore, Sharah. I’m here. Even if I could run, where would I go?” She heard her words, and still her musings puzzled her. Later, she could fall back on her training and decipher it, perhaps, but right now, she was mystified and, if she were really honest with herself, fascinated, by these sudden pings of understandings that swept over her. It was like an image was being revealed to her, one shade and tone at a time. Not unlike that painting that hung in her exercise room.

An afterimage of all that had come before.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Go.

Sharah was quiet for a moment. Her gifts made her incredibly intune with people and how they felt, and even able to follow the why as she picked up their thoughts. It also made it extremely difficult to offer advice or insight because she was in it with them. A reason why, unlike a lot of Betazoids, Sharah never was drawn to psychology. “Marriage is difficult, no matter what cultural stipulations are attached to it. It requires effort on all parties. I’ve never been married, but I can guess that by the time you come to the decision for divorce, no one is happy and staying only makes everyone suffer more. Rather than failure it is the natural ending of a phase.”

There was a strange voice in the back of her mind that told her otherwise. That she had given up, chosen herself over them. But it was the same voice that made her feel guilty about every damn thing she had done, and she was starting to wonder where that voice came from. It didn’t feel like her voice, even if she had to get to know herself all over again.

Sharah set her hand back over Eela’s. “This is totally from my own experiences, but I do understand that feeling of running away. I ran away from home when I entered Star Fleet, I ran away from connecting with people. I ran from the few connections I did make. I sabotaged them, self-fulling prophecy and all that. But I’m starting to realize that my perception was to run away, but really I was running to. I think that’s true for you as well, Eela. Your life changed drastically, and you no longer belonged where you were. That’s okay, because it brought you here. And Oed is harsh, but it’s reforging you. Having met you your first day here, I can see it.” She took a breath staring into the middle distance a moment then turned her black gaze back on the woman. “Where would we run next? I think perhaps the answer is, no where because we are where we were meant to run to, here on Oed.”

Fayth, SFCMO

Fayth’s hand on hers was a tether and it made her close her eyes and soak up the sensation, ground her in the here and now. When she finally opened her eyes again after processing the other woman’s words, her shoulders relaxed and Dasca nodded. “When I first arrived here I would have laughed at that, because I spent those first days cursing Roger and his damn nomination for this job. But this place, Sharah, it’s in me.” She reached her other hand over to rest it on top of Sharah’s, sandwiching her hand between hers. “The hardest thing about being here has been the isolation. Hallians are particularly… needful of physical touch, of those small moments of connection. It’s a part of that sensory connection to our world, I think. But away from Halii, we have to work to find it in the places and people around us.” Never mind that touch for her also equated telepathy, and though she didn’t venture into Sharah’s mind, she was open to her and whatever she shared.

While she centered herself, Sharah was simply there, letting the other woman connect as she needed to. It was a strange and bittersweet thing for her to do. It wasn’t that Sharah hadn’t tried, but she spent a lot of time being shunned by other telepaths, and so she’d given up trying. “You know, I’m having the opposite experience. I’ve been isolated for most of my life. It was ingrained in me, and then when I left home I continued, without really considering if I should or even had to. I have never been more accepted in a place, and it’s terrifying.”

Eela blew out a breath. “It’s so strange. You’re here talking about an auction and all I can think of is how freely I moved through the world around me, how open my heart used to be. Cory and I had a semi-monogamous marriage. When our careers allowed us to live together, it was just us. But for twenty of our forty-year marriage we were apart. We both valued our careers and weren’t willing to ask the other to sacrifice in that area. But as a Hallian, going years without physical intimacy was not an option. It was the quickest path to depression and other mental health issues, and so we agreed before we got married that when we were apart we were free to connect with others. It’s not an arrangement that works for everyone, but it worked very well for us. And so I used to date others. I used to go without fear. But now? Now I doubt myself, doubt everything and I’m trying to figure out what part of it is my own thinking and what might have been imposed from external sources.” Cory, she meant Cory of course, but it was hard to admit aloud even as this deeper realization settled over her. “So I guess what I’m saying is that envy you all your courage and fun and willingness to just put yourself out there. An Eela from years ago not only would have helped run the damn thing for the sheer fun of it, but she probably would have jumped into the fray. I’m a lot more cautious these days, though some of it is out of necessity.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov

When Eela said it wasn’t an arrangement that worked for everyone, there was understanding and amusement that flowed off of her. Her thoughts of understanding and the need to ‘catch up’ came across clearly. Sharah did laugh when Eela said she envied her courage and fun and willingness. “Oh no…no no no. I am as far from willing as I can get without saying I’m being forced into it.” She laughed again, “I’m terrified. But I’m banking on the fact, that I’ve done some really terrifying things lately and they’ve all ended amazingly. So maybe, just maybe this will go well too. But if we want to change how things are, that’s scary, and it won’t change if we hesitate because we are afraid.” Sharah blew out a breath, “It sucks.”

She took both of Eela’s hands in both of hers. “I know something about trying to figure out what is your thought and what is not.” She squeezed the other woman’s hands, “But I think that, like me, you know what isn’t, but it’s close enough to your own thoughts, your own doubts and worries, it’s hard to separate without a lot of effort. And it can hurt to examine it to find out.” Sharah sat up a little straighter. “I have an idea. If I can steal an hour or so of your time, and invite myself back to your office.”

Fayth, SFCMO