Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- Dinner with Kenzo

Posted by Civilian Kenzo B’tren-Hyrushi (Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- Dinner with Kenzo

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- Dinner with Kenzo
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

She couldn’t help but smile. That shared perspective they had was interesting, especially as they allowed it to affect their actions in different ways. “Indeed. And I know Betazoid culture is hardly ubiquitous, but from those I’ve known there are high expectations of family appearance. It’s understandable at times, even if difficult to exist within it.”

“Some would say impossible, even.” Kenzo said flatly.

Eela nodded both in agreement and understanding.

“I love Halii, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been back. My grandparents are all gone now and while I have a few extended relatives I’m not close with them. There’s little familial reason to visit.” She could have at any point since her retirement but it would have been too much while she had been sorting out her recovery and trying to maintain a failing marriage. It was too much to ask of herself.

~Eela Dasca, Lt Gov.

“My father was always adamant that Japan was not just a place on a planet. It was part of us.” Kenzo said while looking directly at Eela. “It flows in our blood and no matter how far we go… how long we are gone… even if we had never been to the island itself ever… being Japanese was enough. We are always at home, and home is always with us. The Japanese spirit is strong, and no amount of distance can dilute it’s strength.”

Kenzo

Wine glass in hand, Eela smiled almost wistfully. “Yes, I believe that can be true. Culturally, physiologically, as a Haliian I cannot go without connection, of some kind. To be isolated is to suffer something worse than death.” She sipped from her glass, her thoughts momentarily sad. “I think that’s why these last few years have been so… tumultuous. The usual connections in my life that grounded me were shaken up so drastically, the least of which because my own mind was struggling to know what was what. But there were and are a couple core people in my life and I honestly don’t know if I would have made it through the way I have without them. It’s my new challenge here, because those people are an awfully long ways away and subspace is not the same as feeling someone’s energy, sitting in their presence.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Kenzo shrugged as he ate the last bite of fish from his plate. “Distance is a barrier, but at it’s core it is one of our own creation. The people you miss, they are still there. And no, there is no substitute for feeling them next to you. But the echoes of that energy are still there… inside you. You just have to try and remember them. The more you do, the stronger those echoes become. I do this with the memories of my father. And rarely do I feel the pang of his loss as keenly as I did.”

Kenzo

He was right and Eela experienced that with her most of her grandparents and her parents as well. But his words stirred something in her that she wasn’t quite expecting: resentment. Not at Kenzo, of course, but of the ones that were still living and had severed their connection with her for whatever reason. It was like ripping something out of her while she was still breathing and her altered brain struggled to understand. It had bene that way for a lot of things, actually. Eela had spent months just trying to recalibrate how she processed interactions with people. “Some are worth remembering more than others, I suppose,” she said softly, eating the last bite of salad.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Kenzo nodded slightly and said “Resentment is normal. As is anger.” and he smiled a small apologetic smile. “Always remember that those who refuse to accept us at our worst or at our most transitive moments are not ones who deserve our energies. Regardless of our histories with them.”

Kenzo

A slightly bitter chuckle escaped. “You sound like my former therapist,” Eela said with a slight glimmer in her hazel eyes. “I suppose the hardest part is reconciling the things I know intellectually with how I feel about them. I think that’s the hardest part about how my brain works now, even a few years after my injury. There is a disconnect between the thoughts and the feelings whereas I used to very in tune with both and could balance them. It’s been a rather slow process of reconciliation and discovery. It’s interesting, and certainly discomfiting.” She braced her elbows on the table, resting her chin on folded hands as she gazed at him. “When I told you I was trying to get to know who this Eela was, I have to admit that sometimes she scares me. Because I can’t predict her. Some days there is great opportunity and power in that unpredictability, but I’ve gone sixty years acting in particular ways and in one moment it was just turned upside down and I still haven’t figure it all out. So the resentment, and anger, you bet it’s there and I am okay with it. But it’s easy to become isolated, to protect others as much as myself.” It was a reminder to herself, and perhaps a tiny warning to him. They were still trying to find their balance with each other but she didn’t want herself to become complacent in this process.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Kenzo finished his fish and then looked at her. “You speak of reconciling the past and the present often
About the difficulties in doing so. Perhaps you should stop trying. The previous you, prior to injury… she no longer exists. Except in your memory and the memory of those who knew her. You are new. Better in some ways, different in others. But not worse. Not less. Just different. Accept the new you, Eela. Not as a replacement of you. But as you.” He took a drink, his eyes focused on her the entire time. “From what you have shown me so far, I see nothing you should feel regretful for being. And shame on anyone who tells you otherwise, or demands you be more like your past. The only constant in the universe is change. Embrace that change, and allow yourself to just be.”

Kenzo