Posted by Captain Johann Dvorak (CO) in Deck 5 Corridor - Going in Circles?

Posted by Lieutenant Siennadye Nox (Counselor) in Deck 5 Corridor - Going in Circles?

Posted by Captain Johann Dvorak (CO) in Deck 5 Corridor - Going in Circles?
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

SNIP

“I feel a little stuck in a rut,” he said. “I mean, professionally. Almost exclusively professionally. My personal life is going pretty well and there’s a lot of new exciting things happening there.” He was obliquely referring to his engagement to Vora, which was something that he hadn’t actually told anyone about yet, having just recently happened. It prompted him to reflect on other areas of his life, and he wasn’t entire happy with what he saw.

Sienna frowned unconsciously. It wasn’t that she didn’t wish the best for this Johann in his personal life. It was that it reminded her so much of her own life and who she missed. It was also hard sometimes to differentiate the two if she wasn’t careful. It was hard to see this Johann loving another. She couldn’t help the flash of anger, betrayal and hurt she felt when she let herself really dwell on it.

“I’m not sure if I’m really doing what I wanted to do with my career. I mean, accomplishing the sorts of things I wanted to accomplish as a starship captain, before I actually became one.”

– Johann Dvorak, CO

Refocusing on him and his needs, she listed and contemplated this problem. Not feeling like she had enough information, she asked, “Is it that the missions are not exciting enough? Science not your favorite ship? Or are you wanting to become a Fleet Captain and continue to move up the ranks?”

Nox, CNS

“No, I don’t think I want to do that,” he said reflexively in response to that last suggestion. He was immediately reminded of what he said to Vora when they had gone up to Fleet Command on Black Rock recently: This is the most phallic place in Starfleet…

Johann had never thought particularly highly of working on a staff someplace, even though he knew it would be foisted upon him at some point if he stayed in Starfleet long enough.

She was relieved he didn’t want to move up the ranks. No doubt he would be able to if he wanted but she would miss him even if he was sort of a ghost of her husband. She would still miss him and their odd friendship, budding as it was.

“We have been lacking in excitement lately, also, though that’s not really it either,” he said. It was probably a good thing that he hadn’t ordered any collision courses in a long time. New crew weren’t terrified of that anymore.

“I think… I don’t know what what I’m doing has had the kind of impact I wanted it to,” he said. “I mean, morally I guess.” He was having some amount of difficulty putting whatever he was actually thinking into words.

– Johann Dvorak, CO

Morally? She had to wonder at the implications of morality as an impact. Did he mean having others molded by his own ethics or Star Fleet’s? Did he mean something different than moral fortitude? She had to think yes since she couldn’t understand what impact morals could have in a career in this context. “I suppose,” she said with a little laugh, “I am not understanding. What kind of impact are you wanting to make?”

Nox, CNS

His face took on a slightly embarrassed grin before he started talking again.

“It might be kind of silly,” he said. “But… I chose this career when I was a kid. I could have done anything, but part of what I wanted to do was save the day. I remember Starfleet saving Earth from the Borg when I was growing up.” He was talking about the first time, in the 2367, when the Enterprise-D stopped them.

“I’ve done a bit of that since then, but, you know, not much lately. Though that’s not even it either. Not quite anyway.”

“I want to talk an evil computer to death,” he said abruptly after another moment or two. “You know?”

– Johann Dvorak, CO

“You and Jerrin are far more similar than you think. You both desire a challenge.” She said with a half laugh. “I suppose it being quiet on the frontier is a good thing but it does mean its a little harder to feel of value. There are plenty of ways to contribute that don’t involve evil computers to fight against or battles to be won.”

Her husband had been this way as well. Not quite a white knight or a man of action, but still someone who needed a problem to solve, a project to work on. She smiled more wistfully. “I am sure you will find your way. Perhaps all you needed was to speak your troubles out loud.”

Nox, CNS