Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek (Communications Officer) in Side-Sim: When thoughts meet feelings

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Side-Sim: When thoughts meet feelings

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek (Communications Officer) in Side-Sim: When thoughts meet feelings
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Finally, a sense of ease returned, and Leah lifted her head and sat back upright. Her eyes were red and swollen, but everything about her for the moment was calm. She drew in a breathe that filled her lungs and let her eyes settle on Zaril. She didn’t apologize, despite an instant desire to do so. “I explained that my relationship with my family is complicated, but I do speak with them fairly regularly. I try not to share anything deeply personal that might be twisted and used against me later, but there was one night about a year ago when I was still on Earth where I told my sister about a relationship I was in. Normally I never share anything like that with her, because I know it will get back to my mother and I don’t need that extra pressure.”

Leah sat back in her chair and reached for her now lukewarm coffee. She drank it more to steady herself than a need to consume the beverage. “Anabel means well. She doesn’t see or understand how her actions sometimes play right into how my mother treats me, so most of the time I just let things be. But this time?” She shook he head, acknowledge a thread of discomfort that wound its way through her. “She knew about Daro, that we were together. When she called me after I got to the Sentinel she asked how Daro felt about my new assignment. I told her we were no longer together. She doesn’t know why we broke up. If she had, maybe she wouldn’t have shared anything about me with him, but according to Daro, he found out where I was and that I’d be on Risa from Anabel.” She didn’t feel like she was going to cry again, but definitely her emotions were still closer to the surface than she’d prefer. “I suppose I will need to call her and we’ll have to talk about it, but I’m not ready yet. I’m not entirely sure what to do with the information in light of everything else. It’s just… a lot right now.”

~Leah Hart, NP
Zaril listend intently as she talked through her situation, reaching for his water he took a long sip. His eyes looked at her with compassion he shift back up off his knees and into the sat next too her. “That sounds like a very difficult situations, from what you see your sister meant well but cause some sort of problem for you with your ex. He searched her for the truth of it, something about the way she addressed her ex and why would it have been a catastrophic thing. “I am sorry that you have to go through such a thing, Risa you say, wasn’t that where they transported you in from to medical? ” he asked. “Were you injured because of him?” he asked he had felt the discomfort at her mention of his name.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Injured. It was a good question. She had been injured, but was it because of him or simply a consequence of how events unfolde? Could she blame Daro? She wanted to and her instincts told her that she should, but she still didn’t know enough to be clear about any of it all.

Her chest felt tight as she searched for the words that would allow her to talk about any of it. Leah had to fight back the urge to cry again. “We, some of my colleagues from medical and I, went out dancing at a club. Long story short, I woke up in a local hospital having had an accident that required neurosurgery. And there was psilocybin in my system- more than I should have had, because I have a higher metabolism due to my being from Aldebaran Three.”

She blew out a breath. “I have no memory of it, Zaril. I can remember flashes up to a certain point after my friends left, but apparently I ended up with Daro at his hotel. Apparently we took the psilocybin together. Maybe I did take it, and maybe I didn’t. But I don’t know. And Daro and I had a bad breakup. I wasn’t thrilled with some of his behaviours after we had been together eighteen months. Red flags- I should know,” she said with a bitter laugh.

Leah felt the tears in the corners of her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath. “Anabel didn’t know about the breakup but I do believe she wouldn’t have put me in harm’s way on purpose. But I still have Daro and this whole mess to deal with.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril slid next to her and put his arm around her to comfort her. “That is an impossible thing to have to think through, and not having memory of it must make it even more difficult to process. “What do you need Leah?” he asked. There are all sorts of way to help including just listening, offering advice, comforting and using his abilities to sooth and comfort her. He knew though that she needed to feel the way she wanted to. “I’m here with you how ever you need, and if you don’t know I will just sit and listen until you do” he noted.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Leah nodded slowly, her thoughts no longer tumbling. Still, he laid out her reality clearly and it was the same conclusion she had come to not long after she had been beamed back to the ship. “I don’t know, honestly. There’s so much I don’t know. What I do know if that back in the galley, I knew they were talking about me and I know how gossip travels. Maybe they assumed the worst, or maybe they’ve assumed I made choices that had consequences.” She turned her head to look at him, but couldn’t quite meet his gaze. “The thing is, I’m not sure which side of the gossip I’d prefer. Which is wild to me,” she said with a small and bitter chuckle.

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril placed a hand on her shoulder. “I can see that a little, you seem to be a little spontaneous, want to live life to its full” he noted. “I can see that about you, so I can understand see the mixed feelings about it, even if I don’t fully understand them” he suggested.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Her eyes went slightly wide as she sat more upright. Gazing at him deeply, his hand seemed to still something in her. Leah took in a deep breath and let out a little snort of laughter. “Figures you’d see that where others might not.”

Leah’s gaze drifted elsewhere skimming the walls of the small room. “People know about my dancing, and I even held a little social evening with dancing and mingling in the gym a little while ago. But that’s just a small part of it.” She returned her gaze to his face. “But most people don’t know much more than that, don’t see past the on duty person who is dedicated to her job and works really hard. And even if they know some of my background, they don’t really understand why I seek out new thrills, and chase that adrenaline rush.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril’s eyes will filled with comprehension “I would say that the routine of work, and duty make me feel trapped sometimes, like if I’m doing what’s expected of me then it feels like there is very little left for me.” he states. “Excitement and new adventure makes me feel alive” he said , “spontaneous things even if it’s a little taboo just seems to make it all the more enjoyable.” he turned his eyes to hers, his had giving her’s a little squeeze. “I guess maybe you feel the same?” he questioned.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Unlike earlier, Leah didn’t shy away from his touch. “Sort of. It’s…” She sighed. “It’s complicated. But I’ve had a lot of training and see the pattern for what it is, but am fine with it. Most of the time, anyway.”

Leah chewed on her lower lip for a moment before gathering her words. “My upbringing was very… regimented. Exacting. My mother had very specific and high expectations of her children and expected us to present ourselves in a way that was acceptable from her own perspective. Rarely did I measure up. And so, when I moved out on my own when I went to nursing school- which my education was another choice my mother disapproved of- I finally could do things without her hovering over me criticizing every decision. And so I tried stuff I never could have before and found I enjoyed the excitement. Dance had always been acceptable to her and she liked that I had competed. But I wanted to do and be more than that.”

She let out a laugh. “So, fast forward to my leaving Aldebaran altogether to go the Academy and then I met Daro and he had had something of a similar experience. We understood each other in a way others could not and so we went on adventures together. I operate under the precept that I will try anything once, within reason. But with Daro, there often seemed to be less reason and more adventure. I craved it. And him.”

~Leah Hart, NP