Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Side-Sim: When thoughts meet feelings

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek (Communications Officer) in Side-Sim: When thoughts meet feelings

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Side-Sim: When thoughts meet feelings
Posted by… suppressed (8) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Zaril smiled at her, his eyes creased in agreement, “mmm, one step at a time, one interaction at a time, I can deal with slow” he said taking a long draw on his drink. She did not seem to want to talk about her self, though it was clear there was something a miss. He was about to tell her that mark was going to have him over for poker, which Zaril told him would not be fair for them. He, however, had become suddenly aware of the people in the room and felt like maybe they were watching him. “Now that you have your coffee, would you prefer to walk. ” he asked her his eyes shifting softer smile.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

She sipped her coffee and gave a half-shrug. “I’m game to head back to my office if you are. And you can tell me more about this interaction with the biologist you had.”

Rising to her feet, the whispering behind her stopped. Leah turned in that direction, her brown eyes all but glaring at a couple ensigns that she recognized at Rebecca Lynch and Daniel Carrington. They diverted their gazes, embarrassment rolling off them at being caught. “Got something to say?” Leah said, her tone sharp, commanding, anger brewing under the surface.

Carrington looked up sheepishly. “No, ma’am.”

“Lynch?” Leah said, planting a hand on her hip.

Rebecca shook her head.

“Fantastic. Now that we’ve established there’s nothing to talk about, how about you respect my privacy? It might be a surprise, but most people don’t like being the object of gossip.” Her voice had risen in timbre and volume. “And I get that it’s all salacious and shocking, but I’m not interested in having a sharing circle, so everyone can butt out of my business. Feel free to spread the word so I don’t have to give this lecture more than once. Got it? Good!”

Zaril knew how she felt at least in spirit he had often been the subject of gossip. He had never had the courage to confront it in such a mannor.manner.

Leah turned, grabbed her coffee (nearly spilling and muttered, “Come on,” to Zaril before storming towards the door.

Zairl smiled as they walked down the hall, “are you ok?” He asked holding out his hand to her if she wanted to be calmed. It was customary for deltans to share good and bad feelings.

~Leah Hart, NP

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Leah never lost her temper with her crew mates. At least not in that way. Oh, she could vent with the best of them, but she was always utterly professional, unless being confrontational was somehow helpful to her patients.

The loss of control bothered her, but she could not set aside the seething anger. It wasn’t just the gossip, it was.... everything. Zaril couldn’t fix that. What was done was done, even if the fallout was still unravelling slower than a finely knit blanket with a snag. “No, Zaril, I’m not okay. But right now, I’d just like to get back to my office while my coffee is still hot.” There, at least she was being honest.

She didn’t stop walking, nor did she take is hand. In this moment she didn’t want to be comforted, but she understood if that was confusing.

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril followed her back into the cozy space and sat down, he looked at her keeping his own feeling neutral. “I hope I did not offend you by offering my hand” he stated. “Deltan’s share our feelings, its the main thing we do. I did not mean to offend. ” he said after the door was closed.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Leah took a moment and closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the cup in hand and allowed it to centre her. When she opened her eyes, the anger was gone, tucked away neatly. “You didn’t offend me,” she said, moving back to her chair. She set the coffee on the little table and crossed her legs.

“It was simply that I didn’t want to sahre my anger in that moment. It’s mine and I have a right to it. It’s been hard for people to understand because they are used to a certain version of Leah Hart, the mental health professional. Some are used to the fun loving woman who dances, but the other sides they are seeing are uncomfortable, confusing. They don’t fit their version of me in their heads.” She shrugged one shoulder. “Was it the right response in the galley? Maybe not. I’m not sure. And I appreciate your reaching out, but there are some things people can’t carry alongside me. It just… doesn’t work that way.”

~Leah Hart, NP

His head dipped in a subtle understanding in her need for privacy or maybe it was a need to own whay she felt and not have to share it openly with the entire crew. He could not place it.

“I guess that is why life is ” he tried to find the right words but they never seemed enough. “Difficult amoung the other races. You all hide in your feelings where deltans we share everything with those we love and care for. Truly carrying eachother joy, and burdens. ” he said not directed at her but in an attempt to grasp what he meant. “It is one thing for me to sit here and acknowledge the struggle you are facing.” He spoke now directed at them. “It is a completly different thing for me to experience everything you are feeling, so clearly and for you to know someone completly understood ” he looked at the ground.. “it is liberating in a way that can’t be put into words.”

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Leah was mindful of her words as she reached for her coffee again. A sip settled her again as she gazed back up at Zaril. “Feeling my emotions with me still wouldn’t be understanding. Not the way I think you might mean. You weren’t there with me int hat moment. Unless you could experience my memory with me, so won’t understand what I’ve been through. You can have care, compassion, and empathy, absolutely. But true understanding? You’re not living my life in my body, Zaril, and maybe I am missing something about being Deltan, but I am doing the best I can right now. I’m not hiding my feelings the way you might think, but I have a role on this ship and it requires a certain… decorum. There are expectations of me that I cannot just set to the side because they are inconvenient and I am having a difficult time right now.”

Zaril listened intently to what she was saying trying understand what she was trying to say.

She could have just continued on and changed the topic, but this felt like an important conversation to have before they jumped back to his homework. She wanted to explore his perspective and she wanted him to see hers as well. Thus they would only increase their therapeutic rapport.

~Leah Hart, NP
He looked at her, his eyes soft and understanding. “It’s ok Nurse Hart,” he wanted to call her Leah but he could not remember if that was allowed.

“Leah…” she corrected before sipping from her coffee and setting it back down.

“Leah” he confirmed with a small head bow.

“If we connected I would feel everything you felt related to the memory, while I would not see, most memories are lingered feelings. I was not meaning to make things more difficult for you, I,” he paused, “You had said maybe we could help each other the first session we had. ” he paused and looked to the ground. “I was trying to honor that statement, help you not feel alone in whatever it is that you are going through.” he said looking back up at her. “My apologies.”

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

There was a deep well of frustration that she could feel trying to bubble up but she knew it wasn’t productive to let it do so here and now. Certainly she had done enough alreayd in the galley. Her thoughts momentarily wondered how long it would take before someone heard about the exchange and called her out on it. Bracing her elbow on the arm of the chair, she looked to the side, resting her mouth atop bent fingers. It was not a graceful pondering, but a embarrassed concealment.

The embaresment was seeping out of her like water through a sive, but it seemed that pressing the issue might just make it worse. Though he was not sure why she was embarrassed by having strong feelings about rude people, her response aside. He pondered asking her.

It was pointless though. He could tell far too much and her efforts at meditating and preparing for their session this morning seemed to have dissipated. At length, Leah looked up at him and dropped her arm, shaking her head. “No. You have nothing to apologize for,” she said softly. “I know you are trying to help. And perhaps if I had better memories it would be helpful to share them. As it stands, I had head trauma that required surgery, so whatever memories I did have have seemingly vanished. They might come back, they might not. Just… give me time. I’m processing still.”

“Being confused, and having to process, does not have to occure alone, but.if you chose to processes in such a manner I will most certianly not be offended, just know that it is an option to process with a friend”
He noted bowing his head once more and returned a smile.

“Now, you were telling me about the biologist. Walk me through what happened,” she said with a genuine smile. She was happy he had been bold and made progress. The trick was now to keep it going no matter how any one situation went.

~Leah Hart, NP

He smiled warmly a little pride striking her senses. I saw him sitting there alone and he seemed like he wanted company but could not find any. I introduced my self and we had a great conversation. It was very liberating”

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

“Was there anything different about that exchange compared to others you have had in the past? Even in how you felt about it?” It was important to establish any variables that might help him in future exchanges with the crew.

~Leah Hart, NP
He thought about it for a moment. “No not really, other than maybe I approached him?” he said. “Normally I wait for people to come to me.” he said searching her for her mood, he still wanted to ask about her embarrassment.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Leah was less withdrawn than before, slightly more at ease, though she was focused on Zaril. “If I could hazard a guess, maybe the difference is that before the interactions happened because people had a specific curiosity. Maybe once that curiosity was satisfied, it moved on. People can be fickle at times. Not all, of course, but some.”

“What happened at the end of the conversation?”

~Leah Hart, NP

He gave a slight nod, “Yeah maybe there were no expectations going in?” he said ” and we are supposed to get together on Friday to watch a couple halo movies he thinks I’ll like. ” he said deciding that he would wait to ask her about the embarrassment, she seemed to be relaxing a little and he did not want to take that from her.

“Leah, ¿te gustan las películas holográficas?” he asked his Spanish almost identical to her home dialect now very small nuances said it was not right but it was very very close now. (Leah, do you like holographic movies?) “He estado practicando tu dialecto nativo.” he noted. (I’ve been practicing your native dialect.)

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel