Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Checking in with Medical

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek (Communications Officer) in Checking in with Medical

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Checking in with Medical
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Zaril looked at her, reached out and placed a hand on her, she suddenly felt the need to be his friend he seemed so genuine and caring like she could tell him anything and he would not judge her.

Leah was surprised by the reconnection and it instantly was overridden by new feelings.

He pulled his hand away and it subsided. “Obviously that’s a bit extreme, but it I’ve found drinks are one thing, but people don’t tend to like it if they feel manipulated. ” he noted. He looked at her thought fully. “I will make friends I always do, they just tend to not last long ” he noted.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

She drew in a steadying breath and tried really hard not to frown. Hart was also all too aware that he was unable to see beyond the narrative he currently had in his head.

Breathing very intentionally for three breaths, she finally spoke. “I understand you felt you needed to make a point. However, what you just did was unacceptable,” she said gently. “Just as you asked me to not touch without checking first, I have expressed similar boundaries about needing to be prepared. Friends have to be able to trust each other, yes?” The irony of this current situation versus his concerns was not lost on her.

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril, looked away and at the floor. “Im sorry” he said , he did not mean to upset her, he liked her, she was truth full. “i’ll just go” he said standing up, he wanted to leave to go hide in his room where he could remember Juno and sleep.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

“Sit, Zaril… please,” Leah said, more imploring than ordering.

Her eyes could be filled with a plethora of emotions and right now they held understanding. “You don’t get to run away. Not anymore. Not from me, not from your life,” she said firmly.

She broke into a soft smile as she let herself recall the beautiful moment they had shared of her dancing. She spoke in Spanish again, letting him into her particular world filled with regional differences and a colonial upbringing that was so different then the rest of her family. “Don’t you see? You already had very much what you needed, even if you don’t realize it yet. But you are so convince in the outcome of your time here on the Sentinel that you just tried to sabotage something that brought you happiness. Well, I’m not going to let you do that,” she said firmly, her eyes suddenly intense again and her accent thickening. “You’re going to have to learn to recognize the good things right in front of you so that you don’t mistakenly toss them aside for an idealized version.”

~Leah Hart, NP

He stat but he could not look at her, she could feel his shame over the violation. “I don’t know how?” he said in spanish starting to match her dialect fairly closely. “I don’t even know how to start, I just want to hold on to her, and everyone seems to want me to let her go” he noted, the subject shifting quickly. “If I get close to someone again then, I don’t ever want to feel this way again, i’m scared” he was still not looking at her.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Hart shook her head. It wasn’t that she was impatient, no. But he wasn’t a child and she suspected people had been tiptoeing around him, afraid of his strong emotions. “And you think hiding away honours Juno? What do you think she wold say to you if she was privy to this all?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“She would not be happy” he said she was always pushing him to try and make friends and he did, and then something would happen, and they would leave, she was the only one who stayed with him. “I do try and make friends I just don’t know how to keep them, maybe you can help me with that?”

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

“I might be able to,” Leah said, not making promises, After all, this wasn’t about her abilities here. “But in order to go through that process and figure everything out, it could be helpful if you haven’t already decided what the outcome will be.” Hart leaned forward a bit, her gaze even. “I need you to hear your words, Zaril. ‘I don’t know how to keep them’, ‘they always leave’.” Leah drew in a deep breath. “I’m not saying that that isn’t true in some capacity, but I’m going to be very honest with you right now, and honesty isn’t always comfortable.”

“You’ve given up. Everything from your words to your body language tells me you feel this is hopeless. That even if I have some magic answer, it will never be enough. I’m not Juno. No one else can be, nor do we want to be. I am not asking you to give Juno up. Keep her in your heart, in that special place that gives you joy. But your heart is big enough to allow other people in. You say you want to make friends, but I don’t think that’s true. My gut feeling is that you are letting your fear build a wall so that others can’t possibly get close, because then you won’t feel like you’re betraying Juno, even with someone who is just a friend.” It was highly unusual to be so leading with her remarks and to be so provocative, but Leah didn’t do anything without reason.

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril listened to what she was saying, she was not wrong, maybe he did feel that way. It was something that had been going on long before Juno, people just seemed to not want to be around him after awhile unless he wasn’t him. He seemed like he had to hide himself all the time but this was not working. “I can’t say I wont do it anymore, I will try to look at things less black and white.” he suggested.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

She had been curious about which points he would accept as possibly true or refute. Leah knew she had to be careful. She was the professional and her words mattered. But if she could push him a bit to the point where he was in just enough discomfort, perhaps he’d finally have some clarity. All she knew was that he had no hope of that hiding in the shadows. “It’s not about stopping a behaviour, but incorporating new ones that serve us better. We can get stuck in habits that ultimately harm us but in that moment feel safe. We protect ourselves and that is a good thing, when we are actually in danger. But when we’re not, it can actually do us more harm in the long run. So, what I propose is that we work together to build new skills and hopefully over time you will feel less of a need to hide yourself away, and you will find a balance between seeking the connection you want and accepting what others are able to offer.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril did not think that he was not accepting of what others had to offer, it seemed like he was the one always having to diminish what he had to offer, Starfleet everyone needed him in control. Perhaps though she was right maybe he would have to just settle for less. “I would like that doctor, I’m not sure I fully understand yet but, I don’t want to be lonely anymore.” he said

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

It was a place to start and that was all Leah could ask of him, and herself. But she knew she would need to do some research and delve into some perhaps unusual options in order to give Zaril the boost he needed to take emotional risks and make the changes in his life he said he wanted to make. Time would tell.

She leaned forward, gathering her calmness into a soft centre and reached out her hand to him. “Feel my heart beat, my state of being, if you like. Let it ground you as you move on with your day.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril reached leaned forward toward her, he laid his hand on her heart, and the warmth of her flood into him, her calm the way she was grounded in her tasks, the feeling of it was soothing. He lets his feeling flood back into her, not hard but full, so she knew how he was feeling at least. To her it was an intense feeling of peace and calm.

He smiled at her, “Thank you” he said his had still firmly on her chest. “Tomorrow then?” he asked.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

She tapped his hand as if to punctuate the agreement, breathing evenly and accepting the feelings. “Tomorrow. Let’s do 1600 hours. It will give you a chance to settle into work a little and get a better feeling for the ship. I’ll let you get away without homework, today.” Leah smirked and rose from her chair, breaking the connection.

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril stood with her. “I looked forward to 1600 hours then.” he said “And the homework” he then turned to make his way to the bridge. His mind played over what she said for several minutes which for him as the same as hours for the average person. His mind worked very fast.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel