Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Checking in with Medical

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek (Communications Officer) in Checking in with Medical

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Leah Hart (Nurse Practitioner/Counseling) in Checking in with Medical
Posted by… suppressed (12) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Leah possessed great empathy for people and she wasn’t afraid to show them just that. So for a moment she just sat with him in the sadness that run like an undercurrent beneath the calm he was intentionally projecting.

She switched back to Fed Standard “Now, I’m not an expert on Deltans, as I have said , now will I try to say I understand the kind of connection you need deep down and have to force yourself not to have. But I do understand people quite well.”

Leah was quiet for a moment as she gathered her thoughts. “Zaril, there are many ways to forge connections. Many ways and layers of depth they can have. You had something special with Juno and it hurts to not have that now. That’s okay. It’s okay to feel grief and want nothing more than to have that back. But rather than looking for something to fill that void, what if you were to seek out connections that were different? You said that people leave or find partners they can have that next step with. You have committed to Starfleet and sworn an oath. Is it possible you are lonely because you want to have what you cannot and this can’t accept anything that might seem lesser?”

~Leah Hart, NP
He looked at her, she was certainly determined she would need that with him. “I had not really thought about that much, while I do miss the pleasures of home, the kind of connection Juno and I felt as intense enough to satisfy more than both our needs,” he paused trying to figure out how to explain, being with a deltan was intense even with out breaking the oath. “I will admit that I was looking forward to when we both retired and could peruse that aspect of the relationship” he noted, they only way she was ever going to understand was to show her, he was well in control at the moment. “I’m under good control as you noticed earlier, Think of the safest you have ever felt” he said then held out his hand palm up.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Her idea of safety was probably not what most would imagine. For Leah, her home life had had her feeling like she was stepping on eggshells constantly, so most of the time she felt her best when she was elsewhere doing something she loved. There were moments with her father that made her feel safe, but if she were honest with herself (and Zaril needed her honesty right now), she felt safest when she felt free to be herself, and she had never felt more herself then when she was dancing. She imagined one of the many competitions she had done and brought to mind a contemporary routine her and one of her dance partners, Mia Heurta, had done. It was intense and provocative, but also beautiful. It had filled her heart with joy and a certainty that nothing could be better than flying through the air as a result of the exertion from your own body.

She wanted him to know she trusted him, she Leah held the feelings from her memory in her mind as she reached out and placed her hands against Zaril’s.

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril sucked in a small breath as she touched his skin, he could feel the memory everything she felts everything as it was maybe even past what she remembered. He felt something sensual, he would be careful and not intensify that much, joy, freedom some exertion and wind a turning. He took what she was feeling and slowly increased it. At first the feeling of the memory just clarified, then she was feeling it as if she were dancing with the emotions now. He smiled warmly trying not to intensify the sensual nature of it leaving it as a lower feeling that he would only intensify enough for here to feel it a little more,

It doubled now, the intensity of hit was a surreal it was as if her every feeling just felt far more real that it had in the past. “Are you ok,” he asked, “Shall I continue” he asked softly.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

It was all so sharp and it was easy to be lost in the details, the feelings. Closing her eyes, Leah smiled. “Yes, I’m okay. Let me show you the rest.” How strange that she could remember this routine so precisely. She had danced so many of them, after all. But Mia and her danced for four years together and this routine was how they had come together as dance partners for ballroom. They had been fifteen, but like Leah herself, Mia was more mature than one might think for a fifteen year old. Yes, there was a sensual component to their dancing, but it was born more of a confidence in how they moved in their bodies through the world, rather than any sort of hormonal teenage lust.

Zaril felt the more sensuality and let it rest softly with the other, but it was more it was trust, a confidence or knowing of someone, he focused there and added it to the rest, slowly he increased it so that it present with the other emotions, the feel of it was wonderful, he himself had not felt this good in some time, it was refreshing.

Leah, though shorter, was more muscular, and at the end took the momentum of Mia’s leap to catch her and spin them both across the entire dance floor. It should have made them dizzy and it might have seemed that way as Mia tumbled from Leah’s arms, their hands connected. But it was all perfectly controlled as Mia lay on the ground and her fingers slipped so delicately out of Leah’s hand that it felt sad in a way someone might not think teenagers could tap into.

He recognized the sad feeling something pure and lost, he did not want to compromise the feeling so he let it rest with the others.

Opening her eyes, Leah was emotional, yes, but in control still. She smiled, even as her eyes glistened. “We danced that at a big competition and won. It was one of the few awards I got from contemporary, since my focus was elsewhere. But the girl I danced with, Mia, she…” Leah shrugged. “Got me. Allowed me to dance the things I couldn’t speak. She taught me to tap into it all and ultimately made me a better dancer. Less technical, more heart,” she said, breaking a smirk at the intentional play on words.

~Leah Hart, NP
He nodded as he felt the purity of knowing someone else, that feeling he had had with Juno, he smiled and brought that feeling to the top and intensified it, the knowing and being known, doubled, tripled, quadrupled it. It was permeating her now, her entire nervous system beating with it, she could smell her, feel her, her body pulsed with the feeling of being known. He looked deep in her eyes, they seemed to dance into her own thoughts twisting and melding with her. His eyes then closed, “This is a nice feeling, it’s such an intense emotion, what you are feeling now, is a 10th of what I’m feeling and it is welcome ” he paused. Every fiber of her felt known, seen by Mia, and now by him, he understood her, felt. her. “I can give you more if you think you can handle it, I’m enjoying this feeling” he said he was still in control.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Leah had no been fully prepared for this turn of events, as she had mentioned she would need. So she shook her head. “No, not more, but this same level if a good place for me today. Let’s not push it too far without any preparations.” She smiled at him half-lidded as she remembered the deep friendship that did turn romantic. It had added an intensity to their ballroom dancing and that made their routines even better.

“As you wish” he said his thumb slowly stroked the top of her hand as he let the feelings linger and dance around them.

There was something beyond intimate about sharing her memories this way, but Leah was not embarrassed, nor did she think it tainted the therapeutic relationship. In fact, Leah had known that she would need to approach Zaril’s situation in a vastly different way and be open to unorthodox methods. Then again, this was nothing new to her- she was known for doing the unexpected as a therapist (much to the chagrin of many of more traditional supervisors).

To demonstrate that she wasn’t pulling back from this exchange and connection, she let him see a simple moment with Mia in their last year of dancing together. It was. sunny day and they were lying on a blanket on the grass in Mia’s backyard. Alone, they she curled up together, hands entwined, with Leah’s head resting against Mia’s shoulder. It was a simple and serene moment.

~Leah Hart, NP
Zaril latched onto the memory and brought the feeling of it up to level, he smiled as the feeling washed over him, it was the feeling that he and Juno shared every night, he pushed his experience with Juno back her direction, it was the same , but different it did not clarify her own memory. “How Juno and I felt” he said. A minuted passed maybe two, the Zarik began to feel sad, the sadness was light for him but washed in at the same level everything else was. He gained control of himself and released the connection. Her own hormones and pulse still firing. 10% was all she could think of when she felt the sorrow, “I’m sorry it’s to close to home. He touched her a gain for a moment and worked to regulate her back down as best as he could.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

He would sense in that moment that something shifted in Leah as she closed her eyes. It was as if Leah had taken the extra emotion, tucked it in a box, and then tucked that box in a room, closing the door behind her. When she opened her eyes, she was calm, in control, and smiling. “Do not apologize for needing to step away from the emotion. It’s okay if it ends up feeling too much. And I am honoured to have gotten to experience that bit of your story with Juno.”

Leah leaned towards him, bracing her arms across her thighs. “When we bottle everything up out of fear of losing control of it, or of having it control us, it can grow, build up pressure, until”- she flicked her fingers outwards-“pop! It explodes. That tends to go badly for people, and in your case, for those around you as well. So it’s perfectly understandable that you are doing everything to avoid that scenario.”

“The simplest way to avoid the explosion is to let out a little at a time, to touch the sadness and grief in small doses until we feel less afraid of it. We have the capacity to feel grief without being lost in it. And I think in your case it needs to be done mindfully.” Her brown eyes took on that intensity from earlier. “I am not afraid of your grief, Zaril. It is a beautiful thing that shows you loved, and that if a beautiful gift. I am willing to help you explore your sadness and grief, find the edges of it, and allow it to become a part of the journey, not just a final chapter. Juno still exists in here”-she tapped her head-” and in here-” she tapped her heart-“and we can honour Juno together and allow Juno to be more than a sad outcome. And I think you can agree that I have the needed fortitude to guide you down the path, should you choose to walk it, yes?”

~Leah Hart, NP

He wanted to tell her that is was worse than she knew that, that he was rare even among deltans, that if the emotion was severe good or bad and he lost control it could affect more than just what he saw. He had to tell her right?. “I under stand what you are saying, and I will try, but I am afraid,” he said explaining his extra, gift? “When I found out about Juno, the deck I was on were all found weeping for hours, some worse. I’m told that people felt loss and sadness nearly 4 decks up, it’s” he paused. “Bad if I loose control” .

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

She nodded slowly, taking his concern seriously. She understood the weight of his worry even if she couldn’t understand the experience of it. “But let’s put that moment into perspective, Zaril. You had just found out. That sort of shock is intense for anyone. And for you, your abilities project it to everyone else. But right here, right now on the Sentinel, you’ve had time and space away from that moment. That doesn’t mean the grief isn’t difficult, or that it’s suddenly easier, but it is different. What I’m proposing is that we do frequent ‘pressure releases’, as it were, on top of helping find and even create moments of peace and maybe even some joy.” Leah leaned forward again. “I didn’t know Juno, but they loved you and it if I were to guess, I bet Juno would want you to be at peace, even if some days are lonely and require more effort to find level ground. You’re allowed to be happy, Zaril. It might not look like it did before, but sometimes we can find out own path to a new kind of happiness if we only let ourselves. Grief and happiness, contrary to some beliefs, can exist at the same time. We’re complex beings and we contain multitudes. You contain multitudes.”

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril thought for a minute, and then responded. “I would love to share this with you, it would help if I could feel something more than surface feelings with someone other than myself. But you have to promis to tell me if it becomes a .” he paused trying to think of the right word. “Craving for you, something you feel your needing.” he said. “I don’t want you to be come addicted. ” he said.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Leah drew in a steady breath and nodded. “I would be remiss if I didn’t take precautions. This is why we won’t be able to connect like that all the time, but if over time I start to feel there’s an issue, we will discuss it adn figure out what to do from there.”

She smiled softly. “Now, this is only one way to connect, though I do understand that biologically ad culturally it is vital. But what other ways do you think you can build connection with your fellow shipmates that might help you feel truly a part of the crew?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril smiled “I’m happy to connect with people on their own level too but I find that people are uncomfortable. He said looking down, it’s hard for people they cant’ tell if they like me because my chemistry tells them too. ” he said. “So while I’m happy to accommodate, it’s easier said than done” he noted.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

This was one of those tricky situations where his previous experiences informed his current perspective, but also she suspected he carried worries he might not even be fully conscious of. She wasn’t certain of this yet, but it was a gut feeling and she tended to trust her instincts. She was quiet for a moment as she considered how best to respond. “Sometimes, a potential friendship or camaraderie needs a little kick in the pants, as it were, in order to get things going. So what if your biology contributes?” She held her hands up. “I know, I know, there are real consequences. But people don’t join Starfleet to live in their little bubbles experiencing only what they know. or at least most people I’ve met don’t. They want different, new. What if you just beat them to it and say ‘I have this quirk with my biology’, and then compliment them on something or remark on a shared interest you’ve noticed. If they engage, that is still connection, even if it got a little boost, yeah? I mean, is it so different than people sharing drinks ofter shifts and letting their barriers down enough to share something about themselves with people they don’t know well?”

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril looked at her, reached out and placed a hand on her, she suddenly felt the need to be his friend he seemed so genuine and caring like she could tell him anything and he would not judge her.

Leah was surprised by the reconnection and it instantly was overridden by new feelings.

He pulled his hand away and it subsided. “Obviously that’s a bit extreme, but it I’ve found drinks are one thing, but people don’t tend to like it if they feel manipulated. ” he noted. He looked at her thought fully. “I will make friends I always do, they just tend to not last long ” he noted.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

She drew in a steadying breath and tried really hard not to frown. Hart was also all too aware that he was unable to see beyond the narrative he currently had in his head.

Breathing very intentionally for three breaths, she finally spoke. “I understand you felt you needed to make a point. However, what you just did was unacceptable,” she said gently. “Just as you asked me to not touch without checking first, I have expressed similar boundaries about needing to be prepared. Friends have to be able to trust each other, yes?” The irony of this current situation versus his concerns was not lost on her.

~Leah Hart, NP

Zaril, looked away and at the floor. “Im sorry” he said , he did not mean to upset her, he liked her, she was truth full. “i’ll just go” he said standing up, he wanted to leave to go hide in his room where he could remember Juno and sleep.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

“Sit, Zaril… please,” Leah said, more imploring than ordering.

Her eyes could be filled with a plethora of emotions and right now they held understanding. “You don’t get to run away. Not anymore. Not from me, not from your life,” she said firmly.

She broke into a soft smile as she let herself recall the beautiful moment they had shared of her dancing. She spoke in Spanish again, letting him into her particular world filled with regional differences and a colonial upbringing that was so different then the rest of her family. “Don’t you see? You already had very much what you needed, even if you don’t realize it yet. But you are so convince in the outcome of your time here on the Sentinel that you just tried to sabotage something that brought you happiness. Well, I’m not going to let you do that,” she said firmly, her eyes suddenly intense again and her accent thickening. “You’re going to have to learn to recognize the good things right in front of you so that you don’t mistakenly toss them aside for an idealized version.”

~Leah Hart, NP

He stat but he could not look at her, she could feel his shame over the violation. “I don’t know how?” he said in spanish starting to match her dialect fairly closely. “I don’t even know how to start, I just want to hold on to her, and everyone seems to want me to let her go” he noted, the subject shifting quickly. “If I get close to someone again then, I don’t ever want to feel this way again, i’m scared” he was still not looking at her.

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel

Hart shook her head. It wasn’t that she was impatient, no. But he wasn’t a child and she suspected people had been tiptoeing around him, afraid of his strong emotions. “And you think hiding away honours Juno? What do you think she wold say to you if she was privy to this all?”

~Leah Hart, NP

“She would not be happy” he said she was always pushing him to try and make friends and he did, and then something would happen, and they would leave, she was the only one who stayed with him. “I do try and make friends I just don’t know how to keep them, maybe you can help me with that?”

Lieutenant Junior Grade Zaril Dovek
Communication Officer U.S.S Sentinel