Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Hannah Lori Asimina (Doctor) in My Past. My Present. My Future? (Tag DaVinci)

Posted by Commander Daniel “DaVinci” Colter (Chief Intelligence Officer/ 2nd Officer) in My Past. My Present. My Future? (Tag DaVinci)

Hannah had only been onboard for a few days. They had gone through some kind of rift and then returned back through it. She had been in the middle of recording a message when the klaxons went off and she had simply shut her terminal off and reported to sickbay. She hadn’t been due to report in then, but red alert was red alert and she reported to sickbay to help. The letter she had been writing was more like a journal or diary entry than a letter. She’d been keeping them for five years. She had promised to keep them, to keep writing, to hold onto them until he came home. Five years and no word. It was time, time to find out one way or the other. She needed to know. Either way she’d keep waiting, but she needed to know. The letter hadn’t been sent right away though because there was no point in sending it out into universe where, if he got them, he didn’t even know her. So, three days later, back on their side of the rift, she opened the letter, attached to hundreds of others, one for every week he’d been gone, and sent it out into the depths of subspace, and waited.

Little did Hannah know that they didn’t have far to travel, just a few decks away, and a terminal began to download the letters. On DiVinci’s screen the first year of letters appeared. One for every week. Most were pretty mundane: work, studies, people they knew, what was going on.

Stardate 2391
This first letter is dated the day that Daniel left. Hannah sits down in front of her screen, she’s wearing a chain of some sort and holding on to whatever is hanging from it. “Hey Daniel. I know I won’t send this until I hear from you again. But I told you I would write, and maybe it’s silly that I’m writing to you, but I hope that knowing I’m writing and saving it for you will help when you are out there alone. But, I wanted you to know I’m wearing your tags, and I will until you come home.” She holds up the chain and opens her hand. His dog tag was hanging from it. She begins to sign as she talks. “You told me soldiers used to have loved ones keep these. I know to others it might seem outdated, but I know what it means to you, and that’s all that really matters to me. You know I’ll keep it for you no matter how long you’re gone. Stay safe Daniel, wherever they’ve sent you. I already miss you.” She holds up one hand, I love you.

Hannah’s wearing a baseball cap, with the U of Wyoming logo on it, she has a Denver Broncos jersey on and her hair is threaded into a ponytail through the opening in the back of the cap. His dog tags are hanging from their chain against the jersey. “Happy Birthday, Daniel. We’re having beer, wings, and pizza for your birthday.” She turns the screen around to show him the tailgate spread she has on the table. “And I’m going to watch old football videos and try and figure out why you like it so much.” She grins. Her attire has nothing to do with his preferences, actually she doesn’t know one way or the other. She’s simply trying to make him smile. “Hey, don’t go playing okay? If you blow that knee out and I’m not there, it may not get fixed right. Find some way to celebrate, even quietly, okay? Love you.”

“Dr Tahvanoh told me they’ve developed some new internal implants that are having great results. I don’t really want to have surgery, but I do need new implants. Mine are old, I’ve had them since I was 10, and newer is always better, right?” Hannah doesn’t look convinced. She hates her implants, always had. She’d rather just be herself rather than having to ‘fix’ herself to make others comfortable. But she wants to be in Star Fleet, and that means implants because her disability was ‘fixable’ and all officers were expected to use the latest technology, procedures, etc to help them integrate into the service. “I guess if I need to replace them I might as well get the best ones I can.” She pauses a moment, “I really miss you. It’s hard not seeing your face when I wake up in the morning.” She holds up one hand, I love you.

Lt jg Asimina, Doctor

DaVinci read the letters silently, one after another. Sometimes he laughed out loud, sometimes his eyes got misty, but always felt the power and conviction of love behind Hannah’s words.

She had actually done it. She had kept her promise to write to him every week and had done it faithfully for 5 years even though she was unsure if he would ever get them.
He had promised her he would come back as soon as the mission for Intel was done. Unfortunately, Intel had different plans. One mission after another had kept him so busy that he never had the time to reach out to her. The guilt washed over him like a wave. . .

He had assumed after a time that she had moved on, had found someone else to treat her as she needed to be treated, like he wanted to treat her, but was unable because he wasn’t there for her.

5 years. . . .he thought about Hannah constantly. When his mind wasn’t on the mission, it was occupied by thoughts of her. The touch of her skin, the scent of her hair, the sparkle in her eyes. . . .those thoughts and returning to her arms is is what kept him going through the difficult missions.

When Intel was done with him 3 years later, Command had assigned him to the Saracen as her Chief of Intel. Reaching the Starbase where the ship was temporarily stationed, he had seen Hannah in the lounge. His heart flew when he spotted her. He wanted to run to her, to hold on and never let go, to kiss her and taste her lips again, but he hesitated. . .she was there, but, with another man. He had been stupid and assumed they were together from the way they interacted. She looked at the other man the way she had once looked at him. She appeared to be happy, and even though it broke his heart, he couldn’t bear to do something that might jeopardize her happiness. So, again, DaVinci disappeared, this time into his job aboard the Saracen.

Still, there were many times alone in his quarters, listening to music from his time, that songs brought Hannah to the forefront of his mind. . . .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9eCp8jE4p8

Colter (CIO)

Stardate 2392
She’s laughing softly. She must have had the surgery because her external implants are missing, but her hair on either side of her head is growing back where it was shaved for the surgery. “My mom called yesterday. She said that Dad was out in one of the fields working when one of the behemoths rammed the shield. She said dad screamed all the way back to his transport.” She’s giggling. “They can’t see past the holograms, they don’t know he’s there, but he gets scared every time. Well, he never did when I was a kid. I think maybe he does it to make Mom laugh.” She’s running the tag back and forth along the chain absently. “Not much has been going on here. Pretty routine. A few bumps and bruises. We’ve taken to deep cleaning the labs and doing inventory. Some of the other med staff are complaining, but honestly I’d rather be bored than be drowning under injured and sick crew mates. How are you? Are you safe? I don’t really know what to ask? It’s not like you’re getting these letters yet and when you do it’s not like you can tell me.” She holds up one hand, I love you.

She’s excited and instead of speaking she’s signing rapidly. Daniel guess what! I mean I’m sorry for the patient, that he got so hurt, but this is so awesome for me. They need a prosthetic specialist on his ship and Star Fleet medical recommended ME! I’m leaving in an hour to go treat him. It’s really really horrible what happened to him and I’ve already talked to his doctor on his ship and he’s going to be okay, but he wants a prosthesis for his arm he lost. I know I shouldn’t be happy for myself, but they picked me! I must be doing a good job, right? Oh I have to go, I have to get my things together and down to the shuttle bay. I hope you are safe. She holds up one hand, I love you.

She groans in pain as she straightens in the chair. She looks pretty beat up, bruised, she’s holding her shoulder stiffly. This has to stop. Something is wrong with my implants and no one would listen to me. Says it’s normal. Well now they’re listening. They’re malfunctioning. Her movements are stiff, her fingers look pretty scraped up. I was climbing in the holodeck. It wasn’t even a sheer climb. More like rocky terrain on a mountain. The last thing I remember is a sharp pain going through my head and then I woke up in sickbay. She glances down at her hands. I was in sickbay for 3 days. She sighs, resigned, I have to go back and let them finish with the dermal regenerator later today. She hugs herself, rubbing her arms like she’s cold, but she looks scared. My implants sent an electrical shock through me and I passed out, fell down the slope. At least it was the holodeck. If it had been a real mountain…I wouldn’t be here. The safeties kicked in. If my combadge had fallen off I don’t what would have happened. The bio-readers picked up the problem and alerted sickbay. Her hands keep moving, going through the what-ifs. It’s obvious the what-ifs scare her and she’s afraid of what might happen next time. If I had been alone in my quarters no one would have known until I was late for my shift. I better go back to sickbay. Dr. Tahvanoh isn’t too happy right now. He is trying to get a specialist out to look at my implants because I can’t do the surgery on myself. I love you, Daniel. I really wish you were here right now.

Hannah’s wearing her football watching outfit: a baseball cap, with the U of Wyoming logo on it, she has a Denver Broncos jersey on and her hair is threaded into a ponytail through the opening in the back of the cap. His dog tags are hanging from their chain against the jersey. “Happy Birthday, Daniel. We’re having beer and pizza for your birthday this year. The wings last year were nasty. Why would anyone eat something so HOT? So I have added chips and some kind of salsa and cheese thing. I hope it’s good.” She turns the screen around to show him the tailgate spread she has on the table this year. “This year I’m going to watch super bowl videos.” She smiles at the screen. “Happy Birthday, Daniel. I miss you and I love you.”

“I’m worried. I’m having surgery next week. I’ve had these internal implants for almost a year. They’re painful. It’s not just a buzzing, but like electric shocks in my head. And it happens a lot. Not as bad as the time I fell in the holodeck, but pretty close. Dr Tahvanoh has even put me off duty because of it. It hurts all the time. I’m constantly on medical leave for days at a time, while they operate and try to fix them. I can’t really hear much over the buzzing anymore. So we’re going back to external implants. I never wanted internal ones, remember? But the doctors said they were more reliable. So I got them. But there’s risk, taking the implants out might damage the nerve endings and new implants won’t work. I might go back to being totally deaf again. I’d lose my commission, I’d have to resign. I’m almost okay with that. The constant noise hurts, and it startles me, even if no one else notices. Maybe I was too old to get them. I miss the silence, and the peace. Mostly I miss not being in pain from them.” She holds up one hand, I love you.
Lt. jg Asimina, Doctor

OOC: I honestly don’t know how to respond to these ‘letters”!!! They are awesome. I can sense the emotion in them and almost start to cry when reading them everytime she says ‘I miss you’!!! –Terry

OOC: I’m really glad you are enjoying them. Here’s the next years worth.

Stardate 2393
She’s smiling at the screen while she holds up what looks like a newer version of her old external implants. She turns her head so Daniel can see where they attach on each side. She puts them down to the side. The areas where they attach still look tender and her hair has been shaved around the area, but is growing back. She begins to sign. I love my new implants. No more buzzing or electrical shocks inside my head. I’m still really tired from the surgery. Do you dream of me as much as I do of you? “Good Night, Daniel.” I love you. https://youtu.be/621Nk3Ubz4A Over the course of the next weeks, there is music in the background of her letters. She started with songs he’d shared with her, and then just started looking and exploring music from his century. She tells him that she likes to think that somewhere he’s listening to the same thing. It’s hopelessly romantic, just like her. Hannah enjoys music, but mostly she just enjoys listening to what he had shared with her.

The letters subtly change after that first two years. For four months she writes but there is a deep sadness about her that she tries to hide. It’s hard for her, though she never says it. She seems happy, but it also seems forced. And there are no words now, only signing. The letters continue to tell about her days, her projects, the activities she participates in. Idle chit chat as if they are having a conversation, but the letters are just erratic in a way. Daniel knows her well enough to know something is wrong. She even misses one or two letters. Always she pulls the dogtag out from under her shirt or uniform, she’s still wearing it. And then: She looks really sad, her eyes are teared, but she’s not crying, but it is very obvious that she has been, she wipes at her cheeks anyway. Her hands move slowly. Daniel? Are you still alive? Where are you? It’s been over two years. Are you still on that deep assignment? Do you think about me at all? Or have you moved on and I’m being childish? If you’ve moved on are you happy, are you safe? Did you ever find out what happened to your family? It’s easier to think you’re alive and moved on. The other option, that you are alive and something terrible has happened to you… She looks away from the screen, wiping her face as she starts to cry again, I hope you are safe and happy. I should have told you…how much… I should have told you more often, I don’t know why I didn’t. I love you. I always have. And of course she did, she’d told him every day, but now it doesn’t seem like enough.

The letters return to every week. Having exorcised her fears in her last letter, it is easier to continue to write to him. “My CMO recommended me for the search and rescue teams. The CoS denied me. Said if my implants malfunctioned I’d be a liability rather than an asset. We did a test run, and I did fine, but the CoS claimed that was only because my implants were on.” Hannah’s face shows her frustration and her anger. Her signs are forceful and abrupt. We did another scenario later, without my implants. Her face turns smug. I got a science officer to help me with my combadge. You remember we used to talk about how disappointing it was that the UT couldn’t translate sign? Now the UT makes my combadge vibrate in Morse code when my implants are off. The CoS never knew what hit him. My team beat his by 20 minutes. I’m now approved for search and rescue. But it won’t matter. Her expression is bitter. The CoS will never call me for the team. I might be approved, but that doesn’t mean he has to assign me. Good night, Daniel, I love you.

It’s his birthday again. Hannah’s wearing a baseball cap, with the U of Wyoming logo on it, with her hair, as always, threaded into a ponytail through the opening in the back of the cap. His dog tags are hanging from their chain against the jersey. But the Jersey is different. It looks like, no it is, his high school football jersey. She’s smiling, but he can tell she’s been crying. “Today would have been your Birthday, so Happy Birthday, Daniel. I just had pizza and beer this year. I watched some really special football games this year,” She wipes her face of the silent tears. “You really were incredible on that field.” She hugs herself a little, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I got copies of videos of your high school football games and the few from your college. It’s amazing how far back the archives went. We hear about how low tech everything was in Earth’s history but the video quality was so much better than what I would have expected.” Her voice drops to a whisper, “Happy Birthday, Daniel. I…” she looks away from the screen, but she starts signing. I…Daniel, I know, I fell in love with you. I told you all the time. But…I didn’t realize that it would hurt this much for you to be gone. I thought I was prepared. I don’t…I don’t regret any of it, and I knew I’d miss you, I just…I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt. And now, you’re gone and I can’t even tell you I love you. And sometimes it’s like I can’t breathe; I miss you so much. She finally looks back at the screen. I always said I would give you these letters, but now I think, if I ever see you again, probably in the next life, I’ll be too ashamed. I should be stronger for you. I hope you know, anyway, that someone, that I, was always thinking about you and hoping you’d come home.

Hannah is wearing a dark green blouse, one she always thought Daniel liked. He’d never said so, but his eyes always seemed to linger whenever she wore it. Her hair looks disheveled; like she’s been running her hands through it over and over again in an agitated manner. She begins to sign, slowly at first like she doesn’t know what to say or more accurately how to say what she wants to say to him. We’re finally back at Starbase 12. I keep expecting to see you every time we come here. I was having lunch with Charles. We grew up on Catawba Colony together. He was a couple years behind me at the academy. I was wandering around looking for you. Hoping I’d see you. I ran into him and so we had lunch. I…Daniel I could have swore I saw you. I looked up and there you were, your profile, but then I blinked and you were gone. I looked for hours. She wipes a tear off her face. I miss you so much. I’m starting to have hallucinations of seeing you. I really thought it was you. Obviously I never found you. It was just a waking nightmare. To see you so close but it’s not real. I love you. You were my one chance, and now you’re gone. Maybe in the next life?
Lt. Asimina, Doctor

Stardate 2394
After another month of letters, instead of happy, Hannah looks confused and guilty. She’s holding onto his dog tag. “The counselor found out about my extensive search of Starbase 12. He’s concerned that I’m making myself mentally ill. He was concerned I was watching the visual feeds for days, trying to find you when the computer said they had no comm registered to a Daniel or DaVinci Colter. Daniel, I don’t know where you are, and the counselor said I needed to ‘put myself out there’ more. Said I needed to try dating. He said that waiting for you was unrealistic.” She starts signing, and Daniel knows that the thoughts she’s about to express are important and wants him to know how important and earnest she’s being. That the really important things are always signed because that’s how she knows how to truly express her thoughts and feelings. I guess I feel like I’m betraying you. If you’re…dead…I should move on, right? But I don’t want to. I just want you. I can’t breathe without you. The counselor said after all this time you’re either dead, or you’re alive and moved on, and either way so should I. He said you would want me to be happy if you were gone, move on with my life. I can’t. I don’t want to. At least no one stays on ship long enough for anything serious. I don’t want anything serious or not. I guess to get him off my back I’ll have to appear to make the effort. It’s like what you’re doing, right? Pretending to be someone and something you’re not, just to get to where you have to go or get what it is you’re after? I’m not really going to date though…I don’t want anyone in my life like that. I enjoy my work, I have friends I socialize with. It’s enough for me. I had my one chance, it was you. I still… and she wants him to hear her voice, “I still love you, Daniel.” https://youtu.be/MUFasKZcH_c

She’s actually in uniform this time. Hannah rarely wears her uniform when she writes, but she’s smiling. Guess what happened to me. She sits there for a few moments, tapping her fingers, waiting for Daniel to guess. Of course it’s a pretense because she doesn’t expect him to answer, and she never expects him to get the letters either. But she has a new pip on her collar. She’s been promoted. After a few moments she points to it. See. I got promoted today! That means extra credits and I earn leave time faster. So where shall we go?… she pauses, suddenly looking sad. oh…I think I’ll save it and maybe go home. Go visit, go camping and climbing on my own. Wherever you are, I hope you know I love you.

Hannah’s covered in dirt, her climbing gear can be seen strewn around the room, and her hands are covered in climbers chalk. I just got back from shore leave. Just a few hours at this colony planet that we were resupplying. They had amazing places to climb. I’ve worked through most of the holo programs we have on board. It was amazing to climb something new, to have a challenge. She looks more relaxed than she has in awhile. Being in the outdoors has always relaxed her, and the holodeck just isn’t the same. The counselor is happy that I’m ‘getting out more.’ He hasn’t asked about my personal life anymore so for now I guess I’ll just keep going to the ship’s social events, like I always have, and hope he leaves me alone. What are you doing? Do you get to do anything for fun? I guess that’s a stupid question. You’re away somewhere dangerous and I’m worried about you having down time. How’s your knee? It’s not giving you too many problems is it? She holds up one hand, I love you. Over the course of the letters every once in a while it’s like she’s talking to his ghost instead of him, but either way she’s still talking to him and waiting for him.

Happy Birthday Daniel. Hannah’s wearing the baseball cap, she has a U of Wyoming jersey on with his number. If he could see the back, he would see “Colter” written across the back of the shoulders. His dog tags, as always, are hanging from their chain against the jersey. “Last year I only got through your highschool games, so this year I’m watching your college ones. I know, there aren’t many.” The screen seems to pause and then she reappears. “Is it selfish of me to be glad your knee went out? If it hadn’t you never would have joined the army, and then I never would have met you. Happy Birthday, my Love.” You always have been and always will be the pulse of my heart. I love you.

She’s sitting with her chin in her hand, wrapped in a robe, her hair up in a towel and sighs. “We are so bored. We’ve been sitting at dry dock for 3 weeks for general maintenance repairs. There is NOTHING to do. We aren’t at star base, just a random dry dock. And they keep putting other ships in front of us. They have ‘priority.’ It’s beyond ridiculous.” She takes the towel down and finger combs her hair, the wet tresses of hair falling against her shoulders. “Three weeks. The holodeck isn’t even fun anymore. The last week, we deep cleaned sickbay and the labs, by hand! Everyone has done their medical and psych evals early, just to have something to do.” She grins and winks at the screen. “If you were here, I know what we could do.” I love you, Daniel.

OMG Daniel, where are you? You should have been here! Another two weeks at dry dock. Some security officer got the idea in his head to “invade” the ship and take it over. Gave Everyone nerf guns! They are these plastic toy things with foam darts and rubber tips on the end. Do you know what they are? He said they were from Earth’s history. Anyway, we’ll be finding foam darts for months to come. It was great fun, until the captain shot an admiral in the head with one. She’s smiling, really smiling for the first time in awhile. I wish you had been here for it. “How are you? Is that a valid question anymore?” She sighs. “I miss you. I miss you more every day..” Please, Come home to me? I Love you.
Lt jg Asimina, Doctor