Posted by Lieutenant Pawl Batario (Chief Engineer) in Knocking on Pawl’s door.

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Kastarak (First Officer / Navigation Officer) in Knocking on Pawl’s door.

Posted by Lieutenant Pawl Batario (Chief Engineer) in Knocking on Pawl’s door.
Posted by… suppressed (27) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Kastarak had not planned to visit Pawl. There were protocols in place for situations like this –– medical privacy, command structure, and the professional courtesy of waiting to be asked. These protocols had even made it unethical for Kastarak to continue his previous relationship with Pawl.

But then, there been the mention of Lieutenant Pawl Batario in a routine Sickbay report that he read. He still paid extra attention to Sickbay reports, having long worked there. This mention had disrupted his focus during an otherwise uneventful normal report reading session. There had been no detail. No supplementary note. No indication of severity. Only a name.

Such gaps did not usually warrant personal intervention. But this particular name carried weight. Kastarak noticed the feeling in his gut, decided – perhaps somewhat illogically – not to purge it until committing to a then seemingly “logical” cause of action.

Three quarters of an hour later, Kastarak stood outside Pawl’s quarters, his hand paused just short of the door chime. There was a measurable increase in sympathetic arousal. He noticed them all: increased heart rate, skin conductance, and warmth across his shoulders. The pattern was familiar. Not distress. Anticipation, perhaps undercut by something less defined.

He pressed the chime and waited.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

PAwl just got finished freshening up a bit as he heard the chime ring. He straightened his uniform as He moved towards the door. He felt a familiar presence outside his door. He tapped the button to let him in. “Why hello there sir! Please come in.” Pawl offered. “What’s on your mind?” Pawl inquired calmly.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Sir.

The word struck with more force than it should have. Not because it was incorrect; it was, in fact, precisely appropriate. But it had not always been how Pawl addressed him. Once there had been other modes: informal, teasing, once even something close to intimate. Kasarak with the t muted, almost swallowed – something Kas_t_arak never corrected but always found endearing – his special name called by a special someone. He missed that now. He had wanted to hear it.

He suppressed the response, the feeling. He needed to. Necessity and decorum demanded it.

Sir was correct. In this corridor, in this moment, it was structure. He let it stand.

He stepped inside, nodding briefly.

Pawl had clearly made an effort to appear at ease. The uniform, the composure, the smile. But Kastarak’s gaze moved with the practiced efficiency of a physician: pupils reactive, facial colour within baseline, gait fluid. No immediate evidence of physical distress. Still, he studied the details longer than necessary. The extra studying allowed him to reminisce of once having kissed that face, longed to see that the muscular movements of empathy in that face. Like a rush of adrenaline, his memories of Pawl’s face swallowed his presence for a moment.

Kastarak folded his hands behind his back, bringing himself to composure.

“You were in Sickbay earlier,” he said at last, voice measured. “I was not informed of any injury. Are you well, lieutenant?”

The use of rank created space. It was necessary. He had once believed there was no need for space between them. That belief, like Vulcan itself, no longer existed.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

“Apparently, the captain thought I needed some time to rest and recoup after the electrical jolt from the console on the bridge. He thought I might be over doing things a bit. I can honestly say I was a bit, but not to the point of exhaustion. I had a small burn from the ordeal, but the doctor fixed that with his medical skill and know-how. Sir,” Pawl said calmly to him. The Feeling he got from Kasarak after mentioning “Sir” instead of his name. Pawl went a bit informal for a moment, saying, “Kasarak, I am fine, honestly,” showing there was no ill will towards him in any facet. He also missed him and his company. “Care for a drink, Kasarak? Please talk to me what’s on your mind?” Pawl asked him as he waited for him to speak as he ushered him to have a seat and relax.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Pawl’s choice of words was precise: His use of apparently placed distance between himself and the injury, as if rest had been imposed rather than needed. Kastarak noted the pattern: overwork framed as diligence, minimization used to guard against concern. It was a familiar coping style, one he recognized all too well.

But it was the way Pawl said his name, Kasarak, in the old way, in the way only Pawl would say it, that caught up in his chest. For a moment, the formality dropped, and in its place was memory. For that second, Kastarak forgot about rank and protocol.

“Yes, that would be agreeable,” he said, relieved to have been invited in for a drink. “You did not tell me about your injury. I am concerned about your health, Pawl.”

He took a step inside.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

Pawl was totally confused at that moment. Did he slip into his native tongue of Betazoideze? He took a moment and tried to speak again to him. “I was hit by an electrical discharge from the helm console, or was it the ops console?” Pawl said, questioning himself. As he fell quiet as he even forgot to get the drinks for himself and Kaserak.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Pawl’s sudden quietness brought out the inner physician in Kastarak. Was Pawl dissociating, had there been trauma to the head? Kastarak quickly gazed and appraised Pawl’s physical health, eyeing him from top to bottom.

“Let’s sit down,” he said, leading Pawl to a chair with a hand against Pawl’s lower back. “We’ll talk more.”

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

Pawl followed Kastarak’s lead as it was. “Oh? The drinks?” Pawl said calmly as he took a seat in the chair that Kastarak was directing him to. Pawl was going to get back up and get them, but he thought it was smarter just to sit there and behave. “That would be nice to chat a bit.” Pawl said with a small, polite smile. As he sat there and waited for him to speak more.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

“Agreeable, indeed,” Kastarak said. “I’ll bring the drinks. What would you like me to bring you? May I make myself some tea?”

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

Pawl smiled softly. “Of course? Kastarak, you’re always welcome too. “Maybe a snack too, please?”

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Kastarak nodded. He looked around to a small table with a synthesizer. He made himself a cup of steaming hot tea – Betazoid kind. He remembered that Pawl enjoyed iced teas more than hot ones, so he prepared an iced one for him. With sugar. It looked like Pawl could do with some fast-acting glucose to get his bearings up. He looked in the box and found what looked like some crackers or hard biscuits – of a kind he had never seen before. Perhaps they were Betazoid too, or something else Pawl had picked up on his travels across the stars.

He brought everything back to Pawl.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

Pawl sat there quietly as he waited for Kastarak. He looked around his room casually. Not looking at anything in particular. “How are you liking your new position?” Pawl asked casually.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

“My new position?” Kastarak asked as he set the tray with drinks and snacks on the table in front of Pawl. “Which one do you mean?”

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

“Both I guess?” Pawl said calmly as he grabbed a snack and his tea. Feeling more out of touch with the officer now.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Kastarak looked at Pawl, still not understanding him. “Do you mean my positions as first officer and navigations officer?”

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

“Yes? Kastarak. ” Pawl said, confused. What was he thinking I was referring about?

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

“I was merely confused as to what you meant, Pawl, as I have held those positions for a year and a half now. But it is going well. Command is difficult, it has other resposibilities than being a physician or a counsellor. It is easier in some respects, not having to consider patients, but it is harder, when the welfare of the many, and the orders from above govern your decisions. In a way, it is less autonomous than back in Sickbay. I find myself wishing, at times, to see patients, and to be detached from the asymmetry of command.”

Kastarak took a sip of his tea. It was still a little hot.

“I regret that my duties made it unethical for me to pursue what I had wished to pursue with you.”

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

“I understand Kastarak. I wish things were easier and more lax or even flexible to have that relationship as well.” Pawl said with a small smile. “Right now, I know that is not possible at this time. But maybe in the future it might be.” Pawl showed Kastarak that it was still possible. “I do appreciate you checking in on me. I value that a lot.”

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Pawl’s optimism was contagious. While it caused a flurry of activity in Kastarak’s gut, that flurry soon dispersed into pain. It seemed to Kastarak that Pawl wanted a relationship. Yet the situation made it impossible for them to have it. But could Kastarak give up the duty? The ship depended on him as first executive officer. Could someone else do the job? Would Kastarak be willing to give it up? He hadn’t allowed himself to think those thoughts before, and the very thoughts were painful to think.

Yet – whenever he was with Pawl, he felt it wrong to purge his emotions and return to a serene state. He wanted the pain, the feelings, if only for the time they had together.

“I value you, Pawl,” he finally said. “Thank you for your understanding and empathy.”

He wished to touch Pawl, embrace him, but he did not act on that feeling.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

Pawl felt the moment conflicting things from Kasarak. He did not dwell on the moment. “Thank you for your valued compliment. ” Pawl said calmly. ” You’re more than welcome to talk about anything to me unless it’s classified, of course. Nothing is going to change the fact that we are friends, even if we someday have someone else in our lives.” Pawl said calmly to him with sincerity and trust. “If you’re unclear or confused about anything, my door is always open for us to chat.”

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

“Are you unclear or confused about anything, Pawl?” Kastarak wasn’t sure why he asked it, but he sensed a need to do so. Whether the need stemmed from within himself or was transference from Pawl he wasn’t sure. Either way, he wanted the answer.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

“No....Kastarak, there is no confusion.” Pawl said calmly.
Pawl took a long sip of his iced tea. As he waited for more questions.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

“That is agreeable to hear,” Kastarak said. The words came easily, though the implications of what he had said did not. He lifted the cup to his lips, allowing the heat to linger on his tongue before swallowing. This type of tea was not his preference. It never had been. But it was the one Pawl had always kept. The same he had once accepted without comment, when they were still together. Now they were not. Yet the tea remained. As did he, seated once more in Pawl’s quarters, with the taste of a former life in his mouth and no clear protocol for what would come next.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

“There should be a new box of Vulcan teas on the shelf next to the food dispenser.” Pawl said calmly to him. “I know you’re not a fan of the beatazoid blends of tea, and I believe you’re not much of a fan of terran teas either.” Pawl said kindly.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

What was it with Pawl’s empathy? Even though Kastarak knew Pawl was Betazoid, with skills in telepathy and hyper-empathy, he would still – illogically to his own chagrin – be taken aback whenever faced with it. Yet, Pawl had acted only with warmth and kindness… he had anticipated Kastarak’s visit by providing Vulcan teas – a rarity in this universe for things all too obvious to Kastarak…

“Thank you, Pawl. Would you like me to stay a bit? We can drink some of my homeplanet’s teas?”

He walked up to the jars, opened one of the Vulcan ones, sniffed it ever so slightly. It smelt like home.

“Though I do enjoy Earth teas too, I must correct you there.”

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

“You’re more than welcome, Kastarak.” Pawl said quickly to him. Pawl knew he hit a small nerve but kept quiet about it. “I know this time is not an easy one for you, Kastarak. But I am more than able to listen and talk with you at any time.” Pawl said with a small smile.

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Kastarak nodded. It was difficult. Everytime he saw Pawl, he wanted to resign his commission so he could be with Pawl. But people depended on him. Pawl too. Kastarak needed to work, serve the ship and its crew. The captain needed him especially. After all the captain had done for him, Kastarak needed to be his XO now. Was he selfish? Then he thought of the maxim of his fallen homeworld, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. The ship’s needs outweighed his own needs. Pawl’s needs too.

“It hurts,” was the only thing he said. He looked down on the floor.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer

Pawl felt the heavy weight of their emotions of their past. and his feelings about what the future may hold in the future were rather uncertain. For both him and Kastarak, he did not want them to speak of such items. he would let him open up on his own terms. “I understand it does....” as he stopped before going too far into his or their feelings. “No matter what or when you’re welcome to talk to me anytime.”

[[Lt ]] [[Pawl Batario]]
[[Chief_Engineer]] [[Uss_Chernov]]

Kastarak could feel in his core that Pawl truly understood. He lifted his head toward him. “Likewise, Pawl,” he said and stood up.

“I must attend to other matters now,” he then said flatly.

Kastarak, Lt Cdr
First Officer and Navigations Officer