Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Chiming Pawl’s door

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Pawl Batario (Chief Engineer) in Chiming Pawl’s door

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Chiming Pawl’s door
Posted by… suppressed (28) by the Post Ghost! 👻
After a double shift in Sickbay, Kastarak wanted a friend. He walked up to Pawl’s quarters, and chimed the door.

– Kastarak

Pawl just finished changing into his off-duty uniform and got more comfortable for the evening. As he heard the door as he moved closer to the door. tapped the control to open the door “Well hello there Kastarak Please Come in.” He said softly in a calming tone. “Care for a drink?” as he moved to the sitting area. Noticing that the doctor looked tired. As he turned to focus on him almost tripped over the coffee table. Pawl was not used to this new unit because of now being a chief Engineering officer had its perks. He recovered with an interesting material artist movement almost like a dance move too.
Lt Jg Pawl Batario - Chief Engineer

“Are you injured?” Kastarak asked, almost exclaimed, as he saw Pawl’s stumble and dance away. He wished he has his medical tricorder with him, so he could scan for injuries. The potential for injury concerned Kastarak, and Pawl could probably sense that behind the deadpan expression on Kastarak’s face, there was worry, concern, and a frantic activity to assess the situation and find solutions to the potential injury and to avoid injury in the future.

– Kastarak

– Kastarak

“I am okay doctor. Honestly, luckily I sidestepped enough to avoid a hit to the shin. I don’t think I pulled a muscle or anything.” He said with a smile noting the concern the doctor had. “You are more than welcome to check me over to make sure I am ok. I promise I won’t disappear on you if you need to get a tricorder. I believe there is an emergency kit in the corridor.” Pawl commented softly.

Pawl

Kastarak considered Pawl’s proposal. His first instinct was to do exactly what Pawl had suggested. It seemed Pawl understood Kastarak’s concern, and had wished to alleviate it. But then… it was a minor stumble. Pawl said he was fine. No reason to make bigger a minor thing.

“I trust you when you say you’re okay,” Kastarak replied. “Shall we sit down? How are you? What is new for you?”

— Kastarak
“Thank you, Doc. Pawl agreed to the doctor’s request to a sit down. “please !” Pawl said calmly to him as he took a seat. “I am doing fine Doctor. Its been a rather busy day today in engineering. Plus a returning officer Sara Lovegood came back to engineering as an Engineering Junior Officer and not as a Chief Engineer position. Had a meeting with the Captain to discuss the situation before I committed to the Chief Engineer Position and discussed my concerns. He is a very strong and capable officer. We discussed me trying out other positions along with dealing with engineering duties.”Pawl said stopping to catch his breath. Pawl continued a moment later. “Trying my hand at the helm position and after getting that station down move to another duty station.” Pawl was getting thrust. “I need a drink of Water.”

Pawl

Kastarak sensed what he interpreted as excitement over the new prospects for Pawl. Kastarak began thinking of Pawl’s identity, history, life – being away from his kin, his family, working for the Federation, unsure of his position in engineering, the relationship with Lovejoy, Kastarak’s knowledge of Lovejoy’s infatuation with Pawl. Kastarak needed to probe that last thing. Everything could depend on that…

“Thank you for sharing this with me, Pawl. How are things between you and Ms Lovejoy?”

– Kastarak

“Well, its strange for me to be in charge when she was my superior officer. But I am doing ok I believe. I have a lot to do to help train her up to get back into the chief engineer position someday.” Pawl said calmly to him. Our friendship seems to be stable.”

pawl

“But she is in love with you,” Kastarak replied with concern in his voice. He was genuinely concerned, and he could not keep his emotions fully under control now.

– Kastarak

“What?? She is??” Pawl squeaked out. Feeling the concern from the doctor. “I am not interested in Sara I am gay I am more interested in men?” Pawl said quickly. I looked at the doctor for a minute. “There is no need to be concerned or worried>” As Pawl tried to reassure the man of his intentions. His interest was with him not her. Pawl was not sure what to do at this moment he had never seen a Vulcan lose control like that before. He wanted to comfort him but He did not want to get too close just in case he fully lost control and he did not want him or the doctor to get hurt.

Pawl

Had Pawl not known? Was this really news to him? Two Betazoids, oblivious of one another? Could that really be so? Perhaps Kastarak had misinterpreted everything.

Then Kastarak began processing the second thing Pawl said, There is no need to be concerned or worried. Pawl’s voice was calming, soothing – like a cool balm on an itchy wound. Did Kastarak feel wounded by Lovejoy’s declaration of love to Pawl? Jealousy? Fear of being left alone, abandoned…? Perhaps now was not the time to psychoanalyse himself.

He sensed the soothing, calming presence of Pawl. All was well.

“I am relieved,” Kastarak said flatly, returning to his regulated serene self. “Thank you.”

“How are you feeling, Pawl? Will you tell me your feelings, your thoughts at this moment?”

– Kastarak

PAwl listened to the doctor’s focused and calming tone. “Well, I am a bit confused by the statement you had mentioned about me and Miss Lovejoy?” Pawl said casually.
“I don’t recall any interaction with Miss Lovejoy that she mentioned her love for me or felt her intentions that she wanted to be with me.” Pawl commented trying to analyze their past interactions. “Are you ok Doctor?”Pawl asked sincerely to him. “I know this type of outburst or shock is not an easy thing for you?” Pawl said with a straight face.

Pawl

“I understand…” Kastarak spoke quieter this time.

He went back to memory to the med eval he was about to have with Lovejoy, but which he left abruptly after hearing her confession of love to Pawl. It had hurt Kastarak deeply, and he doubted himself even more then. Having thus violated the confidentiality he had with Lovejoy as his patient, by disclosing his knowledge of this fact put Kastarak in a difficult problem.

Not disclosing any more would not mean lying. But this seemed all very strange. He was sure of having heard rumours of an interaction between the two of Lovejoy and Batario some time ago, when she had invited him for dinner and she had confessed to him her love for him back then too. Perhaps rumours were wrong, perhaps Pawl indeed had been oblivious all the time. Sweet Pawl, he thought, may his innocence remain.

Thus Kastarak struggled with what to do. He listened to his feelings, felt a deep wrench of guilt in his gut.

“When I heard of her love for you, I doubted myself and the possibility of my being with you. It was difficult. I am not used to this.”

– Kastarak

Pawl felt his appreciation about the situation and the conflict he put himself into not on purpose. “I promise I won’t say anything about the breach of protocol. It was an error anyone could have had even I.” PAwl said with a small smile. Pawl also felt a hint of jealousy and confusion along with a bit of guilt. Pawl moved closer to the doctor Pawl grabbed his hand in his. “You are ok I know all of this is new and strange and maybe a bit scary. But I am here. you are good.” Pawl said sincerely to him. “I don’t want to rush you into anything you are not ready for. I will be here and I am not planning on leaving anytime soon.” PAwl finished his little speech. He hoped he helped in some way with the issues he was having.

Pawl

While for others, it might feel eerie that someone you’re so close to will be able to detect your thoughts and emotions so well as Pawl did, but for Kastarak, it gave him feelings of safety and comfort. Pawl was like a sun uncovering clouds after a stormy day, stilling the wind…

“I don’t know what I’d need to have, or feel, or think, be ready. What if I already am?” he asked.

– Kastarak
Pawl listened carefully “Ok?” you are ready I won’t scare me off easily.” Pawl said calmly. “I am ready too.” Pawl said as he moved close enough so he could see his hand ready for him to touch him and interact. Pawl opened his mind completely. As he waited for the man to decide what he wanted to do.

Pawl

Pawl coming closer gave Kastarak a tingling feeling in his gut. It made him feel younger, almost childish, light and worried and happy and concerned and safe at the same time.

He sensed that Pawl was open, but Kastarak couldn’t bring himself to read him just yet. He wanted to ride the wave of emotions while he felt safe and protected.

But this was all new to him. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, he could not define it. He just wanted to be close to Pawl, merge with Pawl, be part of him, and have Pawl be part of him.

He placed his left hand on Pawl’s chest, and his right hand on Pawl’s shoulder. “I feel your heartbeat. It is the rhythm of you. I will learn this rhythm.”

He paused.

“Do you wish me to refrain from touching you?”

– Kastarak

“You are fine Kasarak.” Pawl said softly to him as he felt the man’s hand on him. And he let him take his time to decide what he wished. “There is nothing to fear from me I won’t harm you.” Pawl spoke again softly. “This interaction is going to help you with the new emotions and feelings and clarity of thought. and my openness will show my heart and soul to you as well.” PAwl added.

Pawl

There was comfort and warmth in what Pawl said. Kastarak wanted to go further but wasn’t sure how.

“How do we progress, Pawl…?” he said, as he kept his hand on Pawl’s heart.

– Kastarak

“Whatever you feel comfortable with and natural to you Kastarak. Pawl put both of his hands over Kaskarak’s hand that was on his heart.” Pawl said calmly to him. “Take your time feel my heart beating in my chest, feel my emotions, feel the warmth of my skin, as you hug me feel the mass of my body in your arms the warmth the feelings it conveys. do whatever you think you are comfortable with.” Pawl said in a soft calm voice.Pawl calmly pulled the doctor closer to him gently to embrace him in his arms. As Pawl felt content there in Kasarak’s arms. Pawl hoped this minor forwardness would help get things started for the doctor.

Pawl.

The words flowing out of Pawl’s mouth were almost like a poem from the pre-Surak days of Vulcan literature. Kastarak remembered studying them in middle school but it was only today, finally, now, that he actually understood what those poems had conveyed.

That mouth speaking those words… It looked so inviting.

“May I kiss you?” Kastarak asked.

– Kastarak

Pawl waited calmly till he noticed Kastarak to speak. It felt like it was forever to him. as he listened intently to the words that formed before him. Pawl was almost in surprise at the request of a kiss. “Of course Kasrarak you’re more than welcome to kiss me.” Pawl said quickly to make sure he did not have any second thoughts or attempt to back out of it. He let him make the move in on him so that he was in control of the entire situation from start to finish.

Pawl

For some reason that wasn’t immediately obvious to Kastarak, Pawl’s consent surprised Kastarak.

How does one even kiss? Why had he felt the urge to kiss Pawl? It was all too confusing.

He leapt him for a hug with Pawl, and kissed him on the neck. That was a start. He waited for Pawl’s cue for any next steps.

– Kastarak

Pawl was surprised by the leap into action of Kastarak. “wow.” Pawl said with a smile. Lets try this as he softly repositioned him to kiss him on the lips briefly as he started to caress him. and then moved to his neck to kiss. “You’re doing fine Kastarak.” Pawl said softly almost a cooing sound. “I know this is all new and more likely foreign to you but you are doing fine.”

Pawl

As Pawl said those comforting words, Kastarak held on to Pawl tighter than before. “It is new. Many feelings. I can’t quite articulate them. Can you tell me about your feelings?”

– Kastarak

“Well, I like to think I have a fair amount of control over my feelings and emotions. Betazoids have more control over several types of love from platonic love to physical and emotional love. Of course the first is simple and clean love there is no heart or emotions to get in the way the others are more in-depth in the matters of love. your heart and soul are part of the equations. Along with other emotional factors. lust and desire are also part of things. Jealousy and rage and even grief and loss can cause issues if not handled properly.

PAwl

Kastarak noted that his question had been avoided or, perhaps, misinterpreted. He was curious about Pawl’s feelings for him, not feelings in general in relation to Betazoid psychology and physiology. He knew that already, he had studied Betazoid psychology and physiology as extensively as possible in his spare time, as a hope to understand Pawl better. It seemed to go wrong, however. Perhaps Kastarak had been reading in too much.

“I see,” he said, in his normal dead-pan style. He broke off from the hug. “Thank you for now, but I must go back to sleep now. I have an early shift tomorrow. Perhaps you can come by my quarters if you should like to speak.”

Now the ball was, as the humans were so fond of saying, in Pawl’s court. If this would go on, Kastarak needed Pawl to make the next move, or any move…

With a pain in his gut – he wasn’t sure what the significance of that pain, that discomfort was – he prepared to leave.

– Kastarak

Pawl felt confusion from Kasarak. He also felt a slight pain from him. “Oh my.... I am sorry Kasarak You meant my feelings for you.” Pawl said quickly. “Please don’t go?” Pawl almost begged to Kasarak But he wasn’t going to stop him if he wanted to go. My feelings were open he thought. “I want to continue our coupling as the Vulcans called it. I do want to be more than a quicky or a tease. I am not like that.” Pawl said with a quiver in his voice. Damn him and his lack of understanding. Pawl felt he was a letdown. as his head looked at the floor now. “Do as you wish.” pawl said with the mood gone sour. as he stood there dumb-struck.

Pawl

With this, things turned around for Kastarak. Pawl had explained now what Kastarak needed to hear: that Pawl wanted this as much as Kastarak. Pawl used the word coupling, with all the associations therein. Kastarak felt within himself feel the knots of doubt dissolve. Pawl’s quivering spoke to Kastarak, and he emphasised with him. This was as real for Pawl as it was for Kastarak.

He looked into Pawl’s eyes. “I am going no where. I understand you. We have the same agenda. I wish the same as you do. I wish for us to be with one another, and over time build a deep bond with one another.”

He wished for Pawl to become part of his own identity – that Pawl would grow into part of Kastarak’s self-image.

– Kastarak

Pawl listened to Kasarak calmly and carefully. before he spoke again. “Yes!” Pawl said softly and fell silent again. Doing his best to keep his emotions in check. not to scare him off. Pawl did not move as he waited for Kasarak to make the moves. Pawl knew he wanted this just as much as the doctor did. Pawl felt the tension build and did his best not to disappoint himself or the doctor. he felt like he waited for an eternity for this.

Pawl

As Kastarak observed Pawl’s reaction, he felt at once elated, validated and accepted. On the other hand, Pawl seemed to regulate his emotions downwards. Why was that, Kastarak pondered. Was it because Pawl wanted to act more Vulcan, meet “half way”, or were there emotions involved that Kastarak did not know about, strong emotions of some other calibre?

All those thoughts, still, Kastarak now finally knew Pawl wanted the same.

“Pawl,” he said, “parted from me, and never parted. Never and always touching and touched. I await you.”

How he had imagined he would never have opportunity to say those words again. He was once betrothed to S’parek, an arrangement his and her families had secured even before they were born. She had died in the destruction of Vulcan, when Kastarak still was a child. Their bond was nothing in comparison to what he had already begun to experience with Pawl. The last time Kastarak had uttered those words was to S’parek, during a meeting about half a year before the destruction of Vulcan. What would their lives have been, had not the planet been destroyed? Would S’parek and he had gone on to marry? Have children? Live a small-town life in Raal, he as a countryside doctor, she as an engineer of some sorts?

Why had he survived, and she had not?

Why was he standing here, uttering these words? As one of the few Vulcans left in the universe? Why him, and not her?

And imagery of the destruction of the planet flashed before his eyes, once again. Intrusive and unwelcome, he tried his best not to appear moved by it.

– Kastarak

Pawl listened to him as he spoke. He was glad that Kasarak was comfortable with him. Pawl let the words sink in before he spoke. “Kasarak” Pawl said calmly to
,” he said, “parted from me, and never parted. Never and always touching and touched. I await you. too. ” as his two fingers were out waiting for his comforting touch.
“I have cut back my emotions so that you don’t get overwhelmed by my emotions and I know you are not accustomed to emotions or even new emotions. Pawl found it curious that he was interested in a relationship with him a man instead of a female of his race to help rebuild their species as it were. Pawl shook that thought out of his mind quickly. Hoping Kasarak had not picked up on that stray though as he refocused his effort on the moment and how special it was going to be. He does care for him and nothing has changed to make anything different.

Pawl