Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Lt. Dawson Therapy Session [Tag Lt. Kastarak]

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Quentin “Q” Dawson (Chief Weapons Officer) in Lt. Dawson Therapy Session [Tag Lt. Kastarak]

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Kastarak (Doctor / Counsellor) in Lt. Dawson Therapy Session [Tag Lt. Kastarak]
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Dawson headed out of the turbo lift and made his way to Kastarak’s office. He hadn’t been there since his arrival on the Chernov for his psych eval. He was glad that his relationship with Kastarak had grown since then, as he hadn’t really started on the right foot with the Vulcan. But since then, they’d sparred, had meals and been on away teams together. He had started to open up to him and was getting Kas to open back up in return.

When he reached the door to the counselor’s office, he paused a moment noticing the fingers on his right hand were jittering. Q swallowed, thinking better get that under control before taking a deep breath and forcing his fingers to remain still. He knew that it was alright to be nervous. Expected even, given the captain’s news about Clarissa. And yet, he still couldn’t fight his upbringing, the strict control he was expected to have over his emotions. They called it control, but it was really suppression. He knew it was unhealthy and that he shouldn’t fight it, but he couldn’t always stop himself.

His fingers still, his body back under control, he rang the door chime. The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance. Dawson knew all too well how true that was.

Lt. Q Dawson

Kastarak had just finished a difficult session over distance – it was a crewman on the Chernov who had relationship problems back home, and the three of them met over a type of video call. It was clear the parties suffered from the separation from one another, but, at the same time, they both appeared unwilling to actually try see matters from the point of view of the other.

After finishing up his notes, Kastarak indicated in the schedule that he was now available for drop-in sessions. Moments later, the door chimed, and there was Mr Dawson.

“Hello, Mr Dawson,” Kastarak said, “please, come in.”

He was not sure why Dawson had come – perhaps Dawson wished to small-talk, or perhaps he wished something else. In any case, Kastarak did not wish to presume anything, but invited the guest in.

Kastarak sought to remember the psych eval with Dawson, and what had transpired there. Dawson’s sister had died, and her death had been a defining event for Dawson, and it affected his relationship with his parents. Dawson had been in therapy for over a decade due to this trauma and how it had nested itself into the many parts of his life and functioning. When Dawson came to the ship, he was at more peace than before, but he still had “his days” (as it were), and a sensitivity to emotion, beyond that of the average human. So what did bring Dawson in here today?

Kastarak gestured to the armchairs by the windows, inviting Dawson to sit there.

– Lt jg Kastarak (counsellor / physician)

Dawson entered and smiled at Kastarak, “Hello.” He said taking the seat offered him. He swallowed and looked about Kastarak’s office, trying to think about where to start. He had been developing a rapport with the counselor but, not in a professional sense. He didn’t really know how Kastarak usually conducted his sessions and he was apprehensive to start on his own.
“I hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time,” Dawson said, “I saw your schedule was open for walk-ins and thought I would see if I could catch you. But perhaps I should have made an official appointment.” He began to look around the room, feeling awkward. In his chest, he felt not quite a tightness, but an aversion. Just an overwhelming urge to not be here right now. He knew this feeling. It would creep up on him from time to time. Anxiety that, were he not careful, could turn to anger.

-Dawson

Kastarak listened. It seemed like Dawson felt guilty for dropping in, despite it was a scheduled drop-in hour. Was he thinking that he was taking up someone else’s time, someone who might need it better? Kastarak decided to keep that thought in mind, perhaps he would have to return to it later. Kastarak sensed a heightened emotional state within his patient, and hoped he might be able to understand why.

“All is well, Mr Dawson. We have time,” Kastarak tried to reassure Dawson.

“What brings you here today? What would you like to talk about?”

– Kastarak

Dawson thought about what to say. Everything he wanted to say seemed trapped behind a wall, some blockage in his throat that kept the words from coming. This lump of anxiety seemed to settle in his chest as well, weighing him down. He looked away from Kastarak down to the carpeted floor, trying to forget the Vulcan was there and focus on what he needed to say. He took a deep breath and decided to get right to the point.
“You remember,” He began, his eyes still focused away from Kas, “In my evaluation, we discussed my sister, Clarissa, and her death? How what happened to her had been classified, so I never knew what became of her? The captain has since… pulled some strings and helped me get the answers. Except the answers failed to bring the finality I had hoped. Instead, they seem to suggest that she might in fact be alive. I’ve spent so much time trying to convince myself that she was gone and forcing myself to accept that as fact, but now, now I can’t stop thinking of her, out there alone. Waiting for someone to rescue her. Waiting for me to rescue her.” Dawson put a hand over his mouth as if he were trying to physically hold himself together. “I just, needed to talk to someone about this. I know from past experience that, if I let it, this will eat away at me. And I refuse to let that happen.” not again he thought to himself, remembering that summer after graduation.
-Dawson

As Dawson spoke, Kastarak empathised highly. What if there had been any chance that his siblings were still alive? All that process of grief would have been “in vain”, so to speak, and all wounds, somewhat healed though still sensitive, would be made fresh, blood and inflamed again. It sounded like this was what Dawson spoke of, too.

“I am here, we have plenty of time,” he said softly. “You did well to come see me. Please, go on, tell me more,”

– Lt jg Kastarak (counsellor / physician)

Dawson pursed his lips in thought. He wasn’t sure what more he could say. Unfortunately, many of the details surrounding his sister’s disappearance were still classified. As it stands, he wasn’t even supposed to know what he knew. Would he even be able to tell Kastarak? And with Taggart ready to charge in after Clarissa as if she were his own lost love, Kas and the crew may very well know about it all soon enough. Still, was it his place to say it?
“I… I’m not sure” He said hesitantly, “I’m not sure where to go on. It’s proving difficult to think.”

-Dawson