Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sadie (Chief Science Officer) in Counselor’s office (pre-sim) Boarding Evaluation

Posted by Lieutenant Dr. Mariah Lee Grayson (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselor’s office (pre-sim) Boarding Evaluation

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sadie (Chief Science Officer) in Counselor’s office (pre-sim) Boarding Evaluation
Posted by… suppressed (18) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Sadie stepped up to the Counselling Suite and carefully made her way within. She had ensured to schedule her assessment ahead of time, and was… only ten minutes early. Okay, eleven minutes, but who was counting. Certainly not her. Okay, yes, she was counting, but the clock was right there in front of her, and it was easier to think about the fact that she was early than to–
Sadie shook herself and tapped her fingers against her thighs a few times. Physical motions reinforce intention. Tap equals reset, she muttered inside her head, escaping the thought spiral. For now.

“Hi, um,” she caught the attention of the nearest person who looked like they were a counselor. “I’m here for my psych eval at 1400. Lt. Cmdr. Sadie.”

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

The kindly psych tech smiled, and upon hearing the hiss of nearby doors opening, she pointed in Mariah’s direction. “If Dr. Grayson can’t help you, no one can.“Realizing how that might’ve sounded, she quickly added, “Dr. Grayson is on call this shift and would be happy to help.“

“Thank you,” Sadie nodded, approaching the indicated door. “There isn’t an appointment ongoing that I would be interrupting?” she asked, turning back to the tech.

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

The tech shook her head. “I was just delivering reports to her so I happen to know she is absolutely available.” The young blond then placed a hand beside her mouth and whispered, “I happen to know how much she prefers talking to people over reading reports, so as far as I’m concerned, you’d be doing us all a favor,” she added, her grin growing wider.

Sadie nodded, a small amused smile forming on her face, then stepped over to the door and pressed the chime.

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

“Come in,” a soft lilting voice called out, the doors automatically opening with a hiss as Grayson had programmed. The verbal response was merely verbal confirmation of what the opened doors had already indicated, but anyone could have also recognized the twinge of relief in her tone…a visitor, a distraction!

Mariah turned in her desk chair to face the entrance and immediately stood, extending a hand. “Hello, Commander,” Grayson offered, spotting the Lieutenant Commander’s pips. “I’m Dr. Mariah Grayson. How may I be of service?”

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

Sadie looked briefly at the offered hand, then tapped her own hand to her collarbone in her culture’s version of a greeting, her head dipping respectfully. Her right palm rested on her chest, then extended out in a graceful motion towards the doctor, palm facing upwards. “May your hearts beat strongly, and your love grow wide,” she spoke as she performed the action, then pulled her hand back, folding her hands in front of herself. She left a small pause before speaking again. “Good afternoon, Dr. Grayson, I am Sadie. I am here for my boarding evaluation.”

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

Mariah discretely lowered her offered hand and silently chastized herself for the automatic gesture. She needed to take more care not to make assumptions, as she was meant to model cultural understanding and tolerance. “Welcome, Sadie,” Mariah replied warmly. “Your greeting conveys a beautiful sentiment and I apologize for my ignorance of your customs. I meant no offense by offering my hand to you.”

Grayson was tempted to invite Sadie to sit, but not wanting to make another misstep, she decided it would be best to follow the Chief’s lead.

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

Sadie took a seat, giving Mariah a warm smile. “No offense is taken, Doctor. We, um. Handshakes are uncomfortable. For both me and you.” She held up a hand, splaying her fingers. If Grayson hadn’t already noticed the fact that Sadie’s hand only had three fingers and a thumb, she would notice it now. The fingers themselves were, despite the overall size of the hand being smaller than that of a human, longer than those of humans, and while the thumb and pointer had normal nails, the middle and pinky finger were tipped with dark, almost claw-like nails. “Do you know why handshakes developed, as a custom?”

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

“If I recall correctly, it was a way to show others one didn’t have any hidden weapons,“ Mariah replied. “I also recall in many human cultures, it was quite important to initiate the handshake using the correct hand, typically the right, as the left hand was most commonly used for hygiene purposes, and it was considered an insult to offer that potentially unclean hand in greeting. I truly appreciate your patience with me and your efforts to spare me discomfort. I’m sorry I wasn’t more prepared ahead of our meeting. Would you care to sit down? I’m happy to contact our meeting standing if that would be more comfortable for you.“

~ Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

“That makes sense, for non-empathic species,” Sadie reflected, partially to herself, as she sat down as offered. “If you can’t just feel your neighbours intentions, you would need outward symbols.”

She blinked slightly, remembering her manners. “It’s no worry, doctor. It is very rare for someone to not offer a handshake. I’m just glad you didn’t take offense to me refusing it,” she rubbed the back of her neck, glad her anxiety meds seemed to be functioning. This conversation would have been a lot harder with her social anxiety at full force.

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

“No offense at all,” Mariah reassured, taking a seat herself. “In fact, I like these boarding meetings to be fairly informal, more for the two of us to get to know each other so if you ever needed someone to talk with, you’re at least not meeting a complete stranger. In that spirit,” Mariah offered, suddenly remembering her own manners, “would you like anything to eat or drink from the replicator?”

~Dr. Mariah, Grayson, CoP

“That is understandable,” Sadie nodded thoughtfully. “Some cold water would be lovely, thank you.”

Once the water was provided, Sadie tapped her knees a couple of times. “It’s in my file, but I wanted to bring up my medications. I have a prescription for my social anxiety, which I’ll need to have conversations periodically with you to renew. It’s a relatively common condition for my species, especially when in …uh,” she gestured vaguely. “Starfleet. Really anywhere we’re interacting with other species. I’ve gotten somewhat used to it, but it was really hard at first.”

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

“I appreciate your forthrightness,” Mariah offered. “Interacting with beings from other species can be anxiety provoking for many. What does that social anxiety look like for you?”

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

“It’s not just, uh,” Sadie tapped her sides a few times, trying not to spiral, and slipping a little. It was easier when she didn’t think about it, didn’t acknowledge the state she was in. “My species is empathic, we can feel each-other’s emotions. Even intentionally send simple emotional messages through our empathic links. I can’t sense humans, or klingons, or bajorans, or any of the other species out here in the wider galaxy. And it took a lot of time to learn how to read emotions on your faces, they’re so … different? Most people don’t have ears that move to express their emotional state. They use teeth and eyebrows, and showing teeth means happy instead of threat, and everyone’s eyes staring at me, and… I felt alone and isolated, like I was surrounded by… by robots. And sometimes like I was surrounded by [Kif’kil], with all the teeth and staring.” Her eyes were wide open, staring at the walls, searching for threats in the small, enclosed room. She worked herself accidentally into a state of anxiety and began to breath shallowly - not quite hyperventilating or an anxiety attack, but something that could become one. A glance at the counselor, a look of… it was unclear. There was safety there. She slapped her knees a little harder and closed her eyes, counting slowly to ten. Finally, thankfully able to reach calm - or at least calmer on her own, Sadie sighed.

“It’s, ah. I’m in my head. Running over conversations, planning them in advance. Scared of people. When I’m at work I can focus on work. Focus on my job. I know the rules for my job, what to do - follow the science. It’s harder when I’m off duty, when people ask me to talk about myself, to be myself. I understand people have emotions even though I can’t sense them, but it’s … hard to make friends, to be open, when I’m talking to people my bas’da keeps insisting aren’t there.”

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

Mariah could see it wasn’t easy for Sadie to share so much of herself and when it appeared the chief science officer might be experiencing an anxiety attack, Grayson had to admit, her urge to offer support of some sort was strong even as the psychiatrist knew she did not yet know enough about her patient to know what such support would look like.

Even so, she watched Sadie soothe and center herself, impressed not only by her effort, but her willingness to keep sharing even though it came with a cost not even Mariah fully understood. “I can only imagine what that’s really like,” Grayson offered, “though as I’m here with you, I find myself not focused on your struggles, but on how determined you are to keep going and the fact you patiently put up with sharing things about yourself and our ignorance of your needs despite the discomfort that comes with it. I wonder, are you aware of the strength you possess and do you give yourself enough credit for choosing to put up with all of this and all of us?”

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

“There’s more science out here, beyond the great boundary. Or at least, more new discoveries that my people can learn from,” Sadie said, focusing on the reasons rather than her struggles, now that she’d calmed herself down. “I’m not the first person of my planet to come out here, and I won’t be the last,” she chuckled. “We all deal with the emptiness of the Beyond in our own ways. Some take their families with them. Some take regular sabbaticals to visit home. I take medication. It’s not perfect, as you saw, but… as long as I don’t dwell on it, I’m functional. I don’t mind the ignorance so much, perhaps being a scientist, I don’t mind the opportunity to explain my culture and practices, and thus give opportunity to hear about others’ cultures and practices. It’s being trapped in my own feelings that is… a struggle.”

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

When Sadie began answering, Mariah thought she might deflect the conversation entirely away from herself, and when Sadie finished speaking, Grayson still got the sense she didn’t like talking about herself, but understood it was necessary in some circumstances. “What would not being trapped look like for you? For example, if some omnipotent being were to suddenly appear and set you free from the trap, what would be the first little sign that would tell you things were different?”

~ Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

Sadie tapped her hands on her knees again, considering the question. She was quiet for a while, several long moments going by. “I would bas. Um, English word… share? It would be quite obvious. It is… a sense. Like sight. It would be like light shining onto a person after sitting in a dark room. Your eyes would see. My bas’da would bas. And I would not be alone.” Sadie fell silent again, her ears drooping down as she allowed herself to linger on … the grief, might be the right word? She wasn’t sure. She knew her bas’da was functional, that if she came into range of another from the Alliance, she would be able to share with them. But the isolation, almost like sensory depravation, weighed on her.

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

Mariah considered Sadie’s response carefully. Grayson appreciated the honesty and wanted to take her time in turn. Naturally, they both knew there wasn’t a way to give her exactly what she wanted in the way that only communication with her people could, but Mariah wasn’t one to focus on the literal and concrete ideas to the exclusion of everything else. Sometimes one had to look beyond the literal and focus on the deeper meaning. “I hear you saying you want to feel seen, to feel connected to others in the ways that you can, even if that connection is not exactly what you’re used to. Am I reading that right?”

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

Sadie considered the question. “I suppose. It makes sense. It’s helped to think of my connections to people from the Beyond as … like an online friendship, or a subspace call. Just because I cannot bas their emotions does not mean they don’t have any. Except for Vulcans.”

Lieutenant Commander Sadie
Chief Science Officer USS Ogawa

Grayson wasn’t sure she understood. “You don’t believe Vulcan have emotions?“ Her tone was one of curiosity, not judgment.

~ Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP