Posted by Lieutenant Casela Synthi-er (Counsellor / RTF) in The Pied Piper

Posted by Lazol (Chief Science Officer) in The Pied Piper

Posted by Lieutenant Casela Synthi-er (Counsellor / RTF) in The Pied Piper
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

OOC: Trickster folks. This takes place on Delotha but has nothing to do with the Trickster thread. No clues/events/etc that affect that will happen here. However you are welcome to join in if you wish.
IC:
(snip)
Ch’otok’s eyebrows raised as he heard that she had been given a birthday present and said, “You always told me that birthdays were for those that needed to be reminded of their self importance. I’m glad that you found someone that was able to give you a present. Tell me Casela, did you two fight? And more importantly, did you win?”

She lets her mind go spreading to the area around them, determining if they are alone. “He surprised me with it.” She explains to him how the man in question is Trill and she knew his previous host. That host knew she’d lost her necklace, the one Jake had made for her. That he had delved into those previous memories until he could recreate it. But had added 3 more stones to it. At Ch’otok’s urging she told him what the three new ones were. “Kenaz for passion, Tiwaz for the fighter. Pertho for beauty,” she lingered over the largest one, “And Lady Freya.” She side-eyed him about fighting. And then sighed, he knew her too well. “Yes, we did.” She didn’t answer the last part, she looked away, blushing furiously. That lack of answer and her soft embarrassment all he needed to know the answer to his question. She did not win, in fact she had lost most decisively.

Ch’otok’s mouth grew into a wide smile, almost that of child, as he saw the blush, the flash of embarrassment, and her face turning away as he knew right then and there. He chuckled a little, “And here I thought I might have had the honor of being the only one to have bested you, this man sounds like he is a worthy bisuv qoch for you, and thoughtful as well.”

She grumbled good naturedly. “Man took all my weapons away and locked them up. Said I didn’t need to walk around armed all the time.” And even here, as Zanya she looked un armed but she wasn’t. She knew the monsters that could lurk in a place like this. But under Ch’otok’s watch it was peaceful. Yarin did a good job and could handle most things, but it was Ch’otok’s vigilance that kept the worst of it away. Like Casela though, he worked quietly and the village only saw him as a farmer. She grinned suddenly, “Told me I was a weapon and didn’t need them.” It had been said to placate her, though it had been said in the heat of an argument. But it was an indication of how Ryder saw all of her.

He took a few more bites of his hasperat and said, “Casela you should know by now I was talking about your pagh not your body. Remember when you would ask me to see if you had anything left? What would I always tell you?” He asked as he gently grasped at her ear, “Your pagh is strong and centered, and you’re a powerful woman who is a benefit to those around her.” Ch’otok let go and smiled at her as it faded from his face a little, “Rutresh was indeed that person, she was a lot like you in many ways. I always thought you would have gotten along well.” he finished his hasperat and looked upon the ruins with a mournful look as he said, “You want to know if it was worth it Casela? You want to know if I would do it again? Let me tell you Casela that is a question I ask myself every day of my continuing life.”

“I know that Ch’otok. And though I have suffered injuries, my pagh has been sick for so long, I’d forgotten what it felt like. She closed her eyes as he grabbed her ear. The words flowing from her as he speaks. “My pagh is strong and centered, and I’m a powerful woman who is a benefit to those around me.” She sat silently and listened. “I wish I could have met her Ch’otok. I wish I had been sent here sooner. That if I had we could have saved Rutresh and Tonja.” She finished the meal and closed the tin setting it on the ground between them, drinking the last of the tea. “He keeps telling me, that everything else ‘it doesn’t matter because we’re strong enough to make it work and it’s worth it, I’m worth it.’ And I want so desperately to believe it’s true, Ch’otok.”

“Casela remember that when I tell you that each step we take on life’s path is one that forms us into who we are. I would not be who I am today had the events of the past not taken place. I walk my path as it shows itself before me as do we all. I know I’ve offered to share some of the home holo tapes I took with Rutresh and Tonja before they were taken and that offer always is there for you if you want to know why I removed the governor’s entrails.” He said as he took a bit of pie, letting his words hang in the air for a little. Casela had told him that she never wanted to make him see them for her sake, and he appreciated that sentiment, but it was the little things like that which were perfect examples of who she really was. After a moment or two longer he replied, “Do you know why people like myself and Ryder tell you these things? Because we see who you are through our own lens. You have for a very long time only been able to look into a mirror and see darkness, but those of us on the outside see you completely, and yes, you and I were never meant to be in that sort of a relationship for long. I cherish those days we spent as I cherish how we have grown together since. Do not throw out this man’s words and sentiments because you fail to see what he sees. Allow him to see for you.”

She didn’t respond to his offer. He knew she would never do it. She would not force those memories on Ch’otok, the heart ache and rage. She had returned to the little hut late, having worked long hours that day helping to build the orphanage, to find Ch’otok in a murderous rage. Instinct and hate having clouded his mind, and there was no one to release that blood lust onto. There had been nothing Casela could do. He had been blooding his fists on a tree, a boulder, the side of the house, anything that was tall enough. She had tried to talk to him, stop him from the crazy behavior. He had shrugged her off, telling her to value her life and get away. She’d tried to mentally knock him onto his backside, but in his rage and heart ache he didn’t even feel it. There had been nothing left to do but let him use her as a target for his sense of helplessness and revenge. The idea had started simply enough: to allow him simply to land hits on her, but it had only enraged him more, that she would let him do that. Until finally she was beating him back, much as T’Jal would taunt her, offering up just enough fight to frustrate her. Making him fight, giving him an opponent that could stand up to him and could stop him if need be. In the end Ch’otok had her dangling above the floor against a wall. Ch’otok was not after her and she trusted him to realize that. The rage had suddenly left him and dropping her he had fallen to the floor in a heap. It was the hardest thing she’d ever watched, to see this proud warrior reduced to empire rending howls of loss. Battered and bruised, they had sat on that floor together at a loss for how to make it better. That night had changed them both and their relationship. Rather than lone wolves traveling together out of necessity they had formed a pack of 2. Brother and sister in arms, angels of death, and family. No, she would never ask him to show her those holovids. She would not release that heart ache on Ch’otok. She would stand by him if he needed to do it, but she would not be the reason he did.

He never did answer, she had asked before and he always thought that it was a question that never needed one. “Casela you tell me your life is dark, yet what was the nickname I had given you during our time together?” He paused for a moment to take a sip of tea before saying, “My bright light, Casela you were then and still are today my bright light. You came to me after the night we dealt with the governor looking for someone to diminish you. You fought with me too, told me I was worthless to you because I had gone soft in seeing the goodness in you. I remind you that at that time we were both shells. I know you don’t like being reminded of those times but I know you, and I know that you found someone who cares about you as you are.” He took another sip of tea, “Please remember bangwl’ that you are who you are because each step we take is important to the journey of our lives. You deserve to be loved for who you are.”

Ch’otok

She laughs quietly. “Oh I remember that night. I said horrible things to you, hoping to insult that Klingon honor of yours, hoping to make you react. I didn’t know then you had embraced the Prophets. You hoped your inaction would push me over the edge and I would send you to your wife and child. We both wanted it all to end. And somewhere along the way we pushed each other to keep going. I didn’t win that fight with you, either.” She looks out over the ruins. “Difference between him and you: he won and then he kissed me. And it turned my world up-side-down, or maybe right-side-up.”

To any outsider Casela’s comment of “he won and then he kissed me” might seem like a jab but to Ch’otok he completely understood what it meant. When they had fought that night, when she had told him, among many other things, that he was “a worthless farmer who was disgraced by the empire so much that he had to hide on a little federation colony far away from the pride he had lost” and he had replied simply with the Bajoran Death Chant for those whom had died by their hands that night. Ch’otok knew that day that a bond had been formed between the two that was unique. “Casela I had hoped you would spill my blood as you hoped I would spill yours. We were incredibly broken people back then and still are today. We had our time, it healed some old wounds and helped each of us to see that the next day might simply be worth trudging on for. I’m pretty sure if I had tried to kiss you that night I would be in the Celestial Temple now.” He said as he chuckled. “The fact that he turned your world upside down Casela is something that should be cherished, even if it does cause great fear.”

She laughed, deep belly laughs. “You’d still end up in the Celestial Temple if you tried it.” Their relationship was beyond things like that. They were close, closer than most people, but they were not, nor had ever been ‘in love.’ They had been lost souls that had supported and guided each other over the years, egging the other on to keep going, and not give in. They had given whatever they had to the other in an effort to save each other. To honor the memories of those they had lost, even when the continued existence was more painful than any method of death could be.

Into the silence came a memory, shared into his head. It’s still painful, she hasn’t improved at all over the years, but she wants Ch’otok to see Ryder the way she does. He called her a bright light, but Ryder seemed to just wade into the darkness and make it disappear around her.

He was right, she knew that, but she didn’t know how to change that. She didn’t know how to respond to fear without becoming angry. It had saved her life and fueled her in horrible situations. Without warning those thoughts flew across the room, clearly into his head. And then....I don’t know how to NOT BE S31! If you know then tell me, because I HATE it. I HATE who I’ve become, I HATE what they made me. And NOW there you are, and I don’t know if there is anything left of ME to give you. Casela closed her eyes, but the tears started anyway. She silently cursed T’Jal and her worthless fairy tales.

Of all the things, Ryder wasn’t ready for that. The Trill let out a yelp of pain as he fell to the floor, his hands clutching his head as her thoughts screamed into his mind. There was no time to have even thought about blocking her words out as he squeezed his eyes shut and his hands clamping over his ears helpless. It felt like agony, pure and unadulterated pain, fear and anger. Finally it shut off but Ryder couldn’t move, she had just invaded his mind with her raw emotions, it was like fireworks burning inside his head, he felt light headed and dizzy. Casela stared in horror of what she’d done. She had heard once that soothing thoughts could be as healing to a mind as her fear, pain, and anger could damage it. She didn’t know how to do that, she’d never learned and no one had offered to show her. She was a monster and a weapon. The thoughts hadn’t been focused to harm so the pain should subside quickly. She stood in front of him, took his hand, “Now you know what I really am, and I would change it, I’d take it back, but I can’t, I don’t know how.” She held the necklace in her open hand, as if offering it, but if he tried she wouldn’t let it go. “I’m none of these things.” She’d be in the brig for this, or Doc Fey would force her into a coma, to protect the crew. Shaking the thoughts and emotions from his mind, something which he was used to having four other people’s memories, thoughts, and emotions running through him he recovered quickly. “You, keep telling yourself that,” He said standing now, blinking several times as his vision came back into focus. “That doesn’t change anything Casela, nothing will. So let’s stop pretending, and pushing at each other and admit what’s happening between us” He bashed the side of his head as if trying to dispel water from his ears. “You just caught me off guard that’s all.” (OOC: Original Post: https://www.star-fleet.com/core/stf1/leviathan/posts/92454/ )

She’s sitting still against the tree, her head laid back against the trunk staring up through the branches. “He takes me exactly as I am and doesn’t even blink. He knows about the scars, about Mad Man. His only comment…that I’m beautiful.” She closes her eyes. “I love him Ch’otok. Totally, deeply, fiercely I love him. But for the same reason I can’t adopt and take Alyssa with me, I can’t bring myself to grab hold and drag him down with me.”
Casela/Zanya

Ch’otok’s left eye twitched as the thoughts were forced into his mind, something that had been done many times in the past and it seemed that Casela was going to be damned if she was going to learn to do it gently. He watched that interaction between the two, one similar to their own past although in those days Casela was far less apologetic about it, and he watched as she blasted this man with her thoughts and he reeled from it but recovered and looked at her saying the last thing the young woman would ever imagine, “that doesn’t change anything Casela”. He truly accepted her, he was an honorable man who took her totally at face value and wanted nothing more than to love her as she was. He blinked a few times and rubbed his temple before saying, “You’d think that after all these years you would at least have learned to soften the blow.” He smiled, a smile that she would know is in good nature as he said, “Casela it seems to me that this man, this Ryder, truly accepts you. I don’t mean accepts the person you show him, but he accepts you. He is right, you are beautiful. I’ve told you that for years but from him? It means something a little different. He doesn’t have the past that we share and yet his words still ring true.” He paused for a few moments before continuing, “That deep fierce love is what you need to drive you, because it sounds like you still think of yourself as an anchor, pulling those attached to the bottom of the sea with you and that it’s a detriment. He has already shown you that he cares, and that he truly cares about you.”

Cobb had said the same thing to her. That Ryder knew what he was doing and that he was strong enough to stop them both from sinking. She didn’t doubt it, but should she....she turned a serious gaze on Ch’otok. “If you knew before hand, what it would be like, the risk she would be taking, would you have made the decision for Rutresh or let her make her own decision? Honestly Ch’otok.” They were both in the business of protecting others and that was a hard concession to make. It wasn’t the same as asking if he would do it all over again. Would he give that control to someone else.

Ch’otok just looked out at the spot where the governor’s mansion once stood. The building they destroyed with the first fireworks display that the village of Caspian had ever seen. He didn’t look in her direction as he let the question hang heavily in the air, the full weight being felt by both. “Casela do you know why I settled here?” He asked as he waved towards the ruins and the land behind it, “I had a wonderful home on Qo’nos in the heart of the capital city. Rutresh wasn’t happy there, she wasn’t someone to live the life of a warrior’s wife and we both knew that. She was a refugee from a war torn planet who had moved to a planet of warriors. It reminded her every waking moment of what she had escaped. To answer your question Casela I have once already let her make that decision. Delotha is not a safe place and my face and name are known to many Cardassians who would have revenge on someone such as himself and his Bajoran wife. We were to move to a planet close to the Cardassian neutral zone that was a hot bed for Maquis activity during the war. She and I went around and around but I knew that I needed to trust her in making the decision to transplant our soon to be family to a new world of peace and harmony. Do you know what that decision cost me Casela?” He asked, fully knowing that she had a very deep understanding of the question. “And if she and I were back at my home on Qo’nos having these conversation again. And I knew what it would involve, would I make it again?” He thought as a tear formed in the corner of his left eye silently, “For the time that we were here raising Tonja it was the happiest that Rutresh had ever been. The end of their lives was something that drove me to commit heinous acts, showing you and the rest of Caspian what I am capable of. But that was but a brief time in their lives, and I would want them to be happy for the time they had, than live a miserable but safe life, jumping at every turn. as Rutresh is reminded of the occupation and Tonja is constantly wondering why her mother is never at ease.”

He sat there looking at Casela, the wonderful woman that she was as he said softly, “Let me ask you one more time Casela. Let me take that old Bird of Prey and find out of Mad Man is truly gone. I know it’s risky, I know I could meet my end, but I would do that for you and more to make sure that you can have what you so truly deserve. Perhaps even then you can even let the man who doesn’t blink into your life.” He wanted to mention Alyssa, he wanted her to know that deep down under her loathing teenage exterior was that little girl who wanted to be loved. But it was one step at a time.

Ch’otok

At the mention of Mad Man she looked away, haunted, always haunted. As a counselor she often wondered why. She, and she alone, had gotten herself out of his grasp, had snatched her freedom from the jaws of the demon. No back up team, no rescue, no pity. Casela, and Casela alone had fought her way out and to freedom and back to safety. It was something that T’Jal and Ch’otok had told her repeatedly to carry pride in. But the mere mention of the man had her freezing in place like a rabbit that suddenly hopped out of hiding and into the wolf’s waiting mouth. She picked up a stick, tracing idlily into the dirt. “I would never ask that of you Ch’otok. But,” she sighs. “I have received reports that he’s looking for me. After all this time I can’t imagine it’s just stories. He’s offered a reward for me, Casela Synthi-er, to be alive and brought to him. I can’t believe that at this point, 13 years later, after absolute silence, that there isn’t some truth to it. I don’t like leaving my problems for others to solve.” She stops drawing and begins to snap the stick into smaller and smaller pieces. “And there is no way I can get away, alone, to do it.” She nods towards the direction of the village. “I couldn’t even get here without all of them.” Though she’d been able to pick who she wanted, she’d known Cobb would never let her wander off alone. “I can not ask this of you, and I can’t refuse your offer either.”

“I know you would never ask, and that is why I offer. Consider it done, the price I ask is that you set off the fireworks this year in the village.” He said with a smile, patting his old friend on the shoulder. “Consider it not that you are leaving your problem for me to solve as I distinctly remember you once telling me during a diplomatic mission that ‘I have the tact of a Targ, the manners of an Andorian Frost Lilly, and the subtlety of a Vulcan during Pon Farr’ and as such I don’t plan on infiltrating or trying to sus out the reasons or motivations. I will do as much fact finding as I can, and I will report to you what I know.”

“As for Alyssa, I know. I love her and I’m not angry at her. But even if I could convince my captain to let me have a child on board, what would that do to her to find the woman she loves so dearly is nothing more than a fictional figment of someone’s mind? And not to mention to throw a ready made family at Ryder. And no I’ve not discussed it with him, what’s to discuss. I can’t do anything about it.”
Casela Synthi-er/Zanya

Ch’otok simply nodded at the comments about Alyssa, that was far from his business and he wasn’t one to impose when it was clearly out of his league.

Ch’otok