Posted by Lieutenant Casela Synthi-er (Counsellor / RTF) in The Pied Piper

Posted by Lazol (Chief Science Officer) in The Pied Piper

OOC: Trickster folks. This takes place on Delotha but has nothing to do with the Trickster thread. No clues/events/etc that affect that will happen here. However you are welcome to join in if you wish.
IC:
(snip)
Zanya walked around the back of the house and through the back gate. So easy was it to follow that path from 12 years ago. The orphanage wasn’t here then. But how quickly it had been built. The signs of fires, heads on pikes, blood, and fear were gone. Only those who had been there that night, those that had lived it would see the signs. The crack in the wall of the last house on the northside from the heat that cracked the stone. The rain barrel that covered the spot where she and Ch’otok had set a warning for those that had betrayed the village. The memories, so close after her encounter with Alyssa reminded her of what this place used to be. And it never ceased to amaze her how the village had remade itself. She continued to wander, out of the village and following the path towards the mansion, but 3 kilometers from it she took an old, what could only be described as a deer path. She followed it, her shoes making no sound in the leaves, dirt, and sticks. Until she settled into a blind, still natural and still of great use. It gave a great advantage to watch the mansion. It was here that she and Ch’otok had planned the destruction of an evil man. They had no idea, that night, how far it really went. Back then she was too broken to care of the ethics or morals of what she did. It was all black and white, and she defended the good, the white with all the blackness in her being. Was she so really different now? She didn’t think so.
Casela Synthi-er/Zanya

Ch’otok made his trek to that exact spot once a week, Thursday evenings he took a small tin with him containing hasperat, a slice of tuwaly pie, and a thermos with moba tea. The meal represented his wife’s wholesome but spicy nature, the pie represented his daughter’s sweetness, and the tea was always warm to remind him that they were still with him. He would often say a prayer to the Prophets while he was there eating in the quiet as he thought of how they were better off in the Celestial Temple. The Klingon man knew that an old friend was on the planet and had been tracking her team with his ship’s sensors. The Opaka was an old D12 class Bird of Pray that he had acquired and kept cloaked, only using it when he needed to, but it did allow him a sense of foresight into what was around the village. He was preparing his meal when he checked the screen displaying the life signs in the village and one that happened to be headed down the path. They had an interesting relationship these days, and normally Ch’otok wouldn’t impose himself on Casela but there was something different this time, she had never headed down this path except on her own, and he simply nodded and packed a second tin of food and thermos of tea.

He walked down the path, uttering small prayers to the Prophets as walked along slowly. The man was older, in his 60’s to be sure, but you couldn’t tell that by his appearance or prowess. It did mean though that every step took just a little longer than they used to. He approached the clearing and said softly, “Casela it’s good to see you, please, sit with me and eat.”

Ch’otok

Casela had heard him coming up the path, more like felt him. After all these years his presence registered like warm blanket wrapping around her. It was Thursday and that meant that Ch’otok was coming to honor is wife and daughter. Casela had never accompanied him here, unless he asked. It was a private matter and one she respected. But today she’d found herself coming to ponder life’s mysteries, as it were. Away from the children, away from the village, away from-her family. She stood as he approached, turning to watch him. Pink hair bouncing in curls that weren’t really hers, and purple eyes shinning in welcome, as always she’s Zanya, but he knows. He knows Casela and all that that means. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. Still proud, still strong, and still so at peace. He hadn’t been at peace those first few years, but he had found it, when she had not. The steadfast presence before her…a safe haven she had never thought to be replaced until....until Ryder.

The combined smell of hasperat, tuwaly pie, and moba tea brought back so many memories. “Nuq’nuh bangwl’.” She embraced him swiftly and tightly. After a lingering moment she pulled back. “I am honored to join you.” She sat in the clearing. Much as they had 12 years go, watching and listening, plotting and planning revenge and dark justice. Her back to a tree, one leg stretched out, the other bent arms resting across it. Eyes still ever watchful, but not as dead as they used to be. “I was glad to hear that your crops were doing well this year. The rest of the village is not having as much success.” She looks at him a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “I’m glad you are still here, Ch’otok.”
Casela Synthi-er/Zanya

Ch’otok’s face grew into a smile as he said, “Nuq’nuh bangwl’” as Casela embraced him he held her tightly, a joy being brought to his face that hadn’t been there in a long time. As she moved back he handed her the tin, her tin, a soft blue that she had always used in their time together as he looked her over. “You’re looking healthy Casela, and… is that… no, that’s not the old necklace, you got a new one? It looks lovely.” He said as he sat down on the soil, looking over the mansion as flashes of the past flared up. He blinked a few times and turned to Casela as he said, “They are doing well and I’m doing what I can to help supply the village. Karra and I were talking about Vetad learning the trade and having me teach him about the skills needed for agriculture.” He took a bite of hasperat and said, “You know I’ll always be here, for the village and for you. And you have a calm about you I have never seen, tell me.”

Ch’otok

She took the tin, smiling softly, a sense of coming home to family after many years away washing over her. She glanced down at the necklace and touched it softly, it was obviously a habit she had developed. “It…” she smiles, glances at Ch’lotok, and away, blushing slightly. “It was a birthday present.” She never celebrates her birthday. She laughs, ruefully, at his suggestion that she looks healthy. “After the last few months, I’m lucky I’m alive. I’ve not been well, and I haven’t been this injured since....” and she waves a hand over herself in indication of the hidden scars there. She is silent while she eats at the hasperat. She smiles, “no one makes this quite like you, Ch’otok.” She sips at the tea and sighs content for the moment. “You don’t miss much do you?” she grins and looks out over the ruins of the mansion. Once Karra and the children were out, they’d wired and rigged and plotted, and then blown it to the impressive pile of dust it was now. They had returned here to this spot and watched the world go up in flames around that building. “Do you remember once, that you told me that ‘Freedom is not found in a place, but in a person.’ That Rutresh was that person for you.” She glances at him, touching the necklace again. “That was written on the box that this came in.” She takes the time to take another bite. “I didn’t think there was such a person for me. I was wrong. But…” she looks at him, sad. “Was it worth, Ch’otok? Knowing what happened to them, was it still worth it?” If Ch’otok hadn’t met Rutresh and married her, they would not have come here and the fate they had faced would not have happened. “My life is so dark, how do I do that to another person?”
Casela/Zanya

Ch’otok’s eyebrows raised as he heard that she had been given a birthday present and said, “You always told me that birthdays were for those that needed to be reminded of their self importance. I’m glad that you found someone that was able to give you a present. Tell me Casela, did you two fight? And more importantly, did you win?”

She lets her mind go spreading to the area around them, determining if they are alone. “He surprised me with it.” She explains to him how the man in question is Trill and she knew his previous host. That host knew she’d lost her necklace, the one Jake had made for her. That he had delved into those previous memories until he could recreate it. But had added 3 more stones to it. At Ch’otok’s urging she told him what the three new ones were. “Kenaz for passion, Tiwaz for the fighter. Pertho for beauty,” she lingered over the largest one, “And Lady Freya.” She side-eyed him about fighting. And then sighed, he knew her too well. “Yes, we did.” She didn’t answer the last part, she looked away, blushing furiously. That lack of answer and her soft embarrassment all he needed to know the answer to his question. She did not win, in fact she had lost most decisively.

Ch’otok’s mouth grew into a wide smile, almost that of child, as he saw the blush, the flash of embarrassment, and her face turning away as he knew right then and there. He chuckled a little, “And here I thought I might have had the honor of being the only one to have bested you, this man sounds like he is a worthy bisuv qoch for you, and thoughtful as well.”

He took a few more bites of his hasperat and said, “Casela you should know by now I was talking about your pagh not your body. Remember when you would ask me to see if you had anything left? What would I always tell you?” He asked as he gently grasped at her ear, “Your pagh is strong and centered, and you’re a powerful woman who is a benefit to those around her.” Ch’otok let go and smiled at her as it faded from his face a little, “Rutresh was indeed that person, she was a lot like you in many ways. I always thought you would have gotten along well.” he finished his hasperat and looked upon the ruins with a mournful look as he said, “You want to know if it was worth it Casela? You want to know if I would do it again? Let me tell you Casela that is a question I ask myself every day of my continuing life.”

“I know that Ch’otok. And though I have suffered injuries, my pagh has been sick for so long, I’d forgotten what it felt like. She closed her eyes as he grabbed her ear. The words flowing from her as he speaks. “My pagh is strong and centered, and I’m a powerful woman who is a benefit to those around me.” She sat silently and listened. “I wish I could have met her Ch’otok. I wish I had been sent here sooner. That if I had we could have saved Rutresh and Tonja.” She finished the meal and closed the tin setting it on the ground between them, drinking the last of the tea. “He keeps telling me, that everything else ‘it doesn’t matter because we’re strong enough to make it work and it’s worth it, I’m worth it.’ And I want so desperately to believe it’s true, Ch’otok.”

“Casela remember that when I tell you that each step we take on life’s path is one that forms us into who we are. I would not be who I am today had the events of the past not taken place. I walk my path as it shows itself before me as do we all. I know I’ve offered to share some of the home holo tapes I took with Rutresh and Tonja before they were taken and that offer always is there for you if you want to know why I removed the governor’s entrails.” He said as he took a bit of pie, letting his words hang in the air for a little. Casela had told him that she never wanted to make him see them for her sake, and he appreciated that sentiment, but it was the little things like that which were perfect examples of who she really was. After a moment or two longer he replied, “Do you know why people like myself and Ryder tell you these things? Because we see who you are through our own lens. You have for a very long time only been able to look into a mirror and see darkness, but those of us on the outside see you completely, and yes, you and I were never meant to be in that sort of a relationship for long. I cherish those days we spent as I cherish how we have grown together since. Do not throw out this man’s words and sentiments because you fail to see what he sees. Allow him to see for you.”

He never did answer, she had asked before and he always thought that it was a question that never needed one. “Casela you tell me your life is dark, yet what was the nickname I had given you during our time together?” He paused for a moment to take a sip of tea before saying, “My bright light, Casela you were then and still are today my bright light. You came to me after the night we dealt with the governor looking for someone to diminish you. You fought with me too, told me I was worthless to you because I had gone soft in seeing the goodness in you. I remind you that at that time we were both shells. I know you don’t like being reminded of those times but I know you, and I know that you found someone who cares about you as you are.” He took another sip of tea, “Please remember bangwl’ that you are who you are because each step we take is important to the journey of our lives. You deserve to be loved for who you are.”

Ch’otok

She laughs quietly. “Oh I remember that night. I said horrible things to you, hoping to insult that Klingon honor of yours, hoping to make you react. I didn’t know then you had embraced the Prophets. You hoped your inaction would push me over the edge and I would send you to your wife and child. We both wanted it all to end. And somewhere along the way we pushed each other to keep going. I didn’t win that fight with you, either.” She looks out over the ruins. “Difference between him and you: he won and then he kissed me. And it turned my world up-side-down, or maybe right-side-up.”

To any outsider Casela’s comment of “he won and then he kissed me” might seem like a jab but to Ch’otok he completely understood what it meant. When they had fought that night, when she had told him, among many other things, that he was “a worthless farmer who was disgraced by the empire so much that he had to hide on a little federation colony far away from the pride he had lost” and he had replied simply with the Bajoran Death Chant for those whom had died by their hands that night. Ch’otok knew that day that a bond had been formed between the two that was unique. “Casela I had hoped you would spill my blood as you hoped I would spill yours. We were incredibly broken people back then and still are today. We had our time, it healed some old wounds and helped each of us to see that the next day might simply be worth trudging on for. I’m pretty sure if I had tried to kiss you that night I would be in the Celestial Temple now.” He said as he chuckled. “The fact that he turned your world upside down Casela is something that should be cherished, even if it does cause great fear.”

Into the silence came a memory, shared into his head. It’s still painful, she hasn’t imporved at all over the years, but she wants Ch’otok to see Ryder the way she does. He called her a bright light, but Ryder seemed to just wade into the darkness and make it disappear around her.

He was right, she knew that, but she didn’t know how to change that. She didn’t know how to respond to fear without becoming angry. It had saved her life and fueled her in horrible situations. Without warning those thoughts flew across the room, clearly into his head. And then....I don’t know how to NOT BE S31! If you know then tell me, because I HATE it. I HATE who I’ve become, I HATE what they made me. And NOW there you are, and I don’t know if there is anything left of ME to give you. Casela closed her eyes, but the tears started anyway. She silently cursed T’Jal and her worthless fairy tales.

Of all the things, Ryder wasn’t ready for that. The Trill let out a yelp of pain as he fell to the floor, his hands clutching his head as her thoughts screamed into his mind. There was no time to have even thought about blocking her words out as he squeezed his eyes shut and his hands clamping over his ears helpless. It felt like agony, pure and unadulterated pain, fear and anger. Finally it shut off but Ryder couldn’t move, she had just invaded his mind with her raw emotions, it was like fireworks burning inside his head, he felt light headed and dizzy. Casela stared in horror of what she’d done. She had heard once that soothing thoughts could be as healing to a mind as her fear, pain, and anger could damage it. She didn’t know how to do that, she’d never learned and no one had offered to show her. She was a monster and a weapon. The thoughts hadn’t been focused to harm so the pain should subside quickly. She stood in front of him, took his hand, “Now you know what I really am, and I would change it, I’d take it back, but I can’t, I don’t know how.” She held the necklace in her open hand, as if offering it, but if he tried she wouldn’t let it go. “I’m none of these things.” She’d be in the brig for this, or Doc Fey would force her into a coma, to protect the crew. Shaking the thoughts and emotions from his mind, something which he was used to having four other people’s memories, thoughts, and emotions running through him he recovered quickly. “You, keep telling yourself that,” He said standing now, blinking several times as his vision came back into focus. “That doesn’t change anything Casela, nothing will. So let’s stop pretending, and pushing at each other and admit what’s happening between us” He bashed the side of his head as if trying to dispel water from his ears. “You just caught me off guard that’s all.” (OOC: Original Post: https://www.star-fleet.com/core/stf1/leviathan/posts/92454/ )

She’s sitting still against the tree, her head laid back against the trunk staring up through the branches. “He takes me exactly as I am and doesn’t even blink. He knows about the scars, about Mad Man. His only comment…that I’m beautiful.” She closes her eyes. “I love him Ch’otok. Totally, deeply, fiercely I love him. But for the same reason I can’t adopt and take Alyssa with me, I can’t bring myself to grab hold and drag him down with me.”
Casela/Zanya

Ch’otok’s left eye twitched as the thoughts were forced into his mind, something that had been done many times in the past and it seemed that Casela was going to be damned if she was going to learn to do it gently. He watched that interaction between the two, one similar to their own past although in those days Casela was far less apologetic about it, and he watched as she blasted this man with her thoughts and he reeled from it but recovered and looked at her saying the last thing the young woman would ever imagine, “that doesn’t change anything Casela”. He truly accepted her, he was an honorable man who took her totally at face value and wanted nothing more than to love her as she was. He blinked a few times and rubbed his temple before saying, “You’d think that after all these years you would at least have learned to soften the blow.” He smiled, a smile that she would know is in good nature as he said, “Casela it seems to me that this man, this Ryder, truly accepts you. I don’t mean accepts the person you show him, but he accepts you. He is right, you are beautiful. I’ve told you that for years but from him? It means something a little different. He doesn’t have the past that we share and yet his words still ring true.” He paused for a few moments before continuing, “That deep fierce love is what you need to drive you, because it sounds like you still think of yourself as an anchor, pulling those attached to the bottom of the sea with you and that it’s a detriment. He has already shown you that he cares, and that he truly cares about you.”

He sat there looking at Casela, the wonderful woman that she was as he said softly, “Let me ask you one more time Casela. Let me take that old Bird of Prey and find out of Mad Man is truly gone. I know it’s risky, I know I could meet my end, but I would do that for you and more to make sure that you can have what you so truly deserve. Perhaps even then you can even let the man who doesn’t blink into your life.” He wanted to mention Alyssa, he wanted her to know that deep down under her loathing teenage exterior was that little girl who wanted to be loved. But it was one step at a time.

Ch’otok