Posted by Lieutenant Commander Ryder Raauhl (Executive Officer) in Late night questions - Casela’s Quarters

(snip)

Ryder wasn’t going to question her about the small item she had moved from under her pillow, atleast not straight away. He removed some of his clothes so that he was down to just his undergarments, and folded them before putting them to one side. He stood looking to Casela waiting for her to get into bed, he had noticed how she wanted to enter the room first and wondered if that was just her thing.

• Commander Raauhl, XO

It wasn’t her thing exactly. Another reason to not drink. She was hearing thoughts that she shouldn’t be. Although she had entered the bedroom briefly early in the evening, she hadn’t been sitting where she could watch this room as well. As Ryder had led her toward the bedroom she realized she didn’t know if the room was clear. If someone or something was waiting in that room, it would get her before it got to Ryder.

That was the same reason she had approached the bed on the side closest to the door. Gently making Ryder choose the far side. If anything came through the door, she would be between it and Ryder. That was why she crossed the room to put the small device in a drawer, it let her scan the room, and make sure. She had told him that she didn’t want the hell that was her life to touch him. She would do her best to make sure it didn’t. She didn’t think Shadow man would come for her tonight, but that was no excuse to become lazy and no vigilant.

She was wearing what she slept in, but she wished at that moment the shirt was longer. She’d willingly shown Ryder the scars, having expected him to be disgusted like everyone else, too disturbed by the thought of how she got them, but he hadn’t been. A longer shirt though would keep them covered no matter how she moved. She barely managed to ignore them herself most of the time. She’d never really felt with it or come to terms…she sighed to herself. Being drunk was making her introspective.

Realizing Ryder was standing there waiting for her, she laid down, between him and the door. Absently tugged her shirt into place. “You know, sleep works better if you lay down.”

Lt. Synthi-er, CNS

“Right of course,” He said chuckling having been distracted as he watched Casela, he pulled back the covers and took the spot that was free, she clearly wanted to be near the door which made sense given her background. As long as Ryder’s feet were towards the door so he could see it he was happy. The bed was large enough for two people, the luxuries of being an officer aboard a ship as large as the Leviathan. “Comfy” he said though the bed was no different to his own.

• Lt Cmdr. Raauhl, XO

Casela shrugged at his remark that the bed was ‘comfy.’ Such things didn’t really occur to her. Not often anyway. She could sleep here just as well on wet ground. If had to rest, you rested where ever you could find safe spot to do so. The bed on a star ship should be comfortable. If it wasn’t, she’d probably notice because it would be out of place. A bed was a luxury that she appreciated whenever she had the chance to use it. Another thing she would probably end up taking for granted while assigned to Leviathan. She smiled a little though, “It’s about the same as your bed.”

Laying flat was making the room spin, not as much as she was expecting and not nearly as badly as she deserved. She stared at a spot on the ceiling taking slow deep breaths forcing the room to be still. She didn’t say a word. She didn’t want pity and she knew she wouldn’t get any from Ryder. She liked that about him. He didn’t put up with nonsense. They were similar that way, until tonight. Tonight had been nothing but nonsense and self pity, and she loathed herself for it, deep soul rending loathing. Where was this going anyway? How many times had he told her they needed to talk? That they were going to talk? And she agreed. They really didn’t know a lot about each other. Or maybe they did, if she stopped to think about it. But his “we need to talks’ always turned into him posing a question and then when she tried to answer to delve into the issue he told her some version of ‘trust him’ and then left, or if they happened to be off duty, he went to sleep. She tried to explain to him, once, what her life had been like, what it still was, and he insisted it was in the past. She’d shown him the scars and still he insisted it was the past. It wasn’t for her though. There was unfinished business there that she would have to deal with before it would be past. She reached to her side rubbing a scar just above her waist line; one of the bigger ones that had never healed properly.

He’d been silent for several minutes, so maybe he was asleep. She didn’t look to see though. She quietly pushed herself up to sitting because her mind would not shut off. Ryder told her he could help in ways she couldn’t imagine. She could imagine a whole lot. But she’d never read his file, so everything was up for imagination. She wanted to ask him, how he could help. What could he do? She wanted to know. She wanted, gods help her, she wanted to know the shadow wouldn’t get her. Blind faith was something she just couldn’t do, and maybe that’s what he wanted from her. But blind faith had gotten her these scars. She glanced over at him to see if he was actually getting his ‘beauty sleep’ or not.
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS

Ryder was of course awake, how could he not be with all her fidgeting and he didn’t need to be a telepath to know her mind wasn’t turning off. “You know, the idea of a bed is to genuinely sleep in it. But I fear you trying to do a full. Body workout which quite frankly rather disturbing. What’s on your mind Cas.” He asked looking up at her from his laying position.

• Lieutenant Commander Ryder Rauuhl

She stilled her fidgeting, not having been aware she was even doing it. She shrugged, “I have trouble sleeping with someone in the room, you know that.” The night she’d hidden out in his room, on her birthday, she’d laid awake the whole night. She ignored the comment about doing a full body workout. That would be absurd to attempt to do in bed. She glanced down at his face, “How Ryder? You tell me you can help in more ways than I can imagine. That’s vague and broad. How are you going to make the shadow leave me alone? By telling me it’s part of my past? It doesn’t work that way, no matter how much we might want it to be.” She leans her head back staring at the ceiling again. “I don’t have the luxury of blind faith. I did that once, and it almost cost me my life.” She wants out, and there is no way to really ever get out. And she knows that Ryder and the captain think she’s jumping at insubstantial shadows, and she knows she’s not. “I would really like a way out of this.”

Lt. Casela Synthi-er

“It’s not blind faith Casela, it’s logic.” He sat up next to her, “I have no doubt this person is extremely good at their job in finding people but we’re in an organisation shrouded be secrets, we’re in a task force where we don’t even know how many ships or even the names and whereabouts of those ships. If that doesn’t stop him then the sophisticated detection equipment externally and internally will notify us of an intruder and finally the people who operate that equipment are some of the finest officers I’ve ever worked with, an odd bunch with issues for sure but I would happily say that our greater collective is better and stronger than this one sole person. I have faith in this ship, in me and in you that when the time, if the time comes we will be able to deter such a threat now and in the future.”

• LtCmdr Raauhl, XO

Her head was too muddled for this conversation, but she’d started it. “That logic only works if the crew actually works together. And while I agree that individually and in small units the crew is impressive it remains to be seen whether, when the time comes they will work together, or allow failure just to prove they are better.” Her fingers trace the runes on her necklace absently. Her experiences haven’t lent to her being able to trust that a team would come together when necessary. A situation that forced her into choosing to work alone so often. Her next question probably sounded hot headed and sarcastic, but it wasn’t meant that way. In her alcohol induced state she wanted to be able to have the kind of faith Ryder did, rather than only relying on herself. “What have you done that makes you so sure you’re prepared for this?”
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS