Posted by Lieutenant Commander Katie Nunn (Counselor) in Counselor’s Office – Molly Holloway

Posted by Captain Molly Holloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Counselor’s Office – Molly Holloway

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Katie Nunn (Counselor) in Counselor’s Office – Molly Holloway
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

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“I understand.” Were the only words out of the Intel officer’s lips at the prospect of having the higher settings of her training program barred. Her expression was neutral. She wasn’t exactly happy with the idea, but she understood it was for her own good. Not to mention, hiding her emotions was Molly’s specialty.

And then, Nunn expressed the wish of visiting her program herself. Fear filled Holloway’s eyes for a split second as her gaze met the counselor’s. Molly shifted slightly in her seat. The only counselor to ever visit it had been Ashton… and Molly had taken him there out of her own free will. At the time she hadn’t fathomed the events that would unfold that evening, eventually culminating in their informal engagement.

“Of course.” Molly stated almost automatically. She wasn’t sure if Nunn’s statement had been out of sheer curiosity or, if as a counselor, she was interested in observing her training routine. If it was the former, she didn’t want to seem impolite. If it was the latter, Molly didn’t want a shrink psychoanalysing aspects of her life she had kept to herself all these years. Regardless of the case, she needed to steer Nunn’s curiosity away from her holodeck training. “Although… I’m not sure it would be of any use to you, Commander…” She said with a polite smile. “But I can certainly take you there one of these days.” Maybe if she seemed available, Nunn would think there was nothing there for Molly to hide.

Capt. Holloway, CIO

Katie watched the iron doors to Holloway slam shut despite the progress they had made previously and sighed to herself. She knew that it was always one step forward and two steps back, but that didn’t make it any less discouraging when you hit the two steps back part of the program. Returning the polite smile, although there was a twinge of something more behind it, she observed, “you would be surprised, Captain.” Deciding that they had made enough progress for one session, she continued on before Holloway could ask any questions regarding her interest in the program. “Is there anything else that you would like to discuss today or should we plan to meet in a few days on the holodeck?” she asked, her tone softening slightly.

Lt Cmdr Nunn, CNS

For a moment, panic returned to Molly’s gaze. She didn’t know what to say. No, they couldn’t. They couldn’t meet in a few days on the holodeck. Glancing at the door, she thought maybe if she made a run for it, she didn’t have to reply to Nunn.

“I don’t–” The words left Holloway’s mouth abruptly. There was a visible fight inside of her. “I can’t—“ She shook her head and sighed. She really didn’t want the Counselor to visit her program. Slumping her shoulders forward, Molly finally said. “I’ve been having nightmares, Commander. I can’t sleep… I can’t…” She sighed again. “I went to the holodeck that morning because I needed to make sure that I was still alive… that I was awake… that…” She paused, trembling, as tears slowly rimmed her eyes. “… I almost lost him, but in my sleep I see him die over and over again. And I can’t! I can’t take it anymore!” With a swift move, Molly wiped her eyes embarrassedly. Sniffing but trying to hide the emotions now threatening to come to the surface she didn’t make eye contact when she asked in an almost pleading tone. “Can you make them stop?”

Capt. Holloway, CIO

With her extensive experience working with victims, Katie caught the flash of panic on Holloway’s face and filed it away as an interesting detail. She was beginning to get the feeling that Holloway didn’t want to show her the holodeck program, which raised a whole host of issues in her mind. Perhaps the safety setting was the least of the problem with what was going on here. She watched the CIO expectantly as she worked through her internal and verbal battle, wondering briefly if she was branching into the information about the nightmares to distract her from her interest in the holodeck program. The tears did seem genuine, however, and in a practiced move, she produced a tissue from a cleverly hidden box and bent forward to give it to Holloway. She gently squeezed the CIO’s knee, feeling that much physical contact would not be well-received but wanting to give her some sort of physical connection in her emotional distress.

With a soft grateful smile, Molly took the tissue and wiped her eyes, clearly ashamed of her meltdown. The touch was not intrusive and it made Holloway almost feel… comfortable? Even after eighteen years, physical touch was an issue. But it was usually on the places her father had hurt her, or that in some way breached her own personal space. There hadn’t been many that Molly had felt comfortable enough to let her guard down, but it was clear that Nunn knew what she was doing.

“There are many treatment options to handle nightmares,” Katie answered firmly, knowing that half the battle sometimes was letting patients know that they wouldn’t be suffering forever. “Many of the ones from my standpoint are more long term options, so I’d recommend medical treatment in the meantime to ensure that you’re getting the rest you need to perform your duties. It’s also much easier to work on those long term options when you’ve had some sleep.” She added a soft grin to her last statement. “Is medication something you would be willing to consider?”

Lt Cmdr Nunn, CNS

“Yes.” There was no mistake in her tone. “I’ve tried… everything… physical and mentally exerting myself during the day… I promise you, Commander… I know what you’re probably thinking but… I don’t have a death wish… killing myself was never a thought that even occurred to me. With the exception of a few hiccups, my life is better now than it was many years ago… I… I even did something I never thought I’d do…” She smiled softly. “I changed my last name back to what it was when I was born… Not to mention… I have a terrific relationship with a man I truly love. But…” Holloway shook her head. “All it took was almost seeing him die at my hands…” Molly took the tissue back to her eyes before taking a deep breath. “… and every night when I close my eyes I see him dying all over again.”

“I’ve been angry with the world for a long time… starting by how my dad treated me and my sister as a child, culminating with what I told you about my command being taken away from me. The mission to Beta Prime seems to have been the last drop… and I feel that the nightmares might be just the tip of the iceberg.” Pausing for a moment, took another deep breath, as if she was about to say something embarrassing or humiliating. “Let’s say I do take something for the nightmares. I’ve been seeing counselors since I was ten. Most of them I saw because I was told to. I never thought I needed the help. But… for the first time I’ve been feeling like I do need it and I have no one to reach out to…” Looking straight into Nunn’s eyes, Molly took a last deep breath. “Commander… I don’t know what is wrong with me… Do you think you’d be able to help me? And if so… what can I do?” With a soft smile, Holloway added. “I’ll even show you my Holodeck program if you really want to see it.”

Capt. Holloway, CIO

Katie listened patiently as Holloway worked through her emotions surrounding the turmoil in her life and the nightmares. She carefully kept her face neutral and calm and her eyes resting gently on Holloway. Once she finished, she adopted her firm smile once again and, having had some success touching the woman’s knee before, reached out to hold her hand softly.

Molly didn’t hold the CNS’s hand back, but she also didn’t move hers. Instead she let it lay limply in the Counselor’s grip.

“Captain, you’re already ahead of the game: you know you’re angry with the world and that it’s not completely justified. We can get you through this, I promise,” she summarized, her gaze holding Holloway’s. “I’m not going to promise that you will never have another nightmare again or that a traumatic event may not stir up past memories, but we’ll work through it, starting with getting you some sleep. After that, well, I’m trained in many tools like therapeutic hypnosis. You aren’t even my angriest patient yet.” She said the last part with a small laugh designed to put the CIO at ease.

Lt Cmdr Nunn, CNS

“Of course.” A soft smile crossed Molly’s features. “You must have really angry patients then.” She said shyly, wondering how could someone potentially be angrier than her. At least she wouldn’t trash the place… However, Nunn’s words gave her some hope, and the emotion was visible in the Intel officer’s features. “What is exactly therapeutic hypnosis? And where do you recommend we go from here? Medication-wise and… therapy-wise.” The words left her lips as if she was still ashamed of saying them out loud.

Capt. Holloway, CIO