Snip

“Captain isn’t a popularity contest.” He said bluntly. “Your job is to be fair and make the best decisions you can. If it make you any happier, I’m not the most popular officer on board either. I think the difference is I don’t really care.”

Kelly had broken the damn and not it was impossible to hold back all the water. “The command staff all want me to show them grace and empathy when they come to me with whatever issue they are facing but obviously that is only one-sided. I guess I made the mistake of thinking I was more to some than just a commanding officer. Tough pill to swallow but,” she picked up the glass and symbolically took a sip before setting it on the arm of her chair, “it’s down and so is my expectations of how I thought it might go down.”

Kelly Bordeaux CO

“That is unfortunately true as well. Nobody gives a damn how this is affecting you. Your the captain, you are just another part of the ship, like the engines, or the holodeck and for most of them if you can’t give them what they want when they want it you are doing a bad job. ”

“I’ve seen friendly captains, hostile captains, everything is a group decision, or tyrants. You know some of these are more popular than others. But what is most true, is the most successful Captains are the one’s that are true to themselves… with a little bit of tweaking.”

“Tweaking,” she let out a laugh. “Come on Heathcliff you know I am perfect.” The comment was meant as sarcastic which Rinker would understand. He would also see it for what it as worth: using humor to deflect an uncomfortable truth.

“Sarcasm aside, intentional lack of introspection is against the rules of our drink therapy session.” He said flatly. Rinker was mostly a light hearted therapist, but that concealed a no nonsense operator. He didn’t much enjoy patients ‘screwing around’ with him. “I’m not opposed to confiscating your beverage.”

“It is common for individuals to only see their point of view. That’s the same for captains… that is the little tweak we all need. Everyone in this universe has the same amounts of stress, and thoughts you do. Its hard to remember it.”

Rinker

“I am just so triffing mad. Like out of my mind angry and it is so hard to act like I am not.” Kelly was finding it hard to be as calm as Rinker was right now. “And it is not with Ian. It’s not even with Jessa. How can I find fault with her? From the reports I have read and talking to Ian, Jessa has been raised in a religious theocracy with strong Nazi like characteristics. I know we should not judge other races and cultures but come on,” Kelly’s voice held anger in it. “There is a reason we don’t treat children like adults because they are not. Jessa is a child. I am not saying she isn’t dangerous,” Kelly held up her hands as if deflecting a verbal assault or the potential for one, “but she is a child and she is our child.”

“Well it’s nice that you figured out what it isn’t. It might be a start to really figure out what you are mad at. I doubt all this angst is due to a distant totalitarian regime. We have a dozen of them in our own galaxy as opposed to this one. I think you need to get a little more specific… and genetically she, seems to be but there are a million trick and mysteries in the universe. I’m not certain you can say she’s your daughter. It is more likely she is a daughter of a version of you. I would think you would remember if you had given birth.”

“She is not my genetic match. Hell if they were trying to pull that wool over our eyes we could state it for a fact about her parentage. The genetic tests all point to Ian and some other woman. Bria Novar,” Kelly corrected herself.

Rinker raised an eyebrow. He didn’t remember that detail. Perhaps she was having some projection related to cheating. Kelly wouldn’t be the first woman who was mad at her husband for cheating on her in a dream. In this case she would be mad at her husband for having an alternate dimension relationship.

“Yes, Ian is the baby daddy.” The tone in Kelly’s voice indicated she was less than thrilled about the information. “Well in some cosmic form.”

“Oh, we are using the term ‘baby daddy’” He was never a fan of the term. “Well that has to be super challenging.” If they were in a court room the defense would jump up with and objection that the question was leading.

This was not a bad dream anymore but a reality and using the names of people was a simple trick to reinforce reality. “The woman was named Bria Novar. Ian has identified her. As much as I don’t want this all to be real, when the Marines raided their ship, we collected those pictures that were passed around in the conference room. Ian made the connection. She was a free spirit,” Kelly air quoted the word slightly rolling her eyes, “he met the summer he graduated from the academy. The timeline between when they were together and Jessa’s general age match. The main issue is the logistics of it all. If we go with Jessa’s story then Bria hopped a ship for a summer fling in a galaxy almost 2 billion miles away? I mean that is one helluva booty call.” The wrinkle on Kelly’s forehead showed that she held little faith in this suggestion. “If we pick and choose parts of Jessa’s story it makes more sense from a hypothesis standpoint. Bria was involved in something where she was running away then Ian was a pleasant distraction however she got pregnant. She didn’t want the attention so she took off, had the kid, and then abandoned her at some school to keep on running. This is all speculation of course and does not take into account the Union or the distance.”

“I like the alternate multiverse idea, but that could be the wild idea and your super-galactic booty call could make sense too. I think it is not a simple answer - not that any answer in this case is simple.”

Rinker tilted his head. “I don’t really spend my clinical time solving mysteries like that. That’s more your job. The feelings you have about the intergalactic booty call, whatever it might actually be. Having biological proof that your virginal husband had sexual relations is very off putting. It is also equally as disruptive as instinctively that you found out several years into your marriage which gives the illusion that he just cheated on you.”

Gulping down her drink, Kelly was starting to feel the shots take the edge off her mood and the lid off the pandora’s box of her life. “I am not mad at Ian,” she slid her glass across the desk at Rinker. “Really I am not. I have an Ex husband that we seen at least once a week as we flip through the holovision on still staring on Man vs. Universe. Ian has never said anything. He hasn’t judged me about my past and I absolutely could have come with baggage. Ian would have accepted it so I can not be any different. That is why I said she is our child. What the hell kind of wife would I be if I said Jessa is a deal breaker because for the record she is not.”

“Of course, who would every be mad at a man who sprung a pre-teenager on you. Along with her murderous clan of co-workers who have slain a two dozen of your crew. Who the surviving members of which probably want their pound of flesh from the little girl, you are forced to protect and nurture do to a relationship that you are not certain that exists.... so yes, no chance of feelings there.”

“Okay I am mad as hell and it is irrational. I know that. Of course I know that,” Kelly blurted out feeling a slight weight lifting off her. “Not so much at Ian or maybe it is but this kid is going to drastically change our life. Not only because she is in it but because she is going to dominate it.”

“And don’t give me the speech about that is what kids do. Of course they but usually there is a talk about how life as we know it is over once they get here. There is no way we can’t take responsibility for her in the here and now but what about the after? What if she snaps and takes after her psychotic peers? What if we get attached and her people come for her?” Kelly winced as if she hadn’t ever thought about her last comment fully until that second. Taking a moment to process what she had just announced to the universe, Kelly chugged the last of her drink. It gave her time to refocus her thoughts.

“I don’t think its ‘super irrational’ at all. Blaming Ian for something his doppelganger did is wrong, but the feeling are very real and perfectly rational. I think where we get into issues isn’t that we have feelings, but using your feelings as facts. Your feelings are always true, but your feelings aren’t facts of a behavior.” He paused, “if you understand what I mean?”

” I could have to give up my command so that she gets the treatment she needs to be whole and I worked my entire life to get to where I am right now. That is selfish as hell but I can’t deny the thoughts haven’t crossed my mind.” Holding out her glass that she had just emptied, Kelly waited for more and continued talking. While Rinker hadn’t stated it as a rule, the liquor would stop flowing if she came to a point of not talking and just sitting there downing his great taste in booze. “Ian has shared with me some of what you have reported to him about Jessa’s prognosis but I was in a medically induced coma for a few days of it.” The anger in her voice about being down and out when her crew needed her the most was apparent.

“I don’t know why ending your very hard won career is considered selfish. I literally just said your feelings are always valid, they just aren’t always fact.”

“On the other hand, Star-Fleet offers family therapy as part of the ship board services.” He made a face, “I’m probably one of the most qualified therapists in star-fleet. You could argue correctly the best option for treatment for Jessa is to keep your command and stay on the ship.” He shrugged, “That of course is a vain comment, there several competent counselors throughout the fleet and in the private sector.”

Stating the words seemed to snap Kelly out of her angry speech as if they were a surprise even to her. Forcing a calmness, Kelly changed her tone. “She is our responsibility right now,” she amended her words.

Kelly Bordeaux CO

‘That is true, but she is all of our responsibility.”

Rinker

“Takes a village mindset,” Kelly let out a small chuckle.

“Are you willingly taking on the role of Uncle Heathcliff?” The booze was starting to get to her. She was a drinker but even drinkers had their tipping point and Kelly had been guzzling it down like a cadet on shore leave with one hour left before curfew.

“I’m not sure that a family dynamic is the best therapeutic approach, she has a lot of trauma related to family. Plus she has a new father and step mother now. We can discuss therapeutic approaches, you can attempt the re-learning of appropriate intimate relationships. Re-parenting without me participating in the family dynamic instead guiding the reformation of the relationship would be a more effective role assignment for the three of us.”

“Okay it is time to sh#t or get off the pot,” she stated emphatically trying to straighten up in her chair.

“And another reason why I am livid is because everyone seems to be using this kid. Our side sent a team in to impersonate the XO, gave her a weapon, and set her loose along with her homicidal compatriots. Her mother abandoned her and left Jessa with a quest to find both of her parents like some Intergalactic Orphan Annie. Her society has twisted her mind so that she is like some space Nazi. I am mad because I am left with picking up all these pieces in a game that feels like we are being subbed in at the fourth quarter with one minute left on the clock.” Kelly was overwhelmed by the immensity of the situation and the responsibility for having to make decisions that now not only affected this kid’s life but her life.

“You can only take responsibly for what you can control. Jessa is a child, but views herself as an adult. It is most appropriate to give her the responsibility she thinks she has with the support that a child would need to a manage it. You can’t treat her like a three year old when shes been treated like a 20 year old for years.”

“Well this is a Starship, not a village so there is bound to be a few bumps.”

“The way I am seeing things,” she shifted again in the chair clearly not set as to her decision, “we are just spinning our wheels. For the foreseeable future, whether that is six weeks from now or six years from now, Jessa needs a home. Legally she is Ian’s responsibility. Jessa has freely stated that she doesn’t know who her father is soooo,” Kelly drew out her voice knowing Rinker was probably already at the destination she was leading him to, “where are you about telling Jessa that Ian is her father?”

Kelly Bordeaux CO

“I’m not telling her anything. That’s not how therapy works. I guess if you and Ian want me there, or want me to help walk you through the best way to do it I’m happy to help.”

“I think theoretically, she is never going to be fully ready to hear this news. I think she about 10 years away from dealing with it well, so we are going to have to deal with it poorly if you want to get it done before she turns 18.”

Rinker