Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places

(snip)

For a few minutes Viyara walked in silence next to Janna. Not so much because she didn’t know the answers to her question, but rather because she was reluctant to actively face the truth of those answers herself. When she finally spoke, her voice and expression were almost void of emotions as she was actively and consciously pushing those emotions to her back of her mind. “When I started to get attached to someone, develop feelings for them I would leave. Same if they showed or told me that they were starting to have feelings for me. But usually I would move on long before that point. I don’t do relationships and I’ve always been clear about that. I don’t want to hurt anyone or play with them after all.” Turning her head she looked at Janna. “If you had asked me those questions a week or two ago, I would told it’s still like that. But … I realised that I care for Daggum a lot and for the first time I don’t want to walk away. Though there were times when I subconsciously tried to push him away, I think.”

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna stopped and gestured for Viyara to as well.

Stopping as well, Viyara looked uncertainly at Janna, wondering why she had wanted her to stop walking.

Facing Nazeen, Kingston gazed deeply. “I want you to think about Daggum and how you feel about him, and tell me two scenarios. One, what the fantasy part of your brain tells you you want. If everything were ideal, what sort of relationship would you have with him? And two, what do you have with him right now that you know to be true. And really think about it. Let yourself touch those emotions. There’s no right or wrong answer here and I’m here to ground you as much as you can do that yourself.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Fingering the tension ball in her pocket, Viyara replied, “If that was possible I’d want to be with him. Have a real romantic relationship. Happily ever after and all that.” She cringed slightly and rolled her eyes at herself. “I’ve never been that kinda girl who wants those things. I don’t understand why I suddenly do. As for how things really are,” She gave small shrug and tried to be nonchalant. “We are friends. Good friends, I think. We also had sex more than once, but he loves someone else. So we are just friends now. No benefits or such.” There was a slight catch in her voice and she closed her eyes tightly for a moment, fighting the tears she felt coming. “It’s probably for the best,” she continued and opened her eyes again. “I’m too broken, too messed up. And I don’t even know how to be someone friend, let a lone how to be in a relationship. I’m not worthy of either. Damaged goods.” Try as she might, she could no longer keep the tears away. So instead she turned away from Janna and wrapped her arms around herslef once again.

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna let her have the moments she needed. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is being honest with yourself with where you were at, and Janna knew that the more Viyara could do that, the more she’d be ready to start to change the narrative of her own thinking. But that was not right now, and possibly not even today. “It’s hurts to love someone who isn’t able to love you back the way you want them to, for whatever reason. Some people have hearts that allow them to have romantic love with more than one person. Others feel very strongly about monogamy. But others still feel very strongly that friendship is a very important form of love for them. It’s not the same as a romantic relationship, but it’s just… different.” Janna reached out and simply tapped the hand of Viyara’s that held the tension ball. A simple reminder.

“Tell me about the kind of person you have found Daggum to be,” Janna said softly.

~Janna Kingston, CNS