Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snips)

“These people you got involved with and lived with, did they ever hurt you in anyway?” Kingston asked as she reached for her bag and grabbed her own water, taking a swig of it ad holding it in her hand.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Her cheeks turned pink as she felt shame wash over her. “Yeah, some of them. Especially in the beginning,” Viyara admitted, her gaze fixed on her blanket.

~Viyara Nazeen

Kingston nodded and reached for Viyara’s almonds, handing them to her. “I know it may feel weird to be eating while we talk about very emotional things but it’s one of those coping techniques that keeps us grounded.”

“Okay,” Viyara replied with an ‘if you say so’ sort of expression as she took the almonds from Janna and popped one into her mouth.

“You said, especially in the beginning. What changed as time went on?” Janna asked.

~Janna Kington, CNS

Viyara frowned slightly as she pondered that question. “I’m not entirely sure, but I guess I did in a way? Maybe? I don’t know. I mean, I ran away for a reason. I think I learned what was and wasn’t okay for me and to stand up for myself. But …” She hesitated for a moment, helping herself to another almond. “I also became better and better at not letting anyone get close to me emotionally. That way I could only get hurt physically and that’s not so bad. In some cases it can actually be a lot of fun.” She winked and suddenly her most mischievous smile reappeared on her face.

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna nodded and smiled. “And it’s good to have healthy boundaries and understand what is and isn’t okay for us. And there is definitely a place for that in a healthy interaction,” she said before opening her trail mix. “What happens now when your interactions with others get emotional?” she asked before popping some nuts into her mouth.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“What exactly do you mean with emotional?” Viyara asked uncertainly. She could think of a number of ways something could get emotional. And whatever it was Janna wanted to know would change her answer. “And now as in this moment in time? Since coming to the Athena? Before coming to this ship?” Her mind was spinning slightly as she tried to figure out how to answer that seemingly simple question.

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna got to her feet. “Okay, hold that thought. Let’s pack up and head back up to the trail. Time to get moving.” But physically and mentally.

Viyara was taken by surprise, but quickly rose to her feet and packed her things together again so that they could get back onto the trail.

When they resumed their hike, Janna fell in stride with Viyara. “You said you got better at not letting relationships get emotional. But when they have, before and now. Both are relevant. What happens to you? To the relationship? Walk me through it,” she said.

~Janna Kingston

For a few minutes Viyara walked in silence next to Janna. Not so much because she didn’t know the answers to her question, but rather because she was reluctant to actively face the truth of those answers herself. When she finally spoke, her voice and expression were almost void of emotions as she was actively and consciously pushing those emotions to her back of her mind. “When I started to get attached to someone, develop feelings for them I would leave. Same if they showed or told me that they were starting to have feelings for me. But usually I would move on long before that point. I don’t do relationships and I’ve always been clear about that. I don’t want to hurt anyone or play with them after all.” Turning her head she looked at Janna. “If you had asked me those questions a week or two ago, I would told it’s still like that. But … I realised that I care for Daggum a lot and for the first time I don’t want to walk away. Though there were times when I subconsciously tried to push him away, I think.”

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna stopped and gestured for Viyara to as well.

Stopping as well, Viyara looked uncertainly at Janna, wondering why she had wanted her to stop walking.

Facing Nazeen, Kingston gazed deeply. “I want you to think about Daggum and how you feel about him, and tell me two scenarios. One, what the fantasy part of your brain tells you you want. If everything were ideal, what sort of relationship would you have with him? And two, what do you have with him right now that you know to be true. And really think about it. Let yourself touch those emotions. There’s no right or wrong answer here and I’m here to ground you as much as you can do that yourself.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Fingering the tension ball in her pocket, Viyara replied, “If that was possible I’d want to be with him. Have a real romantic relationship. Happily ever after and all that.” She cringed slightly and rolled her eyes at herself. “I’ve never been that kinda girl who wants those things. I don’t understand why I suddenly do. As for how things really are,” She gave small shrug and tried to be nonchalant. “We are friends. Good friends, I think. We also had sex more than once, but he loves someone else. So we are just friends now. No benefits or such.” There was a slight catch in her voice and she closed her eyes tightly for a moment, fighting the tears she felt coming. “It’s probably for the best,” she continued and opened her eyes again. “I’m too broken, too messed up. And I don’t even know how to be someone friend, let a lone how to be in a relationship. I’m not worthy of either. Damaged goods.” Try as she might, she could no longer keep the tears away. So instead she turned away from Janna and wrapped her arms around herslef once again.

~Viyara Nazeen