Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Counsellor’s Office- Calloway’s Eval

(snip)

A bitter laughed was her initial response. “Please, I did a really good job of keeping people away for a long time, and the first person that got through turned on me the moment he learned I had been Maquis. Haver you ever had anyone hate you so much in moment that they looked like they could kill you where you stood? Well I have, and if he had loved me before that point those feeling vanished rather quickly! And then there was the… I can’t actually tell you his story, but suffice to say he didn’t experience emotions the same way. He wasn’t raised by anyone so he didn’t even have the metric of parental love. We sought comfort from each other, but even that was a new experience for him. If he loved me I highly doubt he would even have known us.” Her eyes became a dark storm as her mind shifted to the one that made all this so much more difficult. “And then there’s Nevol, my Romulan Underground lover I just told you about. Who I actually said those words, ‘I love you’ to and who subsequently betrayed me. We can argue whether he had good reasons for it or not, but it’s because of him that I spent nine months in a Tal Shiar prison and there will never be forgiveness for that.” The venom in her voice surprised her but at the same time Faye could recognize that she (for once) wasn’t excusing his behaviour.

Calloway leaned forward, anger etched into her features. “So you tell me Counsellor. That’s the only evidence I have and it’s a pretty pathetic picture! I fall for people I can’t have, or can’t or won’t love me back. So where does that leave me?”

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

Zef stared at Faye long and hard. Why did she keep going on about betrayal? Was it because the thought of it happening again terrified her? Or was she looking for the counselor to pat her hand and tell her she was strong and brave for getting through those situations—to praise her for her past and the way she’d dealt with it? Perhaps the data specialist needed to hear a little of both?

Rollo stood and returned her mug to the replicator for disposal. “You know, you aren’t the only woman who’s had extremely bad experiences with the opposite sex. Most of us can tell you horror stories of our own about a lover or mate. However, it’s sounding like you’re either emotionally stuck in that place in your mind where you were betrayed, or that you’re sick of trying to make it work with someone else and are giving up.”

Faye was watching the woman’s motions, trying to match her words with her motions and whatever they might convey. Fingertips curling in, she dug her nails into her palm until the slight pain reminded her to breath. How dare anyone accuse her of giving up? Hadn’t they already established that she was not giving up here? She had given up before and she knew exactly what that looked like. This was most definitely not that!

She walked back over to the couch and perched on the arm, crossing her legs and clasping both hands around one knee. “Faye, you are a strong, intelligent woman. Use what you’ve been through to help you instead of giving it the power to hold you back. As long as you cling to all that anger it will control you. So work on getting rid of it. Meditate…work out. Box or practice marshal arts and mentally beat your betrayers into the dirt. They don’t deserve the amount of time and pain you give them. They are nothing. Do you think those men ever think about you? Unlikely, unless you took something from them, which by all accounts doesn’t sound like it happened. They’ve moved on, Faye. So should you.”

—Rollo, CNS

Suddenly there was a great deal of energy in er body and it roiled about inside her uncomfortably. Her chest felt tight and those deep breaths she had already been forcing herself to take were becoming more difficult. Her mind was flooded with too many words and none of them were in any way coherent and likely to end this session (which would not be in her favour). But she could nod her head, play along and they could end this.

Except that certain words of Rollo’s were stuck in her head. “I don’t know how!” she said, gritting her jaw. “You say it like it’s so easy, like everyone can just snap their fingers and figure it out. Or maybe, more likely, someone taught them or showed them what that looked like. People tell me what to do, but no one ever tells me how. Why is this so difficult for people to understand?” She wasn’t shaking exactly but there was a tremble in her body she couldn’t quite stifle. it was good for Rollo that she was showing this much restraint. Earlier in her career she most definitely hadn’t!

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

“It isn’t easy and I’m not trying to imply that it is. But you have to start somewhere. Saying no one taught you how to move on, isn’t good enough. Most of us learn to deal with our emotions alone because what works for one person doesn’t always work for another.” The counselor could see that Faye was making progress—not a great deal, but at least she was open to working on the problem. Zef got up from the couch and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of the data specialist. Encroaching in her ‘personal space’ was another obstacle she threw into Faye’s path. The counselor held out her hands, palm up. “Give me your hands, Faye.”

—Rollo, CNS