Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in Promises and Connections

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Aasrel Izei (Chief Medical Officer) in Promises and Connections

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in Promises and Connections
Posted by… suppressed (59) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Aasrel glanced at her and was surprised to see the doctor was right. He scowled though, “So I can comb hair but I can’t or can barely walk. That’s perfect.” He sighed softly. “No, I know… I just…” He shrugged. “I just want to be myself again.”

~ Izei, CMO

Martin nodded, “I do understand. This is promising though,” he nodded at the hand, “especially for the fine motor skill you need as a doctor. Your limbs are still sore and swollen from surgery. As that goes away, you will see a noticeable difference.” He gave them both the hypo he had prescribed and then left them alone for awhile.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel nodded. He knew that, but it was hard to keep in mind for oneself. When he left, Aasrel lay back against Bethany with a soft sigh.

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany slept for a few more hours. When she woke she was disoriented and it put her on edge. She listened to her surroundings. The smell of antiseptic, air scrubbers, bio monitors, the scent of Aasrel’s soap. They were in sickbay still. The reason for the grogginess flashed to mind and she held her breath and focused. Making her heart calm. No need - the medication did that for her. She recognized the effect of her anti-anxiety meds. Aasrel seemed to be sleeping, or at least resting, so she didn’t move.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel moved as soon as she did. “How are you feeling? Any better?” He asked softly, looking at her.

~ Izei, CMO

Her head tipped back, she looked haunted. “I don’t feel like me. I guess Martin gave me the Benzodiazepine. I hate the way it makes me feel. I guess I have to go back on the Ativan again?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel nodded. “For a while, yes.” He still hadn’t been able to sleep. She could feel his worry. He smiled at her. “Hopefully you’ll be feeling better before too long and be able to come off them.”

~ Izei, CMO

“I’m sure I will.” It was a platitude. She was soul weary and this was the straw. Bethany had hit her limit, but there was no way to say, ‘I quit. No more.’ She had to keep going until she couldn’t.

“You aren’t sleeping. I’ll ask Martin to put me in a different room. You can’t heal if you don’t sleep.” She was worried for him, and she was making it worse making him worry.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“No! Don’t leave.” Aasrel hugged her tightly. “I’m healing fine. Martin pointed out I was combing your hair with my fake fingers.” He put his head against her. “I’ll worry more if you get moved. I think it’s better for both of us if you stay.”

~ Izei, CMO

“Okay.” She tucked her head back onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. There was some reason she should insist, but her mind just wouldn’t hold a thought. A side affect of the Benzodiazepine. It was the same for her emotions. She knew she was afraid and deeply sad, but she couldn’t actually feel the emotions. It was like her body, mind, and soul were floating away from each other. If she could feel she would have cried, but she couldn’t.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel rested his head against hers. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll ask him for a sleep aid. Just… Please, don’t go anywhere.”

~ Izei, CMO

Her answer was slow in coming. A benefit of telepathy he could tell it was just slow going and not hesitation or double speak. “Won’t. I promised.” She’d promised to be with him through it. She always kept her word.

So did Elias…her grandfather, but she didn’t twist her words.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

He smiled and cuddled into her. I love you. He said softly to her, telepathically. “Do you want me to call him back and ask for something?” Her telepathy wasn’t so suppressed she couldn’t sense him, and she’d be able to tell he was worried, exhausted, sore, and just generally upset.

~ Izei, CMO

“If you want.” She needed him to be okay, but she had this unrepressable drive to not force him. I won’t go… I’m so tired.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

He pressed the call button. The benefit of having his telepathy, he knew ‘if you want’ actually meant ‘please do so you’ll be okay’. Aasrel hugged her tighter. I trust you. I’m just worried for you.

~ Izei, CMO

Me too. Her mind was like the static on an old television set. She thought she might be hungry, but she couldn’t focus enough to decide. Oblivion or fuzzy consciousness were her choices.

Martin walked in. “Aasrel?” he asked softly.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“I need a sleep aid. I… haven’t slept since Bethany’s breakdown.” Aasrel admitted to the doctor. He would hate to feel like Bethany. Her mind felt unclear and fuzzy. I hope you feel better soon.

~ Izei, CMO

Martin nodded, “Of course. How is she?” Bethany was aware of Martin but simply couldn’t muster a response for the doctor. Martin have him the hypo and then went about helping to settle them both more comfortably. Bethany protested No when Martin lifted her to move her slightly. Then he tucked a blanket around her and scanned her. He turned the lights down as he left.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

He’s just trying to help. Aasrel said soothingly. There were pillows under his arm and leg and Bethany was on his left. “She seems better. Just doesn’t like how the meds make her feel. They’re making her head fuzzy, making it hard to feel.”

Bethany could tell when the medicine took effect. He started to feel very drowsy. Not long after, he drifted off, resting against her.

~ Izei, CMO

As he relaxed and drifted off, so did Bethany. She slept, unaware of what went on around her. Her sleep was odd, full of dreams but strangely dreamers at the same time. But the medicine did keep her fight or flight response controlled.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel slept long and hard. His body needed it. The next few days were more of the same. PT and sleep mostly. And worrying about Bethany. He was still struggling with nightmares. About the Borg, about Bethany, about both. He was showing improvement, and some of his PT sessions were easy, some were harder. The hard ones left him sore and tired.

~ Izei, CMO

She wasn’t hungry, the medication numbing her to most everything. She snacked if prompted. Her behavior was despondent-like but really it was just side effects of the medicine. By the end of the 3rd day Bethany was more aware, but still slow and a bit in a daze. While Aasrel was doing PT, T’Jal came to speak with her. She was still a certified counselor and she has the best chance to get Bethany to talk.

Bethany did, but still not tell anyone what had caused her breakdown, or that Aasrel had heard it in her dreams.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel was pushing himself hard. He refused breaks from PT. He pushed hard each and every time. His reasoning was twofold: to get as close to normal as he was capable of (he was still upset about the prosthetics, he just hadn’t brought it up because Bethany had enough of her own problems), and because maybe if he could get better, Bethany would worry less about protecting him. He could start self defense lessons again.

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany knew he hated them. Her guilt over it was profound. If she hadn’t asked Jake to bring Martin… She had though. She hated the medicine, she couldn’t do anything but sit and stare into space. She was awake more, but that was it. She couldn’t help Aasrel; she wasn’t with him during his PT like she promised. Nothing would ever make her stop worrying.

Aasrel had told her before and would again, that whether she’d called them or not it would have happened. That if it weren’t now, it could’ve been when they were away from help that his limbs began to hurt, stop working, and would’ve had to go anyway.

The fourth morning, Martin came to give her the medication. She stared at him while he checked them with. “No.”

“No? No what, Bethany?”

She pointed turedly at the hypo. She hated how hard it was to concentrate. “No more.”

Martin looked at her. He spoke gently but clearly and gave her time to think. “Alright. The Ativan then. If you have another breakdown, I will give you the Benzodiazepine. Do you understand?”

Bethany wanted to glare at him and tell him where he could put his hypo, but she didn’t care enough to. “Yes.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel gave her a look. “Bethany… Are you sure you’ll be okay?” He reached for her hand, “I know you don’t like it, I just want you to be okay.”

~ Izei, CMO

Her fingers curled around his. The way he looked at her made her feel like she was missing something. She just couldn’t seem to think through the fog. He wanted her to take it. “Okay,” I’ll take it Rel.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

No, he didn’t want her to blindly agree. “It’s okay, we’ll see how you do without it.” He said softly, looking at her.

~ Izei, CMO

Okay. She laid her head back and simply waited. Martin nodded, “We’ll wait until after she eats dinner for the Ativan. I want the Benzodiazepine to be mostly out of her system before I give it to her. She’ll still be feeling the effects of it for most of the day anyway. How is she eating?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“She’ll snack if I prompt her to, but she’s not really eating,” Aasrel told him. “I’m not sure if taking her off the benzos will help or make it worse.”

~ Izei, CMO

Martin’s browse pulled together. “That can be typical on the strength of her dose. Let’s see if being off it helps. I’ll bring a tray of things to keep in here. So she can eat whenever it strikes. She doesn’t have to wait. Anything in particular she likes? What about you?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel named a few things that would be okay to keep around that he knew she liked. “I’m fine with anything, really. I’m okay.” He said.

~ Izei, CMO

Martin left and then returned with a tray of snacks and drinks. “It would be good if you got up and sat in the chair. You already proved you can make it there. You aren’t confined to the bed. How did that extra dermal regeneration session do? Did it help at all?” Martin had waited to do it because Izei had been through so much medically that his body simply needed a rest from the accelerated healing. It should have helped the swelling and soreness.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“It helped with the soreness from the surgery,” Aasrel replied. “It’s feeling… better?” He sighed and shrugged. “It’s like my body can tell what’s there isn’t supposed to be what’s there but can’t figure out what happened.”

~ Izei, CMO

Martin nodded. “That will take time, I’m afraid. It has synced well. The impulses are going back and forth. Your body just needs time to accept the signals are real. I wish there was a way to speed up the process. The more you use them though the more input your body will get. I know you know that, but sometimes it helps to hear it. Is there anything I can do?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“I know,” Aasrel sighed. He didn’t want the doctor to think he was ungrateful for all the help he’d given, but Aasrel hated the prosthetics. Almost as much as he’d hated the implants. They reminded him of them.

~ Izei, CMO

Martin didn’t feel like that at all. The alternative was to remove them and Aasrel be confined to a chair. He might prefer that. “Just buzz if you need anything.”

In some ways, he would. But if he did, he couldn’t serve. Couldn’t be a doctor, either. And if he didn’t serve, he couldn’t stay with Bethany. “I will.”

Bethany squeezed his hand gently. You’re upset.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel squeezed her hand back. I’m okay. It’s just the recovery process is a lot. Everyone goes through it. Do you want to eat some? he looked at her.

~ Izei, CMO

I want to help. She hated he was going through all this. I guess I could eat. She was going to have to get up and get something. She didn’t feel like getting up.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel set the tray of snacks near her. He sighed softly and looked at her. He didn’t want her to feel worse than she already did about this mess. It… it can’t be fixed. I don’t know what to do to help.

~ Izei, CMO

I’m sorry It might have happened anyway, but she caused this. Maybe…if she had snuck Aasrel off the Asimov months ago, gotten him help sooner, it would have saved his arm and leg.

She took something random off the tray, not paying attention. He wanted her to eat, so she would try. She nibbled on it, but she was just so tired.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel sighed softly and cradled the fake arm. He felt… alone. Bethany had her own problems to deal with and couldn’t really help him. He looked at her and forced a small smile. Eat a little more. Please.

~ Izei, CMO

She ate because he wanted her to. The problem for her with Benzodiazepines was she felt mostly nothing at all. In small flashes of clarity she knew she wasn’t herself and hated it.

With the suppressant out of her system she could feel his emotions and she knew they were his because she felt nothing. No more meds, Aasrel, please? She couldn’t deal with her problems if she couldn’t think or feel. I can’t be with you like this. She couldn’t help him, couldn’t take care of him. She was useless. She certainly couldn’t protect him. But she also understood there was nothing she could do to protect him anyway.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

It’ll be out of your system later today. Aasrel took her hand and squeezed it. You can’t be with me if you’re having a breakdown, either. I know this sucks, but you needed it.

~ Izei, CMO

She didn’t have it in her to argue. She failed him. She had promised and she might be there physically, but she had still left him alone. She finished the food and then rested her arm over his prosthetic that he was cradling.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel took her hand with his left. The day went on like that. A dreary, tired, sad day, while they waited for her meds to wear off more. His PT was later on in the day. It was a difficult session that left him tired and he slept for a while afterwards.

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany let him sleep, but she was tired of being groggy and light headed. After he fell asleep she got up and started walking around. At first the room, but when Martin came in, she insisted on going out. She wanted to wake her body up, get the meds out of her system. T’Jal came and walked with her, and talked with her.

She wasn’t terribly hungry when she returned, but when Aasrel woke up she was eating.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel seemed relieved to see her eating when he woke. He sat up and smiled at her. “How do you feel?” He asked, moving carefully from the bed to a chair. Then he set his fake arm against himself and cradled it, as he seemed to be forming a habit of doing.

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany noticed and gave him an odd look. How long had he been doing that? “Some better. I made Martin let me go for a walk. My balance is off, but,” she smiled a little for him, “I can form a whole sentence. Does your arm hurt?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“Good.” He said and smiled. Aasrel shook his head. “No- well, not really. I’m still getting flashes of ghost pains. But this,” He held it up and moved it, “more of an unconscious habit, I guess. It still feels weird to me. Just because it’s new and my body is still trying to figure out what happened.”

~ Izei, CMO

“Well let’s do something so you get used to it. You did okay playing cards the other day.” She glanced away. Elias had hit her hard, and she had failed him. It had been unexpected, never had she dreamed a bomb like that would be thrown at her. She still didn’t know what to do with herself. There wasn’t really anything she could do about the situation. There was no way to prove it true or false. Right now they had to focus on Aasrel.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel took her and and squeezed it. “It’s okay to be upset about it.” He said softly. He nodded, “I guess we can play cards again.” It wasn’t just that it still felt odd, it was that he hated them, and now that he’d had a chance to sit around alone and think about it, he’d had a chance to wallow in it.

~ Izei, CMO

“We can do whatever you like.” She sighed, she was angry with herself. “It’s not okay, Aasrel. There is no room for hard stops like that. If we had still been out there and not back debriefing, it would have been catastrophic for the whole crew. This is worse because you’re paying for it.” She set her palms against his and pressed their hands together from finger tips to wrist. Flexing and pushing slightly. “I love you, nothing will change that. I’m sorry I was so selfish.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“I’m fine.” He was definitely not fine. “You needed to process what you found out. It’s not selfish. You didn’t have a choice.” He kept his hands against hers, he liked the warmth of them. “I love you, too.”

~ Izei, CMO

And now their were secrets and lies between them. Because of her. Because she couldn’t bring herself to give voice to the nightmare she’d been tossed into. She felt sick all over again. “I guess you probably don’t want to now, but I had arranged passage to Betazed. I was going to tell you…before… I’ll cancel it if you want.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“No! No…” Aasrel pulled her into a hug. “We are going.” He still didn’t really want to. He’d wanted to be himself again before going and… that was no longer possible. But he wanted Bethany to go, so he was going to go with her.

~ Izei, CMO

“Okay.” She hugged him tightly like he was a life raft. “The captain worked out we get leave as soon as the debriefing is over. It’s not that far, so we’ll actually get time instead of travel.” Bethany found the cards and shuffled. “What do you want to play?”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“Okay. Then we’ll be able to go once the debrief is done and I’m medically cleared to go.” He looked at the cards a moment. Then he named another poker game. He was quiet for a few moments, thinking. “Bethany, I… Can we go back to being open and honest with each other?”

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany flinched mentally. This was her fault. She bit her lower lip and looked in his eyes. She loved those eyes. She didn’t know what she would do if she never saw them again. “Please.” She looked down, folding her cards. “I’m sorry Aasrel. It’s my fault. I just…” I wasn’t capable of saying it, I still can’t. I wasn’t meaning to be dishonest with you.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

He pulled her in and hugged her again. I know you weren’t. I’m not angry, I promise. I… I lied too. I’m not fine. I’m not at all. I just didn’t want you to feel worse than you already do when you’re already so upset.

~ Izei, CMO

I didn’t want you to feel alone. I know you aren’t okay, and I made it worse. I just want you to focus on you. This isn’t what we hoped for. I wish… She hugged him, awash with emotion. She hated it for him, but she didn’t want to lose him either.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Don’t blame yourself. Aasrel hugged her back, not letting go. Let’s just keep moving from here, knowing that all this happened because we are both going through very difficult things.

~ Izei, CMO

Bethany hugged him tightly and then slid over so she could lay next to him. How can I help you right now? I think I still owe you a few contraband desserts.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel moved over and made space for her, pulling his arm up and laying it against himself again. I’m not sure. He smiled a little. There are some more things I don’t think Martin would agree with.

~ Izei, CMO

Oh? Like what? I will work on my sneaky skills and sneak out and bring it to you. Bethany’s amusement was noticeable. She pulled his other arm over so they were both around her. He could feel the comfort she got from it.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Aasrel named another particularly unhealthy desert. Oooh or maybe you know of an Earth desert I might like? He asked and looked at her. He let her pull his arm and then scrunched her shirt in his fist gently and rested his head against her.

~ Izei, CMO