Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Gadi’s Quarters- Commiseration

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Bethany Kovra Gadi (Chief of Security) in Gadi’s Quarters- Commiseration

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Gadi’s Quarters- Commiseration
Posted by… suppressed (11) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“Oh, I know it. It’s why I went into Intelligence. Doesn’t make it less true that we aren’t fighting to win, but to keep the status quo.” She knocked back half of what was left and glared at the glass as if it did something wrong.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Shara got up and moved to the replicator, grabbing a glass of water and moved back to Bethy, sitting it down. “I’m going to sounds unusually like a mother just now, but you need to drink that. Since you’re already said you’re aiming for permanent amnesia, and I already said killing brain cells was no-no, I’d really like to make sure you don’t end up in Sickbay because we’re being stupid. We’re a lot of things, but that is not one of them.” She did not offer to refill the glass just now.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“I had a mother, I don’t need another one.” She didn’t snap, but the tone was bitter. Her mother had been a beautiful woman, filled with joy and wonder. Thinking of her reminded her of the reason she was drinking. Shara may not want to refill her glass but it wasn’t empty yet, and she still had a bottle of whiskey.

“Okay then, I’ll be a friend.”

The mention of sickbay made her wince internally. Aasrel would throw a fit and confine her with forcefully. Ah, he was in recovery anyway on the Star Base. “I have those nifty little pills Intel gave us. I’ll take one when I’m ready.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“To what end?” Shara asked. She hadn’t missed Bethany’s reaction. “Look, I’m hardly one to judge the need to drown your sorrows. Goodness knows I’ve done it enough just since I came here. But I’ve been honest with myself and know it’s not a great reaction. But I also have Micah. When I get to that point that feels uncomfortable close to being like my father, I can let him pull me back from the brink. You were drinking alone before I arrived. Go ahead and try and tell me I shouldn’t be concerned. Depending on how good it is, I might even believe it.” Likely not. Shara was too observant and while she only knew Bethy so well, after everything that went down these last months, she’s like to think she could read the woman at least a tiny bit. And Shara felt she had a right to be worried. It was one thing to share drinks, but the way Bethy was downing them, it was behind drowning sorrows.

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“I’m not worried about alcohol. It’s not a great answer but it’s the one I’m going with right now.” It wasn’t even getting her drunk. Thanks Old Man. She rolled her eyes, “I don’t care if you believe it.” Because Bethany knew if roles were reversed she would worry about Shara. She had. That night she found her drinking shine in the dark in Bethany’s quarters.

“Clearly,” Shara said dryly.

“If you need to be worried, there is an Admiral and a Commodore on the station that will beat it out of me. Right now people are leaving me alone. I’m not sick anymore, everyone made it back, and other than debriefing no one is demanding anything of me. You’ve got Pikelsimer, I’ve got me.” She had Aasrel, but she wasn’t telling anyone about him. He was safer that way.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Shara stared at her hard. “You are so full of bullsh!t right now, you know that, right? I have Picklesimer because I let him in. I didn’t push him away like you’re doing with me right now. And I know I can’t possibly understand your reality right now, but I’ll be damned if I let you destroy yourself before my very eyes.”

She set her glass down to the side, and moved closer to Bethy. “Here’s the thing Bethy… nothing you actually need will magically appear from any bottle you consume, no matter how many you go through trying.” She reached over the took the bottle away. “And so help me if you want to fight me over this, we can, but I know a cry for help when I see it, because it’s been me often enough over the years. You said talking won’t change anything. Maybe you’re looking at wanting to change the wrong damn thing. So maybe you should start talking anyway and see what happens. Because I’ll tell you something you should already know. I’m a damn stubborn woman and I’ve survived a lot of really crappy stuff and I’m probably one of the few people who can understand how damn hard it is to take the next step when everything inside you says its not worth it.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bethany let her take the bottle, it wasn’t even doing anything for her. “Don’t like lookin’ at yer reflection?” Bethany chuckled. “I’m not looking for answers in a bottle. Not any more than you were that night you broke into my quarters and were half a jar of Shine in when I got here. You needed compassion and someone to walk a road to numbness with you. I did.”

“I just want to be numb, Shara. I want the music and noise and d@mn emotions to stop. Five minutes! That’s all. So yeah I’m lookin’ for numbness in a bottle.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

She shook her head. “I wasn’t looking for numbness. At least not the way it might have seemed.” Shara moved back closer, her foggy blue eyes gazing intently at Bethany. “Bethy… what do you mean you want the music, noise and emotions to stop? Can you… can you pick up stuff now?”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bethany stood up, far far too steady for how much she’d been drinking. “Shhh, that’s classified,” she spat out with venom, but obviously not at Calloway. “Fun fact, not only did I get augmented blood from a man I spent 10 years hunting down, caught, had assassinated in my custody, but was hidden by your husband, when it was discovered he was still alive.” She waived that away, that wasn’t Shara’s fault. “Not only did the genetic programming in his blood cells and platelets, heal the internal bleed, my lungs and heart are more efficient than they’ve ever been. I’m faster, stronger. My hearing is more acute. I’m told that should stop after my body eventually cycles his blood out of my system. The real kicker, the autoimmune disorder, Dr. Izei diagnosed, and found the cause but no cure for, Balthazar’s blood cured it. Which means all my telepathy, my empathy, it’s all working now. I am everything I never wanted to be.” She’d planned to have cosmetic surgery to permanently alter her eye color when they got done with this mission. To leave all of that behind her. “I can’t control it, and I’m going stark raving mad. I’m going to end up with a psychological discharge and confined to a mental hospital.” She picked up her 1/4 full glass and knocked it back. “I’d rather be dead.” The glass flew in the opposite direction of Shara and shattered against the wall from the force of her temper.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Though she blinked at that shatter, Shara was not afraid of Bethany’s anger. She understood it. Not the reason, but the feelings. She too rose to her feet, also steady, but she had had less that Bethy. She crossed the space between them and stood before the shorter woman. There was no pity from Shara, but compassion. Shara couldn’t make this better for her friend, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to let Bethy push her away. “You’re losing your mind because empaths and telepaths learn to have mental shields, Bethy. From the first moments their abilities surface, they are taught how to filter so they can keep their mind separate from everything around them and to selectively let things in. But in the snap of your fingers, you have it all. No shit you’re struggling. But the answer isn’t in a bottle of anything. We can’t change what’s happened to you, but we can get someone to teach you how to manage the input. And until then, there are neurosuppressants. Screw classification, no one needs to know how you suddenly have abilities. It’s immaterial to helping you learn to control what you didn’t ask to have. And regardless of whether you wanted to have all this happen, it did. And you can be petulant about it and throw your life away, or you can do something about the problem. You are way too smart to ignore the answer right in front of you, and if you need help finding someone who won’t be all up in Intell’s ass and that we can trust… I know people. You probably do too. As does Micah. You have solutions right in front of you. You get to have your feelings about this all, Bethany Gadi, but don’t eff’ing let them call the shots. NOt this time of all times.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

Bethany rolled her eyes hard enough to make her cross-eyed for a moment. “Of course! Training, that’s all I need. What a great suggestion.” The sarcasm was thick. “Dr. Izei is teaching me.” She barely restrained telling her she wanted nothing from Micah Pikelsimer and spitting. She wouldn’t even touch the other stuff Shara mentioned. “No, there is no answer in a bottle. But if I want to have a pity party of one and consume a bottle or more, I can. I’m not on duty.” She gave the older woman a hard glare. “Besides it’s a bit hypocritical of you to tell me to not drink, when you came here with a bottle of your own of really strong stuff. It certainly wasn’t to celebrate.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

“Yeah, but the difference? I sought out a friend to share my pain in. I brought a bottle of something special I never had planned to drink because I wanted something worth drinking it for. Us making it through all this felt like a good time. You’re wallowing Bethy, and it’s beneath you,” Shara said bluntly. “I’m glad you’re doing some training, but, and I mean no disrespect to Dr. Izei, he can’t understand what you’re going through. His skill set will not be enough. There are others who do understand and will probably help you faster so you’re not suffering from this.”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

“So drink it. I didn’t ask for a counseling session.” Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Oh? Why wouldn’t he understand? He’s Betazoid, he knows how it works, he lost his telepathy and regained it. And last I checked, which was a few hours ago, no one has been through exactly what I have. So who exactly is going to understand? Who exactly is going to ‘train’ me that a very skilled and very strong Betazoid telepath can’t?” She moved and leaned against her desk with a hip. “And to put more a point on it, there isn’t another telepathy I even remotely trust.” She crossed her arms, but it wasn’t a protective gesture, “Yeah I’m wallowing, and maybe it is beneath the image you have of me. I’m allowed to process however I want and however I need. Now that the mission is over, I have the time and the chance to do so. It’s not my problem it doesn’t look how you think it should.” She tilted her head back and looked up at the ceiling a moment and then back. “Look, I know you want to help. I know you care. It means a lot. It does, but I’m not good company right now.”

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS

Shara, despite her role, was not a covert agent anymore gathering every bit of information on the ship. Things did, and should slip by her knowledge when it came to people’s personal lives. It was the only way she could be here on the Asimov and even hope to have a chance a new start in the light. She had to leave the shadows behind. That didn’t mean that it was jarring to have missed something critical about someone. Izei had his abilities back? Since when? Then again, they knew nothing about each other other than what Shara had shared in that very brief consultation.

“Too bad,” Shara said, though her tone was softer and her expression pensive. “We’ve had to trust each other a lot since that mission was dumped on us. Do you still trust me, even with your life?”

~Shara Calloway, CIO

A lot had happened that people weren’t aware of. Other than a very few select people in medical, no one even knew she had been sick. No one even knew why she had the internal bleeding. No one had bothered to ask either. It was alright, everyone had their own priorities and demons.

A small quirk tugged the corner of her mouth, “I wouldn’t be consuming with you around if I didn’t.” Bethany had no doubt Shara would do what she could to save people, nor did she doubt she would sacrifice one to save many. It was the job. It wasn’t a matter of trusting her life to someone, it was trusting them to make the best decision they could in a situation.

Lt. Cmdr. Gadi, COS