Posted by Audrey IV (Plant in the Arboretum Deck 14) in Sidesim - Audrey’s ‘Piping’ Hot

Posted by Lieutenant Piper Grant (Chief of Operations) in Sidesim - Audrey’s ‘Piping’ Hot

Posted by Audrey IV (Plant in the Arboretum Deck 14) in Sidesim - Audrey’s ‘Piping’ Hot
It is evening shift, around 1900 hours and Piper finds herself on duty. The Ops Screen in front of her is full of diagnostic charts. She looks … stressed.

Suddenly her console beeps. There’s an incoming transmission, from Deck 9, Main Arboretum, specifically from Audrey IV …

Audrey IV, Main Arboretum, USS Ark Angel

Piper looked at the message and opened it. Wondering what Audrey was up to.

Grant (COO)

The screen is dark, then suddenly a spotlight lights up Audrey IV’s central bloom.

Audrey’s voice starts to speak, it is different, deeper, raspier, dripping with charismatic, old-school charm, she’d obviously been watching her ‘documentaries’ again. (If you didn’t know better, you’d almost think she was channelling Satchmo himself.)

“Good evening Lieutenant Grant, you look … stressed, you’ve been working too hard up in the artificial light … you need some humidity, you need some … greenery. The air is awful thin up on the bridge, isn’t it? Down here … it’s thick. It’s rich. And I’ve got the band warming up just for you …”

Audrey began rhythmically snapping her larger vines together, creating a swinging, syncopated jazz beat that echoes over the message. Then she began to sing in a gravelly, sultry growl, reminiscent of a 20th Century Earth trumpeter, Louis Armstrong.

“Hello, Piper … Yes it’s Audrey, Piper … It’s so nice to see your signal on my screen!
You’ve been busy up in Ops, Piper, Pullin’ out all the stops, Piper, But down here, honey, everything is … lush and green …

You’re scan-nin’ swell, Piper … I can tell, Piper … My bio-sensors say your vitals are so strong
I feel your body heat, Piper, Way up the bridge’s seat, Piper, But you know the Arboretum’s where you belong!”

The tempo of the vine snapping increases, and … the background hum of the arboretum sounds suspiciously like muted trumpets.

And through the increased tempo, and the muted trumpets, Audrey continued, “I feel the fronds swayin’, and my roots are playn’ … a little botanical jazz just for your ears! So take a turbolift, Piper! Give me the evening shift, Piper! And we can wipe away those Operation tears!”

The trumpets became unmuted as there was a big, brassy vocal build-up.

Audrey continued, her voice becoming more powerful, more sultry. “So … log off the board, PIper! Come on down and explore, Piper! Forget the warp core and the impulse drive to-ni-ight!

Just step inside the glass … And let the hours pass … Darlin’ Piper, come and whet my appetitite! Yeah, yeah, yeah … Piper come and whet my appetite!”

Audrey let out a final, raspy joyful laugh that ends in a distinct carnivorous growl before cutting the transmission.

Audrey IV, Main Arboretum, USS Ark Angel

Piper found herself tapping her foot to the tempo of the music and almost found a way to make it down to the arboretum when the screen cut out again and Piper shook her head, she’d go down there later and see what that was all about.. She wasn’t too fond of the whetting of appetite though, she would have to find something tasty for Audrey to eat....Piper then looked up what Audrey’s diet consisted of.

Grant (COO)