A Redshirt Turned To Dust in the offkey of Tribble
With apologies to Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust”

COS (Spoken): Redshirts Don, Rick, and Sally report to transporter room 1 for away team duty. And try not to die out there today
Music starts:
Captain: Energize!

Comms Officer: The team looks around the scene
Their eyes darting to and fro
This planet is one they’ve never been
Phasers and tricorders ready to go

COS: Redshirts, fan out over the hill
Out of sight of the rest of us
Phasers set to stun, not kill
And do it with no fuss (wooh)

CMO: He’s dead Cap!
Away Team: A redshirt turned to dust
CSO: Don’t stand there! (scream)
Away Team: A redshirt turned to dust
CO: And a redshirt’s gone, another redshirt’s gone
CE: Another one’s turned to dust
COS Hey, I won’t forget you, I won’t forget you
My redshirts turned to dust

COS: How do you think we’re gonna survive
Without you when you’re gone? (boom)
Sure there are those to replace you
But there’s training and so on
I ain’t happy, I ain’t satisfied!
These redshirts can’t stand the heat!
Of the battle with the enemy
Their end comes short and sweet

Look out! (smash)

CMO: He’s dead Cap!
Away Team: A redshirt turned to dust
CSO: Don’t stand there! (scream)
Away Team: A redshirt turned to dust
CO: And a redshirt’s gone, another redshirt’s gone
CE: Another one’s turned to dust
COS Hey, I won’t forget you, I won’t forget you
My redshirts turned to dust

Spoken interlude
CO: Is that Mrs Redshirt?
Mrs Redshirt: Yes?
CO: I’m the CO of the Sentinel, and your little redshirt was in our security department?
Mrs Redshirt: Yes!

Singing returns
CO: Your Redshirt turned to dust
Are you ok, Ma’am
(Mrs Redshirt cries through remainder of song)

Yeomen: A redshirt turned to dust (NIBBLE)
A redshirt turned to dust (CHOMP)
A redshirt turned to dust (SCRATCH)
A redshirt turned to dust (POP)

Crew: Shout!

Medics: There are plenty of ways to kill a redshirt
Bridge Crew: And bring em to the ground
Engineers: You can blast em,
Scientists: Turn em to stone
Medics/Engineers/Scientists/Bridge Crew: claw, beat and dice em or just watch ‘em disolve

Redshirts: But we’re ready, yes, we’re ready to serve
The ideals of the Starfleet
Charging over the hill at the enemy
Responding to the disruptor’s heat!

CMO: He’s dead Cap!
Away Team: A redshirt turned to dust
CSO: Don’t stand there! (scream)
Away Team: A redshirt turned to dust
CO: And a redshirt’s gone, another redshirt’s gone
CE: Another one’s turned to dust
COS Hey, I won’t forget you, I won’t forget you
My redshirts turned to dust

COS: Fan out
Redshirts: Alright
(Sound of explosion)