Posted by Cadet Adinah Gartenberg (Doctor) in Counselor’s Office - Cadet Gartenberg’s Psych Eval

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Janusz Korczak (Counselor) in Counselor’s Office - Cadet Gartenberg’s Psych Eval

Posted by Cadet Adinah Gartenberg (Doctor) in Counselor’s Office - Cadet Gartenberg’s Psych Eval
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻
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Korczak looked at Adinah for a short period in silence, and then asked “So tell me about your decision to switch from emergency medicine to epidemiology? Those arent exactly complementary fields.”

Korczak, CNS

“I suppose that’s why I chose it,” Adinah replied with something almost like melancholy in her voice. Adinah liked to think she was a bit less dramatic than that, but really she sounded almost tragic for a second there. “I realized eventually that emergency medicine probably wasn’t the best fit for me. One too many large scale disasters and, well epidemiology was just a better fit I guess.”

“It wasnt a bad switch either,” Adinah added, the common but odd feeling of needing to defend her choice welling up quickly. “After all I enjoy the work and while it tends to be more research based it’s still incredibly useful in saving lives. It’s also especially relevant in space and when interacting with new species. It’s a good profession.” Adinah bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from continuing, force out a slight smile at the counselor that she tried to keep as casual as possible.

Cadet Gartenberg (Medical)

Korczak looked at her, a sense of understanding in his eyes. “Are you trying to convince me of that, Cadet? Or or you trying to convince yourself?” he asked softly.

Korczak, CNS

“It was a good choice,” Adinah replied immediately before she forced herself to stop, eyes flickering away from the counselor. It had been a good choice, she knew that, she had to know that. But, that didnt mean it didnt often feel like a failure on her part, or a short coming.

“It was a good choice,” Asinah began again, her voice a bit softer, “but it doesnt always feel like it was the right one.” That was as close as Adinah could figure to phrase it. She often felt guilty for her choice, like she’d abandoned something, but she’d also had to make it because her previous profession was destroying her.

“I dont know what I could have done otherwise.” Adinah finally gave the counselor a wry smile, eyes still not quite looking at him but closer. “Although, I suppose it’s a little late now to be worrying about any of that.”

Cadet Gartenberg (Medical)

“I dont think it’s ever too late to worry about the past. The difficult part is learning that we can rarely, of ever, change it. So tell me, do you feel any regret in the choice? And guilt for what may have been?’

Korczak, CNS

“I dont know if I exactly regret it,” Adinah began slowly, trying to puzzle out the emotion just as much as she was trying to shove it away. Her face twisted slightly in discomfort; she’d never examined it all too much because all the negative emotions just seemed too overwhelming. Adinah has always preferred to forget.

“Maybe guilt or maybe a bit of failure, but does it really even matter? I’m here now and the past is gone, what does it matter if I had to switch because I wasnt strong enough then?” Adinah fought to keep her voice steady, but at least some of her frustration leaked through in her words and she’d become more tense.

Cadet Gartenberg (Doctor)

Korczak looked at her and his head tilted slightly to the side. “Why do you feel as if you weren’t ‘strong enough’, Cadet?” he asked with no hint of judgment or condescension.

Korczak, CNS

Adinah pressed her lips together in frustration, she hadn’t quite meant her words to sound like that. Not because they were untruthful in her mind, but more because they revealed a bit too much of her feelings on the topic. “Emergency care has a high turn over rate as it is. It’s not unusual for people to be unable to handle the stress and often tragic nature of the job.” Adinah replied, voice calm in the distinct quality of someone who was quoting something or someone else.

“Just never realized I would be one of those people,” Adiah added, no longer looking at the counselor. “Didnt realize I wouldnt be able to help people because of my own short comings, or at least not those ones.”

Cadet Gartenberg (Medical)

Korczak was silent for a moment, then said “I remember my first rotation through Emergency Medical. It was… difficult… to be certain. Not academically, no… emotionally and psychologically. So I, at least, do not fault you for changing fields. But I am curious… do you fault you for doing so?

Korczak, CNS