Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in You Can’t Go Home

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Reya Salen (Counslor) in You Can’t Go Home

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in You Can’t Go Home
Posted by… suppressed (45) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Eli scratched his head. “Ok, ah, good I’ll like that” he said. “call you soon” he said then abruptly hung up.

“Ohkay..bye…” but he was gone. It was so strange. He said he called because his daughter wanted to know how she was doing. It could have just been a message. Dradvia set her head against her knees after turning the console off. She didn’t really think that Elias would call again. He’d forget her soon. That was okay, just the idea that he asked if he could, that he had called made her feel warm. Even briefly someone thought about her. Two someone’s if she counted his daughter.

Three. There were three. Dr. Tessan. His fate was her fault, but he thought about her. Maybe… No she would be strong enough to visit Betazed and participate in a Remembrance Rite for Dr. Tessan. She would do that for him.

Dradvia fell asleep curled in the chair. No memories ornightmares reached her.

“Ugh.. see she’s scared of me you should have called her” he said to vash as they got ready to head to check out the club.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Vash rolled her eyes. “Really? You think it would be better for her to hear from me? So she can cower on the floor calling me ‘mistress’ and begging me not to hit her. You think that would be better?”

“Papa, she looks you in the face. She doesn’t look at anyone, but she looks at you. That’s pretty amazing,” she grabbed her jacket and they headed out.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Dradvia woke awhile later. She sat up with a jerk and looked around. It took a moment to realize where she was. She stood up, looked around again, then at the clock. She was supposed to be in sickbay with Cmdr Salen. She went back to her quarters, changed her uniform and then headed into sickbay. She looked around for Cmdr Salen, standing close to the walls, trying to stay out of the way and out of sight.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Well staying out of site was not an easy thing to do, she was more well liked than she was aware of. Nurses and doctors alike were coming up to say hello and telling her how glad they were that she was back. That they had missed working with her.

Reya Salen

At first Dradvia was very polite, being exactly how she should be. Polite, quiet, professional. But more and more people kept trying to speak to her. They wanted to be too close in her space, wanted to put a hand on her or hug her. She crowded back away from them. Elbbirt noticed and went and got Salen before Dradvia had a full blown panic attack.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Reya came in and stepped into the the fray. “Ok everyone back to work, Dradvai is happy to see you all as well, you have said hello now there is work to do, Dradvia come with me please” she said taking her back to the inventory room. “Are you ok?” she asked

Colonel Jackson Quade
Captain U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia followed her into the room. She hugged herself to stop her hands from shaking and as a feeble means of protecting herself. “Yes.” She wasn’t okay, but she answered in the affirmative anyway.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Reya looked at dradia, “Did Tealor teach you how to control your anxiety with the tapping and breathing?” she asked, Dradiva was not going to be able to work if should could not calm down.

Colonel Jackson Quade
Captain U.S.S Wolverine

“Ummm…” Dradvia figited with her hair for a moment, “Yes. I … I remember doing that. I… I wasn’t very good at it, yet before....”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

She smiled, “it’s not about good or bad, just a tool to help calm ones self down. I use it,” she said, “To deal with my,,,,trama” she noted “Give it a go” she said bringing up the
first shelf’s pannel. “We are looking to confirm that these all match what’s actually in the shelf”
Reya Salen

Dradvia crossed her arms and leaned against the wall so she could focus on the spot between her feet. She tapped slowly, the way Dr. Tessan had taught her. Dr. Tessan. He was gone and she’d never get to see him again. Had she ever thanked him enough for not giving up on her?

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Im not gone, I’m here, and I’m not dead the thoughts rang out in her mind. long deep controled breaths

Colonel Jackson Quade
Captain U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia took a few deep breaths, it was difficult but she managed it. How do you know, you’re just a memory?

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor mentally shrugged, “Because you don’t believe I’m dead not really, The Syndicate does not waste someone with my tallent, they need him, he is a skilled surgeon and a telepath, plus.. no they will keep me alive and use me once they are done getting information from me.” he thought and then they will drug me, make me dependant on some female like they did you.

Colonel Jackson Quade
Captain U.S.S Wolverine

I don’t want that for you. A tear slipped out. She never minded Tessan being there, but it hurt so much now.

Finally she opened her eyes. She needed to do something. “I… I can get started now. If… if that’s okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Reya smiled”ofcoures, I’ll be over at the quartermasters desk if you need me” she said. Reya had a mental check on her just to ensure she was doing ok.

Reya Salen

Dradvia wasn’t okay. But the work was calming. It gave Dradvia something external to focus on. It wasn’t hard, but it gave her purpose for a few minutes.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Reya just sat and worked on her reports while Dradvia worked on her duties, it seemed to distracter her well enought. It was Reya’s hope that her former adictions were taken care of and she would get out of the room without temptaion

Reya Salen

The temptation was there, but nothing in that room would quench her thirst, and no drug there would give her what she had been conditioned to need. Besides, he had been so proud of her skill as a doctor. She wouldn’t disappoint him.

The ship was quiet and loud in all the wrong ways. Dradvia wanted to shut the door to lock it all out, but she knew she wasn’t allowed to be unsupervised.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

When the day had closed ,it had gone both slow and fast, Dradvia now found herself standing outside her quarters.

Reya Salen

Dradvia stood outside her door. Cmdr. Salen said she could stay with her, but she needed a clean uniform and something to sleep in. Her uniforms would get dingy if she slept in them constantly. Her hand reached for the controls, but she just wasn’t ready to step inside yet.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

=^= “Incomming Message from Eli T” =^= her com badge range out in the hall

Reya Salen

Dradvia jumped causing her finger to hit the control and open the door. She stepped inside, trying not to think too much. A comm. Another one. It… didn’t make sense to her she curled up in the chair and pressed the button on the console. “Hello?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

This time Eli had not been prodded by Vash, he knew she had to do something hard today and wanted to make sure she was ok. “ummm, This is Eli, I, ah” he paused. “Hope i’m not bothing you?” he said he sounded a little unsteady.

Reya Salen

“No!” Dradvia cleared her throat, “No, you aren’t bothering me. Is… is everything okay?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

The phone when quiet for a moment. “Oh, yeah, no vash and I had a good , meeting at the club” he said. “I ah,” he paused it seemed sily now that he was no the call, he was worrying about someone who he did not really know that well. “I just knew you had to go back to work for the first time today, and wanted.

“I wanted to see how you were”

Reya Salen

“Oh,” it was soft, but the surprise was clear and a little color git her cheeks. “It… it was okay.” She shrugged little. Thinking about all the people who wanted to hug and touch her. “Cmdr. Salen had me inventory the medical supplies.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He could hear the anxiety in her voice. “What happened? you sound anxious” he said wanting to help. “I mean i guess it’s none of my business, I just” he paused.”You sound upset.” he rubed his head and wondered if maybe he was over stepping.

Reya Salen

“Too many people. They all wanted to hug me and talk to me. And I know they are trying to be kind. I know I’m not normal, that I shouldn’t hate touch so much. I just can’t stand it Elias,” There was an ache there. Frustration and sadness and something a bit desperate. But she’d used his name.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Normaly he would have correct someone for calling him Elias, only his wifes has been alowed to call him that, and ofcourse vash could but she never did, she called him Eli, and now Papa which he really liked. “Dradvia, it normal to feel the way you do, It’s ok some day you’ll find someone you can connect with” he said sofly, he knew she did not like compliments. “You do you and work to what works for you, they mean well, but you get to feal what ever you want, okay?” he said

Reya Salen

Dradvia didn’t use his full name because she was trying to be formal or rude. She’d lived her life so long without being able to have her name. Lokhar took their names to take away their identity. For her, using his full name was respect, confirming his independence and identity. It was a selfish choice too. Because she hoped if she did that for others they would do it for her.

Dradvia shrugged. “As long as I act happy and normal I can feel whatever I want. If I’m not they won’t let me stay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Eli sat in thought a moment, it had not bothered him when she called him Elias, it felt… right. “Do you want to stay?” he asked, he certianly would not, but then again he hated starlfeet so he was not a good measure. “Your a good doctor, I’ m sure you could get a job in the civilan secotor where you don’t have to, Yes Sir, a bunch of pompis stuck ups.” he said.

Reya Salen

She knew how much he despised Star Fleet. “Pompus stuck ups are better than the alternative.” Dradvia smiled sadly as she said it. She shook her head, drawing into herself. “Maybe, but where would I go? I thought being in Star Fleet would keep me safe. I was wrong. No where is safe, and I’m not very good at taking care of myself.”

She licked her lips in that nervous twitch, her eyes darting around the room. She was thirsty, but she had to fight the need for the ale. There was none here anyway.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Some places are safer than others,” he mumbled. “You would never have been taken if you were with Vash and I” he noted maybe it was true. maybe it wasn’t, but Eli sure thought so. “We don’t let our gaurd down like Fleet”

Reya Salen

Dradvia shook her head, “No, oh no Elias. Do you know what they would do to your daughter if she had harbored a runaway? No. She would have had to turn me in.” They would have had to choose. It wouldn’t have been a choice really. Dradvia knew that. But it was sweet that Elias said so.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Eli shook his head. “Vash and I have our ways, it would have never come to that, we have been dealing with your friends for many years.” he noted. ” but that does not mater you are safe now, you are free and if anyone tries to take you, they will have to get through Me” he said plainly. She did not know who he was, how many people he had killed, or how many he had saved, it was ok he just wanted her to be happy, it had become, important to him” He had had vash put out informatate nets around Dradvia, if her name or a description of her came up in the underground or above ground they would know about it and could head it off.

Colonel Jackson Quade
Captain U.S.S Wolverine

She didn’t understand why he was so adamant about her safety and being responsible for it. What did he want? She couldn’t think of anything. He could have… demanded it, kept her for himself. But he just took care of her and took her back. “Thank you.” She didn’t know what else to say. It was sweet, but she knew better than to believe in hope.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Freedom is hard, isn’t it.” it was a statement as much as a question. “It was well after the war ended that I started believing I was free, I still get the nightmares, ” he noted, “Im sorry you have to go through this,” he suggested.

Colonel Jackson Quade
Captain U.S.S Wolverine

“I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s hard. I… I don’t think the nightmares will ever go away now.” She shook her head. “I was,” She stopped abruptly, tensing, a silent squeak of terror cut off. She curled right into herself.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Hey, you don’t have to talk about it, ” he said wanting to hop a shuttle and go to her, she hated sedatives and she did not have her own personal delta to calm her while she slepts. Eli paniced, something he never did but he felt helpless. He started singing a lullaby. Your text to link here…
.
Colonel Jackson Quade
Captain U.S.S Wolverine

Eli didn’t know it, but the song was grounding. Outside her room a handful of other officers had passed by, loudly sharing a joke or story or something. They weren’t coming for her, they weren’t discussing her. They were simply going about their lives, but that was something that she never got over the first time. She was so still and silent, her breath held until the passed out of hearing distance.

Dradvia was unaware of how many times Vashkilu had helped her sleep and eased her pain. She was unaware that Vashkilu had done that at all. She laid her head on her knees and listened as he sang. “That’s beautiful,” she said when he finished, something calm having settled over her. “I didn’t know you could sing.” Of course why would she? She barely knew him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“oh, ah thanks, it is an old lulibye from my people, I , well vash was the one who helped you with your fears and nightmars and things while we were on the shuttle.” he noted. “I just did not what to do you seemed scared.” he suggested./

Eli

She looked so puzzled. She didn’t remember his daughter helping her. She’d been nice, really, but Dradvia was still afraid of her. She shook her head, “I’m always scared. Someone… um walked by my quarters, that’s all.” That had gotten better before they took her again. She didn’t think she would ever not be afraid again. The sigh was so heavy and so sad Eli could almost feel it through the screen. “Will.... will you ummm… will you tell your daughter I’m sorry for how I acted?” She knew now it was just trauma and control and conditioning that made her act that way to Eli’s daughter. She was still scared of her and probably always would be, but she still felt bad about it.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“She, knows, but I ll tell her.” he said “She understands, better than most people would” he said, “We’ll I have to get going, will you be ok?” he asked

Eli

“Of course.” She wouldn’t be, but that was her problem not his. Some deep compulsion made her speak before he could hang up, “Elias? Be careful, both of you?” Then she turned off the comms before anything else could be said.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He knew what she said was not exactly true, he just hoped she would find some peace. He went to his own room and sat on the bed. His thoughts drifting to the war, and is time in the camps.

Eli

Dradvia’s days were monotonous enough, at least to everyone else. She finished the inventory, checked and refilled emergency medical kits, then resupplied emergency stations around the ship, and the shuttles. She didn’t mind, it kept her busy, helpful, and away from everyone.

She was still staying with Cmdr Salen. She slept on the couch. She had tried the bed the Cmdr brought in, but it felt too much like the pallet Lokhar forced her to sleep on. So she stayed in the couch. Sometimes, when she couldn’t sleep she played the recording of Elias singing. But only when she was certain Cmdr Salen wouldn’t hear.

Cmdr Salen hadn’t pushed her to talk yet, but she knew she would eventually. She was off duty for the day. She kept pushing herself to go to her quarters and wait there until Cmdr Salen was back. She had to learn to be alone. Dradvia went looking for her early though. She found her still in sickbay. “Cmdr Salen?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Thank you Ensign” she said handing Marty a padd. “Dradvia, what can I do for you?” she asked, She wanted to meet with Dradvia to talk with her about what was happening but she did not want to push, hoping that Dradvia would offer on her own.

Reya Salen

Dravia stepped into the area. She was gripping her upper arms painfully. “I… I’m empty. It hurts. I feel like I’m…” she searched for a way to describe it, “dissolving.” She was trying to hug herself, to feel something. “I… I think I need a treatment.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Raya nodded, “Ok hop on a bio bed I’ll go get it set up” she said

She returned a few minutes later with an infussion unit and several literes of the agent that would undo the OX-9’s horibble effects. “Would you like some company? Me someone I can call?” she asked

Reya Salen