Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in Weekly Requirements

Posted by Lieutenant Dr Tealor Tessan (CMO/CNS) in Weekly Requirements

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in Weekly Requirements
Posted by… suppressed (31) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Dradvia wasn’t even sure where to start. And there was so much she couldn’t say because she made a promise. It was a promise that she didn’t mind keeping, and like she’d told Dr Tessan before, it wasn’t one that violated her oaths. She pressed her face into Umbra’s fur and held the cat tighter. Umbra didn’t mind, and began to knead Dradvia’s arm gently. It was long minutes before she spoke. “I want to think about it. I want to imagine what it would be like to have someone want me, to want me in their life, not just temporaryily, or professionally. But because they like me and I’m special to them.” She shrugged self-consciously, “But I can’t. It’s not fair to Sisnil. He’d hear it. He loves me, but he can’t choose me. I won’t ask him to.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked at her his eyes softly watching her. “Do you think it’s fair to Sisnil to make a that call for him?” he asked his voice soft and non accusatory.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“He wants to go back. You don’t understand,” she cried. “He has a family!” The dam broke then, she cried harder, but not for herself. “I HATE Star Fleet. They’re no better than the Syndicate! The cage is just prettier.” She shook her head, “He’s given up. He doesn’t talk about seeing them anymore. He can’t go back. That was no accident. The Syndicate tried to kill him, and they almost did. They think he’s a traitor. They’ll go after his brother for it. But all Star Fleet cares about is controlling him, forcing him to work for them, against his will. They don’t care about the innocent lives they have condemmed to a horrible torturous murder. AND. IT. IS. THEIR. FAULT. WHEN. THEY. DIE!”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor moved closer to her and put his arm around her pulling her to him. “I have witnessed the darker side of Starfleet, and I am doing what I can to help mr Zoi” he noted. The Syndicate is to blame for where you both are now, Starfleet has it’s own part to play, and I aim to find out what part that is.” he noted

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I know their part.” She pulled away from him. Not out of fear but agitation, the need to not be held in place, though she stayed on the bench holding Umbra. “I know their part. They want to use him just the way the Syndicate does. The Federation looks pretty, but so does the Syndicate on the surface. They think because he served one master he should be privileged to serve them. But it wasn’t a choice for him. Neither were. I choose to serve Star Fleet. I had no where else to go. I thought they were better than the Syndicate, but I was wrong. I’ll serve, I’ll keep my oaths because my word means something to me. I chose my oath, but a forced oath means nothing. It is not a privilege to serve someone who takes away your freedom and your identity. The Federation is supposed to have laws, and justice, and fairness, and be above slavery. But it’s not.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor did not flinch when she pulled away he had expected it, he did not need to look inside to see that what was coming out was a life long of holding in her angers and frustrations. “Dradvia, I don’t disagree, Intelligence is a tricky business but it does not give them the right to enslave. Don’t judge us all by a few’s actions. “Your angry ,good you should be, I will do what I can to help Sisnil, but that may involve a trial and that trial could result in him doing hard time.” he noted. “Maybe he does not want to push because forced service is better than hard time?” he asked

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t read minds. He wasn’t given that choice, was he? He wasn’t given due process or fair representation. He is a citizen of the Federation and subject to our laws, not just the ones that are convenient for those in power.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter though. The damage is already done. His family is in danger. Nothing he does now will protect them. They will die or be tortured. They don’t understand what they’ve done. They can’t see past their fantasies of what the universe is like. What those without power will do to protect those they love to keep them alive. They only see black and white. But they opperate in shadows but call it light.” She stood, taking the cat with her and walking.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor stood and followed her. “He will have justice if he wants it, I know less than you do I’m afraid though I aim to find out. Maybe we can get his family into protection or something. ” he said. “I don’t know it’s a mess and it’s wrong, but I have to believe that the federation in all its miss guided attempts at being the ‘Good’ guys, that there motives are as a whole good, even when some within don’t always follow the light.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia nodded. “I wish I could see the universe like you do, Dr. Tessan. I used to, but I know better now.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You sound like you have lost Hope” he said lowering his eyes for a moment. “I have to believe that there is always hope, if not then life seem less like life and more like existing. You have so much to hope for no matter how far off it may seem” he said.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Hope is a strange thing, Dr. When you are simply surviving from day to day, hope is that the morning comes without waking in the night. Grander ideals aren’t a consideration,” she said. She knew what he was saying, but, “I prefer to be realistic.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor considered what she was saying. “There is nothing wrong, and it certainly is possible, to be both pragmatic and hopeful” he said. “One does not cancel out the other.”
he noted as he looked around the area that they were walking through. “Shrines like this, in my world and yours were built on both.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“We don’t have anything like this on Risa. It doesn’t fit the image,” Dradvia said. She sounded sad about it, and she did. Her planet was missing out on something so peaceful. But Risians weren’t known for peacefulness.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked around some more taking in the area. “That may be so, but the things built there were built on reality and hope, no one knows how something well progress no mater how practical it is, there is always hope that it succeeds or fails, hope that something better will become.” he noted. “Practical just guides our hope, it does not guarantee anything.” he looked at her, “Nothing stops you from chasing a dream in a controlled way, some argue that having the dream is more important the realizing it.”

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shrugged. “I got my dream. I’m free.” What was anything else compared to that? What made her worthy of having a second dream? Nothing.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor smiled, “It’s ok to have more than one, dreams are what keep us moving forward. If you are content where you are that is ok, but there is nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself.” he suggested. “I would like a family someday, and while It does not seem I will ever love anyone like I did Elara, maybe I could find someone who would be ok with that. “

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I think it would be wrong for someone to want you to love them like you loved Elara. They should want you to love them for themselves, in a way that is unique to that relationship. Not a replacement for what was lost. That wouldn’t be fair to you, them, or Elara.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor gave a slight nod his hand rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes wincing. “That’s a good way to look at it ” he noted. “Is there anything else you would like to talk about while you still have some privacy in your head?” he asked

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…” she looked out over the paths and trees. “I want to be normal, but I can’t afford to, so I’m stuck this way because I’d rather be alive.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Taelor looked at her, “What does being normal mean to you?” he asked. He was not sure that there really was such a thing there was just life and sometimes for some people it seamed to be permanently hard.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sighed, burying her face in the cat’s fur for a moment. “I don’t know.” She kept walking along the path. The program really was beautiful and serene. It was her favorite place, but more because of Umbra than anything else. “To be ignorant? To not know what danger is out there, so I can go about with no worries and embrace everything and no idea monsters are just waiting…” She wasn’t articulating it well. She didn’t know if normal existed, but that’s how all her counselors made her feel. Like she had to act like all the bad stuff didn’t exist and just go about doing stupid reckless things as if there were no consequences. Then she would be normal and could stop seeing them.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor mouth formed a small smile. “Being unaware, is not always as safe feeling as you might think, I have patients that are just as weary of not knowing.” he said mater of factly. “Fear is just fear, it comes at us in many ways.” he said. “I feel you do a good job of managing it” he said walking along side her. The program was nice, it had a calm to it that he rather liked. It reminded him of the gardens back home.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She gave a little nod. Dradvia knew that, she’d seen it. “I don’t know what normal is, but I know what my counselors have said. They want me to move on, not be afraid, not be cautious, not remember what I went through. To act like it didn’t happen. To not judge every new interaction and experience by my past. I could pretend.” She glanced at him briefly and her smile was sad. “I’m really good at pretending. That’s not honest though.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor smiled, “Most people are really good at hiding, and that all sounds very exhausting.” he noted. “Maybe the answer is to find out how to live a” he quoted .”Normal life, inspite of what happened to you. I feel it’s unreasonable to expect you to forget any of it, more how can you go on a live your life, with friends, and a job, hobbies and friendships?” he asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sighed. “I guess. I’m not sure I’m ready. It feels too risky.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked at her a moment, “Elaborate” he said almost robotically, he wanted her to start processing externally what she was feeling internally. Him feeding her little details would not help her at this point, she needed to start doing that on her own.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia stared off into the middle distance as she nuzzled the cat. “The man who sold us, was someone we knew. We visited his shop a few times a day. He was always kind, polite, made sure noone bothered us. We saw the Syndicate pay him when they took us.” She held Umbra closer. “No one looked for us. When we were rescued… there was no missing person or run away report about me or Kryssa. No one cared.”

“Lokhar made sure we didn’t trust each other. He turned us against each other. Made us compete for basic necessities. He rewarded the ones who were manipulative and turned on their friends. “

“I don’t think I know how to trust anyone.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He was not looking at her now, he was lost in thought. He did not know why he said it, it was awkward when it actually left his mouth. “I will always come for you, even if it costs me my commission” he stated with sincere conviction. He did not correct what he said, but he should not have said it. It was true though, she was, important to him and he would do everything he could to help her have a good life.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia glanced over at him. The words hit differently than when Sisnil said it. Something more… raw and honest about it. “Don’t. We are healers, not meant for the violence you would see.” Or experience. “I would not wish that on my enemy much less someone…” she paused a bit flustered. Someone who was what? “Someone that I respect and care what happens to them. I’d rather be left behind again.” It would kill her, but that was okay, that would be better.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked at her, his eyes soft but firm. “I could not live with that” he said plainly. “I know you think you need to protect me, that you and Sisnil are the onlyones on this ship that have experienced it, but Dradvia, you assume that because I am kind, soft hearted, and meek that I don’t know violence” he looked away. “Its not true, I simply chose a path that avoids it” he noted something deep in his memory surfacing for a moment. “Tell me, what is a hard path? one of peace, or one of violence?” he asked

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She shook her head. He felt none of the usual instinctual fearful shrinking from his firm tone. She actually smiled at him. Soft, gentle, understanding. “We all can survive things that we never thought possible.” She had seen it over and over. “I would not want you to experience that kind of hurt, but my reasons are also selfish. I could not survive watching it.”

She gave his question some thought, “I suppose it depends on the person. Someone who is prone to aggression and physical release would find peace more difficult. A person prone to softness and understanding and compromise would find violence, even necessary, more difficult.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He gave a nod, but did not respond, he wanted her to talk. He did not have the heart to remind her that when he joined fully with her, in an i stant , he felt the eternity of her pain and the violence done to her, he had secretly cried for days. “Can you think of anything you can do to move forwadx?” He asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia was quiet a long time. If he wasn’t telepathic he might think she wouldn’t answer.

Finally, “I… not really. I struggle just to get up each morning and choose to survive. Most days, just that, seems insurmountable, but I do. Each day is too exhausting to consider more.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer
He looked at her, “that makes a lot of sense and is not unheard of for people suffering from PTSD, what do you think costs you the most energy?” He asked he so wanted her to start tackling life rather than it clobering her.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

That was a hard question. Everything seemed overwhelming and too hard. “I suppose leaving my room every day. Being around strangers. But it is equally hard to be alone.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He took some.mental notes. ” what about small amounts of energy?” Sometime it was easier to find energy from small things to claim back for the harder.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Being in sickbay,” Dradvia answered immediately. That was easy. Every moment in there was easy even when the decisions were hard. She was helping people, learning more, could help more people. She might serve Star Fleet, she was only and ensign, but no one treated her less there, no one looked at her as more than a doctor who could help them. They didn’t want anything else from her, except the healing in her hands.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“hmm” he responded. “Why is that easy for you do you think?” he asked, he was curious as he fournd being in sickbay took more energy for him, having to be nice when he did not want. Or simply having to deal with people he was not fond of, like stephens.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Because no one cares about anything other than I’m trained to help them. They don’t ask questions or pry or judge. I’m just a doctor, and I can be just a doctor. In sickbay I can help people. I don’t have to watch people suffer and wish I could do more. I’m not helpless,” Dradvia answered. She knew why it was easy. There were days she was exhausted and physically and mentally drained from the work, but she never felt like her soul had been sucked dry.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He listened, “Do our sessions make you feel helpless?” he asked plainly, that was certainly not his intent. He was trying to help her see that there was still more to life that she did not have to live in fear.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia didn’t answer that one right away. She stopped walking, absently petting Umbra as she stared across the lawn. Therapy always made her feel helpless because she felt like no matter what she said or did it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t healing the way the counselor demanded. But…

Dradvia hadn’t really felt like that with Tessan. Not even when he had to delve into her memories. “No,” she said at last, “it makes me remember being helpless, but it doesn’t make me feel helpless. Defeated sometimes.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked at her and smiled. “I think therapy has that effect on most people,” he said putting a hand on her shoulder. “But that’s how we heal the wounds, we address them, acknowledge how they effect our life and correct the things we need or want to.” he said. He looked at her a moment. “I’m very proud of you Dradvia, you have made so much progress since we have been together. “

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia actually didn’t flinch when he touched her. She didn’t tense up either. There was a level of trust there she wasn’t aware that had formed or recognize. However, the praise had the opposite effect. Even now. She went absolutely still, her eyes dropping as her head bowed, her shoulders hunching. Her mind screamed in warning and then froze, even as her subconscious pushed her recognize everything was okay.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor did not release his hand but looked at her. “I’m sorry, I know the praise triggers you, I did not think before I said it, I truely am though genuinely without any other motive” he said. “But please forgive me fore not thinking before I spoke.” he asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shook her head, pulling the cat back tighter to her and hiding her face a moment. Tessan could feel the guilt and frustration and bone wariness in her. He could also feel that she absolutely never wanted to accept the praise. It made her feel dirty, vile, no better than an animal. “It’s not your fault.” It wasn’t. It wasn’t Tessan’s fault she hated it. That she couldn’t accept positivity about the work she is doing that was good work. It wasn’t his fault that she’d been taken and enslaved.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I understand, but I do know better, and I really don’t want to be the cause, even indirectly for you plain” he said retracking his hand gently, would you like to stop talking and show me more of this place?” he asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sighed, hating how her reaction made people withdraw. She craved connection, but it was just too dangerous. Knowing it was her decision didn’t make the loneliness easier. It just meant she understood why it had to be that way.

She looked around carefully and began walking. Getting closer to the pond, Umbra began to squirm until Dradvia reluctantly let her down. The cat ran to the very edge and peered over into the water. The pond was filled with Koi of a rainbow of colors. “I like watching the fish. Sometimes I wonder if they are bored, then I remember they aren’t real.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Taelor watched her walk, he felt her lonelieness as he pulled his hand away, he was not meant meat to relate to what they were talking about. He was having a hard time keeping thing professional with her, he wanted to bad to take all her problems away but, he could not do that, and as he phycologist should not. He tucked his hands behind his back as they took a look at the fish.

“Apparently the cat is fascinated by them as well” he noted. “I have always liked watching fish, I have a nice fish tank in my quarters actually.” he said kneeling closer to the water. “I’m not that even if they were real that they would be board. They seem to enjoy themselves , though I give them air bubbles and things to swim through.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia nodded. “Sometimes I look at pets and I envy them. Their life is routine and safe and secure. Other times I ache for them because they don’t have the freedom to do as they want. What is natural for them.” She gave a little shrug. “Maybe I am making them too humanoid in my mind.” She knelt down and stuck her fingers into the water. The fish swam towards her, swimming beneath her fingers as if looking for pets. Tealor could feel her soft delight and affection. Not as strong as she had for Umbra, but still there. “What type of fish?” she asked curiously, “in your fish tank,” she qualified.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Taelor chuckled, “Well they are salt water fish from earth. A could of anatomies and coral along with a pair of clownfish and a damsel fish. There is a few shrimp to help keep the tank clean. I find it very relaxing to sit and watch. ” he said. He too felt alone all the time, even when he was with people, though for much different reasons. He and Elora had spent many years together almost all the time. He still wake sometime feeling for her only to find her gone. Tealor kept his mask, he said sitting down on the banks edge for a moment .

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Have… have you ever thought about a different kind of pet?” she asked. The question held more importance to her than the casual conversation would appear.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He was not sure where she was going with the question and he had been avoiding her mind to give her privacy continuing to block her thoughts. “Sure,” he said. “I thought of dogs, or cats, or maybe a bird. Why do you ask, I feel like there is more behind that question.”

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia wasn’t quite sure how to answer the why. “I… I like animals,” she said, but it was more, but she wasn’t sure what was egging her on to ask. “Why… why don’t you get one?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor thought about it, he really had not thought about it much. “I’m not entirely sure” he said, “I’ve wanted a dog for some time now, a companion I am quiet lonely most days ” he said blurting out the truth before he could take it back. “But I guess I’m waiting for the right one, one I know will be a good fit?” he suggested.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia understood wanting a companion. She thought about it for a moment, “So… even though you serve and could get hurt, you’d still do it? What would you do if you got transferred or something happened to you?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He smiled. “I have , well you know Dr Salen” she is the closest friend I have in this world, she is set to take care of all my afairs should something happen to me. ” he said not pointing out that he had instructed her to take care of dradvia and sisnil as well ensure they are taken care of and well treated. He left special instructions for her regaurding dradvia that were currently sealed but would release if Dradvia would let her take over his work. “If I transfer I guess I would take them with me or make sure they were taken care of if I could not” he said

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

His answer seemed to reassure her, but then he felt a stab of upset/grief/hollowness at his last statement. “But… but they bond with you. They depend on you, they don’t understand.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“That is fair, and very true” he said, “And I would do everything I could to take them with me if it was safe, but if I could not then I would want to know the were well cared for, and hopefull I could at least visit.” he started to wonder if she was talking about pets or relationships but he did not want to push there had been enough of that for one day.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

There was conflict in her. “But it’s a commitment, a promise, to take care of the animal. It’s not a convivence or … or a blanket or trinket. It’s a living thing. You can’t leave it.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I certianly would not want to leave....my pets but if it were to.dangerious for them where I had to go, would it not be better to leave them with someone I trusted to take care of them?” He said. “It would certianly not want to leave them, i love them and would do everything could to stay? ” he noted.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“What… what if you knew you would have to leave it before you got the pet? Would you do still get one? What if the person you picked doesn’t want or can’t take care of it for you?” Dradvia asked.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer
“I guess if I knew those things I would not get the pet, but dradvia are we talking about pets here? ” he asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She nodded. She was conflicted, unsure, but these sessions were private. Tessan couldn’t say anything. “Sisnil… he got Simon, but knew he would leave. The day he got hurt. I found Simon alone in his quarters with a note. It said he was leaving and left Simon. Wanted me to take care of him. But he knows I can’t. Why would he do that?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“It seems selfish, he was likely scared or thought the cat was better off, though truelly I don’t actually know why. ” he said pausing, ” why could you not take care of the cat?” He asked her

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

So she was wrong. Dradvia despised Sisnil for that choice. For taking a young little life, make it bond with him, dependent on him, and then abandon it. But she was wrong, what Sisnil had done was acceptable. It made her sick, and poor Simon had been … depressed. The whole time Sisnil was in sickbay he wouldn’t eat or play or drink. Dradvia had been afraid Simon would get too sick to help. Simon was better now that Sisnil was back with him. She was certain Simon would have died.

“I know nothing about animals. And it’s cruel to promise to care for a life when I know I can’t stay. It’s wrong.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Dradvia”, he said moving closer. “Why can’t you stay?” He asked ignoring the rest.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“They’ll find me and take me.” She hunched her shoulders. “They found Sisnil. If they had come on board… they would have found me too.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He frowned. “I suppose thats true, ” he was not going to lie to her however unlikely the scenario was. “If it did we would come for you, starfleet I mean, will find you and bring you home” he looked at her, “your talking about you and sisnil and your relationship?”

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia didn’t believe it. No one came for her as a child. Children were the most precious of everyone and everything. She wasn’t significant to Star Fleet. She knew that. She was an ensign with no classified knowledge or special skills. She liked it that way, not noticed. It also meant she wasn’t overly valuable to Star Fleet. She knew Tessan meant he would try though.

She nodded, “I…,” she huffed a sigh, not sure how to word it. “I like him, I think… He’s my friend, but… he abandoned Simon.” She reached out and scratched Umbra. “It… it makes me hurt here,” she pointed at her stomach. It was a tight knot and made everything else hurt. “I…” she stopped not quite sure or maybe not ready to admit the realization.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“What he did was wrong, it was cruel, but Are you upset he left the cat? Or are you upset that he left you with out saying goodbye or giving you a chance to go with him?” He asked compassionatly but plainly.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Her brows drew together, her nose scrunching up in that way she had when she was giving something a lot of thought. “I knew he would leave, and he knows I would never go with him.” She’d told Sisnil that many times. “I… I don’t think I can love someone who abandons someone that depends totally on them. It wasn’t a split second decision. He knew this moment would come, and he adopted Simon knowing he’d leave him behind.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor nodded, “ok, so what do you think the wicked feeling was about?” He asked wanting her to continue her thought process, the fact that she was having him shield ver thoughts meant she did not want to know, her body was telling her what to do.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I…” she sat down, pulling her knees up and hugging them. “I don’t think I love him. I think I feel like I have to because he’s been nice to me. That I feel something but not love. That I’m so desperate I’m doing what I think will keep me safe and make him happy so he doesn’t let me get hurt.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I see” he said sitting beside her, he put his arm around her pulling her into his shoulder. “Love, is” he paused, “Something very special, it will both make you so happy you want to burst, and can bring so much pain you want to die. ” he said remembering. “If you loved him, there would be little question, hesitation sure, but not doubt.” he said squeezing. “It’s not your responsibility to make him happy, he has to find that way on his own. and no one can promiss you safty, only that they will try” he said looking out into the pond.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I know that,” she did, at least about the safety. The making someone happy… was something she knew in her head, but instinct born of trauma told her otherwise. “He’s lonely. I just want to help. But…” she sighed. “But I just can’t. I’m not okay with how he just tossed Simon aside when he was no longer convenient. I know he is just a cat, but…”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He continued to hold her, “I think you have to consider others, helping those were love find happiness is healthy, but sometimes people need to find it inside first. You have good instincts dravia. ” he paused “cats are living things and deserve to be treated with kindness and lovr, how we treat our pets is often a sign of wh we are” was all he said. He was desperately tying to let her process not inject his own thought on the mater

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sat there quietly. She wasn’t really aware of the hug he was giving her. She was confused and conflicted. She’d been hopeful and now she was feeling more isolated than she did before. Hope sucked. She let Umbra crawl into her lap and began to pet her.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Dradvia,” he said giving her a little shake and a squeeze. “It’s ok to think you might love someone, and the realize you don’t it’s part of finding the right person, someone who can deal with our crazy, and still want nothing more than to be with us. ” he said, “You will find someone like that, or you won’t, but you can still be happy, or productive if that’s what you want.” he suggested.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

A short cough of laughter rushed out of her. “I can’t deal with my own crazy.” She sighed. “I don’t love myself Dr Tessan. Most of the time, I don’t even remember what it felt like to do so.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealors heart almost broke in two, he subconsciously pulled her tighter to his side, rubbing her shoulder. “I’m sorry, that must be very hard, can you tell me what you don’t love about yourself? I can think of many reasons that one would love you” he said plainly, though he did not list them because it would trigger her.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“How afraid I am. How suspicious of everyone. I hate the lonliness and isolation. I hate how I give in. I hate I haven’t laughed in years. I hate that I’m alive and she’s not.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He continued to hold her tight, “Those are not uncommon feelings Dradvia, give in to what?” he asked sad that she had not laughed in years, he would have to find a way to change that, the last feeling he knew all to well.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Everything. I do whatever people want.” She paused a moment, “well not everything, not anymore. Usually it’s a matter of which is more scary, doing what I’m told or the consequence. I didn’t join Star Fleet because I wanted to. The doctor on the ship that rescued us said I should, so I did what I was told. I was told to take this class or that class and I did. People tell me where to sit and I do, even if I don’t want to.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked down as he thought, “And now? Is being a doctor something you want?” He asked. “Is Starfleet?” He held her, as he talked it was a question but also a statement.” You are a free woman, Dradvia, you can choose what you want” he finished.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shrugged, “I don’t know. I like helping people. I like medicine.” She shrugged again. “Where would I go?” She said it like the answer was obvious. She had no where to go, no one to find, no friends or family.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You are of course welcome here in star fleet, you are one of my best doctors” he said, “If you wanted to leave Starfleet and become a civilian you could do so here, or I could help you fine a new home. I have many connections.” he paused. “I don’t want you to leave, but you do have options” he noted giving her a slight queeze and shoulder bump.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shook her head, “No, not really. I don’t mind being in Star Fleet. It let’s me help people, and… I’m just another uniform.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Dradvia” he said, “Most people don’t want to be invisible, they complain to me on the regular that no one seas them, are you suggesting that you want the opposite and if so why.” he asked he was unconsciously rocking from side to side enjoying the scenery.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia looks up at him as if she finds the fact he doesn’t understand endearing. “Because being noticed is what got me taken. Being noticed meant punishment, or worse, rewards.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He smiled, “I understand, but that is not the case here, though I understand the reaction.” he said looking down at her. Time was moving by fast. “We are almost out of time, though as usual I don’t have anything after this appointment, I keep it clear incase we need to extend.” he noted

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shook her head. “No, not quite. But I can still be found. I don’t want to be found.” She sat up, pulling away, only now noticing he was hugging her. “I won’t keep you longer.” She was in no hurry to go back. She wasn’t ready for the privacy to end, to have to stop thinking and feeling freely. But it was what it was.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor tapped his head. “With my new found friend, I can easily keep your mind private for you for a few days, if you need some time to think” he said standing. It really was a beautiful program, he would have to ask her to share it at a later time.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia stood there before sitting down again. Thinking about what he’d said. “I… I don’t want you to do that. I think…” she looked up at him, “can you teach me to do it for myself?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor thought about that for a moment it was possible, it took a lot of mental discipline, of which she had, and didn’t. “I can do that Dradvia, but it will take some time. and I would be happy to help you.” he looked at her again. “Are you sure you would not like a day or two of privacy. It will not strain me.” he mentioned thinking she might just be trying to protect him.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia was afraid of Sisnil’s reaction. She’d seen the results of Tessan’s scans. Physically he would be fine. But she’d promised not to leave Sisnil alone, and if she blocked her mind from him he would say she had. And if Tessan did it for her, that might cause problems for them. “No, I’m sure, it’s alright.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealors eyes narrowed, he may not be reading her mind at the moment, but he knew a deflection when he heard it. “What are you not saying?” he asked softly, he wanted her to start to consider her self along with others and there needs, not just others needs. She needed to learn to put her self in the equation. He was not one of those counselors that wanted people to just take care of them selfs, it felt selfish to him, but rather he felt that people could consider there needs as just as important as others.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Her hands fidgeted. She couldn’t not answer him. “I made a promise, Dr Tessan. It’s important to me.” Her word was important to her. She wouldn’t go back on it just because she was being selfish. It didn’t hurt her to keep it.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Dradvia, you can call me Tealor, if you want. ” he said. “And what promise was that?” he paused. “Sometimes we make promises that were are one way, and not healthy to keep.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine