Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in Weekly Requirements

Posted by Lieutenant Dr Tealor Tessan (CMO/CNS) in Weekly Requirements

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in Weekly Requirements
Posted by… suppressed (86) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Don’t think about that now, he thought to her. The future is unknown. Right now, you have me. So have me. He hugged her tight.

Dradvia pressed in tight, hiding, trying to claw her way inside where no one could see her. Don’t let go.

To Tessan, You took that choice away the moment you pressed the issue. Live with the consequences, Tealor. Finish what you started.

~ Zoi

Tealor shook his head. “It’s not about finishing what I started,” he noted, “She needs to make the decision it’s her information, her mind, my goal was to clear your name, I’ve done that.” he stood and walked to the portal no longer isolating her from the conversation. “Dradvia, how do you want us to handle the information, should we involved the Commander Morris?” he asked. he would have to eventually but he could stall while he tried to find the individual that done the work.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“No.” It was quiet, muffled, and just a single word, but they heard it in the quiet.

They couldn’t tell Morris. They wouldn’t let her stay in Star Fleet. She was weak. Anyone could steal her mind, her thoughts. It put the crew and ship at risk. They would send her away. She had no where else to go. She’d be all alone again. The Syndicate would find her. She couldn’t live through it again. That was okay though… she didn’t want to live. It was selfish to not tell. She just… she just needed time to help Sisnil, then… then she’d leave on her own. It didn’t matter what happened to her then.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor winced at her thoughts, the poor woman, she would never be alone not if he or Sisnil had anything to say about it. Starfleet would not abandon her, nore should she run. Tealor nealt back down Infront of her and Sisnil. Placing his hand on Zoi’s shoulder, and another creating a circle between then that was not too close but close enough. “Dradvia, ” his voice was soft, as he pushed the energy through them all. “You both are never alone” he said as the soft thoughts and emotions circled, they could sense his resolve and his. “We can get through this together, I told you Dradvia, that unlike your previous counselors, I’ll see it through, you will never be alone,” he promised something he rarely did. “Either of you,” He said to Zoi.

“Go sleep, both of you, we’ll regroup in the morning and figure out our next play” he noted as the circle continued. It wa an old soothing technique his mother had taught him, unity circle she had called it , a tradition from back home, the pure truth created a bond, if it was accepted, nothin permanent in the overall sense of the word but A knowing, a trusting that was shared. It did not manipulate the mind in any way just expressed the truth of the words and feelings.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She didn’t want to get up, she’d have to look at them, but she’d been dismissed. Dradvia got her feet under her, and once standing she almost ran. She couldn’t go back to her quarters. It wasn’t safe there. She refused to sleep, and she certainly didn’t use the band Tessan had given her. Where she would spend her off hours, she had no idea, but there had to be somewhere she could hide. Sisnil wasn’t having it though. Wherever she was, he went with her. And when exhaustion was past the point of fighting, he stayed with her.

It was affecting her work though. Oh she was still an excellent doctor, but it showed in how she interacted with the crew around her. She was withdrawn and skittish, verging on panic at everything. Despite not wanting to go into his office again (a place she had avoided almost religiously the whole week), Dradvia dutifully pressed the chime on Tessan’s office door.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Come” Tealor said the water sitting where it always id. “Hello ensign” he said “Please have a seat, can I get you anything else?”

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She only stepped far enough in to let the door close. She stood with her arms wrapped around herself, staring at the chair and then the floor where she’d curled up in fear. She didn’t want to be in here and she didn’t want to sit in that chair.

It was stupid, Dradvia knew that. This room and that chair were not the problem. She still didn’t want to sit there.

She shook her head. “No, thank you.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor was no longer holding back his gifts with her it was pointless at this point he had seen so much while in her subconscious. The little girl that still dwelt just beyond the surface the one that still knew there was love in the world. “Would you rather go for a walk on the holodeck?” he asked feeling her uneasiness.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia nodded. Maybe he would let her pick the program? Then she could see Umbra and hold her while they talked.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor rubbed the space between his nose. His headaches had been getting worse, scans had shown nothing, so i must be stress, he thought. “Would you like to go somewhere different this time?” he grabbed his tea and handed her the water as the walked to the holodeck.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia carefully took the water, careful not to make physical contact when she did. She nodded, gaze locked at the floor a few feet in front of her. At the holodeck she paused, her gaze flicking to him briefly before stepping up to the control panel.

Tealor took note of the avoidance of physical contact. It made him feel awful, a sick feeling built in his stomach, he had violated her personal being, to save her for sure but it did not help. His expression was calm on the surface and reflected nothing to her.

It wasn’t Dr Tessan. It wasn’t what he had had to do. Dradvia felt contaminated, like she’d infect anyone she touched. There was something wrong with her, some kind of illness that brought these things to her. It would infect the people around her.

Zoi’s Gardens

A zen style building with hardwood floors and sliding doors, red trim with wood walls, thatch roofing.

It was fully stocked with several different foods and drinks, mostly teas and water, and robes and comfortable clothing for meditating as well as traditional atires for a number of cultures.

Outside, a koi pond, beautiful, with a small waterfall, stretching into a river running around a lovely garden with lightly scented plants and herbs: lavender, mint, some Betazoid and Vulcan plants too.

In the koi pond, there were several different koi, and they had a complicated behavior pattern and ‘personalities’ to replicate real fish. There were a few turtles, and some other fish compatible with koi as well. Birds and other wildlife occasionally landed, stopped, or passed by.

Tealor watched the koi, he had seen some on earth and had always find them relaxing and mysterious. He continued to follow her and take in the environment.

There was a zen sand garden, with a rake, and the stone in the middle. The sky was blue with scattered clouds. The little property was surrounded by lush temperate forests, complete with ambient, relaxing nature sounds.

There were actual holographic monks to maintain the property and give zen-goers tips on mediating. Some were Vulcan, some were Betazoid, others were human, or Orion. Each had a name, personalities, and were programmed to respond in accordance with their personalities. They would seem like people, as much as a hologram could.

Their meditation tips were based on other meditation programs, or would pull answers from the computer’s mainframe.

The paths and trails would always be the same, but the exact details will change, as they would in a natural environment. The process ran in the background, the program continued to run, the monks took care of the place, walked the paths themselves, meditated, feed and cared for the animals. The animals would age and change too.

Stepping into the program the very first thing that happened was a large black Bengal cat ran up to her. The joy, affection, and attachment that filled Dradvia was palpable. She bent and scooped the cat into her arms and buried her face into its fur.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor smiled at the Cat, “Who is your friend Ensign?” he asked her finally breaking the silence.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia stayed cuddled into the cat for a moment longer. “This is Umbra. She belongs to the monk who cooks. But she likes me.” The cat purred quite loudly, resting against Dradvia’s shoulder.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked at the cat and smiled. “would it be ok if I gave him a pet?” he asked her.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia smiled and nodded. “She likes attention.” She turned Umbra in her arms. She was more than willing to share, but she couldn’t seem to let the cat go. Her emotions were clear. She was attached to the cat like it was a real pet. Even as her thoughts berated her because it was just a hologram.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor smiled and reached out to pet the cat. “Hello Umbra, aren’t you just the cutest thing” he said reaching to scratch behind her ears, his hand brushed Dradvia’s arm in the process.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia didn’t flinch, not physically, but he felt the emotional startle. She watched him from her periphery to make sure he didn’t suddenly become sick because of her. Umbra was friendly, reaching out a paw tapping Tessan’s arm, purring and rubbing her face on his hand.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor was enjoying the cats response when he felt her worry of rejection, it confused him, tears pooled in his black eyes. He could not take it any longer, he moved past the barrier and locked his arms around her squeezing the cat, which seemed to enjoy it, “Dradvia, I’m sorry I did not mean to hurt you, please please forgive me” he pleaded, his arms locked tight around her.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She didn’t understand what he was sorry for. He hadn’t hurt her. She wasn’t upset with him.

There was no chance to explain though. Tessan hugged her; it startled her at first. It felt so much like she imagined a father might hug his daughter. Like everything was safe, that he was stronger than anything that might threaten his child. She always wondered what that might be like, and it broke her a little. Great shattering sobs tore through her, buckling her knees, and stealing her breath.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor did not let her fall, he held her in his grasp, his strength carried them both. He laid his head hon the top of her head, cheek rested tightly. “Shhhhhh” he reassured her. “shhhhhhh I’m here, I’ve got you, I’ll never hurt you again” he said, “shhhhhh”

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

The cat, hunkered down, being squeezed between them, Dradvia’s arms still tightly holding the mass of soft fur to her chest. She sobbed until her voice was hoarse from the tension in her throat, her head pounded so hard her vision went black, and her chest burned from not enough air.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor was crying as well, not sobbing, but crying. He kissed the top of her head he was not going to let her go again until she wanted him too, but he did move them to a bench. He sat with her holding her as long as she needed him too. “Shhhhh” he whispered.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia blacked out for a few minutes. Her grief, shame, and fear so great she just couldn’t stand it longer. The tension didn’t leave her body, but her breathing returned to normal in those few minutes. The cat purred and nudged her, even licking her, as if programmed to comfort her.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor thought of comforting things, his time with his family when he was younger. “you are so strong, such a good person Dradvia.” he just held her until she was ready to speak, watching the cat try and warm her. He thought about making her feel calm or to push away the feelings she was having but they were good for her to feel them and get them out. “I told you I will never abandon you, I’m here for you in what ever way you need Dradvia.” he said his hand softly stroking her hair.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia flinched when he touched her hair. She sat up, pulling away, curling into the corner of the bench. She was holding the cat like a life line. Her fingers moved through the fur, slowly, rhythmically. Her face was burried in the fur while the cat nudged her over and over. “He wants me to stay with him.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

When she flinched Tealor felt the pain he had about invading her private space, he had lost her trust. “How do you feel about that?” he asked her.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

It wasn’t a lack of trust. Dradvia hated her hair touched for the dame reason she was afraid of praise. “I… I don’t know.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor tried to get a feel for what she was feeling, “how to do you feel about him?” he asked her, “You too seem to spend a lot of time with each other. Is there something giving you pause.” he asked thinking that maybe it was fear that he may leave and go back to his ship but he was not sure.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia’s feelings were a murky mix of uncertainty, shame, old fear from trauma, affection, worthlessness, desire and need for emotional connection, guilt, and love. She was quiet for a long time, trying to decide if she’d speak. When she did her voice no more than a whisper and muffled by Umbra. “I love him.” The words hung in the air like a borg ship appearing out of nowhere.

“I think so, but maybe I don’t. What do I know about love? Nothing. And it’s not like I have anything to offer.” She was getting used to the sharp painful stab of her nerves along her arms and chest, every time she spoke that truth. Truth was supposed to set you free. That’s what Earth poets said, but the truth made her feel like she was dying. It was more painful than anything Lokhar had ever done to her.

“He wants me to stay with him because he knows I can’t go back to my quarters.” She shook her head hard and then hid her face in the cat’s side again for long moments. “He asked if he could stay with me once,” her voice was quiet, cracking with guilt. “He … he’s always had his brother, and he can’t sleep alone.” That was the simple version. “I refused.” She couldn’t accept a kindness from Sisnil that she selfishly refused him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor really wanted to get through the personal sell deprecation, though he was not sure he did not feel the same way but for much different reasons he would always be comparing them to her, and he was not sure that was fare to anyone he might be involved with. “Dradvia, tell me why you think you are unable to offer love to someone.” he asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I don’t know how. I can’t give what I’ve never had,” she gave that self-conscious shrug. “I can’t trust. I can’t relax. I can’t be alone with other people. I can’t look people in the eye. I can’t share my past with them. I can’t exist before I the Academy. I can’t hug people, I can’t hold their hands. I can’t…” she flushed to bright for Tessan to not know what she was thinking about. “Companionship, trust, intimacy, a future.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I would like to show you something” he said softly, I would like to show you what I see, and how I know you.” he said his eyes full of compassion. “Like when you felt Elara, but the way I see you, would you allow me” he asked, she needed to understand that how she knew her self was a protective shell, a shield that kept her from further hurt, but was a barrier to her moving forward.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia curled tighter into Umbra. The cat just purred and adjusted. Her purrs grew louder like she wanted to comfort Dradvia. Dradvia didn’t answer right away. What if the person who did this to her, found out Tessan was helping her. Maybe he would go after Tessan too. She didn’t want anyone in her head again. Dradvia knew Tessan’s request was different. She nodded. “I’ll allow it.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor took her hand the room slowly faded away, and took them to when she first checked in. She could hear all his thoughts about them how intelligent she was, how kind she seemed. The thoughts progressed as a soft continued embrace. His through of her were filled with hope, and encouragement. she felt the self loathing he felt for having to invade her self-conscious. But the shear awe and admiration he had for what she had made it through. He knew her now inside and out, all her experiences. He new and felt more than was comfortable for her but he proceed past. The hope he had for he, days where he saw a future for her that was so bright and free of the bindings of her past.

When it finally subside there were some very clear things she knew. Tealor knew her life now, there was no hiding from him not really in a way she could still feel a part of him in her subconscious even more because she was able to hear the voice of home in him so much more. The Tealor saw her as loving, kind, smart and had hope for her. That he saw her as strong and independent, brave and resilient. Lastly that he cared for her in a very deep profound way, like a brother protective and loving, or maybe it was more like a father. she did not have a reference. It was clear though that he would do whatever it took to keep her safe.

He watched her searching her for a response. “I will never leave you, Dradvia, you are not alone” he said

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia was crying again, quiet this time. “Don’t say that. Don’t make a promise that is out of your hands to keep.” Tessan couldn’t promise to never be taken away. It wasn’t his choice. It wasn’t her choice. She didn’t want empty hollow promises. Even if Tessan meant it, they were hollow because he couldn’t control it.

His perspective of her was settling into something she could process. “It wasn’t bravery you know. It was fear. Surviving Lokhar wasn’t brave it wasn’t a drive to do whatever necessary to just survive. It was fear and the need to avoid pain. If… if I hadn’t passed out when they shot Lokhar and taken me. I don’t think I would have left.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked at her, his eyes soft, even after seeing it she still denied it. “You are correct something could happen to me, so let me just say that I will do my best to never leave you alone.” he said not informing her that he had commissioned several of his closed friends and family to make sure she was never alone should something ever befall him. “But you are brave Dradvia, How many times to you step in front of Lokhar so someone else did not have too? If that is not bravery than I don’t know what is.” he took a sip of water. “Then there is the mater of you continuing to move on despite what’s happened to you, you still care for your patience and the few friends you have with everything you can give, ” he said. “If that is not love and bravery” he noted. “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the strength to take action in spite of it.” he said plainly

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Maybe,” Dradvia shrugged. “Better me than someone else. At the end, I didn’t care if I died, so it didn’t matter how much he hurt me.” She was slowly petting the cat now with one hand. “It doesn’t seem to matter, people keep hurting me, and I don’t know why.” There had to be something about her, something wrong with her, that kept making people want to hurt her.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked at her for a moment, “I can understand you feeling that way, the truth, though I’m afraid is far less sinister. You were put in a horrible evil place controlled by a man of the same descript. ” he sighed softly. “It’s not you Dradvia, it’s them, they are the broken, evil, twisted beyond what most people can fathom. “I know it’s not you, ” he looked at her. “I’m sorry I hurt you Dradvia. I did not want too” he said looking away from her.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia looked up at him, confusion rolled off of her clearly. “Dr. Tessan, you didn’t hurt me.” She wiped her face with one hand and turned on the bench just slightly. “You did not hurt me. No more than if I had broken my leg and you had to set the bone. It was the ma…” well she didn’t know if it was a man or a woman. “It was the person who entered my room, stole my mind, and altered my memories that hurt me. I’m not afraid of you, Dr. Tessan. I’m afraid for you.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked at her, “I’m happy that you don’t think it, it brings me some comfort” he said. “But to enter ones subconscious leave an imprint, I will forever be in your head my personality licking just under the surface of your thoughts. I hope it’s not too unpleasant for you.” he suggested. “As to the worried I appreciate that and it just goes to prove that you know care and love better than you think. I assure you thought I am more than capable of protecting myself should the need arise.” he moved closer to her betting the cat. “I need you to focus on you, so you can find a way forward” he noted

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I have Kryssa up here you know,” Dradvia tapped her temple. “Or I did. She’s faded. Kryssa… she had no training, no control. She was supposed to go to Betazed to get training. To help her. We were taken before she could. She couldn’t help it. She was in my head all the time; she couldn’t help it. Even after she was gone, I could still hear her sometimes, talking to me.” Dradvia wasn’t sure what she was trying to say. She didn’t mind it, it didn’t freak her out that Tessan was there but not. It reminded her of Kryssa in a good say. Like the way Sisnil was always there listening but never influencing. Just making sure she wasn’t alone. Being telepathic was part of who they were. Why should she be offended that they could be themselves around her?

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I can see how in the situation you were in that might actually be comforting, it batazed culture ” he said with a pause ” it is not well received, it creates a psychic bond. That is almost impossible to undo” he noted.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia huffed, “That’s wrong,” she declared fiercely. “You are who you are. It’s beautiful. People claim to be open to others, but only if you try to be like them.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He gave her a sad look, “It’s not normally done voluntarily, it’s normally forced against ones will, it’s viewed as a form of assault. ” he said. “I am glad that having me in your head is not horrible for you, I don’t mind the connection either. ” he noted.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shrugged, “It makes me feel… not so lonely.” She honestly liked it. She liked the closeness and understanding the telepathy gave. She liked sharing with Sisnil that way even though she couldn’t reciprocate. She snuggled into the cat again.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He had not had a connection to anyone that was as strong not since her death. “So if Sisnil stays will you trying to make a relationship work?” he asked trying to change the subject.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

It felt like a sucker punch. Dradvia couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t let it be a possibility. He had a family, people who loved him. People who missed him. People who wanted him. Dradvia loved him, she would miss him, she wanted him around, but she was nothing compared to what was waiting for him. She wasn’t even a consolation prize compared to all of that. She hated Star Fleet for taking that away from Sisnil. She hated them for turning him into a slave but claiming it was freedom.

“He’s my friend. That’s all. That’s more than I ever thought I would have again.” She wouldn’t be selfish and make Sisnil hesitate to go home.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I’m sorry Dradvia, I did not mean to upset you, I wanted to return to the conversation from earlier ” he said, “I’m a little off today myself.. ” he stated. “Would you like to show me the rest of the area and forget about our troubles a bit?” he asked hopeful that she would.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“You didn’t upset me, Dr. Tessan. I just… I guess I want to think about it, but I can’t.” She couldn’t let Sisnil hear her thinking about it. “I guess also, I’m hoping it won’t hurt so much.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He gave her a small nod, “I think I understand i block and give us a little privacy. ” he noted

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

bump

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She wondered if that would scare Sisnil. To suddenly not be able to hear her thoughts. Would he come looking for her, afraid she was hurt? He wouldn’t be mad though once she explained. She nodded, “Okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor gave a small nod, Sisnil, Dradvia would like some privacy for our session, I’m going to put up a barrier but she is safe. he thought wanting keep him aware that she was ok.

He then created a bubble around the too of them mentally in his mind, and soon it was just the two of them in the room and in her mind. “Ok ensign you and I are alone now. Please process as you see fit” he said with a smile.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia wasn’t even sure where to start. And there was so much she couldn’t say because she made a promise. It was a promise that she didn’t mind keeping, and like she’d told Dr Tessan before, it wasn’t one that violated her oaths. She pressed her face into Umbra’s fur and held the cat tighter. Umbra didn’t mind, and began to knead Dradvia’s arm gently. It was long minutes before she spoke. “I want to think about it. I want to imagine what it would be like to have someone want me, to want me in their life, not just temporaryily, or professionally. But because they like me and I’m special to them.” She shrugged self-consciously, “But I can’t. It’s not fair to Sisnil. He’d hear it. He loves me, but he can’t choose me. I won’t ask him to.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked at her his eyes softly watching her. “Do you think it’s fair to Sisnil to make a that call for him?” he asked his voice soft and non accusatory.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“He wants to go back. You don’t understand,” she cried. “He has a family!” The dam broke then, she cried harder, but not for herself. “I HATE Star Fleet. They’re no better than the Syndicate! The cage is just prettier.” She shook her head, “He’s given up. He doesn’t talk about seeing them anymore. He can’t go back. That was no accident. The Syndicate tried to kill him, and they almost did. They think he’s a traitor. They’ll go after his brother for it. But all Star Fleet cares about is controlling him, forcing him to work for them, against his will. They don’t care about the innocent lives they have condemmed to a horrible torturous murder. AND. IT. IS. THEIR. FAULT. WHEN. THEY. DIE!”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor moved closer to her and put his arm around her pulling her to him. “I have witnessed the darker side of Starfleet, and I am doing what I can to help mr Zoi” he noted. The Syndicate is to blame for where you both are now, Starfleet has it’s own part to play, and I aim to find out what part that is.” he noted

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I know their part.” She pulled away from him. Not out of fear but agitation, the need to not be held in place, though she stayed on the bench holding Umbra. “I know their part. They want to use him just the way the Syndicate does. The Federation looks pretty, but so does the Syndicate on the surface. They think because he served one master he should be privileged to serve them. But it wasn’t a choice for him. Neither were. I choose to serve Star Fleet. I had no where else to go. I thought they were better than the Syndicate, but I was wrong. I’ll serve, I’ll keep my oaths because my word means something to me. I chose my oath, but a forced oath means nothing. It is not a privilege to serve someone who takes away your freedom and your identity. The Federation is supposed to have laws, and justice, and fairness, and be above slavery. But it’s not.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor did not flinch when she pulled away he had expected it, he did not need to look inside to see that what was coming out was a life long of holding in her angers and frustrations. “Dradvia, I don’t disagree, Intelligence is a tricky business but it does not give them the right to enslave. Don’t judge us all by a few’s actions. “Your angry ,good you should be, I will do what I can to help Sisnil, but that may involve a trial and that trial could result in him doing hard time.” he noted. “Maybe he does not want to push because forced service is better than hard time?” he asked

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t read minds. He wasn’t given that choice, was he? He wasn’t given due process or fair representation. He is a citizen of the Federation and subject to our laws, not just the ones that are convenient for those in power.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter though. The damage is already done. His family is in danger. Nothing he does now will protect them. They will die or be tortured. They don’t understand what they’ve done. They can’t see past their fantasies of what the universe is like. What those without power will do to protect those they love to keep them alive. They only see black and white. But they opperate in shadows but call it light.” She stood, taking the cat with her and walking.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor stood and followed her. “He will have justice if he wants it, I know less than you do I’m afraid though I aim to find out. Maybe we can get his family into protection or something. ” he said. “I don’t know it’s a mess and it’s wrong, but I have to believe that the federation in all its miss guided attempts at being the ‘Good’ guys, that there motives are as a whole good, even when some within don’t always follow the light.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia nodded. “I wish I could see the universe like you do, Dr. Tessan. I used to, but I know better now.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You sound like you have lost Hope” he said lowering his eyes for a moment. “I have to believe that there is always hope, if not then life seem less like life and more like existing. You have so much to hope for no matter how far off it may seem” he said.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Hope is a strange thing, Dr. When you are simply surviving from day to day, hope is that the morning comes without waking in the night. Grander ideals aren’t a consideration,” she said. She knew what he was saying, but, “I prefer to be realistic.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor considered what she was saying. “There is nothing wrong, and it certainly is possible, to be both pragmatic and hopeful” he said. “One does not cancel out the other.”
he noted as he looked around the area that they were walking through. “Shrines like this, in my world and yours were built on both.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“We don’t have anything like this on Risa. It doesn’t fit the image,” Dradvia said. She sounded sad about it, and she did. Her planet was missing out on something so peaceful. But Risians weren’t known for peacefulness.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor looked around some more taking in the area. “That may be so, but the things built there were built on reality and hope, no one knows how something well progress no mater how practical it is, there is always hope that it succeeds or fails, hope that something better will become.” he noted. “Practical just guides our hope, it does not guarantee anything.” he looked at her, “Nothing stops you from chasing a dream in a controlled way, some argue that having the dream is more important the realizing it.”

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia shrugged. “I got my dream. I’m free.” What was anything else compared to that? What made her worthy of having a second dream? Nothing.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor smiled, “It’s ok to have more than one, dreams are what keep us moving forward. If you are content where you are that is ok, but there is nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself.” he suggested. “I would like a family someday, and while It does not seem I will ever love anyone like I did Elara, maybe I could find someone who would be ok with that. “

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“I think it would be wrong for someone to want you to love them like you loved Elara. They should want you to love them for themselves, in a way that is unique to that relationship. Not a replacement for what was lost. That wouldn’t be fair to you, them, or Elara.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor gave a slight nod his hand rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes wincing. “That’s a good way to look at it ” he noted. “Is there anything else you would like to talk about while you still have some privacy in your head?” he asked

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…” she looked out over the paths and trees. “I want to be normal, but I can’t afford to, so I’m stuck this way because I’d rather be alive.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Taelor looked at her, “What does being normal mean to you?” he asked. He was not sure that there really was such a thing there was just life and sometimes for some people it seamed to be permanently hard.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sighed, burying her face in the cat’s fur for a moment. “I don’t know.” She kept walking along the path. The program really was beautiful and serene. It was her favorite place, but more because of Umbra than anything else. “To be ignorant? To not know what danger is out there, so I can go about with no worries and embrace everything and no idea monsters are just waiting…” She wasn’t articulating it well. She didn’t know if normal existed, but that’s how all her counselors made her feel. Like she had to act like all the bad stuff didn’t exist and just go about doing stupid reckless things as if there were no consequences. Then she would be normal and could stop seeing them.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor mouth formed a small smile. “Being unaware, is not always as safe feeling as you might think, I have patients that are just as weary of not knowing.” he said mater of factly. “Fear is just fear, it comes at us in many ways.” he said. “I feel you do a good job of managing it” he said walking along side her. The program was nice, it had a calm to it that he rather liked. It reminded him of the gardens back home.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She gave a little nod. Dradvia knew that, she’d seen it. “I don’t know what normal is, but I know what my counselors have said. They want me to move on, not be afraid, not be cautious, not remember what I went through. To act like it didn’t happen. To not judge every new interaction and experience by my past. I could pretend.” She glanced at him briefly and her smile was sad. “I’m really good at pretending. That’s not honest though.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Tealor smiled, “Most people are really good at hiding, and that all sounds very exhausting.” he noted. “Maybe the answer is to find out how to live a” he quoted .”Normal life, inspite of what happened to you. I feel it’s unreasonable to expect you to forget any of it, more how can you go on a live your life, with friends, and a job, hobbies and friendships?” he asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia sighed. “I guess. I’m not sure I’m ready. It feels too risky.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked at her a moment, “Elaborate” he said almost robotically, he wanted her to start processing externally what she was feeling internally. Him feeding her little details would not help her at this point, she needed to start doing that on her own.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia stared off into the middle distance as she nuzzled the cat. “The man who sold us, was someone we knew. We visited his shop a few times a day. He was always kind, polite, made sure noone bothered us. We saw the Syndicate pay him when they took us.” She held Umbra closer. “No one looked for us. When we were rescued… there was no missing person or run away report about me or Kryssa. No one cared.”

“Lokhar made sure we didn’t trust each other. He turned us against each other. Made us compete for basic necessities. He rewarded the ones who were manipulative and turned on their friends. “

“I don’t think I know how to trust anyone.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He was not looking at her now, he was lost in thought. He did not know why he said it, it was awkward when it actually left his mouth. “I will always come for you, even if it costs me my commission” he stated with sincere conviction. He did not correct what he said, but he should not have said it. It was true though, she was, important to him and he would do everything he could to help her have a good life.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia glanced over at him. The words hit differently than when Sisnil said it. Something more… raw and honest about it. “Don’t. We are healers, not meant for the violence you would see.” Or experience. “I would not wish that on my enemy much less someone…” she paused a bit flustered. Someone who was what? “Someone that I respect and care what happens to them. I’d rather be left behind again.” It would kill her, but that was okay, that would be better.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked at her, his eyes soft but firm. “I could not live with that” he said plainly. “I know you think you need to protect me, that you and Sisnil are the onlyones on this ship that have experienced it, but Dradvia, you assume that because I am kind, soft hearted, and meek that I don’t know violence” he looked away. “Its not true, I simply chose a path that avoids it” he noted something deep in his memory surfacing for a moment. “Tell me, what is a hard path? one of peace, or one of violence?” he asked

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

She shook her head. He felt none of the usual instinctual fearful shrinking from his firm tone. She actually smiled at him. Soft, gentle, understanding. “We all can survive things that we never thought possible.” She had seen it over and over. “I would not want you to experience that kind of hurt, but my reasons are also selfish. I could not survive watching it.”

She gave his question some thought, “I suppose it depends on the person. Someone who is prone to aggression and physical release would find peace more difficult. A person prone to softness and understanding and compromise would find violence, even necessary, more difficult.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He gave a nod, but did not respond, he wanted her to talk. He did not have the heart to remind her that when he joined fully with her, in an i stant , he felt the eternity of her pain and the violence done to her, he had secretly cried for days. “Can you think of anything you can do to move forwadx?” He asked.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

Dradvia was quiet a long time. If he wasn’t telepathic he might think she wouldn’t answer.

Finally, “I… not really. I struggle just to get up each morning and choose to survive. Most days, just that, seems insurmountable, but I do. Each day is too exhausting to consider more.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer
He looked at her, “that makes a lot of sense and is not unheard of for people suffering from PTSD, what do you think costs you the most energy?” He asked he so wanted her to start tackling life rather than it clobering her.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

That was a hard question. Everything seemed overwhelming and too hard. “I suppose leaving my room every day. Being around strangers. But it is equally hard to be alone.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He took some.mental notes. ” what about small amounts of energy?” Sometime it was easier to find energy from small things to claim back for the harder.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine

“Being in sickbay,” Dradvia answered immediately. That was easy. Every moment in there was easy even when the decisions were hard. She was helping people, learning more, could help more people. She might serve Star Fleet, she was only and ensign, but no one treated her less there, no one looked at her as more than a doctor who could help them. They didn’t want anything else from her, except the healing in her hands.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“hmm” he responded. “Why is that easy for you do you think?” he asked, he was curious as he fournd being in sickbay took more energy for him, having to be nice when he did not want. Or simply having to deal with people he was not fond of, like stephens.

Dr Tealor Tessan
Chief Medical Officer U.S.S Wolverine