Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in One Step at a Time

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in One Step at a Time

Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in One Step at a Time
Posted by… suppressed (82) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Her lips pulled in and she chewed them softly to suppress a laugh. She didn’t believe for a second that he had forgotten that. She appreciated him not making a huge deal out of it though. Dradvia took a small step forward, so they were closer. Her eyes were closed as she rested her head against his shoulder. “I love you, Sisnil.” It was the ultimate proof that she trusted him. She couldn’t love him otherwise.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil kissed her forehead gently. “I want to kiss you,” he said, smiling at her.

~ Zoi

The kiss was a surprise but it felt like a warmed blanket wrapping around her from her forehead to her toes. Comforting and calming.

His confession induced anxiety that churned her gut and eased at the same time. It eased the worry that last night had been a one time thing, that he wasn’t attracted to her after the way she acted, her confession about Kryssa, her brokenness. That he loved her, but in a very generic way.

It also made her anxious because of… well everything. The idea was exhilarating. Did she want him to kiss her? Yes and not sure. But he was telling her what he wanted, but not demanding or just taking. That had to make it better, right? She knew, so she wouldn’t panic or hyperventilate or something?

Her forehead rested against his; her eyes closed as she breathed, but not as calmly as she tried for. “Okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He kissed her. He was long, slow, gentle. But as he did, she felt that connection of his, that he was supposed to be resting instead of doing. With it came all his love and affection for her. When it broke off he just hugged her.

~ Zoi

Her heart pounded, and she was extremely still. Her hand squeezed around his where his thumb was still moving slowly across the back. She gasped quietly as she felt the connection. A small ping of protest barely sparked. He shouldn’t be doing that, but it was too incredible. The clarity of his feelings helped her to relax. When he hugged her, she pressed her face into his neck, her tears making his skin damp.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He hugged her and let her stay there. His breaths were long and slow, as if he were either still tired or really comfortable. The connection faded again, he still couldn’t maintain it, but she didn’t need it to tell they were still there the way he was holding her and resting against her.

~ Zoi

She was overwhelmed in a healing way. What Sisnil shared with her was too much and yet not enough. Her heart ached painfully begging him not to leave her. She was thankful he couldn’t tell right now. She never wanted him to choose her over his family even if a selfish part of her wished it were possible.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil let her go after another several moments. He looked at her and smiled. It was obvious her assumption he couldn’t tell was correct. The strength of his feelings help drown out his loneliness. He looked relaxed, which made him look tired. “Whatever your mind tells you, I love you and you’re worth everything to me.”

~ Zoi

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Right now, she knew he meant that, but it wouldn’t stay that way. It couldn’t. She knew that the moment she learned what his situation was like. Dradvia didn’t believe she was worth that much, but he was slowly convincing her she was worth something.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Lucky for her, Sisnil wasn’t that good at reading body language. He didn’t need to, with his telepathy. “What am I supposed to be doing, my wise doctor?”

~ Zoi

That made her really smile. “Resting and drinking. If you can kiss like that, I think you can handle food and drink, now.” Dradvia’s eyes went wide, her jaw dropped, her whole face, to the tips of her ears, went red. Then she began to stammer.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled and laughed. “No, don’t be embarrassed,” he said, “that’s the way to get more like that.”

~ Zoi

The flush left her cheeks, and she stepped back quickly her eyes dropping. Did he think she was teasing him? She didn’t mean to! Did he think she was asking for more? She wasn’t! She wouldn’t dare!

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil took her hand gently. “I can’t sense your mind very well, Dee. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

~ Zoi

His arm raised reaching towards her. Dradvia froze. She wouldn’t flinch. She told herself over and over that Sisnil wouldn’t hit her. She was safe with him. Her eyes dropped to where he was gently holding her hand. She felt sick with anxiety.

Dradvia didn’t want to say, but she knew Sisnil had infinite patience. He would just wait until she did. Her eyes dropped even lower, and she shook her head making her hair fall forward to hide her face. “I wasn’t asking. I would never tease.” Her voice was so soft and tight it might shatter like fine porcelain.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked a tad confused, but then smiled. “I know. I didn’t think you were. I was being glib. Trying to be cute.” He rubbed the back of her hand. “Do you need me to let go?”

~ Zoi

Now she looked confused and defeated. Though that was hard to tell with her hair hiding her face. Cute? He was playfully teasing her? This was how normal people interacted? Gods she was so broken. She was no good for him. No matter how she tried, she had nothing of worth or otherwise to give him. She was supposed to be taking care of him, not this way around. Her hair swayed as she shook her head, “No.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Okay.” He squeezed her hand gently. He gave her one of those intense looks of his, like he was really focusing. Then he said, “Dee, there’s nothing wrong with misreading the meaning of things.”

~ Zoi

Not even Sisnil could miss the fact her body language was screaming that he was wrong about that. He was trying to make her feel better, but she couldn’t fathom why. She supposed he would say because he loved her. She had no idea if love really worked that way or not.

“You need to eat something.” The words lacked all her earlier confidence and bossiness. She was changing the subject because she was unsure and uncomfortable.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I’m fine.” Sisnil replied stubbornly. Without that bossiness, her words lacked their normal hold on him.

Dradvia nodded silently, “Okay.”

“I’m not upset, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He gave her one of those calm, even looks of his.

~ Zoi

The look didn’t do anything because she wasn’t looking at him. He wasn’t upset now, but how long before he was? Before he got tired of it? Or did that not matter because he knew he was leaving? With a mental sigh she told herself it didn’t matter because she knew he was leaving too.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Dee.” Sisnil said after a minute. “Look at me.” His voice was calm, there was no sign he was upset or ‘tired of it’ or anything else. He was just patient. Another moment passed, “please.”

~ Zoi

She couldn’t do it. Her body wouldn’t listen. She didn’t want him to see her either. His repeated request, that patient ‘please’, pulled her eyes up, to stare at his chest.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He tugged her hand lightly. “Come on, Dee. I’m right here.” He said softly, still giving her the same look.

~ Zoi

She was afraid. She knew she shouldn’t be, and it wasn’t Sisnil. Well, it indirectly was. If he hadn’t come on board, she wouldn’t be having to face the memories her feelings and situations were triggering. She hated it, but there was no way to stop it.

She didn’t want him to see her cry. She wanted to go back to her room and hide, curl into a ball in the corner and just disappear.

That small tug was like a lever that raised her eyes, though. It was almost painful knowing she had to face him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled when she looked at last, still wearing that same look. “There you are,” he said gently. “It’s gonna be okay.”

~ Zoi

No, it wouldn’t. She knew it to the very depths of every cell. She didn’t want to lie to him, but he was so certain she wanted to believe him. “Okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil sat down with another smile at her. “You don’t believe me now, but you will one day.”

~ Zoi

She was tugged along with him as he sat. She stood there awkwardly before sitting beside him. “I want to, but happy endings don’t happen for people like me.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

”…Well,” Sisnil started, unsure how to answer that. It brought to light the uncomfortable truth that the same was true for him. “Can’t we enjoy the time between now and the unhappy ending? Can’t we at least hope there isn’t an unhappy ending?”

~ Zoi

Her lower lip was tugged between her teeth. They could. It was why she liked her books. No matter how bad things were, there was always a happy ending. It let her escape. There was danger in pretending her life was like that though. Did the danger really matter once he was gone though?

No, it didn’t matter. Once Sisnil was gone all she would have were the memories. She kept telling herself that was enough, but she ended up just wanting more. She was selfish in her wanting, but she would never tell him. She would bury it so he would never sense it, and he could enjoy the hope. She nodded gently, “We can.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil was choosing not to think about leaving. After all, even with Dee’s help, when would a chance present itself? It could be a long time. She was the first thing to split his loyalty to the Syndicate. To his brother. He wished desperately he could have both, but he wouldn’t pressure her with that. He smiled and hugged her again. “Good.”

~ Zoi

She was at a loss now. She wished he wouldgo back to sleep. Then she could sit quietly and not worry about what to say or do. She didn’t have to worry about what he saw when he looked at her. In the silence she could pretend that time stood still. Though that was cruel if her, that meant he would be forever sick. So nevermind pretending that.

She let him hug her, but when he pulled away, she had gone back to the submissive posture. Head down, eyes down, shoulders rounded. Her mind told her she didn’t have to, but her body wouldn’t listen.

Simon pushed his way between them. “I fed him again. He was crying at his bowl. I hope that’s okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He nodded. “Thanks, Dee.” He said and smiled. “He’s a growing kitten, he needs plenty of food.”

~ Zoi

“All babies need lots of food.” Everyone knew that, she just didn’t know what else to say. “He was really pitiful. I thought he might choke he ate it so fast.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled and shook his head. “He thinks if he isn’t always eating he’s starving.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia laughed. “I remember thinking the same thing about the babies in the orphanage. You would feed them, get them changed, they would sleep, and then wake up immediately screaming for more bottles.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled. “Babies eat, poop, and sleep. I never saw the draw.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia shrugged, “It’s a biological imperative, to procreate. Eventually they grow up into people that someone wants to know and be around if they’re lucky. Oxytocin makes parents drawn to them. They grow up to be fun though. Just like Simon. When he was first born he ate, slept, and pooped. Now he does those things and plays a lot too. You are drawn to him.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He grinned and shrugged then. “Simon only took 4 weeks to be mostly fine on his own.”

~ Zoi

“Every species is different though. Cat’s are quick, birds stay in the nest much longer. Large mammals tend to need longer time with their parents. Many amphibious and aquatic species never tend their young after they hatch. They survive or die,” Dradvia shrugged. Everything was different. She thought it was fascinating.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“True.” Sisnil shrugged, “I’m just saying, I’m never having kids. My lifestyle isn’t safe for them anyway.”

~ Zoi

“I wasn’t suggesting you have children. I always knew if I ever had kids, I’d adopt. I won’t do that now. I won’t risk them being taken with me.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil nodded, “I wish that weren’t a concern, but it is.” Anything of hers, wasn’t rightfully hers, in the eyes of the Syndicate.

~ Zoi

Dradvia nodded. “It’s not that I particularly want or don’t want kids. I really don’t want to deal with a baby either, but I know what it’s like to not have a family, to not have anyone. I could have done that… before.” She gave that self-conscious shrug. She reached over and pet Simon. “He’s adorable, but I wouldn’t risk a pet either.” Her voice sounded so incredibly lonely. It was a lonely life not having anyone or anything to call your own.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You have me,” Sisnsil said, looking at her. “And Simon. You’re not alone, you never will be again. Even if I have to leave, I’ll find a way.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia glanced over at him with a soft laugh. He really was rougish. No one was immune to his charms. She figured he would find a way if he wanted, he was just that determined. It was sweet he said if and maybe they didn’t know when yet, but he would. She would help him find a way. Not that she was a source of many resources, but she would try. “Don’t worry about me. Star Fleet isn’t so bad. It’s not ideal, but I’m not beaten and punished. I get clean clothes, all the food I want, and free medical care. I get to help others and try to repay for all the wrong I did.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“That’s what I’m supposed to be doing,” Sisnsil sighed with an eye roll.

“Pfff,” she blew a soft raspberry at that. “Don’t worry about what Morris expects you to do. He shouldn’t impose his ideals on you until he has lived your life.”

“It comes from way above Morris,” Sisnsil commented with another eye roll. “Because high ranking Starfleet officers that don’t even serve on ships think they have room to judge me.”

“Why can’t people just leave us alone?” Everyone always tried to co troll other people’s lives and called it freedom.

He smiled at her, “It’s a little too late for ‘don’t worry about me’, Dee.”

~ Zoi

Her face turned pink, and the corners of her mouth turned up in a shy smile as she glanced down. There was a tugging in her heart, an strong but quiet necessity to curl up in his arms, cuddle against him, and trust him to take care of everything. To let him care for her, but Dradvia didn’t know how.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

So he did it for her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. “It’ll work out, Dee, one way or another. I know it will.”

~ Zoi

Her body folded into his and tension, she didn’t even know was there, faded from her shoulders. Dradvia closed her eyes and rubbed her face against his chest. Almost like Simon did when he wanted comfort. “Okay.” He knew more about it than she did. Why did she always notice how cold she always was whenever he held her? Even without his fever, he made her feel warm and safe.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He hugged her tight with a content sigh against her. “The best medicine for me is you being here.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia’s heart fluttered, and for a moment, her throat closed on tears. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. That she, herself, was simply enough to matter. “Thank you.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He smiled down at her. “I’m gonna be honest Dee, I’d probably have misbehaved so much they’d have carted me back to prison by now if it weren’t for you.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia shook her head moving to sit up, but it was awkward the way she was curled up against him. So she settled back. “I don’t want you to change for me.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I haven’t,” he promised her, “Only had incentive to run a different strategy.”

~ Zoi

Her expression was utterly stark in thought. She was thinking over his words. She didn’t like it. Dradvia could understand shades of gray in life, accepted it and was very understanding of others.

However, when it came to herself she could not tolderate having i fluence over anyone. In this she was starkly black and white with no middle ground. Perhaps it was that Lokhar had made her feel so unimportant she couldn’t fathom influencing anyone, or maybe she had been controlled for so long by others, she could not tolerate thinking she might do the same to someone else.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You influence people no matter what you do, Dee,” Sisnil said in response to her thoughts. “It is utterly unavoidable. What Lokhar had was power over you. He influenced you negatively. So aim to influence those around you positively instead.”

~ Zoi

Dee laughed so unexpectedly she snorted a little. She slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound, but her shoulders shook with laughter. Sisnil sounded like a self-help book, or some spiritual guru. Totally opposite of the bad-@ss pirate he was.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“What? You learn things in space.” Sisnil said and grinned.

~ Zoi

She managed to stifle her laugh enough to speak. “Oh, I’m sure you’ve learned a lot. But when did you spend time with monks?” The question brought to mind a picture of Sisnil dressed like the monks in his hologarden, wearing sandals or barefoot. Walking around in silence with his hands folded in front of him in constant prayer and a shaved head. The image threw Dradvia into a total fit of giggles.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“When the Syndicate trained Noril and I’s abilities,” Sisnil said with a shrug. They weren’t exactly monks, but they were wise old men that liked meditation. Same thing, right?

~ Zoi

Dradvia nodded, but she was still giggling at the image in her head. The reason he met those men was sad and scary and she tried very very hard to curb her amusement. “I’m…giggle sorry. snort.“

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil grinned. “Your laugh makes it all better,” he said.

~ Zoi

Dradvia pressed her lips together, but soft sounds of her laugh were still apparent. “I’m not … heh laughing at you.” She sifted against him so she could look up at him. His grin sent her over the edge again. It shouldn’t because his grin always made her stomach flip. But this time it was so in contrast with the serious, never have fun, monk image she started to giggle again.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I know you’re not,” he said, smiling. Her laugh was adorable. “I’ll put on monk robes if it keeps you laughing like that.”

~ Zoi

Her nose crinkled and tears slipped out the corners of her eyes as she laughed. “Oh! You can start a new breed - pirate monk!” An image of Sisnil in monk’s robed, fighting his way through one of his training programs made her grin more. Until the image changed to one of him in just the flowing pants they wore. Then the it wasn’t funny anymore and her cheeks were red for a different reason.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

The image slipped into his mind and he knew he had to replicate pants like that. He grinned at her. “Like in roleplaying games, a fighting monk.”

~ Zoi

She nodded, the grin returning. “But that is cliche. A fighting monk is always morally good. Devote. A pirate monk is much better. Morally grey, loyal to people not an ideal, roguish and charming, and devilishly frustrating when all zen and calm about it all.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know if I want to disappoint your little image of me.”

~ Zoi

Didn’t he know that’s how she saw him, mostly, minus the monk-ishness. “You can’t disappoint me, Sisnil. I love you just the way you are.” Her voice turned to a whisper on the last part. Like it was something precious she didn’t want anyone to take away from her.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil looked at her and grinned, then hugged her again. “I will always hope that’s true.”

~ Zoi

“It will be.” She laid against him, the mirth still bubbling inside, but finally beginning to calm.

Dradvia knew that she didn’t know everything about him. She knew there was no way to predict the future, but she did know enough to know what his life was like, and that it was often dark and ugly. That some choices were between which vileness could you live with longer. She knew what it was to make those choices. He survived, she wouldn’t change that.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

She was more understanding than anyone else would be about his past - except was it really his past? Wasn’t he choosing to go back? “Never deal in absolutes,” he said softly.

~ Zoi

Dradvia shook her head. “I’m not. I may not agree with your choice. I may wish you would choose differently. I may not be able to go along, but… I don’t think I will ever want you to change.who you are.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Can I really say I’m not choosing that life, when I sort of am?” Sisnil asked, looking down at her. “The best reason I can come up with is they might hurt Noril, but… I don’t know.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia sat up, reluctantly, so she could look at him. It wouldn’t take much to get her to snuggle back against him.

“I can understand that. But I listen when you talk about your crew. How you work to keep them out of the Syndicate. How you do things so Noril won’t. Maybe a part of you likes the big pay for jobs. Who doesn’t? Especially when you grow up with nothing. But I know a bigger part of you is going back for Noril, your brother, your twin, your missing half. If he was free, you would follow him.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“If he threw himself into space I’d follow him,” Sisnil said softly. He looked at her with a sigh, “I miss him, Dee.”

~ Zoi

“I know.” All he could feel was conflicting and confusion from her. She chewed her bottom lip and then stood up suddenly. “Wait here.” Sheleft quite suddenly.

“Wait, Dee-” Sisnil said, but she’d already gone.

She returned holding a nondiscrpt box. She stood just inside the closed door looking uncertain and a little guilty. Then she walked over and sat down, setting the box in his hands.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“What’s wrong?” He asked. When she handed him the box, he gave it a questioning look, and then opened it really carefully like it might secretly be a bomb or something.

~ Zoi

She was toeing the line giving him this. She had never specifically been told that Sisnil could not have something like this. Sisnil had never said so. Only that his access to the ship’s computer was restricted.

Inside the box wad a personal mid range comm device. “The uh … man that us sold it to me swore it was blank. That someone who knew computers could do whatever they wanted with it. Just,” she swallowed staring at the box, “please don’t let the crew get taken.” It wasn’t that she doubted him. Dradvia knew he would be careful. She didn’t think he would turn her in to Morris, not that she cared if she got in trouble. She was terrified of going back to the Syndicate.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil took the comm out, popped off a panel and looked at it, and seemed content with what he saw and excited. He put it back together and looked at Dee. “How did you find this?” He asked. And then he shook his head. “No, I have an idea how to keep the crew from being involved.”

~ Zoi

“When I sent the message for you. I found a shop with different tech parts.” He could feel Dradvia’s small amount of hope fall. She didn’t quote understand. “You can’t just call Noril? You… you have to call the Syndicate too?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil nodded. “I do, but I have a plan, Dee. They’re never going to have contact with the ship. Assaulting a Starfleet ship for no good reason is too risky. All they need to do is get this ship to go to starbase.”

~ Zoi

Absolute paralyzing terror hit him like a wrecking ball even despite the illness.

Dradvia slipped to her knees on the floor, her forehead nearly touching the floor. “Please, please can’t your brother just come get you? Please don’t call them. Please.“

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Without a location how exactly did you think I was going to contact him?” Sisnil asked. “I need to use the Syndicate either way.” He looked at her, hating her begging like that. “Dee, they’ll never know about you, never find you.”

~ Zoi

“With… with your ship’s transponder code?” It was a question, she didn’t know. He had used it for her to contact the ship for him. Why couldn’t he do that again? “I helped you. I did everything I knew how. I promise. Please don’t do this.”

They would. They would find her. “You know they will. They won’t be content just getting you back. They will want to make Star Fleet pay for taking you from them.” Her mind raced in panic making bad decisions. They would find her. They would punish him for hiding her. Punish her more for not returning with him. They would hurt others on the ship. She couldn’t let that happen.

“I’ll go with you. I’ll turn myself in, just please don’t bring them here. Please.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I don’t want you to turn yourself in.” Sisnil said. “They won’t mess with a fleet ship when they don’t have to. It’ll bring too much heat.” It was breaking his heart to see her this way. “Dee please.”

~ Zoi

No, no a starbase was worse. There were multiple ships, more security, more people. That reason made no sense. “I won’t. I’ll let you turn me in. It will look better for you. You… we can hide on our next stop. Noril can fund you there. Please don’t do this.” Her voice grew soft and resigned. Was this why he told her to not think in absolutes? He had told her he wouldn’t contact the Syndicate. It was too dangerous. They might think him a traitor. She’d believed him…

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer