Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in One Step at a Time

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in One Step at a Time

Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in One Step at a Time
Posted by… suppressed (36) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Her lips pulled in and she chewed them softly to suppress a laugh. She didn’t believe for a second that he had forgotten that. She appreciated him not making a huge deal out of it though. Dradvia took a small step forward, so they were closer. Her eyes were closed as she rested her head against his shoulder. “I love you, Sisnil.” It was the ultimate proof that she trusted him. She couldn’t love him otherwise.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil kissed her forehead gently. “I want to kiss you,” he said, smiling at her.

~ Zoi

The kiss was a surprise but it felt like a warmed blanket wrapping around her from her forehead to her toes. Comforting and calming.

His confession induced anxiety that churned her gut and eased at the same time. It eased the worry that last night had been a one time thing, that he wasn’t attracted to her after the way she acted, her confession about Kryssa, her brokenness. That he loved her, but in a very generic way.

It also made her anxious because of… well everything. The idea was exhilarating. Did she want him to kiss her? Yes and not sure. But he was telling her what he wanted, but not demanding or just taking. That had to make it better, right? She knew, so she wouldn’t panic or hyperventilate or something?

Her forehead rested against his; her eyes closed as she breathed, but not as calmly as she tried for. “Okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He kissed her. He was long, slow, gentle. But as he did, she felt that connection of his, that he was supposed to be resting instead of doing. With it came all his love and affection for her. When it broke off he just hugged her.

~ Zoi

Her heart pounded, and she was extremely still. Her hand squeezed around his where his thumb was still moving slowly across the back. She gasped quietly as she felt the connection. A small ping of protest barely sparked. He shouldn’t be doing that, but it was too incredible. The clarity of his feelings helped her to relax. When he hugged her, she pressed her face into his neck, her tears making his skin damp.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He hugged her and let her stay there. His breaths were long and slow, as if he were either still tired or really comfortable. The connection faded again, he still couldn’t maintain it, but she didn’t need it to tell they were still there the way he was holding her and resting against her.

~ Zoi

She was overwhelmed in a healing way. What Sisnil shared with her was too much and yet not enough. Her heart ached painfully begging him not to leave her. She was thankful he couldn’t tell right now. She never wanted him to choose her over his family even if a selfish part of her wished it were possible.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil let her go after another several moments. He looked at her and smiled. It was obvious her assumption he couldn’t tell was correct. The strength of his feelings help drown out his loneliness. He looked relaxed, which made him look tired. “Whatever your mind tells you, I love you and you’re worth everything to me.”

~ Zoi

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Right now, she knew he meant that, but it wouldn’t stay that way. It couldn’t. She knew that the moment she learned what his situation was like. Dradvia didn’t believe she was worth that much, but he was slowly convincing her she was worth something.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Lucky for her, Sisnil wasn’t that good at reading body language. He didn’t need to, with his telepathy. “What am I supposed to be doing, my wise doctor?”

~ Zoi

That made her really smile. “Resting and drinking. If you can kiss like that, I think you can handle food and drink, now.” Dradvia’s eyes went wide, her jaw dropped, her whole face, to the tips of her ears, went red. Then she began to stammer.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled and laughed. “No, don’t be embarrassed,” he said, “that’s the way to get more like that.”

~ Zoi

The flush left her cheeks, and she stepped back quickly her eyes dropping. Did he think she was teasing him? She didn’t mean to! Did he think she was asking for more? She wasn’t! She wouldn’t dare!

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil took her hand gently. “I can’t sense your mind very well, Dee. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

~ Zoi

His arm raised reaching towards her. Dradvia froze. She wouldn’t flinch. She told herself over and over that Sisnil wouldn’t hit her. She was safe with him. Her eyes dropped to where he was gently holding her hand. She felt sick with anxiety.

Dradvia didn’t want to say, but she knew Sisnil had infinite patience. He would just wait until she did. Her eyes dropped even lower, and she shook her head making her hair fall forward to hide her face. “I wasn’t asking. I would never tease.” Her voice was so soft and tight it might shatter like fine porcelain.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He looked a tad confused, but then smiled. “I know. I didn’t think you were. I was being glib. Trying to be cute.” He rubbed the back of her hand. “Do you need me to let go?”

~ Zoi

Now she looked confused and defeated. Though that was hard to tell with her hair hiding her face. Cute? He was playfully teasing her? This was how normal people interacted? Gods she was so broken. She was no good for him. No matter how she tried, she had nothing of worth or otherwise to give him. She was supposed to be taking care of him, not this way around. Her hair swayed as she shook her head, “No.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Okay.” He squeezed her hand gently. He gave her one of those intense looks of his, like he was really focusing. Then he said, “Dee, there’s nothing wrong with misreading the meaning of things.”

~ Zoi

Not even Sisnil could miss the fact her body language was screaming that he was wrong about that. He was trying to make her feel better, but she couldn’t fathom why. She supposed he would say because he loved her. She had no idea if love really worked that way or not.

“You need to eat something.” The words lacked all her earlier confidence and bossiness. She was changing the subject because she was unsure and uncomfortable.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I’m fine.” Sisnil replied stubbornly. Without that bossiness, her words lacked their normal hold on him.

Dradvia nodded silently, “Okay.”

“I’m not upset, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He gave her one of those calm, even looks of his.

~ Zoi

The look didn’t do anything because she wasn’t looking at him. He wasn’t upset now, but how long before he was? Before he got tired of it? Or did that not matter because he knew he was leaving? With a mental sigh she told herself it didn’t matter because she knew he was leaving too.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Dee.” Sisnil said after a minute. “Look at me.” His voice was calm, there was no sign he was upset or ‘tired of it’ or anything else. He was just patient. Another moment passed, “please.”

~ Zoi

She couldn’t do it. Her body wouldn’t listen. She didn’t want him to see her either. His repeated request, that patient ‘please’, pulled her eyes up, to stare at his chest.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He tugged her hand lightly. “Come on, Dee. I’m right here.” He said softly, still giving her the same look.

~ Zoi

She was afraid. She knew she shouldn’t be, and it wasn’t Sisnil. Well, it indirectly was. If he hadn’t come on board, she wouldn’t be having to face the memories her feelings and situations were triggering. She hated it, but there was no way to stop it.

She didn’t want him to see her cry. She wanted to go back to her room and hide, curl into a ball in the corner and just disappear.

That small tug was like a lever that raised her eyes, though. It was almost painful knowing she had to face him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled when she looked at last, still wearing that same look. “There you are,” he said gently. “It’s gonna be okay.”

~ Zoi

No, it wouldn’t. She knew it to the very depths of every cell. She didn’t want to lie to him, but he was so certain she wanted to believe him. “Okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil sat down with another smile at her. “You don’t believe me now, but you will one day.”

~ Zoi

She was tugged along with him as he sat. She stood there awkwardly before sitting beside him. “I want to, but happy endings don’t happen for people like me.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

”…Well,” Sisnil started, unsure how to answer that. It brought to light the uncomfortable truth that the same was true for him. “Can’t we enjoy the time between now and the unhappy ending? Can’t we at least hope there isn’t an unhappy ending?”

~ Zoi

Her lower lip was tugged between her teeth. They could. It was why she liked her books. No matter how bad things were, there was always a happy ending. It let her escape. There was danger in pretending her life was like that though. Did the danger really matter once he was gone though?

No, it didn’t matter. Once Sisnil was gone all she would have were the memories. She kept telling herself that was enough, but she ended up just wanting more. She was selfish in her wanting, but she would never tell him. She would bury it so he would never sense it, and he could enjoy the hope. She nodded gently, “We can.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil was choosing not to think about leaving. After all, even with Dee’s help, when would a chance present itself? It could be a long time. She was the first thing to split his loyalty to the Syndicate. To his brother. He wished desperately he could have both, but he wouldn’t pressure her with that. He smiled and hugged her again. “Good.”

~ Zoi

She was at a loss now. She wished he wouldgo back to sleep. Then she could sit quietly and not worry about what to say or do. She didn’t have to worry about what he saw when he looked at her. In the silence she could pretend that time stood still. Though that was cruel if her, that meant he would be forever sick. So nevermind pretending that.

She let him hug her, but when he pulled away, she had gone back to the submissive posture. Head down, eyes down, shoulders rounded. Her mind told her she didn’t have to, but her body wouldn’t listen.

Simon pushed his way between them. “I fed him again. He was crying at his bowl. I hope that’s okay.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He nodded. “Thanks, Dee.” He said and smiled. “He’s a growing kitten, he needs plenty of food.”

~ Zoi

“All babies need lots of food.” Everyone knew that, she just didn’t know what else to say. “He was really pitiful. I thought he might choke he ate it so fast.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled and shook his head. “He thinks if he isn’t always eating he’s starving.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia laughed. “I remember thinking the same thing about the babies in the orphanage. You would feed them, get them changed, they would sleep, and then wake up immediately screaming for more bottles.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled. “Babies eat, poop, and sleep. I never saw the draw.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia shrugged, “It’s a biological imperative, to procreate. Eventually they grow up into people that someone wants to know and be around if they’re lucky. Oxytocin makes parents drawn to them. They grow up to be fun though. Just like Simon. When he was first born he ate, slept, and pooped. Now he does those things and plays a lot too. You are drawn to him.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He grinned and shrugged then. “Simon only took 4 weeks to be mostly fine on his own.”

~ Zoi

“Every species is different though. Cat’s are quick, birds stay in the nest much longer. Large mammals tend to need longer time with their parents. Many amphibious and aquatic species never tend their young after they hatch. They survive or die,” Dradvia shrugged. Everything was different. She thought it was fascinating.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“True.” Sisnil shrugged, “I’m just saying, I’m never having kids. My lifestyle isn’t safe for them anyway.”

~ Zoi

“I wasn’t suggesting you have children. I always knew if I ever had kids, I’d adopt. I won’t do that now. I won’t risk them being taken with me.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer