Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in One Step at a Time

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in One Step at a Time

Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in One Step at a Time
Posted by… suppressed (62) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
He shrugged, “Probably.” Sisnil let Simon climb on his shoulders and then cleared their trays. “What do you want to do?” He asked Dradvia.

~ Zoi

Dradvia noticed how Sisnil always took their trays. She wondered if it was deliberate, so she would know she didn’t have to serve him. Or was it just because it was who he was? Either way, it was an appreciated gesture. She met him at the door.

She shrugged at his question. “I don’t know. I… well I really don’t do much but sit in my room and read when I’m off duty.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Come oooon, you had to have liked something,” Sisnil said, meaning before she was taken.

~ Zoi

Dradvia was lost in remembering for a handful of moments. “I used to go to the beach and the gem mines. I would use what I found to make jewelry. I babysat to make money to buy supplies. We would go to the market. We could spend all day there just watching and browsing. I was in a book club at the library.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Hmmm.... Why don’t we walk a beach program? I’m sure I don’t have to specially program that.” Sisnil said, though he had another idea that did need preparation.

~ Zoi

“No, there are plenty to choose from.” The computer’s library was massive. She turned toward the lift. She wasn’t exactly dressed for the beach in her uniform. It would be fine, she didn’t exactly have anything else to wear.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“What do you wear besides your uniforms?” Sisnil asked her as they headed into the holodeck. He picked a program and set it.

~ Zoi

“Oh… ummm…” she flushed a little, “pajamas. I don’t really need anything else. I… I don’t like to be around a lot of people off duty. I had to replicate what I wore down on the planet.” Her uniform gave her a degree of protection when she wasn’t on the ship. People saw the uniform and not the person.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Hmmm.....” Was that… A flash of mischief on his face? He was certainly planning something. He patted her shoulder and grinned. “Come on, show me what you like to do.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia gave him a puzzled and slightly worried look. What was he up to? She walked into the holodeck and looked around. She closed her eyes and stood there listening to the waves and feeling the salt air on her skin, the breeze in her hair. After a deep breath she opened her eyes and walked toward the surf. “We used to come and look for shells, sea glass, sometimes I would find feathers. We would spend the whole day. We’d swim and make sand sculptures. Sometimes we’d stay after dark and have a bonfire. All of us together.” She walked as she spoke, picking up shells as she went.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil walked with her. He didn’t much like the beach, but he wouldn’t show that. “That sounds nice,” he said.

~ Zoi

“It was. There were always families there. On vacations, celebrating, being together. So we kind of made our own little traditions. All we had was each other. There was a boy, Rou, he never joined us. Said he was waiting for his family to adopt him, then he would have traditions. He grew up, never got adopted, he had to leave the orphanage. He was really bitter.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil nodded. “Children are naive and hopeful. It’s still sad he never was, but let’s be honest, most kids aren’t.” He and Noril wasn’t. No one looking to adopt kids wanted troubled twins.

~ Zoi

“People want babies. No one wants more than one.” Dradvia shrugged. “Baby Elise was adopted, but Kimmel, her older brother wasn’t. He told Ms. Lyta to let her be adopted. Better one of them. They never brought her back to visit or let him see her. It’s tragic.”

She stopped to pick up a shell. She turned it over in her hands. “I always wanted a family of my own. We all did. You can’t help but want it. To belong. But… but the adults, they think they can just erase what we had together. As if all that time meant nothing. Like we didn’t live before they take a child home. It’s cruel in a way. Though I’m sure they don’t mean to be.” She stood and tossed the shell into the waves.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“They don’t. They just… They don’t want to think about the baggage kids have.” Sisnil shrugged. “Noril and I had each other. That’s all we ever needed.” The way he said it, Dee would know that was what they had told each other over and over again.

~ Zoi

Dradvia looked over at him. She reached over and squeezed his hand. “That’s what Kryssa and I told ourselves too. As long as we were together, we could handle anything.” They had been so wrong. “Kryssa designed fabric. Beautiful designs and textures. I… I used to have a shawl she made me. It was beautiful, soft, and so warm.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I wish I could get it back for you,” Sisnil said, knowing it was likely long gone. He squeezed her hand gently. “We could, though, the two of us. Handle anything.”

~ Zoi

“It was burned when Lokhar took us. You can’t get it back. And Ms. Lyta has surely given away or tossed anything we left behind. All I have now are my memories.” But they all led to that one horrible last memory of Kryssa. She looked out at the ocean. “Kryssa could have painted this beach in her fabrics,” she said on a whisper.

“You could. Not sure about me. I mean, I could heal you when you got hurt or sick,” Dradvia shrugged awkwardly. She had value, she just had to keep telling herself that.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil tugged her toward him and hugged her. “Good, because we do that a lot. Always have.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia stumbled slightly in the sand as he suddenly tugged her towards him. She didn’t fall, instead she was caught in his arms, held against his chest. Simon sniffed her forehead. Sisnil’s sudden closeness warmed her against the chill of the ocean breeze, and she settled closely against him. “Always?” She knew his life was dangerous, but… but it made her sick with worry suddenly. “I don’t suppose it will do any good to make you promise to be careful?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I can promise to try,” Sisnil said gently. He pulled up a sleeve and showed her a scar on his upper arm. “I was six when this happened. We couldn’t get medical care but it wouldn’t stop bleeding so we glued it.”

~ Zoi

Her fingers traced the scar slowly, as if she could heal it simply by wishing. It reminded her of the other slaves and herself that she had nursed. Never any medical care, doing the best she could for them. “You’re lucky it worked. It could have continued to bleed internally. That was good instinct though. Primitive but actually an old method to seal incisions. How did you get hurt?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Trying to steal food,” he admitted with a shrug. “It’s only still so visible because that’s how it healed.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia hugged him tightly, understanding what it meant to be hungry. Then she pulled back as far as his hold would allow. “I could fix the scar for you.” She stared at the scar, her thumb running over the mark slowly.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

He smiled. Her touch was gentle, soft. The feeling in his arm was numbed over the scar, but not around it. “Did you fix yours? When you joined the Fleet?”

~ Zoi

Dradvia looked away as she stepped back from him. She hugged herself, feeling cold in the breeze now. “The doctors healed what they could. Most are internal. I would need several surgeries to fix them all. A few…” Her voice dropped to less than a whisper, her voice tight, “I ummm… I couldn’t let the doctors near.” She swallowed hard. “The worst though can’t be fixed. Lokhar had… a doctor. He… he liked to experiment on us. Instead of healing our injuries… he,” she swallowed hard, staring out at the ocean, letting the breeze sting the tears from her eyes, “left permanent scars inside us.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“That’s not a doctor. That’s a torturer with medical training,” Sisnil said firmly, taking her hand. “Okay, let me change my question. Would you feel better if I let you fix them?”

~ Zoi

She had to fight the urge to take her hand back. It wasn’t that she disliked him holding her hand, but the memories made her feel exposed, raw, afraid. They made her skittish to be touched. She looked at him from the corner of her eye. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyed. “No. It’s healed and obviously not slowed you down or left noticeable disability. Scars have meaning, like tattoos. To keep them or not is up to you. It would only make me feel better if I knew it would increase your quality of life.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled. “Then I don’t mind them being there.” He looked at her. It was a long, adoring look. “One day you’ll see all of them.” He said softly. If only he’d known that wouldn’t happen the way he was imagining it.

~ Zoi

The look made her stomach flip and her heart race as she looked back at him. His words, especially the way he said it, turned her red and made her shidy on her feet nervously until she managed to look away. She knew what he meant, and it filled her with guilt. She couldn’t, but he kept wishing that would change. She hugged herself as she looked at the sea as it ran sadly away from the shore - the tide never belonging anywhere. Wishing would never fix her enough to give him what he wanted. Her heart ached horribly. She was leading him on without trying or meaning to. There was no way to fix it without breaking her promise. She would not do that.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Please, Dee, don’t worry so much. I’m not rushing you. Just letting you know I’m going to keep waiting for you.” Sisnil said, hugging her to him.

~ Zoi

He had his arms around her again. It made her fidgety and her stomach uneasy. It was overwhelming for her. She didn’t protest. She could give him this, she couldn’t endure her own discomfort and broken instincts to help him feel better. He said he would wait, but he wouldn’t be on Wolvie that long, and no matter how many times he said it, Dradvia would never go with him, back to the Syndicate. The least she could do was let him hug her when he needed

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Dee,” Sisnil said softly, letting her go when he sensed how uncomfortable she was, “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I’m not even sure when we’ll stop somewhere like that again.”

~ Zoi

She took a single step back for balance. The tension in her lowered significantly. The overwhelming feeling ebbing. “I know.” Sooner or later though. She would miss him, but she was filled with hope from him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“And you know… If I try to get away and fail, I could go to Federation prison.” Sisnil sighed. It was the most worried about something he’d ever seemed.

~ Zoi

Her hand gently touched his upper arm. “Then we can’t fail.” It was that simple, but difficult to achieve. Dradvia knew that. She said ‘we’, but she knew it was all up to Sisnil. She wouldn’t know how to start, but she would help as best as she could.

She lowered herself to the sand and sat cross-legged. She scooped sand into a pile in front of her and began to shape and mold it like it was clay. “Were there beaches where you grew up?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil sat down next to her. “Yes. But I didn’t live close, so we didn’t often go.” He said, shrugging. He watched as she started to build with the sand.

~ Zoi

“On Risa, everything is close. In a way it’s nice, but in others, it takes away the beauty of things. Things that are easy to get have less value. You take what is readily accessible for granted.” Dradvia packed the sand and used her nails to scoop and trace out shapes. She could have asked the computer for tools, but she didn’t want to do that.

She wasn’t making a castle like most people would. Slowly through the curved lines and delicate removal of small amounts of sand, a flower started to form. “Is there anywhere special you would want to go back to? To see again?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil considered it. “Of all the things I’ve seen.... I mean, I’ve seen beautiful things, Dee. Beautiful places. The best this galaxy has to offer.... And the worst of it, too.” He frowned and held her hand. “When I see the good, it reminds me of the bad. Eventually all the places look like places and when I go back there’s… Nothing there. And the places in the past, my past that I might visit… They are gone.”

~ Zoi

He was holding her hand again, but she didn’t notice. It just felt right, and he did it with such ease that it didn’t draw attention. Even if she wasn’t conscious of it, Sisnil could feel the way it soothed her. “I feel that way, sort of. Anywhere I might want to see, might as well be destroyed. I can’t go back.” They would look for her there.

“I guess, for me, it’s more a time, but I can’t Time travel, so it’s a place. There was this artesian street in the market. There was this little shop it was always changing. Tourists that decided they lived Risa and would stay. They would open a business, but soon tire of the vacation paradise. Kryssa and I,” a smile crossed her face, lit her eyes, filled her with anticipation and hope. A glimpse of the child who had a good future planned. “We were going to open a shop of our own there. I was going to make jewelry and Kryssa would make her fabrics and make clothes.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled and squeezed her hand. “I see.” He smiled and looked at her. “I don’t really… Craft. Can you imagine me holding dainty little needles and making earrings or sewing fabrics?”

~ Zoi

Dradvia looked at him, a mischievous gleam came to her eyes. “Of course. All the great pirates made accessories of their riches, and with no domesticated women on board they had to repair their own clothing.” She covered her mouth in a dramatically inhaled breath. “Oh dear, you can’t do that? Tsk tsk, you aren’t the greatest pirate.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Oh?’ sisnil scooped her towards him and lay her against him, standing close to her. “Then Dee, you’ve got things to teach me.”

~ Zoi

Dee swallowed a gasp as he pulled her onto him. She froze, barely breathing, but her heart racing out of control. His voice shivered over her skin and down her spine. She was lost in the depths of his black eyes and wanted to stay that way. “Teach you?” What could she possibly teach him? Though she was sure he could show her a lot.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“To make beautiful adornments and lovely fineries out of my treasures, Dee,” Sisnil said softly.

~ Zoi

His voice was so soft she more felt it than heard it. “But you don’t have any treasures here,” she sounded reasonable as he voice feathered out. Inside though, was disappointment. If there was nothing to make she couldn’t spend more time with him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“We have the holodeck. I have whatever I want to have,” Sisnil replied, grinning.

~ Zoi

Oh. His proximity seemed to make her muddled. All her brain seemed to be able to process was how close he was holding her. “What do you want?” She had no idea why that question made her stomach erupt like millions of butterflies lived there.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You tell me, Sisnil said, smiling at her. “What do you want to teach me to make?”

~ Zoi

Tell him? He was the mind reader not her. She flushed suddenly because she was sure his thoughts would make her feel very shy and inadequate (through no fault of his).

She’d lost the trail of the conversation while her mind raced down a very different track than making jewelry. She stammered, blushing, knowing he knew. Tilting her head back, (she didn’t want him to let go) her eyes skimmed over him. “Do you ever wear jewelry?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil chuckled lightly. “Sometimes. Necklaces, rings, that sort of thing. I was never into piercings.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia could think of all types of things to make for him, but what could she teach him to make? “What about Noril? Does he? Do either of you like a particular gemstone?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“He wears the same kinds of things I do…” Sisnil grinned, “I guess we’re a little cliche for twins.” He shrugged, “Your choice.”

~ Zoi

Her mouth pursed into a little bow as she thought and then she shot him a very stern and suspicious look. “No peeking at my thoughts. I want it to be a surprise.”

Sisnil grinned and laughed. “You have my word. I won’t ruin your surprise.”

“When would you like to make it?” She was still laid closely against him. The conversation distracting her from being anxious and uneasy. Instead he could feel her starting to relax.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Anytime you want. Whenever you have a day off shift, maybe.” Sisnil hugged one arm around her. “I wish I had a picture to show you of him.”

~ Zoi

“I thought you were identical twins? I mean personalities are different, but physically I thought you were similar.” She was contemplative. “Could you use your likeness and use the holodeck?:

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“We are,” Sisnil said, “So you know what his features look like, sure. But how he carries and presents himself? That is different from me. Very different.” He considered it. “Is it possible? Yeah. Do I want to? …I don’t know.”

~ Zoi

“Then don’t. I don’t want to make you sad again.” Dradvia understood. Well she supposed she didn’t. It was hard to remember Kyrssa. She could ask the computer to make her likeness, but it would hurt too much. It was worse for Sisnil, she was sure. Noril was not just his real brother, but his twin. Dradvia could only imagine how much worse Sisnil’s grief was, knowing Noril was alive, but he couldn’t reach him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sometimes, he could swear he could sense Noril, just barely, just the slightest wisp of his presence, but it would always fade, just a brief ghost of what had been there all his life. He smiled sadly and extended that feeling to Dee.

It was a devastating loneliness along with a powerful longing, reaching constantly for something that was too far away to reach, like a cell phone searching for signal in the middle of a vast desert. There was a scant hope mixed throughout, because Noril was alive, there was the ever present chance Sisnil might see him again. But that hope was perhaps the most painful part of all, as he grappled with his mind that it would never happen.

That soul crushing loneliness hit her, and an anguished cry slipped from between her lips as she began to cry. Dradvia laid her head on his shoulder and hugged him. The feeling left her needing some kind of connection, even one that wasn’t even a band-aid.

Then it all faded from her, and he smiled sadly again and hugged her. “I am always sad, Dee.”

~ Zoi

“I know,” her voice feathered warmly across his neck. She wanted to make him less sad not more, but she knew she would never be enough to do that. That intense agony was why she wouldn’t leave him alone. Even if she would always disappoint him, she couldn’t let him suffer alone. She would stay near him until he could go home.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil hugged her gently and rested his head on her. “You do make me less sad,” he said in response to her thoughts, pulling away just enough to look at her.

~ Zoi

Less sad was good. It wasn’t happy, but Dradvia wasn’t sure happiness was more than a lie most of the time. She looked back at him, and smiled sadly. “I’m glad I help a little.” In the silent stare that followed, she became instantly aware and uncomfortably anxious with how close they were and they way he was holding her. She fought the urge to scramble away. It wasn’t him, well it was, but not in a bad way.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled, one of those teasing, cute grins. “Do you want me to let you go?”

~ Zoi

She was going to chew through her lip, worrying it between her teeth. She looked like she was trying to figure out what the right answer was. But he was giving her one of those looks that made her fuzzy headed and her stomach flop. “I… I don’t know.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil chuckled and then hugged her tightly. “Then I’m going decide for you and say no.”

~ Zoi

It was a horrible feeling. The ease letting him decide caused, but then the self-doubt that quickly followed. She wasn’t supposed to let anyone make decisions for her anymore. Even over trivial things like someone offering her a desert or refilling her water without asking.

But Dradvia didn’t know what she wanted, except she wanted to be able to trust him, for small and big things. That was paralyzing frightening though.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil just let her think. He wasn’t a shrink, he wasn’t sure what to say to help her. He just hoped his being there was enough.

~ Zoi

It was complicated. Tessan had asked her if she wanted to change herself, learn to be more trusting. Dradvia had told him no. If she wasn’t wary of everyone and every place, it just made it easier for the Syndicate to take her again.

It wasn’t that she wanted to live her life like that. Always afraid, no connections, never enjoying visiting new places. More than all that, she wanted to stay out of the Syndicate’s control. Sisnil being here just proved that the Syndicate could find her anywhere. Anyone else, and she had been afraid at first, would have taken her and run back for the reward.

She could never go back with Sisnil. It would destroy her to go and break her if she didn’t. She liked being close to him, but she was afraid of it too. It was just complicated.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer