Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in It’s Not Simple, No Matter What You Say

Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in It’s Not Simple, No Matter What You Say

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in It’s Not Simple, No Matter What You Say
Posted by… suppressed (77) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Sisnil went to his quarters and sat down with Simon. Was his being friends with Dradvia a bad thing? She liked him because he understood, he got that, but that didn’t make him good for her. Maybe he should just leave her alone.

~ Zoi

The holodeck was empty, but marked for open use. So Dradvia started the garden program. She spent a lot of time here. Umbra met her as soon as she walked in. Almost like the cat knew she was coming.

Dradvia didn’t think about the fact it was just coding. She picked Umbra up and buried her face in the soft fur. She found her hiding spot, away from the main garden. It was a small group of trees with heavy under brush. As people came and went from the program, No one saw her or bothered her. She could sit quietly or vent her confusing feelings to the cat that never left her.

Today it was tears and confusion. Why did it matter if people told her what to do? It wasn’t likeshe was very good at taking care of herself. On her own she got kidnapped and enslaved. She was urged toward Star Fleet. She had no where else to go, so she did what she was told. That was the whole life of an officer, obey orders. Dradvia knew how to obey. She didn’t know anything about being on her own and independent.

Did she really care that Sisnil was looking out for her? No, the truth was she liked that he did. Did it matter he was so certain of his advice that it sounded like an order? Not really. She knew he meant well and wasn’t going to force her to do anything. He was just a very assertive personality.

Did she get upset because she didn’t like it or because all her shrinks told her to respond that way? Or was it because she was terrified of Sisnil? Not of him. Oddly she should be, but she felt safe, or safer, around him. No she was terrified of how much she liked him, her feelings, and the fact he knew it.

But she was still back to the same problem of why she reacted the way she did. She offended him and pushed him away. That was the real pivot point. She was broken, and didn’t know what she wanted or how to deal with it. She would always be broken.

She supposed she should say so to Tessan in a session, but she just couldn’t stand to hear his denial and positivity and encouragement. She wanted to heal, but she knew some injuries could never fully heal.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil roamed the ship with Simon. Nowhere in particular, just killing time and teaching Simon to stay with him. He didn’t go looking for Dradvia, he thought she needed space. Then again, he was wrong before… He reached out for her empathically, checking on her.

~ Zoi

Dradvia was feeling overwhelmed by lonliness and self recremination. She was achingly sad, and filled with guilt and doubt and uncertainty. She didn’t know exactly what she had done to push Sisnil away. She wanted to fix it. She had promised not to leave him alone. It was an easy promise to keep. She wanted to be near him, but now he didn’t want her around. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to feel or what to do about her feelings.

She was hiding away from people. Afraid to be alone, but afraid to be seen. Sisnil would recognize that feeling in her. She had felt like that a lot when he first met her. Over the weeks that had calmed. Dradvia knew it was because he made her feel more secure. She wasn’t totally alone in the mass anymore. Well, she was again. She wanted to make it up to him, but maybe that was selfish. She wanted him around, but if he wanted away from her, she wouldn’t force him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil had known it was a good idea to check in on her. Taking Simon with him, he went looking for her. He asked the computer her location and then went to find her.

~ Zoi

“EN. DRADVIA IS ON THE HOLODECK,” the computer answered helpfully.

The garden program was running, and she wasn’t the only one using it. Apparently, the program had become fairly popular. However, Dradvia was not among the open spaces where everyone else was. It was a trick of the holodeck. She was physically near, but distant within the program.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil headed in and slipped through the area, not wanting to have to talk to anyone else. Holodecks were weird to him. It was a little disorienting. He could feel her physical location, but because of the trick of the holodeck, she wasn’t where she “should” be. “Come on, Dee, where are you hiding?” He murmured to himself.

~ Zoi

Places where she could hide were few. The buildings were all occupied or nearly so. Somewhere off the manicured paths, would appeal to her. In a group of trees was where he had found her last time. There were two thick groupings of trees that were abandoned by real people. One, the Orion monk was working at, so she wasn’t there. The monk was programmed to leave her alone.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

When he saw the monk, he knew she wasn’t there. So he checked the other one. When he found her there, he made sure she heard him coming. “Dee? You okay?” He asked softly.

~ Zoi

Dradvia startled anyway. She hadn’t expected the person approaching to be Sisnil. She figured she wouldn’t see him anytime soon. She didn’t look at him when she glanced in his direction. She held Umbra closer even as her emotions betrayed her longing for Sisnil and Simon.

No, she wasn’t okay. It didn’t do any good to deny it, he would know. But telling him that felt selfish. He wasn’t responsible for her problems. He wasn’t the cause or the trigger. She buried her face in Umbra’s fur, quietly wiping her cheeks. “Don’t worry about me.” She glanced around. “I’m… I’m sorry. I can go, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil let Simon down and the harnessed cat curiously sniffed the holographic cat. Then nosed Dradvia. Sisnil sat next to her. “Why would you go? I’m the one intruding here.” He said. “I’m not-” he frowned and sighed. “Don’t feel like you have to stay away from me, Dee. That’s obviously not helping either of us.”

~ Zoi

Umbra was unimpressed by the kitten. Dradvia reached down and pet Simon. He quickly took up the space that Umbra had occupied. Dradvia loved Simon, but she was attached to the holographic cat as well. “You aren’t intruding,” she denied vehemently. He was welcome. She wanted him there. She felt… light, peaceful, safe, cared for when he was around. “It’s your program.” He was staying away from her. She wasn’t surprised. She didn’t blame him either. “I just end up upsetting you even when I try really hard not to.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I wrote it for you,” he replied simply. “Yeah, I was. Not because of what you did, because I hurt you. Because being around me could get you hurt. I thought it would be best. It wasn’t.”

~ Zoi

Shocked surprise pinged off of her. He wrote this for her? She didn’t know what to make of that, much less what to feel about that.

“You didn’t hurt me. I was frustrated and upset. I vented that at you. That was wrong and unfair and uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

“Sisnil…” Her voice pleaded before she took a breath. “Being around me is dangerous for you too. You know what will happen if they find out you are harboring a run-away.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil took a deep breath. “I intend to pay your price. Your buy-out and your runaway bounty. I wasn’t going to mention it.”

~ Zoi

She went still, even her thoughts as she tried to process that. “You… you can’t.” Hope that had risen was broken to pieces. “The buy-out alone is a Shodar’s fortune. Every year I’m gone the bounty doubles. They won’t let me go.” Horrible images, fear, shame, pain, sickness filled her. She drew Simon up into her arms against her chest. Her voice was barely a whisper and it shook. “I… I was with Lokhar when Star Fleet took the ship. He had me in his room. I was there when they killed him. If the Syndicate has the records, they will accuse me of murdering my owner.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

The images flashed in Sisnil’s mind. His hand brushed hers. “My skills afford me some leeway in these matters.” He said. “Maybe enough, maybe not. But you’re not going back to them. Not ever.”

~ Zoi

She flinched when he touched her hand, but she didn’t pull away. Her chest hurt, she hated she flinched. She hated she couldn’t remember what it was like to not be touched with violence. Dradvia knew Sisnil wouldn’t hurt her, but she flinched anyway. Dradvia nodded her head, bring Simon closer, hiding in his fur. She was safe enough while Sisnil was here, but he would be gone eventually. By that time her bounty would be unfathomable.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Don’t think about that right now.” Sisnil said. “It won’t help.” He looked at her. “There’s a lot of possibilities I don’t think about.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia hid her face in Simon’s fur. He rumbled and vibrated, but was actually still for the moment. How could she not think about it. The Syndicate never stopped searching for runaways. She’d never heard of one who actually got away and didn’t get caught again. There were more pressing things though. Tomorrow they would be docked and she would try to send Noril a message. “Is there anything you want me to tell him?” Maybe, just maybe, if she could get the message through it would make up for how … inadequate she was. She wasn’t doing it for praise or acceptance. Sisnil could hate her, and she’d still do it. If she could give him some small connection to what he’d lost, to his family, she’d do it for the devil itself.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Tell him I’m okay and give him some sort of hint to what ship I’m on.” Sisnil said. “Then tell him this word exactly: Arhaveli. Other than that, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

~ Zoi

She gave him a sad look. “I can’t tell him the ship. I can’t break my oath. Please Sisnil?” Her heart cracked a little more at having to deny him again. Her voice pleaded with him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Can you tell him I’m on a fleet ship?” Sisnil asked. “Or… Or, the region of space?”

~ Zoi

Dradvia considered it a moment and then nodded. “I can do that.” It really wasn’t an awful thing he was asking, but she knew Sisnil. She didn’t know what his crew might resort to to get him back. If it was just her, Dradvia wouldn’t hesitate. Her words meant everything to her. “I… I guess I won’t see you tomorrow. Are… are you sure you’ll be able to get me the code?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil nodded. “Certain. If I weren’t, I’d be making another plan.” He smiled at her thoughts, “They won’t risk the lives of the ship. If anything, they’d attempt a stealth rescue.”

~ Zoi

That was reassuring. “Should I wait for a reply? How long?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“No, there won’t be one.” Sisnil said. “Too risky to establish two way contact.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia nodded. “I’ll have time to waste. Is there anything you want? I can get it for you.” She looked down at the kitten who had resigned himself to being stuck and had decided to sleep. “Or something for Simon?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“If you see anything for him, sure.” Sisnil said. “For me, no. I’m fine.”

~ Zoi

“Okay.” Hours with no purpose or goal. Dradvia wasn’t looking forward to it. She really didn’t want to leave the ship, but that was just anxiety. She would be fine. She could do this.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I’ll be with you. Just not physically.” Sisnil said, trying to help. “I’ll be in my quarters, most likely.”

~ Zoi

“You sound like you’re a belvin, a giardian spirit, when you say that.” Dradvia smirked, but there was that sense of giddy nervousness that accompanied the statement. Like he was flirting with her.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Maybe I am,” Sisnil said with a grin. “That’s why I ended up running into David at that stupid campus. To come here and protect you.”

~ Zoi

Her stomach flipped and flopped and if she had been standing her knees would be weak. “Ah, is this the whole thing about the gods wanting us to run in to each other?” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Or are you just being rougishly charming?” Dradvia bet it worked on every woman he met.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil laughed. “A bit of both, I guess.” He said. “Though if the gods split me from my crew I’d have to be very upset with them.”

~ Zoi

It wasn’t fair he was so charming. Her cheeks flushed. “Well,if I remember correctly, you don’t believe in fate or meddling gods. So no need to be upset with them right?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil laughed, “Exactly.” He shrugged, “The idea of fate is stupid anyway.”

~ Zoi

“It’s depressing, really.” She shrugged off the swell of defeat that the concept of fate caused and made herself return to the lightheartedness. “Well since we both agree fate is stupid then you didn’t run into Cmdr Morris so you could be here to pro…” she trailed off, feeling self conscious and nervous. Not in a bad way, but feeling unfamiliar things. She was dismissing the idea, but at the same time she didn’t want to do that. She wanted it to be true, but she couldn’t accept that it was.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil laughed. “Everyone has an exception, Dee. That’s our exception.”

~ Zoi

She looked at him. Not the usual slightly indirect way she had, but actually looked at him. There was pleading and uncertainty all over her face. That one word our frightened her. She didn’t want to be abandoned again. She didn’t want to face it, having someone, just to be left behind and alone all over again. At the same time, she knew it was already too late. Sisnil meant too much to her.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled reassuringly. “That’s up to you, Dee. If I get away, well… There’s always a place for you with me. If I don’t then.... I guess it doesn’t matter, does it?”

~ Zoi

It was disconcerting sometimes how he knew everything she thought and felt. Not because it felt invasive, but because she often didn’t know herself. He did though. She looked away. Was she really considering going back with him? That shocked and confused her. She wasn’t brave enough to go back with him. Sisnil needed someone brave and resourceful. Someone that would benefit his crew, not be an added responsibility. But she was desperate enough to believe he would make a place for her. But why? She didn’t understand her own thoughts and feelings. She nuzzled tighter into Simon wishing she was the one being held instead.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“There are a lot of ways to benefit the crew without being ‘brave’,” Sisnil said. “And nothing you don’t want to do either.”

~ Zoi

Her brow pulled down, making her ja’risia catch the light. She felt warm and comforted that he clarified his statement. That he reasured her before she even knew she needed it.

The thing was, was he serious or being kind? Did he really want her around? She couldn’t just go for a week or a month and then return to Star Fleet. She would have no where to go if he changed his mind.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil gave her a look. “I don’t leave crew behind, Dee. Once you’re on, you’re on.”

~ Zoi

Dradvia didn’t want to be his crew. She didn’t want to fill a role anyone could do. She didn’t want to owe him loyalty simply because he was the captain. She wanted to be more than just crew. She wanted…

She wanted to be his. Not like she had belonged to Lokhar, but how Noril and Vash belonged together, to each other, like the heroines in her books belonged together with the heroes. It hit her like a sledge hammer, right in the chest, in her heart. She was falling in love with Sisnil.

Icy paralyzing panic froze her in place. She couldn’t run, hide, or alter her thoughts. She couldn’t go back to being unaware. He, Sisnil, was aware and had been for a bit. She couldn’t hide it from him, he knew. He always knew. Embarrassment, shyness, and a sense of loosing a lifetime treasure filled her.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled politely. “Take your time to sort out your emotions, Dee.” He said softly. “I’ll be here.” He was giving her a soft, almost affectionate look.

~ Zoi

Mortification and shame filled her. He knew. He had known all this time. He thought… he wanted… it didn’t matter, she had nothing to offer him. Nothing to give to a relationship. Had she been leading him on? She hadn’t meant to. Had she?

She had no idea what she was doing. She glanced at him covertly, he looked, she didn’t know. No one ever looked at her like that. Sort out her emotions? If she knew how to do that, she wouldn’t be hurting so bad. Would she?

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil was calm, his face giving away little. He let her think through things herself. There was little he could do to help her. She had to decide on her own.

~ Zoi

Dradvia wasn’t aware there was anything to decide. No matter what she felt, she couldn’t do anything about it. This wasn’t a romance novel. There would be no happy ending. Romantic stories always had a happy ending, the hero swept her off her feet, and they found their differences made them closer. She was always safe and taken care of. She wished the holodeck would swallow her whole. He knew, but it was cruel to him to say it aloud.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“If you don’t give it the chance,” Sisnil said softly, “Then you’ll never have the chance.” He looked at her. “Don’t tell me it’s impossible. It isn’t.”

~ Zoi

Finally she spoke, “I don’t know what to do, Sisnil.” When Dradvia had been taken, she had only just started to discover attraction and crushes. Even in Risan society, she had never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. After, well she was too traumatized. She still was, but Sisnil was different.

Simon lifted his head and stared at Dradvia. He mewled pitifully and then looked at Sisnil, stretching out one paw. His emotions were clear. Dradvia was distressed and he wanted Sisnil to fix it.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil gently touched Simon’s paw and then did something he hadn’t done before: pulled Dradvia into a full armed hug, pressing her head against him. “Can we figure it out together?”

~ Zoi

Dradvia found herself curled against and pressed to Sisnil. He could tell it scared her. Not him, but just being held by anyone for any reason. At the same time he could feel how she craved it. How it soothed her. He could feel the war inside her. The conflicting emotions were enough to drive anyone insane.

Figure it out together? She wished they could, she wanted that. She wanted to say Sisnil was hers, her family friend. They were together. She wanted it so much she felt sick. She wasn’t brave enough to say it. She could barely force herself to nod just a tiny bit.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil kept holding her against him, Simon patiently and awkwardly smooshed between them. “The only way to work through it is to do it.” He said softly. He shared his emotions again with her, concentrating on letting her feel what he felt. His affection, his hope and longing for connections in general, but also for her in particular. His calm confidence.

~ Zoi

She knew that, but it just seemed insurmountable. His emotions ebbed over her. For a moment she was no longer lost or warring with conflicting emotions. Then she realized those were his emotions. That somehow made her feel better. Knowing how he felt, but it was overwhelming too. She turned her face into his chest and pressed closer.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil stayed there with her like that for a while. She could feel how calming it was to him. Like after a long while he was finally able to find a sliver of peace. If Dradvia looked up at him, she’d see his eyes were closed. From him, that was a deep sign of trust.

~ Zoi

As long as it was quiet, as long as they were still, Dradvia could let time stand still. She could be numb to the turmoil and confusion and uncertainty. She could let herself feel safe, relaxed, believe she belonged like this with him. She could be calm.

She was the calmest and most relaxed Sisnil had ever seen her. It was Simon who disturbed that peace. He wanted out of being squished. He was ready to play again and wiggled and squirmed and climbed until he could get free. His claws caught at her arm making her jerk. She paused awkwardly as the weight of his arms around her registered.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil shifted to let Simon go, but he didn’t let go of Dradvia. He stayed with her while the cat went looking for something more interesting to do.

~ Zoi

Dradvia immediately missed Simon’s furry presence. She didn’t try to move away, though the instinct was strong to do so. She wanted to be able to stay, to be comfortable. To return to the peaceful state. It wouldn’t happen if she didn’t try, and she agreed to try.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

It wasn’t just for him that he was doing this. Dradvia would be a lot happier, he suspected, if she could do this. Sisnil stayed with her for quite a while longer before he let her go. “Dee, I…” He smiled sheepishly, it wasn’t like him to be shy.

~ Zoi

She moved away as soon as he let her go. Afraid of having over stayed her welcome, as the humans put it. She wasn’t looking at him, she was watching the trees around them. She missed the sheepish smile, she only heard the words and tone. They filled her with dread, she felt sick again, her throat felt tight. He’d changed his mind, or was worried she would make more of it than it was? Shame felt like sharp needles peeling the skin from her forearms. How did a dream turn into a nightmare?

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil set a hand ever so gently on her cheek, directing her gaze to him. “Dee, your feelings are mutual. They have been for a while.” He smiled softly. “I have been keeping things to myself, so you could work out your own feelings.”

~ Zoi

He was so incredibly gentle that it felt like she had stabbed herself when she flinched at his touch. Would she ever not do that? Her reaction caused her eyes to fill with tears. Tears that she desperately tried to blink away as he coaxed her into looking at him. That, too, was difficult. She had managed to adjust by learning to look just to the left or right of someone eyes. At the corner so it was never direct, but close enough to fool people.

Sisnil wouldn’t let her get away with that. His eyes were like magnets that she was pulled toward by laws of nature. She was lost. The way it showed on her face was poignant. Needing to be shown the way and desperately wanting him to be the one to show her. Her mind wishing to tell him, but her heart unable to understand it all. “I’m not very good at working things out.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“No? But you did, didn’t you?” Sisnil asked gently. “I didn’t have to tell you. Just had to wait a while.” He looked at her, “I’m quite patient, Dee. I can wait.”

~ Zoi

Her forehead wrinkled with worry and confusion. She didn’t understand. “Wait for what?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil chuckled lightly. “For you, Dee.”

~ Zoi

The look that crossed her eyes was ‘Obviously me.’ Unless she was having a different conversation than he was. But his words didn’t answer her question. “To do what though? What are you waiting for me to do?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil considered his answer. “To accept your feelings,” he said at last. “To be comfortable in them.” He looked at her with this intense, but soft stare. “Don’t say you can’t, I’ve seen you. You’re getting there.”

~ Zoi

Acceptance wasn’t the problem. Dradvia sighed, and admitted she wasn’t sure how to accept them. Not these particular emotions. She would eventually; she could be quietly amazed she was able to love anyone at all, much less in a romantic way. Accepting and doing something about them were totally different obstacles though. She could know how she felt, and what she wished she could have, but having it was another matter.

She would have to work through that on her own. She was sure someone would give her advice to talk to a counselor, but she would never be able to discuss this with Tessan, ever. And she had no close friends to confide in. Well, there was Sisnil, but the hilarity and awkwardness of that conversation sent a bubble of amusement through her. She sighed again. “Since when do Pirates have infinite patience?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Pirates who have no patience do something reckless and die,” Sisnil replied with a shrug. It was hard for him not to be more tactile with her, he and Noril were quite tactile, they came from a family where that was normal. And then Vash’s Deltan abilities worked the same way, so she was usually fairly touchy-feely with them too. But he didn’t want to overwhelm or scare her. “Those of us who can wait, find the opportune moment to act.”

~ Zoi

She smiled slightly, even as she was hyper aware his hand was still resting on her cheek. “More proof you are the best pirate ever?”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil nodded. Then he pulled her towards him and hugged her. “You got it.” He said softly.

~ Zoi

She was stiff as he pulled her towards him, but she went to him. She hesitated before she hugged him, not quite sure what to do with her arms. After a moment she settled her arms around his shoulders, letting her head rest against him again. She wished she wasn’t on edge, always worried about what horrible thing was going to happen next. “You’re too confident for my own good,” she tried to banter, but really she thought exactly the opposite.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“For your own good?” Sisnil shook his head against her. “Confidence is what’s gotten me this far, isn’t it?”

~ Zoi

“Okay, I’ll conceded that.” She didn’t want anything to happen to him. What wasn’t good was she knew she was likely to give in to that confidence even when she needed not to. It wasn’ta matter of thinking Sisnil would take advantage of her; it was a matter of having a hard time being truly independent, of constantly avoiding any kind of conflict.

Really joining Star Fleet proba ly hadn’tbeen good for her. They weren’t cruel to her, but she was still following someone else’s orders, all day, every day. “You have too much swagger for my own good. I guess that’s a requirement to get your pirate license.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Only when you’re not a six foot tall strong Klingon,” Sisnil replied.

~ Zoi

“I’ve never met a Klingon. I saw a few once. It didn’t go well for Lokhar. They caught him trying to cheat them.” It was horrible of her, but she had enjoyed seeing him hurt.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil laughed. “He got the snot beat out of him, didn’t he? If you’re going to cheat a Klingon, there’s only one piece of advice: don’t get caught.”

~ Zoi

“Lokhar thought they were drunk. He underestimated their tolerance and jovial nature.” It had gone very badly for him. They had suffered his wrath after.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil nodded. “Helps to be a telepath, I guess,” he said and laughed.

~ Zoi

Dradvia nodded sadly, “If you’re strong enough, like you, I guess it does.” He was stronger than Kryssa. It wasn’t that Dradvia thought of Kryssa as weak, but Kryssa had left her alone in that he’ll. Dradvia didn’t blame her though. Dradvia hadn’t done the same because…

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I’m not stronger than she was,” Sisnil said softly. As a telepath, yes, but as a person, he wasn’t so sure. He kept hugging her, laying against her like a needy puppy. “And I’m glad you are.”

~ Zoi

Not if he knew what she’d done. She shook from the darkness of it. Something so horrible it was buried in her thoughts past Sisnil hearing it. Or so Dradvia hoped.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil’s mind reached for it instinctually, out of habit, trying to dig it out of her mind. When he realized, he pulled his mind away. Nothing she’d done could compare to his deeds, anyway.

~ Zoi

It wasn’t hard for Sisnil to dig it out, and it wasn’t like Dradvia really had any training in stopping a telepath. It never occurred to her. Her secret was dark and ate away at her. Dradvia had killed Kryssa. It was not guilt in a sense that she knew Kryssa would commit suicide and didn’t stop her. Dradvia had taken Kryssa’s life with her own hands.

Kryssa had tried before to take her life, and Lokhar had her watched constantly. When Kryssa tried the second time, the guards tried to stop her. Kryssa begged Dradvia to help her. To not let them stop her again. Dradvia could still hear Kryssa’s desperate plea echoing in her mind. Dradvia had taken one of the guards’ knives in the confusion and used it on Kryssa. They hadn’t been able to save her. Dradvia had been severely punished for it, and she had welcomed it. Nothing Lokhar could do to her, would ever be enough for the horrible thing she had done.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil didn’t bring it up verbally. He didn’t even mention he knew. He kept quiet. He wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault, but in the state she was in, she’d never believe it. Honestly, for Kryssa, it was probably a mercy. That probably wouldn’t help either. It wasn’t a bad thing, not to Sisnil. “Nothing changes my being glad you’re here,” he said to her.

~ Zoi