Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in It’s Not Simple, No Matter What You Say

Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in It’s Not Simple, No Matter What You Say

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in It’s Not Simple, No Matter What You Say
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Sisnil went to his quarters and sat down with Simon. Was his being friends with Dradvia a bad thing? She liked him because he understood, he got that, but that didn’t make him good for her. Maybe he should just leave her alone.

~ Zoi

The holodeck was empty, but marked for open use. So Dradvia started the garden program. She spent a lot of time here. Umbra met her as soon as she walked in. Almost like the cat knew she was coming.

Dradvia didn’t think about the fact it was just coding. She picked Umbra up and buried her face in the soft fur. She found her hiding spot, away from the main garden. It was a small group of trees with heavy under brush. As people came and went from the program, No one saw her or bothered her. She could sit quietly or vent her confusing feelings to the cat that never left her.

Today it was tears and confusion. Why did it matter if people told her what to do? It wasn’t likeshe was very good at taking care of herself. On her own she got kidnapped and enslaved. She was urged toward Star Fleet. She had no where else to go, so she did what she was told. That was the whole life of an officer, obey orders. Dradvia knew how to obey. She didn’t know anything about being on her own and independent.

Did she really care that Sisnil was looking out for her? No, the truth was she liked that he did. Did it matter he was so certain of his advice that it sounded like an order? Not really. She knew he meant well and wasn’t going to force her to do anything. He was just a very assertive personality.

Did she get upset because she didn’t like it or because all her shrinks told her to respond that way? Or was it because she was terrified of Sisnil? Not of him. Oddly she should be, but she felt safe, or safer, around him. No she was terrified of how much she liked him, her feelings, and the fact he knew it.

But she was still back to the same problem of why she reacted the way she did. She offended him and pushed him away. That was the real pivot point. She was broken, and didn’t know what she wanted or how to deal with it. She would always be broken.

She supposed she should say so to Tessan in a session, but she just couldn’t stand to hear his denial and positivity and encouragement. She wanted to heal, but she knew some injuries could never fully heal.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil roamed the ship with Simon. Nowhere in particular, just killing time and teaching Simon to stay with him. He didn’t go looking for Dradvia, he thought she needed space. Then again, he was wrong before… He reached out for her empathically, checking on her.

~ Zoi

Dradvia was feeling overwhelmed by lonliness and self recremination. She was achingly sad, and filled with guilt and doubt and uncertainty. She didn’t know exactly what she had done to push Sisnil away. She wanted to fix it. She had promised not to leave him alone. It was an easy promise to keep. She wanted to be near him, but now he didn’t want her around. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to feel or what to do about her feelings.

She was hiding away from people. Afraid to be alone, but afraid to be seen. Sisnil would recognize that feeling in her. She had felt like that a lot when he first met her. Over the weeks that had calmed. Dradvia knew it was because he made her feel more secure. She wasn’t totally alone in the mass anymore. Well, she was again. She wanted to make it up to him, but maybe that was selfish. She wanted him around, but if he wanted away from her, she wouldn’t force him.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil had known it was a good idea to check in on her. Taking Simon with him, he went looking for her. He asked the computer her location and then went to find her.

~ Zoi

“EN. DRADVIA IS ON THE HOLODECK,” the computer answered helpfully.

The garden program was running, and she wasn’t the only one using it. Apparently, the program had become fairly popular. However, Dradvia was not among the open spaces where everyone else was. It was a trick of the holodeck. She was physically near, but distant within the program.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil headed in and slipped through the area, not wanting to have to talk to anyone else. Holodecks were weird to him. It was a little disorienting. He could feel her physical location, but because of the trick of the holodeck, she wasn’t where she “should” be. “Come on, Dee, where are you hiding?” He murmured to himself.

~ Zoi

Places where she could hide were few. The buildings were all occupied or nearly so. Somewhere off the manicured paths, would appeal to her. In a group of trees was where he had found her last time. There were two thick groupings of trees that were abandoned by real people. One, the Orion monk was working at, so she wasn’t there. The monk was programmed to leave her alone.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

When he saw the monk, he knew she wasn’t there. So he checked the other one. When he found her there, he made sure she heard him coming. “Dee? You okay?” He asked softly.

~ Zoi

Dradvia startled anyway. She hadn’t expected the person approaching to be Sisnil. She figured she wouldn’t see him anytime soon. She didn’t look at him when she glanced in his direction. She held Umbra closer even as her emotions betrayed her longing for Sisnil and Simon.

No, she wasn’t okay. It didn’t do any good to deny it, he would know. But telling him that felt selfish. He wasn’t responsible for her problems. He wasn’t the cause or the trigger. She buried her face in Umbra’s fur, quietly wiping her cheeks. “Don’t worry about me.” She glanced around. “I’m… I’m sorry. I can go, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil let Simon down and the harnessed cat curiously sniffed the holographic cat. Then nosed Dradvia. Sisnil sat next to her. “Why would you go? I’m the one intruding here.” He said. “I’m not-” he frowned and sighed. “Don’t feel like you have to stay away from me, Dee. That’s obviously not helping either of us.”

~ Zoi

Umbra was unimpressed by the kitten. Dradvia reached down and pet Simon. He quickly took up the space that Umbra had occupied. Dradvia loved Simon, but she was attached to the holographic cat as well. “You aren’t intruding,” she denied vehemently. He was welcome. She wanted him there. She felt… light, peaceful, safe, cared for when he was around. “It’s your program.” He was staying away from her. She wasn’t surprised. She didn’t blame him either. “I just end up upsetting you even when I try really hard not to.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I wrote it for you,” he replied simply. “Yeah, I was. Not because of what you did, because I hurt you. Because being around me could get you hurt. I thought it would be best. It wasn’t.”

~ Zoi

Shocked surprise pinged off of her. He wrote this for her? She didn’t know what to make of that, much less what to feel about that.

“You didn’t hurt me. I was frustrated and upset. I vented that at you. That was wrong and unfair and uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

“Sisnil…” Her voice pleaded before she took a breath. “Being around me is dangerous for you too. You know what will happen if they find out you are harboring a run-away.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil took a deep breath. “I intend to pay your price. Your buy-out and your runaway bounty. I wasn’t going to mention it.”

~ Zoi