Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in You Have To Trust Someone Eventaully

Posted by Civilian Sisnil Zoi (Intelligence Consultant) in You Have To Trust Someone Eventaully

Posted by Ensign Dradvia (Medical Officer) in You Have To Trust Someone Eventaully
Posted by… suppressed (27) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Sisnil pet the cat gently. “No, no fish for you. I’ll get you a different fish.” He said. Then he put one hand behind his back and quietly summoned a small piece of tuna with the computer while distracting the cat. Then he brought his hand around and showed her the tuna. “Oh, what’s that? Huh? What’s that?” He said. He broke the piece of fish in half and have half to Dradvia. “Here. Feed her.”

~ Zoi

There was a brief quiet ping of amusement in Dradvia before it was drowned in the despair. She took the fish and set it beside her. That was a mistake because Umbra pounced on it and tried to run away with the fish. It became a comical desperate game of keep away.

Dradvia tried to keep the fish out of reach while she gave the cat small pieces. Umbra would grab her arm and pull it down. She was surprisingly strong. Dradvia lost her balance, fell backwards, and the fish landed on her cheek.

Umbra sat on her chest, front paws on her chin, and started eating the fish.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil laughed. That was it, he had to get his hands on a cat. He had an idea. “Be careful or you’ll be swimming with the fish,” he said, grinning at her.

~ Zoi

Dradvia’s eyes went wide and she stopped in her movement to move Umbra. “Is she mmm mmhmmm mumble mumble.” Umbra didn’t like her perch moving and so she played down, paws on Dradvia’s nose, front legs and body keeping her mouth closed. Was the cat going to bite her? It seemed prudent to stay very still. Holographic or not, it would hurt. Her eyes cut to Sinsil for help.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil picked the cat up gently, careful of her nails, and then flipped her upside down and cuddled her. “You’re too much!” He plucked the fish off Dradvia and held it in his hand, letting the car flip over. “Here you go.”

~ Zoi

“Thanks,” Dradvoa murmured as she sat up. Her face felt icky with the oil. She asked the computer for a wet soapy cloth and scrubbed her face. It was holographic and would disappear when the program ended, but Dradvia didn’t like to be dirty. “I guess she was really hungry.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Or really likes fish,” Sisnil said, feeding her his half of the little piece of fish. Then he gave her a bunch more pet. “I’d give you more, but it’s not good to have too much.” Sisnil said. Not that it mattered, he could just change the program. But it did to him.

~ Zoi

“I see her running and climbing all the time. I’m sure she uses up all the food she eats.” She reached over, carefully and scratched her neck. “The monk in the kitchen sneaks her scraps all the time. I caught him.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled, “Well, I guess that’s fair. She’s his cat.” He said with a laugh. Umbra purred loudly and prodded Dradvia for more pet.

~ Zoi

Dradvia smiled, sadly, and gave in, letting Umbra have her way. The cat though would wander out of her reach and then cry insistently for Dradvia to keep petting her. Forcing Dradvia to ignore her or scoot closer little by little. “I didn’t think about who she belonged to. I guess he knows how much to sneak her.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil smiled at the cat. “The others sneak her food too. Just not as often.” He watched the cat scoot away, roll over, cry for pet, and then repeat as Dradvia moved closer. It was funny to watch.

~ Zoi

The cat’s antics were causing Dradvia to invade her own personal space. Especially, since Umbra kept moving closer to Sisnil. Finally, she stopped, “No, Umbra, if you want pets come back here. You’re going to make me push Sisnil away if you don’t stop.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I’m not moving anywhere,” Sisnil said, grinning. He gave the cat a little pet. “She’s a cat. She’ll never stop.”

~ Zoi

“Well, she will either give up or come back if she wants pets.” Plus Dradvia was having that inexplicable feeling to get closer to him, again. She didn’t understand it, so she couldn’t give in to it.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Come on, Dee, is sitting close to me that terrible?” Sisnil asked, smiling at her. “Especially in pursuit of kitty pets.”

~ Zoi

No, it wasn’t. Even without kitty pets. That was the problem, it wasn’t awful at all. Dradvia didn’t understand herself or what she was feeling. There was no point in being silent, Sisnil could hear it anyway, obviously. “No, it’s not.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil looked at her. “Why does it make you uncomfortable?” He tilted his head slightly. “I don’t want to be nosy, I just want to understand. So maybe I can help.”

~ Zoi

She wrapped her arms around herself and looked away. “It isn’t you, Sisnil. It’s…” horrifying thoughts and memories of torturous cruel acts flooded her brain, “it’s before.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

It was easy for Sisnil to sense not only the feelings and thoughts, but the memories. Flashes of her memories before his eyes. “Dee… I’m sorry.” He looked at her and held a hand out, not touching her, not expecting anything, just on the ground between them. “The things that were done are unspeakable. But how can I prove I will never do anything like that if I’m not given the chance?”

~ Zoi

She didn’t think he would. Rationally she knew that, but… but some part of her couldn’t accept it. Couldn’t but the irrationality aside. It told her she wasn’t irrational to protect herself.

Everything had been okay until… until she realized her feelings weren’t simple. Over the last couple of weeks she had been finding herself comfortable around him, even looking forward to his company. She had even joked with him some.

She stared off in the opposite direction, unaware if his hand between them. “I… you know it’s…” She paused, fingertips dashing at her cheeks, her eyes closing on the internal torment. “I don’t think I can overcome the conditioning, Sisnil. It’s not a matter of proving you won’t hurt me. Even simple things, everyday phrases, bumping someone’s shoulder in passing, little things… I can feel myself reacting… obeying the rules we had to follow. Four years, Sisnil, and I can’t react normally.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You’ll get there. I know you will.” Sisnil said. “Right now it feels like you won’t but you will.” He smiled, “And I’ll be here while you do.”

~ Zoi

“And what if I can’t? What if I can never manage a normal connection to someone?” Dradvia paused as rhe loneliness consumed her. “You won’t be here forever, Sisnil. You’ll get back to your brother and your crew.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“You will,” Sisnil insisted. At her words he paused. “I hope so.” He said, but he was split. Conflicted. He wanted more than anything to go home, but he didn’t want to leave Dee. But she’d never willingly come with him. Not back to the Syndicate.

~ Zoi

“You will.” She said with conviction. He was a pirate, he wouldn’t play by the rules. When he got the opportunity to leave, he would take it. He would have to dodge the Federation, but what else was new? Dodging authorities was a daily task in his line of work. He would make it home, and Dradvia would be happy for him.

She could wish that he would stay. He was the first person she felt connected to, had wanted to be friends with. She knew she wouldn’t want to lose that. She would though because Sisnil would never be happy here. She wasn’t happy here (of course she wasn’t going to be happy anywhere). The idea of going with him never crossed her mind because she could never imagine a scenario where he would ask her. If she thought about it, she would know she couldn’t. What little healing she had done would be lost returning willingly to the Syndicate.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Sisnil would never let her return as a slave, but as a full member of his crew. But it wouldn’t matter to her. Until the time came when he had to choose, it didn’t matter anyway. Sisnil smiled at her “Whatever the future holds, I will be here for you so long as we are together.”

~ Zoi

She nodded. For now, in the present, she believed him. She wasn’t too confident about the future. Dradvia didn’t really think too much about the future. One moment, one day at most, at a time.

Dradvia was quiet for a long time. Her fingers moving and then stilling on Umbra’s fur. “Sisnil?”

“Huh?” Sisnil asked, looking at her.

“I’m really tired. Could… would it be okay if we go back?” She was tired. It wasn’t an excuse, or an attempt to get away. She was physically exhausted from the last 36 hours and no sleep.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“Of course,” Sisnil said with sincerity. He stood and picked up Umbra and set her down. Then he terminated the program. “You gonna be alright?” He asked.

~ Zoi

Dradvia shrugged as ahe stood. What was alright? “Yeah, I guess so. It’s harder to be okay when I’m tired.” She took a deep breath, “I’m going to go to bed early. I’ll be better tomorrow.” Or at least not so emotional.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“M’kay.” Sisnil walked with her back to her quarters. Just before she went in, he stopped her. “Dee? If you do need anything, promise to ask me… Okay?” He said.

~ Zoi

Oh what a tricky request that was. “I don’t know if I can Sisnil.” Dradvia never gave her word easily. Asking for help was hard for her, it required Trust. Not just of the other person, but trust in herself. “But I will promise to try. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but that’s the best I can do.”

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

“I’ll take that.” Sisnil said and smiled at her, then disappeared into his own room.

~ Zoi

Dradvia entered her quarters and looked around. There was nothing personal around. She had clothes, most were uniforms, and then a few things that she had been given when she had been rescued and that following year. There were no books, not when she could read on her PaDD. No pictures, no childhood keepsakes, nothing from the Academy. She never attended parties, or went to games, or local hangouts. She had managed to make friends with her roommates, but they were fleeting friends.

Dradvia slipped off her shoes and found a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants to wear to bed. She double checked the lock on her door and then changed rapidly. She crawled into bed and under the blanket.

She was so close to falling asleep, but couldn’t. The images in her mind’s eye were too real. In a.moment of spiked panic, she crawled to the floor and into the corner. She wedged herself in, the desk and chair hiding her. She finally drifted off in exhausted sleep.

Ens. Dradvia, Medical Officer

Dee’s panic woke Sisnil, an old safety reflex. If something woke Noril, Sisnil would wake, too. He contemplated checking on her, but soon felt her calm and decided to let her be. Then drifted back to sleep himself.

The next morning, he made his way to the galley at his normal time in search of breakfast, holding his PaDD. He had ‘work’ to do.

~ Zoi