Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Counselor) in Dasca’s Apartment- The World as We Knew It

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Dasca’s Apartment- The World as We Knew It

Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Counselor) in Dasca’s Apartment- The World as We Knew It
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

She sucked in a breath. “I’m trying,” she said softly, before blowing out a breath. “But, one of the other surprises for Batarael is that my daughter and my best friend went through a lot of trouble to help get my son here to celebrate with us. My mostly estranged son whom I’ve had very little interaction with in recent years and who, at the time Cory and I separated, chose his father’s side, even though I was always tried really hard not to put the kids in the middle. The issues in our marriage were between Cory and I alone, but the problem with being married to a narcissist is that they will happily use any leverage they can to keep control of the situation. My son was and my relationship with him was a casualty of Cory’s manipulation. And while we have acknowledged that there are things we need to sit down and work through…” Eela teared up and felt that deep ache within of the years lost and sense of being abandoned, over and over. “I’m just so glad he’s here, Séan. But it’s also really confusing. So much has happened for both of us. And for us all as a family unit.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan slowly reached out his big hand and gently gave Eela’s free hand a squeeze. “That’s a great starting place. I’m glad he was willing to come out and test the waters at the very least. You both, and I’m assuming your daughter as well, have a lot to work through. It’s incredibly difficult to move past feelings that are later found to be misplaced or misguided.”

Counselor Iven

His hand squeeze made her take a deep breath and Eela nodded. “Family therapy isn’t exactly something most Starfleet counsellors specialize in, but if you think you’re up for it, I do think having someone guide us through it all could be really good. Especially since Caridee and I are both trained in mental health. We need someone objective to call us on our own BS,” she said with a smirk.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“My specialty lies in trauma recovery. You may not be surprised to hear that it tends to overlap with families. Sometimes the trauma they inflict on each other.” Séan shook his head then continued. “I’m more than happy to help mediate but there will need to be some ground rules everyone will agree to before we do it. As my patient your well-being is of my foremost concern so if things take a turn which places you in distress then the session is done and they will vacate until you settle. I feel you’re much better grounded than you were when we first started but there will be minimal risks.”

Counselor Iven

Eela nodded. “I think having ground rules would be good, and we definitely need to establish the expectations and limitations in the first session.” She drew in a deep breath. “But, while I am grateful you are mindful of my well-being, there is 40 years worth of stuff I’ve been unpacking and a good part of that is tied up in the lives my children have lead and how we’ve all been affected by different things. I’m okay with some of the sessions things getting difficult, and I daresay if they don’t then we’re we’re not being honest with ourselves and each other. But having breaks will be useful.”

Séan nodded. “Fair enough, but what I mean by distress is something more than just hard. I expect it will be a difficult time for you all as well but if you show signs of shutting down emotionally or physically is when I’ll end the session.”

She nodded again. It was a reasonable step and precaution.

Lifting the mug to her lips, Eela wrapped both hands around it and felt the warmth seep into her skin as she sipped. “I knew the memorial for Dash would be hard, but I also knew it would be the turning point. In Haliian mourning, we wear the mourning garments until the celebration of life occurs. In some ways it has been a relief to be able to put them away again.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“I’ve… never had mourning clothes.” He said after some thought. “My dress uniform might fill that role from time to time but nothing from my culture. Does the putting away of the mourning clothes evoke a transition in mood beyond relief?”

Counselor Iven

Eela tilted her head and gave a tiny nod. “Hallians have a very… holistic approach to death. For many of us, our culture prioritizes connection in all its various levels and forms, so losing someone you were connected too is both a physical and emotional experience. But we also believe in the interconnectedness of the universe itself. So we celebrate the life and spirit of our loved one knowing that we can tap into that connection when we need to. It doesn’t make their loss hurt less, but it allows us to find a way forward. During the private mourning period, we wear the grey garments to signal neutrality. Death is neither good nor bad, it just is. It is the life of the person we are reconciling. Or at least we try to make that the focus. By putting away the mourning clothes we signal to the outside world that we are ready to engage with everything again. It’s not that we’re not still processing, but those around us know that there is room for other things.”

She inhaled deeply and chuckled. “It would have been a very different scenario had this all gone down on Halii. This being Oed and me being who I am, I just did my best to strike a middle ground and compromise, especially given that his death was not by natural means. The unanswered questions make it harder to move past than it might otherwise.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan nodded as he took in all of the ideas. A thought occurred to him that he decided to voice. “I imagine that with a telepathic/empathic society that moods are prone to being stable as any extremes are balanced and grounded by the majority. Excepting of course for something that impacts the collective.”

Counselor Iven

Eela considered this for a moment. “I don’t know that that would be exactly accurate. At least for Haliians. The balancing you describe comes from connection to people. You can feel what others are feeling all you want, but your influence on them depends on the relationship.” She lifted her hand to her mouth and rubbed her lower lip as she mentally walked through scenarios. It had been a few years since she had been back to Halii. “It’s true that people will take cues from the overall environment, but it doesn’t negate anyone’s ability to have strong emotions and have those radiate through a space.” She wasn’t sure how to explain it. It was just something she felt, and like how she showed Kenzo that night he made sushi for her, Haliian connection was layered.

Séan nodded slowly. “I suppose it’s easy to forget that feeling something strongly in the moment tends to diminish our perception of those around us.”

“Yes. And also, most psi-positive societies do value privacy and thus we filter and block output and input where we need to. Otherwise, no one would be able to function. We’d all just be influencing everyone else with little regard to the outcome.”

“I think with empathy it might be more accurate to say that we’re very aware of strong emotions, but it’s never our place to change those for others unless they need that. People are allowed to feel whatever they need to feel.” Eela snorted. “Which is ironic given that I pushed down my own feelings most of my adult life, out of necessity, but also because it wasn’t always safe to have them free and open. Maybe that’s one of the biggest downsides to a life away from my home world.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

He followed the flow of the topic. “Being a counselor makes it easier to close ourselves off emotionally. Easier to put on the mask because other people need us to be emotionally stable. Safer to push it down when you don’t have a safe outlet for the feelings. It’s surprising you’re not more of a mess considering everything.”

Counselor Iven

She snorted than burst out into actual laughter, her face lit up. “Astonishing, right?” Eela said, laughing some more before she shook her head. “Part of it is my training but it’s that same training that both taught and forced me to confront whatever I was dealing with. It’s because of Starfleet and our regular mental health evals and check-ins that I just never shied away from talking about whatever was going on with someone.”

Drawing in a deep breath, her expression and tone sobered. “But I also didn’t share everything. I think you’re right that I could stuff things down, and I think I can even go farther to say that I ignored certain… signs out of fear, out of a need to protect myself. Because I was a Starfleet commander in the second half of my career. By the time things really started escalating with Cory I couldn’t allow myself to be distracted and we’re all taught to leave our personal lives at home. To not bring it on shift with you. I had hundreds of lives I was responsible for. They needed me focused. I feel like it was just inevitable under the circumstances that I was going to accept bad behaviour a lot longer than I should have, because if I admitted how many ways I felt betrayed over the years, it’d break me. So maybe it’s a blessing that it’s all come about now when I already reached my lowest low and built myself back up. In some ways, the accident and losing my career made me stronger.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“Learning to accept loss and changes beyond our control can in some way soften the blow from more of the same.” Séan said softly. “Would you say being relieved of your responsibilities, that hundreds of lives weren’t depending on you, that it was a relief in the truest meaning of the word?”

Counselor Iven

It was a visceral and immediate reaction as she jolted upright, shaking her head. Oof, ouch. “No,” Eela said softly. “It was a gut punch and even if it was inevitable wth my level of injuries, the ultimatum I was given was done with so little compassion that it gutted me Séan. I would have given anything to be back in command of a starship.” She looked away, letting her gaze drift elsewhere. “There are very few people who know how dark things got after that meeting with the douchy admiral. Had it been anyone else, maybe I might have weathered it a bit better, but…” Eela shook her head, the words suddenly stuck in her throat. She had skimmed over this story with others on Oed, but never delved very deeply and she knew it was still a open wound that she had just covered over ad hoped for the best. At the time it was the best she could do given everything else she was dealing with.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“I’m sorry Eela.” Séan said as he reached out to squeeze her hand again. “I didn’t mean to dredge up the hurt like that. I can only imagine what you went through.”

Counselor Iven

There were moments like this where the tightness in her chest just like it had then. She closed her eyes and turned back to him, dipping her head even as she squeezed his hand back, holding on it to for dear life. “We sort of touched upon it when we spoke immediately after the Kuskaritz, but the amount of loss that happened all at once then is still rather staggering.” She opened her hazel eyes that were brimming with tears. “I was in a coma for eighty-four days, and when I woke up, it took days before I fully speak again. And then I had to learn to do everything all over again. Sit up, stand, walk. And that was just from the spinal injury. The brain injury was its own hell. But you have to remember that I woke up three months after everything went down on the Steadfast only to find out that I had lost a huge chunk of my crew, plus my ship. Then I was told a few weeks into my rehab that I couldn’t go back to active duty on a ship. It was the thing I had been working so damn hard for in my rehab. And for what? At the time I couldn’t do it just for me and my life. I was a Starfleet officer, a captain. It was my life, my identity. I lost all of it in the blink of an eye. And then in the aftermath my marriage deteriorated.” Eela lifted her head to gaze at Séan directly. “There had bene lots of good things that have happened in my life since then, but there’s been a profound amount of grief that keeps popping up and stalking me.” She drew in a shuddered breath and then whispered. “I can’t run away from it anymore.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.