Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Decisions and Uncertainty

Posted by Commander Janusz Korczak (Counselor) in Decisions and Uncertainty

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Decisions and Uncertainty
Posted by… suppressed (22) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Sharah had a lot to consider, but she wasn’t quite ready to discuss anything with Charles and Yavia yet. Just thinking about it made her stomach churn and anxiety fill her. She was also starting to wonder about her health. Something felt different but she couldn’t put her finger on it. She had an appointment with Korczak, and she was sure he would set her straight before she ever sat down. The idea made her smile. Whatever force caused her to meet him, she was infinitely thankful.

She arrived for her appointment a bit early and checked in then took a seat to wait.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

The door slid open to the serene office inside and Korczal stood in the doorway. He smiled and said “Sharah. So good to see you. Come in.” and he gestured her inside.

Sharah stood and made her way into his office. She adored the space. It was calm and tranquil like the man that occupied it. Sharah always felt comfortable here. It was hard work, but she never felt like just a patient, just a list of boxes being checked off.

She made her way over to one of the plush chairs, slipped off her shoes and curled into the seat. A clear sign of self comforting, but also of knowing she was in a safe space.

Once inside and with the door closed, Korczak went to the replicator and made a lot of hot water. He then went to the cabinet behind his desk, retrieved a tea bag from a small wooden box and , setting it inside the pot of hot water, moved everything to the small table in the middle of the office. “So… what brings you in today?” he asked.

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah wasn’t sure where to begin. She had her sketch book as always. They were still working through everything that had happened on the Centurion. It was so simple and yet so very complex. There was always something more, some detail that became clear.

And then there was the PaDD and how she had been feeling. And of course the bombshell McBride dropped on her. “A lot, and I’m not sure where to start. I’m not sure what is … bothering … making me anxious the most.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak shrugged and said “Well, there isn’t any formal chronology for discussing feelings. So just pick a place and we can just dive in. Or we can sit on the edge and dangle out feet… wholly up to you “

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah grinned slightly. She hadn’t expected any other answer. “Captain McBride called me to his ready room. I’m due for reup. He wanted to know what my plans are. He also informed me, but I already knew, I would probably be transferred.” She shifted a little, twirling a long curl around her fingers. “That idea never bothered me before, but… I don’t want to leave.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak nodded. “Well… as far as a concern goes, you seem to know what it is you want and what it is you do not want. So that, at least, removes the uncertainty, now does it not? You simply have to find a way to stay. And for an officer and medical professional of your caliber? I do not doubt that you will have anything but minor administrative hurdles to overcome to stay. Far too many individuals with considerable influence would make sure that you do, if you wanted to.”

Korczak, Counselor

That was true, but it made her… uncomfortable she guessed, to ask for that favor. “I… I’m not sure I do know, Janusz. I signed up for the shortest tour of duty. I never had long term plans.” She stopped twirling her hair and took a breath before looking back at him. “I didn’t expect to still be alive. There was no reason to make my own plans. Just go where Star Fleet sent me. Now… what if they,” the way she said it, the affection, was clear she was speaking of Charles and Yavia, “don’t want me to stay?”

“I know. I have no reason to think so, and I have to talk to them, but… I’m still afraid they won’t.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak did something he had never done in a session before in his life… he laughed. “Oh, my dear. You know as well as I that is simply not true. Nor does it have any basis in any reality… especially this one. No no… drop that weight right now. You know better than anyone that is not nor will it ever be the case.”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah was startled by his laughter and hurt. It wasn’t that easy. No one stayed around. She could mark her life as a series of rejections and abandonments. She knew she struggled with feelings of inadequacy, acceptance, and being wanted. She battled with the effects of a childhood being raised in a society that was terrified of her, and nothing she did made up for the sins she never committed.

She sighed sadly, resisting the urge to twirl her hair. “No, I don’t. I can’t see the future, Cmdr. I hear thoughts, I feel emotions, I experience the subconscious as a constant white noise. None of that allows me to predict how things will change, it doesn’t allow me to know what thoughts and feelings are lurking underneath conscious awareness.”

“Please don’t tell me I can’t not live because of fear of the future. That I have to keep going. I do. Every single day. It doesn’t erase the pain or the fear.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak looked at her with an intensity that no other mortal being could replicate. “Ah, but you see… you can predict the future. Not because of your gift. Not because of some kind of precognition. You know them. You have lived a life with them. And they with you. And the change I have observed in you over the time since you became a part of that unit is dramatic.” His gaze softened and he leaned back a little. “I would be willing to speculate that you haven’t seen the changes in yourself. They have been slow, but significant. You are more strong now than I have ever seen you. You are more sure, more resolute. It shows in how you deal with others. In how you present yourself. In your very comportment. Before Charles and Yavia, you would never even have contemplated the future. You would have just gone along. Now?” and he leaned forward, the intensity returning.

Had she changed that much? Korczak wasn’t given to exaggerating or false compliment. Sharah knew he was capable of it, even using it strategically, but never here. He would never strain trust like that.

She’d had dreams and wants before, but, no, she’d never voiced them or pursued them. What was the point? So perhaps she had changed some, but she didn’t feel like she had.

“Now.” Korczak continued, “You are not only thinking about the future, you have plans. Goals. Wants. Two years ago you would have simply drifted along wherever the current of time took you. But here… with them… you have found life, Sharah.” He leaned back and looked at her for a moment, his eyes narrowing a bit. “How have the headaches been? When was the last dissociative episode you have had?” It was obvious that he was thinking something.

Korczak, Counselor

Well, that brought her to the other thing bothering her, and why she was apprehensive about staying. In the long run, it might be kinder for Yavia and Charles.

“They’re… not as constant, but when I have them, they are much worse. Or that could be my perception because the constant pain isn’t with me.” Sharah knew how that worked.

She had to think about the last episode she’d had. “Umm… a week ago. Though I’ve been more tired lately. Not a lack of energy, but falling asleep. It’s hard to wake up. I dozed off in my office a couple of days ago.” Sharah had never needed an alarm clock. She always woke up when needed and was always a light sleeper. Charles had picked on her the other day because Yavia woke up to all the noise in the house and she didn’t.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak’s eyes widened slightly. “A week? That’s encouraging. And the lack of constant pain is also significant.” He thought for a brief moment and then said “Let’s see how you are doing physically, shall we?” He stood up and went to a low cabinet and took a medical tricorder from a drawer. He came back and sat in front of her, running the sesame basic scans they had done before… and he paused as he looked at the results. He then proceeded to do them again. He looked at Sharah, and his usually unreadable countenance showed clear surprise and confusion. “This is… unusual. Let me run a diagnostic and then we will run it again. Don’t worry, there is nothing wrong. Just… perhaps different.” He ran the diagnostic on the device and it chirped all clear and functional. He then ran the scan a third time, and then simply handed the device to Sharah and said “Look.”

Korczak, Counselor

It wasn’t usually a week between episodes, but it had been this time. Though she would totally blame that on Yavia and the fact she’d forced her to take a few days off after the last one. The woman was like a Klingon saber bear that was trapped with a cub. She sat quietly while he ran the scans. When his face showed confusion, she felt apprehension run through her. She waited, twisting her fingers about while he ran the diagnostic and third scan.

She took the tricorder and looked at the results. Her Psilosynine levels were still exponentially high, that was nothing new, and the activity in the paracortex was equally high. The C-reactive protein (CRP), which was usually equally high from the inflammation caused by the damage of her condition was low. Well low for her anyway. Her finger tapped on the small screen looking at the details of the scan. The inflammation of her paracortex, the resulting damage, seemed to be… healing? She looked up at Korczak, confusion on her own face. “I don’t…” she was hesitant to say she was getting better. That wasn’t possible, was it? “Am I … Janusz, what do you think this means?” Sharah was strict about not self-diagnosing, not about this anyway.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak wasn’t just a therapist. He was also a highly regarded neurologist. And it was in that vein that he responded. “We will definitely need to run more tests, of course. But from this initial scan? It would seem that your brain is healing.” He paused and thought for a moment, reviewing the results of his mind. “Your psilosynine levels are normal for you. So a drop there is not the cause. Your CRP has dropped significantly… and that would, in turn, lead to less dissociative episodes and also deeper sleep. That would explain why you have felt so tired. Your body is finally getting productive sleep. That will also be factor in the changes we see. You have rarely if ever achieved substantial REM cycle sleep. All humanoids require rest for their bodies to repair damage, reset systems, and process energy efficiently. ” He paused and looked at her again for a moment, and then he smiled slightly. “I think we should adjourne for the rest of our time and make our way to Sacred Heart. Some blood tests will confirm whether or not the scans are accurate. After that, we can plan a course to try and figure out the why.” He cocked his head slightly to the side and smiled. “You know… if this actually happening… the healing process should speed up as it goes along. We will use today as a baseline and test you again in a few days. That should give us a timeframe to figure it out.”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah sat there, staring at nothing in the space between them. She was… healing. Janusz thought she was healing. She couldn’t quite wrap her mind around it. “It is well documented that Betazoid brains have an extraordinary ability to heal themselves. We, supersensitives, lack this ability.” Or at least that was theory. “There are no documented cases of one of us ever healing. The damage becomes so severe that we die from it. Usually very early in life.” This was nothing new to Korczak. She wasn’t really talking to him, simply voicing what she knew. Her eyes focused on him. There was immense amount of caution with no room for hope - yet. “How?”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak shrugged. “I do not know. But we can do some tests, find out how this is progressing… hopefully identify a cause. One moment.” He stood and walked to his desk and tapped the comms. =/\= Commander Korczak to Sacred Heart Neurology. Please prep an examination room and have the lab standby for samples. I will be coming in with a patient and would appreciate… discretion. We will arrive in ten minutes. =/\= There was a short pause and then a voice said =/\= Yes, Commander. We have exam room D available now in the Neurological Recovery ward. It is at your disposal. Neurology out. =/\= Korczak nodded once and then looked at Sharah. He gestured to the door and then said “Shall we?”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah smiled at the tone and easy answer. When she first arrived on Oed, that conversation would have been must worse. Dragged out over jurisdiction, resources, Fleet ordering civilians around, use their own space, etc. Now they all simply focused on the patients, no matter who they were or what they needed.

Sharah set her head down and stood, slipping into her shoes. “Yes. No answers will be found sitting here.” Though she had no doubt if she tried, Korczak would simply beam her to the hospital anyway. She was quiet on the way there, worrying the possibilities in her head. She wondered if she were dreaming, afraid to hope.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak looked at her and said “It’s perfectly fine and normal to feel anxious. And to fear hoping for something positive to come from this. But do not forget to experience the positive emotions as well… this is a significant circumstance. Potentially even life-changing. Enjoy the thrill of possibility.”

Sharah gave him a refund smile, “I know, it’s just… surreal right now I guess.”

The shuttle took them from the Fleet Administration facility directly to Sacred Heart. As Korczak had privaledges there, he had arraigned for a full neurological bay; complete with all the diagnostic tools available. He had reserved it under his name, not Sharah’s; knowing her position and involvement with the staff, he wanted to keep the testing done as confidentially as possible. They walked off the shuttle pad and into the turbo lift, exiting on the Neurology level and walking straight into the bay. Korczak chose not to acknowledge the looks from several of the staff as they saw him (who lost didn’t know or even seem to register his presence) and Sharah go inside.

Korczak, Counselor

It never ceases to amaze her how little people noticed Korczak. The man was such a unique and important presence in her life. Even the first time she met him, she couldn’t fail to notice him. It was wild. People recognized her of course and she gave then a nod with a professional smile.

Entering the bay she made her way over to the biobed and lifted her small frame onto it, turned, and laid back. It had been awhile since she had had a full neurological workup, but she remembered how long it took.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

“Alright…” Korczak said. “This is going to be a fairly straightforward test to start. We’ll do a full scan and overlay it with your previous scan. That will allow us to see what, it anything, has changed. That will also give us an idea of how fast or slow the change is. Ready?” he asked rhetorically as he started the scan.

Korczak, Counselor

Shatah grinned, “Of course.” Then she grew quiet, focusing on relaxing and breathing steadily.

The inttial scans showed the same overactive production of Psilosynine along with over firing of the synapses in her paracortex. What was different was the amount of inflammation was down, and the tissue damage, which increased a percentage every year, had stopped. It might have even been fractionally lower than her previous scan. Given the normal rate of damage, this change seemed to have happened in the last 6 months.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

“Hmm.” Korczak said softly to himself. “Well, you can relax a bit. It is good news.” he said to Sharah. “Your overall inflammation levels are noticeably decreased. And while I can’t be absolutely certain, I would hazard a strong possibility that the damage to your paracortex is actually healing.” He looked away from the display and at Sharah. “Think back for me. The last six months. What has changed for you that is now a constant in your life?”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah let out a deep breath. She hadn’t been holding it, but she breathed deeper. She trusted Korczak to not make unfounded hypothesis, so he had reason to think she really was healing. “Six months?” She closed her eyes and thought back. Charles and Yavia? No they had been together longer than that, and nothing dramatic had changed there. Except she felt more confident.

There were no changes in her medications. There was nothing she took regularly and nothing new. She ate more regularly. She didn’t skip meals anymore, lost in her disassociative episodes. “My diet is better, but that started when I moved in with Charles and Yavia. So that’s longer than 6 months.”

She reached up to rub her temple. A old habit when she was trying to think and the noise was too loud and giving her a headache. Except she didn’t have a headache right now, and the noise was manageable despite not having her headband…

Her eyes flew open and she pressed up on her elbows and looked at Korczak. “My headband. I started using it regularly about 6 months ago.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak nodded. “The one that was designed to minimize or eliminate psychic input… yes. Yes, that would make sense, in an overly simplistic fashion.”He thought for a moment and then said “Your entire life, your neurological system has been under constant’ bombardment. No relief from the massive amounts of input it received. Decades of constant assault. But now… now you have been able to rest*. To not be constantly on guard. You have been able to take a breath. Think of it like exercising a muscle. Without recovery time, the muscle will actually be damaged by the efforts to make it stronger. Your brain is the same. It needs recovery time. And your headband grants that. So your brain is able to rest .. recover from it’s exertions… hence the decrease in inflammation.” He looked at the scans again and then at Sharah. “Hypothetically speaking, of course… but that would make the most logical sense.”

Korczak, Counselor