Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Decisions and Uncertainty

Posted by Commander Janusz Korczak (Counselor) in Decisions and Uncertainty

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Decisions and Uncertainty
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Sharah had a lot to consider, but she wasn’t quite ready to discuss anything with Charles and Yavia yet. Just thinking about it made her stomach churn and anxiety fill her. She was also starting to wonder about her health. Something felt different but she couldn’t put her finger on it. She had an appointment with Korczak, and she was sure he would set her straight before she ever sat down. The idea made her smile. Whatever force caused her to meet him, she was infinitely thankful.

She arrived for her appointment a bit early and checked in then took a seat to wait.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

The door slid open to the serene office inside and Korczal stood in the doorway. He smiled and said “Sharah. So good to see you. Come in.” and he gestured her inside.

Sharah stood and made her way into his office. She adored the space. It was calm and tranquil like the man that occupied it. Sharah always felt comfortable here. It was hard work, but she never felt like just a patient, just a list of boxes being checked off.

She made her way over to one of the plush chairs, slipped off her shoes and curled into the seat. A clear sign of self comforting, but also of knowing she was in a safe space.

Once inside and with the door closed, Korczak went to the replicator and made a lot of hot water. He then went to the cabinet behind his desk, retrieved a tea bag from a small wooden box and , setting it inside the pot of hot water, moved everything to the small table in the middle of the office. “So… what brings you in today?” he asked.

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah wasn’t sure where to begin. She had her sketch book as always. They were still working through everything that had happened on the Centurion. It was so simple and yet so very complex. There was always something more, some detail that became clear.

And then there was the PaDD and how she had been feeling. And of course the bombshell McBride dropped on her. “A lot, and I’m not sure where to start. I’m not sure what is … bothering … making me anxious the most.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak shrugged and said “Well, there isn’t any formal chronology for discussing feelings. So just pick a place and we can just dive in. Or we can sit on the edge and dangle out feet… wholly up to you “

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah grinned slightly. She hadn’t expected any other answer. “Captain McBride called me to his ready room. I’m due for reup. He wanted to know what my plans are. He also informed me, but I already knew, I would probably be transferred.” She shifted a little, twirling a long curl around her fingers. “That idea never bothered me before, but… I don’t want to leave.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak nodded. “Well… as far as a concern goes, you seem to know what it is you want and what it is you do not want. So that, at least, removes the uncertainty, now does it not? You simply have to find a way to stay. And for an officer and medical professional of your caliber? I do not doubt that you will have anything but minor administrative hurdles to overcome to stay. Far too many individuals with considerable influence would make sure that you do, if you wanted to.”

Korczak, Counselor

That was true, but it made her… uncomfortable she guessed, to ask for that favor. “I… I’m not sure I do know, Janusz. I signed up for the shortest tour of duty. I never had long term plans.” She stopped twirling her hair and took a breath before looking back at him. “I didn’t expect to still be alive. There was no reason to make my own plans. Just go where Star Fleet sent me. Now… what if they,” the way she said it, the affection, was clear she was speaking of Charles and Yavia, “don’t want me to stay?”

“I know. I have no reason to think so, and I have to talk to them, but… I’m still afraid they won’t.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak did something he had never done in a session before in his life… he laughed. “Oh, my dear. You know as well as I that is simply not true. Nor does it have any basis in any reality… especially this one. No no… drop that weight right now. You know better than anyone that is not nor will it ever be the case.”

Korczak, Counselor

Sharah was startled by his laughter and hurt. It wasn’t that easy. No one stayed around. She could mark her life as a series of rejections and abandonments. She knew she struggled with feelings of inadequacy, acceptance, and being wanted. She battled with the effects of a childhood being raised in a society that was terrified of her, and nothing she did made up for the sins she never committed.

She sighed sadly, resisting the urge to twirl her hair. “No, I don’t. I can’t see the future, Cmdr. I hear thoughts, I feel emotions, I experience the subconscious as a constant white noise. None of that allows me to predict how things will change, it doesn’t allow me to know what thoughts and feelings are lurking underneath conscious awareness.”

“Please don’t tell me I can’t not live because of fear of the future. That I have to keep going. I do. Every single day. It doesn’t erase the pain or the fear.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Korczak looked at her with an intensity that no other mortal being could replicate. “Ah, but you see… you can predict the future. Not because of your gift. Not because of some kind of precognition. You know them. You have lived a life with them. And they with you. And the change I have observed in you over the time since you became a part of that unit is dramatic.” His gaze softened and he leaned back a little. “I would be willing to speculate that you haven’t seen the changes in yourself. They have been slow, but significant. You are more strong now than I have ever seen you. You are more sure, more resolute. It shows in how you deal with others. In how you present yourself. In your very comportment. Before Charles and Yavia, you would never even have contemplated the future. You would have just gone along. Now?” and he leaned forward, the intensity returning.

“Now.” Korczak continued, “You are not only thinking about the future, you have plans. Goals. Wants. Two years ago you would have simply drifted along wherever the current of time took you. But here… with them… you have found life, Sharah.” He leaned back and looked at her for a moment, his eyes narrowing a bit. “How have the headaches been? When was the last dissociative episode you have had?” It was obvious that he was thinking something.

Korczak, Counselor