Posted by Lieutenant Tandra Mika (Chief Mental Health Officer) in Recovery in All Forms

Posted by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Resident) in Recovery in All Forms

Posted by Lieutenant Tandra Mika (Chief Mental Health Officer) in Recovery in All Forms
Posted by… suppressed (84) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)
Mika reached up and hugged her back. “I know. I trust you, Sharah. I’m just…” She cried softly into Sharah’s shoulder. “I don’t want to remember it every time I feel those little shocks of pain.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“I know, I don’t want you to either. One step at a time. We finish your treatments and get you a physical therapy eval.” She had to find a way to help her.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Mika nodded. “I know.” Logically she knew but emotionally she felt miserable and sad and scared and angry.

~ Mika, CMHO

It wasn’t too much later when there was a knock on Tandra’s door and Revna stuck her head in. “May I come in?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika nodded. “Hey, Revna.” She said, waving her inside.

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna came in and sat down in the chair next to Tandra’s bed giving the monitors a cursory glance. She smiled at her, “How are you doing today?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Everything looked fine from what Revna could tell. Sharah and Yavia were keeping her calm. She still looked like she’d been crying, so it was obvious she was just saying it when she said, “I’m okay.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna shook her head and said gently, “Try again.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika huffed softy and gave Revna a look like a pouting kid. “That’s the way we’re gonna go huh?”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna’s expression was soft but certain. “It is.” It did no good for Tandra to hide her feelings. She may wish to avoid discussing with certain people, hide it from those she wasn’t comfortable with, but here, within the setting of healing it was important to be honest.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“There’s just a little medical problem. Sharah will solve it.” Mika forced a smile. “It’s okay.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“I am sure she will. She is quite the determined woman. You both seem very close,” Revna observed.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika nodded. “She is a good friend.” She was clearly avoiding talking about anything relevant. The idea of talking about it seemed to frighten her.

~ Mika, CMHO

“Have you been friends for very long?” Revna asked.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“Since the Challenger. So, four years,” Mika replied. “I was chief medical officer. She was a cadet.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“She was your Cadet. And now you are working together again. But as equals. That must be an adjustment.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“It was, a little, I guess. But I don’t mind. She is always welcome to ask advice. And to remind me what I teach.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna grinned. “She strikes me as a very insightful person. I’ve seen her working around the hospital. She has a way with people.”

“So what did she find?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“My… my nerves were damaged by the drugs they used on me.” She said. “There’s stabbing pain sometimes.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“I am sorry to hear that. That’s difficult having to face the memory each time.” Revna paused, “Unfortunately, we have to today. Star Fleet security needs your statement and want to question you.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika shook her head, trying to seem calmer than she was. “No. I’m not ready for that, no. I can’t.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna reached forward and took her hand. “I know it seems impossible, that you would rather never think of it again. To act like it never happened. Security has already taken statements from everyone else. You can have anyone you want here with you. But the time has come, Tandra. The longer you wait the easier it will be for justice to become unbalanced. They will get away and keep doing things like this.” She squeezed her hand and said with an authority that was reassuring and steady, “You deserve to know you are safe. They need your help to ensure that.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika shook her head, voice shaky. “I… I don’t know anything. I swear, I don’t know anything. I don’t…”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna grabbed both her hands and squeezed gently. “Tandra,” she repeated her name until she looked at her, “tell me 5 things you see in this room.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

It took three or four times before Tandra met her gaze. What? Oh, oh the sense game. “Oh, ummmm.... You, the bed… That medical poster…” How many was that? Three. “…the monitor, and.... Uhm....” She made herself take a quick deep breath. “My PaDD over there.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“Four things you can feel.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika blinked. “The blankets? Uhm…”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna squeezed her hands gently to coax the connection.

“It’s okay to take your time.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika squeezed her hands back. She took another deep breath. “Fear and anxiety make me want to rush things.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“That’s natural. The body’s natural instincts to protect you from danger. It speeds up our reflexes and heightens our senses. It takes time to learn we are safe again.” Revna smiled encouragingly. “You are not alone. We will be here every step of the way.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika didn’t feel safe. Not unless there was at least one other person with her, if not multiple. Thinking about it brought back a sense of sheer terror. She didn’t want to recount it, not even to Security. “Do I have to? Tell them?”

~ Mika, CMHO

“No, you don’t.” Revna said. “No one can make you. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. One day, instead of knowing, you will wish he had been brought to justice if you don’t.” Revna didn’t think Tandra was the type.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika’s mother had been killed in an armed robbery. She believed strongly in justice. “O-okay. I’ll try.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“Alright. I want you to remember, you are in charge. You can call a stop anytime you want. I will be with you. Who else do you want?” The idea was to give Tandra back control by dictating the setting and the rules.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“Yavia.” Séan was working and Mika knew how hard it could be for Sharah to be around negativity. And Yavia had done so much for her lately.

~ Mika, CMHO

“Okay. What about Sean and Sharah? Do you want me to get them also?” Revna held up a hand, “This is about what you need, Tandra. Don’t worry about whether they want to or are busy or whether you should or not. They are all willing to come if you need or want them.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“Séan has to work,” Mika insisted. “My patients are already suddenly out a counselor, we can’t take another one off.” She nodded then, “Sharah can be here though.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“Alright, I will make sure they are here. Do you want to talk to them here or somewhere else?” A hospital room was very personal, and Revna wanted Tandra to be as comfortable as possible.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“My office. It’s in the hospital, it’s private, and it’s safe.” Mika said. She wasn’t sure about making it that far quite yet but it would be ideal for this meeting.

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna squeezed her hand. “Okay. I will get that all arranged. I’m sure Dr. Fayth will insist on you taking a chair.”

She sat back, “Is there any thing you want to discuss or go over before you speak with them?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika shook her head. “I want to get it over with.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“Revna stood and walked to the door. She didn’t leave but she spoke with the security officer outside the door. She waved Yavia over from the nurses’ desk.

Barely 20 minutes later, Yavia and Sharah had Mika in a chair and moved to her office. They helped settle her comfortably and covered her with a blanket. They sat on either side of her.

When she was ready Revna went to the door and invited the officer in. The woman who entered was in her late 40s with short trimmed strawberry blonde hair. She had a very motherly look to her. “Hello Lt. Mika. I’m Lt Cmdr. Diane Hutchins. I know this will be very difficult for you, but I would like to ask you a few questions?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika nodded politely. Positioned behind her desk, she looked like normal. Everything was exactly as she’d left it that day. “Of course, commander,” she said.

~ Mika, CMHO

Hutchins sat down across from her. “Think back, had you ever seen the man who abducted you before?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“No,” Mika replied quickly. “I’ve never seen him before. They kept saying a patient of mine must have told me something.” She shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know what.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“They? There was more than one person?”

“Did he ever say who the patient was?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika nodded, obviously getting worked up by the questions. “Two or three I saw, I got the feeling there was someone or multiple someones I never saw, you should ask Séan, he’s the one who found me.” She shook her head, “No, just kept asking if I knew about certain things.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“What were those specific rounds he kept asking about,” Hutchins asked.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika glanced at Revna and then Sharah, gripping the hem of her shirt in her hands. “They run some kind of gang. They wanted to know if whatever patient had told me anything. I-I don’t know, okay?”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna walked closer and set a gentle hand on her shoulder. Sharah and Yavia both reached over and took a hand and held it. Comfort and support wrapped her like a blanket. Neither woman tried to divert or alter her emotions though.

Hutchins didn’t need to see the subtle shake of Lady McKenzie’s head to know Lt Mika wasn’t ready to be pushed. “That’s okay,” Hutchins reassured her. “Is there anything he said that stands out to you? Even something minor?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika pulled her hands away from them without really meaning to. She retracted into herself, gripping the chair. Trying to prevent herself from hyperventilating her breathing instead clamped down and she took a forced, almost wheezing breath. She reached clumsily for her friends’ hands again when she realized she’d pulled away.

Sharah and Yavia took her hands back, not upset as she pulled away and then returned. It was traumatic and they understood in a way most couldn’t as they experienced it with her.

Verbally, she blubbered a bit. “I don’t- I don’t know, I can’t, I think- I don’t know.” The words were rushed, her voice high pitched with panic. “I’m sorry, I want to help, I do.” She took another forced, difficult breath, that gave way to the hyperventilating she’d been trying to avoid. She was beginning to cry. “I don’t know, please.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Hutchins nodded, she leaned forward in a relaxed position. “You’ve done wonderful, Lt. You’ve given me some details we didn’t know before, and that helps. That’s all I need.” She shut her PaDD off. “Lt Mika, Tandra, if you need anything, even if it isn’t about all of this, you call my comm directly, alright? We’re here for you, any time no matter the reason.” She glanced at Lady McKenzie and nodded. She stood and left the office quietly.

Sharah pulled Tandra to her and hugged her letting a little calm seep into her friend. Yavia rubbed her back with her free hand. Revna walked over to the replicator and ordered a cool glass of water and some bland crackers and then set them on the desk in front of Tandra, just in case.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Mika’s body was shaking as Sharah hugged her. She clung to Sharah as though the woman were her only remaining lifeline. As soon as she began to calm, she slipped the water gratefully. She understood the intent. In case the anxiety and fear made her ill. But even so, a little food and drink could help after an intense panic attack.

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna stayed off to the side, watching calmly. Right now Tandra needed her friends, and that would do more to help her relax. They could work on self-soothing techniques later. This was a good chance for her to observe and learn more about the woman than just what she got in sessions.

Dr. Fayth looked over Mika’s shoulder and gave Revna a significant look. Revna nodded. She would find a way to speak with her later. For now she just wanted Tandra to relax and decide when she was ready to return to her room.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Tandra felt safe in known rooms and exposed in corridors. She was starting to relax but the idea of going out into the hall made her want to vomit or cry - and panic all over again. Instead she focuses on drinking her water and the presence of her friends.

~ Mika, CMHO

This one time, Sharah was not ashamed to use her telepathy. “We can use the transporter if you want. You’re healed enough it will be safe.”

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Mika looked at her, surprised for a moment, and then there was a feeling of gratitude and safety. “Okay.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna had worked with enough telepathy to realize Dr. Fayth had reacted to some thought unspoken. What she wasn’t sure was what that thought was. Was Tandra exhausted or was she avoiding something? Given her body language she was leaning toward avoidance. She would have to keep an eye on that. “Just let us know when you are ready to go.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika finished the water and then spent another minute just calming herself. Then she nodded. “I’m ready.”

~ Mika, CMHO

=/\=Fayth to transporter chief. 4 to beam to Sacred Heart security ward.=/\= The four women materialized outside Mika’s room. Yavia and Sharah took her inside and helped her get settled. Revna came in and sat down quietly.

Lt. Cmdr. Fayth, SFCMO

Mika was soon settled back in, looking tired and defeated. “I’m sorry. I wish I could help more.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“You did just fine, Tandra. Even just that little bit will help. How are feeling?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika shook her head and hugged herself. She felt awful, both because she’d ‘failed’ and because she was afraid. She was a mental health practitioner herself, she knew these things took time, and yet she was still frustrated with herself for not being ‘stronger’. Part of her argued it had been less than a week! But the other part of her would not listen.

~ Mika, CMHO

“Tandra, look at me please,” Revna said.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika looked up questioningly and met Revna’s gaze. “Hm?”

~ Mika, CMHO

“It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to not have all the answers. No one expects you to have them all. It is perfectly acceptable to not be okay and to not feel safe. We will give you whatever we can to make you feel safe again. You are strong and you have not failed because you could not answer all the questions.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“I know that,” Mika huffed indignantly, and then immediately sighed and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna smiled unphased by the outburst. “It’s alright. I do understand. I’ve been the patient. I’ve struggled through trauma. I also know I needed to be reminded a lot of things that I know. We tend to hold ourselves to higher standards than we hold others, or that others hold us.”

“Is there anything you would like to do right now? I promised Dr. Fayth I would stay until Yavia came back. So I’m not here for a session, unless you want one.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika wanted to retreat into herself and cry. But that wasn’t going to make her feel better. She didn’t know what would. “I don’t know. But thank you. For staying.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“I am here for whatever you need, any time.” She sat back, “Have you seen much of the colony?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“I admit, I never settled in that well,” Mika commented. “I’ve seen some things.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“I feel we have been here forever, but really we haven’t. I want to see more, but I’m not sure where to start. Anything stand out for you?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika shook her head. “Not really, that’s just the issue. But now, it doesn’t really matter, does it? I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna’s head tipped sideways, her copper blonde hair falling over a shoulder. “Why not? Dr. Fayth said you should be released in a couple of days.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika laughed darkly. “Because I can’t leave this room without feeling crippling fear, Revna. Once I am home I suspect I won’t be leaving and definitely won’t be answering the door anytime soon.”

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna nodded, glad that Mika could admit that. “Is it this room specifically or the ward you can’t leave?” Mika was on the security ward which was locked up tight. No one got in or out.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“The room… That’s why Sharah transported us back,” Mika explained. She knew the Security ward was safe, but hallways still felt exposed.

~ Mika, CMHO

“What about being outside this room feels unsafe?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“It feels like someone’s going to come up behind me and…” She shuddered. “I can’t get the idea out of my head, no matter how ridiculous it is.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“That’s understandable..is there anywhere other than this room that you think will feel safe?” Revna asked.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“I don’t think so,” Mika sighed miserably. “I want to go home but.... I can’t be there alone. I just can’t.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“You don’t have to be,” Revna reasured her. Eventually Tandra would have to get used to being alone, but it was too soon for that.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“I’m a black belt in judo,” Mika said, shaking her head. “Not just competitional judo but self defense and Star Fleet’s training too, and none of it mattered. How am I supposed to feel safe now?”

~ Mika, CMHO

“One step, one moment at a time. We’ll work on that. We can analyze everything that happened and determine how to prevent it in the future.” Revna’s heart went out to the woman. “I can’t tell you what will make you feel safe again, only you can decide that. But I will help you in any way that I can.”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika shook her head with a ghastly pale look. “No,” she gasped quietly, “I can’t analyze it at all, I couldn’t… Go through it like that.”

~ Mika, CMHO

“Okay,” Revna said with ease. There would be a time to push, but now wasn’t it. “What can we do to make you feel safer in here? Anything we can do or not do for you?”

Revna, Lady McKenzie

“J-just don’t leave me alone. Please.” Mika said. “Don’t let them get me,” she whispered softly, shuddering.

~ Mika, CMHO

Revna leaned forward and took both her hands in hers, “We won’t, on either count.” Revna fussed with her blanket for a moment, making her comfortable and then was quiet after that.

Revna, Lady McKenzie

Mika smiled and squeezed her hands. “I wish I knew what would make me feel safer,” she said, feeling the need to give a better answer to the earlier question.

~ Mika, CMHO

“It’s alright that you don’t. You are still physically recovering. You will know. You might realize all at once or it might come slowly. But it will,” Revna assured her.

Revna, Lady McKenzie