Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Facing Similar Traumas

Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Counselor) in Facing Similar Traumas

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Facing Similar Traumas
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Séan nodded thoughtfully. “I don’t see an issue as long as you’re aware of your energy levels and emotional tolerances. I would suggest having a keyphrase set up with your detail that can clue them in to when you need a hasty but graceful departure. That way you’re not in a panic to leave or convey why you need to on the spot as well not freaking them out unduly.”

Counselor Iven

Eela tilted her head and nodded at the suggestion. “That’s a pretty good idea, thank you. I think I’ll do just that.”

She drew in a deep breath, gazing up at the top of the pergola, admiring the flowering vines that wound their way through the slats. “I think, especially since it’ll be after the memorial, I am looking even more forward to Batarael. But I’m second-guessing my plans. I’m not sure if I should go ahead with my dinner or not. It’s not just about my capacity, but everyone else’s too. I might just have to wait and see. I still want to do the other traditions and rituals though. I’m sure Roger and Caridee will have something to say about it all, given they came out here for the holiday.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“I’ll support whichever plan you think you need, but I am curious what you mean by ‘everyone else’s’ capacity.” Séan asked.

Counselor Iven

Eela rubbed her hands together back and forth, choosing her words carefully. “Between Dash’s death, and my medical emergency, a lot has been asked of most of the people I would be inviting. Everyone is working overtime already with the Vren here, but then all this?” She shook her head. “Sometimes a social event can be a nice distraction, but other times it just becomes another obligation, and I don’t want Batarael to be an obligation to people. If that’s how it will be, I’d rather not do it at all. It would be too… disappointing and painful for me.” This was about allowing herself to reclaim not just a tradition but a core way she expressed who she was as a person.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“I suppose adding a social obligation onto others would be… unfair on top of all of the other asks but wouldn’t taking away their option to choose be as detrimental?” Séan countered. “Perhaps instead how you frame the invitation is what matters in this case. You could make it clear that there is no obligation to attend and that while you would be pleased at their presence, you much rather value their wellbeing and would want them to stay home if they’re already wrung dry.”

Counselor Iven

Eela nodded silently before she leaned forward and reached for her now lukewarm coffee and a rather demandent looking cookie. She sipped at the coffee anyway, dipping her cookie into it and taking a bite.

She was having a hard time finding a way to articulate the dilemma within her, as well as the fundamental need. There was also a fear she couldn’t quite frame to anything tangible. Long moments passed and she found emotions rising up within her, forcing her to take a breath even as tears pooled in her eyes.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan watched her carefully, giving her space to process without pushing. He could see the storm of emotions stirring behind her eyes, the way she struggled to find words for something so deeply rooted in her heart.

“It’s okay, Eela,” he said softly after a few moments of silence, his voice a gentle anchor in the space between them. “You don’t have to rush to explain anything right now. Sometimes the emotions are too big for words, and that’s perfectly fine. Just take your time.”

Counselor Iven

It was generally a no-no for her back, but Eela pulled her legs up, bending one upright against her chest, and tucking the under in the space under her knee. She braced the arm with the coffee cup in hand atop her knee and closed her eyes. There was a tightness in her chest and she tried breathing through it. It didn’t help. The pain here was different than the explosion of emotion at Tenkillers after Cory’s assault, and it was different than the grief-stricken wail that had tumbled out of her with Karilan only a few days ago on this very couch.

Eela bent her head forward, resting her forehead on her arm, breathing deeply. It had nothing to do with not being comfortable showing emotion (she was pretty sure everyone knew that was not the case by now), but she just needed a moment to go within and somehow that was easier around other people if she didn’t have to look at them. Never mind that her empathic abilities were hard to dampen lately and she felt sure it was going to stay that way for here on out.

She did not cry, but when Eela lifted her head after a couple minutes, she had a hard time pulling herself fully upright, as if she had shrank a little and could not be the sometimes larger than life person she moved about life as, especially on Oed. “It’ll be the first Batarael celebration I’ve had since before my accident. The last one was… disappointing and heartbreaking, and after that I couldn’t bring myself to host them on my own. And then everything happened with the Steadfast and there was no room for the celebration after. If I had even felt like it in the first place. I guess I had hyped up this one so much in my mind that anything less than I had imagined seems… not enough. I’m trying to not go the all-or-nothing route, but it’s hard in a way I didn’t expect. Maybe it’s because of all of Cory’s crap, or that I’m acutely aware of the people who won’t be there, but the thought of my big lovely celebration being… small feels like a gut-punch. It’s the realization that just because I need this more than my heart can express, doesn’t mean anyone else does. And it makes me miss my parents, and grandparents, and Halii. I miss feeling connected to my culture. It wasn’t so important when I was young and first left for the Academy. But at this point in my life I long for it and that is… unexpected.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan listened intently, his expression softening as Eela spoke. He didn’t interrupt, letting her voice carry the weight of her feelings as she shared them. When she finally paused, her words hanging in the air, he gave her a long, understanding look. The pressure she was feeling—the weight of past disappointment, grief, and the sheer intensity of wanting something perfect—was palpable.

“It sounds like this Batarael means so much more than just a holiday for you,” he said gently. “It’s like it represents not only your desire to reconnect with your culture, but also a need for healing… closure, even. A way to mark this chapter of your life, but also to acknowledge everything that’s happened up to this point.”

Eela shifted her gaze in his direction, tiny tracks of tears tracing paths over her cheeks. She gave a slow nod to at least acknowledge that there was probably some truth in what he said.

He tilted his head slightly, his voice soothing but serious. “It’s okay to feel that weight, to want this celebration to live up to something bigger. You’ve been through a lot—so much—and it’s only natural to want a moment that feels… restorative. Something that brings back that sense of connection and joy. But maybe,” he offered, “the meaning of Batarael this year isn’t in how big or perfect it turns out. Maybe it’s about you giving yourself permission to feel whatever comes with it—whether it’s joy, nostalgia, or even grief for the people and things that aren’t there.”

She drew in a slight breath and forced the accompanying exhale to be more steady.

Séan leaned forward slightly, his tone warm but steady. “You’ve talked a lot about what you miss, about the connections to your culture and to the people who shaped you. Maybe it’s not about replicating the past or having it all look a certain way, but finding a way to honor those things and allow yourself to be in this moment—whatever it looks like.”

Counselor Iven

“I suppose that was what I was trying to do. At least in some way. Batarael was always much smaller during my career, away from Halii. You’re right about me wanting, no needing, a celebration of where I’m at now.

She sighed. “I won’t be alone, that much I know for sure. My daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter will be there. And Roger is supposed to be arriving tomorrow so he’ll be there. Maybe in the worst case scenario where no one else can make it that will be enough. Certainly there will be plenty of joy to be had.” She could acknowledge that happy thought and let it buoy her a bit, but she also knew that pushing away the sadness and disappointment would not do her any good.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan nodded, a quiet understanding in his eyes. “It sounds like there’s already a lot of heart in this celebration, even if it’s smaller than what you had imagined. I think having your family and Roger there will bring more than enough warmth and connection. And it’s okay to feel a bit of both—joy and sadness. They’re not mutually exclusive. In fact, they often walk hand in hand, especially when you’re reflecting on what’s important to you and what’s been lost.”

He leaned back slightly, offering her space to feel without pushing the conversation in any specific direction. “You know, it strikes me that even if this Batarael isn’t what you envisioned, it’s still significant because you’re doing it despite everything. It’s a way of showing up for yourself, of honoring your roots and where you are now. That’s a powerful thing. And even if it’s not perfect, I have a feeling it’ll be memorable in its own right.”

Séan offered her a gentle smile. “So if the sadness and disappointment come, let them. You’ve got people who care about you, and that joy—whether it’s shared with a few or many—is still something worth holding onto. It’s okay if it’s different from the past. It doesn’t make it less valuable.”

Counselor Iven

Eela nodded and drew air into her lungs slowly, feeling the slight pressure against her lungs. She looked out over the garden. “You know, Batareal is a six-day festival, and each theme has a day. I suppose a part of my insistent need to have this first day go well is that the other parts will be more complicated.”

She looked at Séan with mild apprehension. “The Third Day’s theme is Reflect and there is a ritual that many people do to dive inwards and assess where they truly are. It involves injecting a mild, well, hallucinogen. The idea is that if you can let go of your grasp on the tangible, you can more easily see what is under the surface. I decided to finally do the ritual again after years and my daughter is going to serve as my medical and spiritual guide because she’s been trained in it. I’m apprehensive about it though because they used pieces of the ritual to correct the Kuskaaritz Syndrome. I’m trying to figure out how to handle that and I’m not quite sure yet. It’s the same with my Canaar. Something precious to me has been twisted and shifted in ways that are uncomfortable and I have to figure out how to reclaim it again.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

He nodded, absorbing the weight of what she was saying, his expression reflecting a deep understanding. “I can see how those days might feel daunting,” he said softly, “especially when you’re engaging in something as personal and vulnerable as the Reflect ritual, given everything you’ve been through.”

He paused, choosing his words with care. “It’s understandable to feel uneasy about stepping back into something that has been so altered by your recent experiences. Reclaiming something that once brought comfort and connection when it’s been used against you, or has become a source of pain, is not an easy journey.”

It was an understatement that Eela met with a small snort.

Séan looked at her with a mix of compassion and encouragement. “But I think there’s also something powerful in you choosing to do it, despite the apprehension. It shows your courage and your determination to take back what was taken from you, to redefine it on your own terms. It’s okay to be afraid or to have doubts; that doesn’t make you any less strong. In fact, it’s probably a sign that this ritual still matters deeply to you, that it’s still something worth reclaiming.”

He let out a small sigh, then added, “You’ve already started to make that space for yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable or even painful. And having your daughter there to guide you through it might bring a different kind of healing too—one that goes beyond the ritual itself and touches on your relationship with her, your roles, your shared past, and the way forward.”

Counselor Iven

She smiled softly. “There is much she and I have yet to talk about and there will be an opportunity during Batarael to do so. And the one thing I am being reminded of lately is how strong am I. I’m trying to hold on to that. A lot has happened in the last few years and it’s easy to feel beaten down by it all, but I knew when I went into the interviews with the Federation Council for my role that something big would happen here. That has definitely been true.” Eela inhaled deeply, letting the air fill her lungs fully before she pushed it out in a steadying breath.

Things might not be great, but Eela felt in a steadier place than even yesterday. “I also need to keep telling myself to take it hour by hour, day by day. I don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. If ever,” she added with a light laugh.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan smiled warmly, nodding in agreement. “Exactly,” he said gently. “Hour by hour, day by day. You don’t need to have all the answers right now. Sometimes it’s enough just to keep moving forward, even if it’s one small step at a time.”

Counselor Iven

“I think to do anything else would overwhelm me even more than I already am. I mean, once I go back to work I will have to be thinking on larger timescales, so definitely for the moment I don’t want to rush anything,” Eela said.

The conversation had seemed to hit a good point that all therapists recognized as a natural end point. “Shall we meet after the memorial as we have discussed before?”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“Of course.” Séan nodded in easy agreement. “If you need anything before then you can always reach out. And again, thank you for agreeing to Tandra tagging along. I appreciate it.” He stood from the couch and looked to see if Mika was ready as well.

Counselor Iven

Mika was. She stood from her seat and smiled. “Really, Eela, thank you.... I’m sorry to impose.” She said, moving over next to Sean. “I’ll see you soon?” She asked.

~ Mika, CMHO

Eels nodded. “Yes, I’ll let you know when my first day at the NICU is.” Rising carefully, Eela led them back across the patio and inside through the dining room to the foyer.

“And I hope we’re all having better days soon. But until then, good luck to us all,” she said with a soft chuckle.

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

Séan waved his hand in a vaguely religious seeming gesture. “I certainly hope that these interesting times give way to some tedium and boredom.”

Counselor Iven

Eela laughed aloud. “Maybe for you, but I can’t imagine either of those words ever fitting into my life, especially here on Oed.”

She smiled warmly. “Séan, Mika. Be well. I’ll see you both soon.”

~Eela Dasca, Lt. Gov.

“You as well. See you soon.” Séan said as he led the way out of Eela’s apartment.

Counselor Iven