Posted by Lieutenant Hannah Lori Asimina (Asst. Chief Medical Officer) in First Step of a New Journey
Hannah slept for a long time. Meds combined with physical and emotional exhaustion. She woke slowly, her body stiff from laying on her side in the same position for so many hours. Her hand slid slowly down over her womb. She felt empty and hollow. The loss knotted her gut and burned her throat, and she felt cold. She could feel the sunlight through the massive windows, but it didn’t warm her.

The intensity of the grief she felt was shocking. Hannah let it wash over her and accept it. Tears pooled in the corner of her eye, slipped over the bridge of her nose, across her cheek and soaked into the pillow. Life would continue. In a little bit she would open her eyes and accept that it was a new day, that they would be okay. She would be able to accept that it was better this way so the baby wasn’t born simply to suffer in its few short minutes of life. Right now she let herself mourn the loss and what might have been.

Had it been a boy or a girl? She hadn’t even asked. Should she have a name put in the record, or just leave it at baby? She wanted to say goodbye. Even if no one else would go with her. She felt like she had to. It was the one thing she could do as its mother. She knew, nor did she feel, that it was her fault, but she needed to do this. Even if they never spoke of it again, she couldn’t just forget like it never happened, like the baby had never existed.

Hannah

The door slid open silently and soon a weight settled on the bed beside her… Jason. “You are awake. Good. How are your feeling? Body-wise, that is.”

Jason