Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Calm (Markets) Before the Potential Storm

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in Calm (Markets) Before the Potential Storm

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Sharah Fayth (Chief Star Fleet Medical Officer) in Calm (Markets) Before the Potential Storm
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“What happened between us?” Sharah was quiet a moment as she stared at Eela. “You were mired in chaos, Eela, but there is nothing selfish about that. You were assaulted, Eela, and you reached out for me. You wanted to come to me, and I called Jal’na and told her to bring you. I did my best to give you what you needed. Maybe not what you wanted or what you ‘thought’ you needed, but what you actually needed. We did our best to provide you a comforting neutral place, where you were safe. Not just physically, but emotionally as well.” Sharah’s voice was soft and full of understanding and compassion. “What doesn’t feel okay to you?”

Sharah

For a moment Eela just closed her eyes and let her breath weave slowly in and out, checking in with herself. This was the problem with still working through things, to still being in the middle of it all: it wasn’t always as clear in her own mind as it needed to be so she could communicate it properly. When she opened her eyes again, she was hesitant, yes, but also pensive. “Please don’t misunderstand me. What you all did for me was incredible and I’m extraordinarily grateful, and it’s not about that. But rather… we can’t always anticipate the consequences of something, and I don’t think any of us were expecting the impact on you. Or maybe you did, I don’t know. But is feels like there is a distance between us now and I don’t know how to reconcile that.” She was at least being fully honest. This was about her perception and it could very well be wrong but she also was trying to do the thing she had forgotten how to do in her personal life: trust her instincts.

~Eela

Sharah took a deep breath and let it out. She lifted her hot chocolate for something to do, and sipped it slowly. Focusing on the heat and texture and the taste. “I knew Eela, Charles knew, Yavia knew what the impact would be. There is no distance, Eela. I am sorry you feel it that way. It’s more…” Sharah’s gaze stared past her searching for the right word, “ensuring boundaries. To allow you a safe, neutral place to work through the events, the trauma, the chaos, there had to be boundaries, Eela. Those boundaries were more strict than you liked, but they were necessary to ensure we didn’t harm each other or anyone else in the house.” The conversation was touching on things that were deeply upsetting for Sharah, though she kept that strictly to herself. She wanted Yavia and Charles, but they were having some much needed time together, and unless it was very bad she would not disrupt that. “Eela,” Sharah leet out a very very deep sigh, “I say this knowing you are still struggling, and not as an accusation. I only say it, in the hopes you will better understand the necessity I felt for such boundaries. You are not the only one who was…is suffering from a mental health crisis in that house.”

Sharah

She studied her friend, saying nothing for several moments. Eela nodded slowly. “And this is why I felt like it was important for us to talk. Because we haven’t had the opportunity to and the way we parted on Tuesday morning was, well awkward might be the best way to describe it.” She gave Sharah a small but warm smile. “I understand the need for boundaries, I really do. I think perhaps the reason I’ve been struggling with the awkward way we left things at the house is that after a very long time keeping my own boundaries with touch I’ve been more flexible with them. And it’s been good. It feels… right. I’ve been trying to take my cues from people I interact with, so so after you hugged me the night before I didn’t know that even feeling as good as I was in that moment that it might not be okay for you for me to hug you. Please know Sharah that I would never do anything intentionally to cause you harm, but also that if there are things I can do to avoid unintentionally causing you distress you have but to name them. I think declaring ourselves family means we’re allowed to ask these things of each other, yes?”

~Eela

Ah…well Sharah could see the confusion, but to correct it would be cruel. Sharah looked her in the eye, “I am glad that you have had such familial connections that that is true for you.” She rubbed a hand across her forehead. “I know touch is important for you Eela. It is extremely painful for you to not have it. I can feel that pain within you and the joy and comfort having it brings.” No matter how much touch focused and intensified the connection and pain for Sharah, it was impossible for her to hurt Eela by denying her something that was so fundamentally a need for her. Yavia and Charles had tried to explain without violating Sharah’s privacy. “I know you would not cause me unintentional distress.” Sharah placed the same emphasis on the word as Eela. “There is nothing you can or can not do Eela.”

Sharah

Her exhaled breath was something of a sigh. “Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be mindful, and that I can’t appreciate and respect your needs too. So perhaps let’s reframe this. Given that you are having your own struggles, Sharah, what do you need? Please know that just because I’m dealing with stuff, it doesn’t mean I can’t support you as well. I can do both,” Eela said.

~Eela

Closing her eyes, Sharah turned her face up to the sun. What did she need? So now this was suddenly a counseling session? Sharah had never disliked counselors. In fact she liked them in general both professionally and personally. Here lately though she was getting tired of them. She had a counselor, a couple of them in fact, if she needed more than one. She was heartily tired of everyone trying to be hers. She mentally ran through every conversation she’d had with Korczak over the last weeks. She couldn’t remember them word for word as he could but she remembered the point he was trying to make. Sharah lowered her face and looked at Eela. She spoke slowly, thoughtfully, compassion and understanding for Eela’s needs sounding in her voice. She was very careful not to project anything from herself, but emotion tinged her voice as well. “What I need, Eela, is for you to accept that those 48 hours required boundaries because you did not deserve to have my issues become yours or vice versa. I need you to understand that Tuesday had nothing to do with you. You are still my friend and I care deeply about you. I would do anything to help you.” Sharah really wasn’t comfortable with this at all on so very many levels. “Mostly I need you to understand that I consider this a very private matter and I’m not comfortable discussing it.”

Sharah

A gentle inhale filled her lungs and as it flowed the air took along some of the unease that she had been carrying. The part that had been mixed up and mired in cloudiness left her. Eela simply let it go. So when she went to speak, she gave Sharah a smile of understanding and her words were full of warmth. “Okay,” she said. It was as simple as that. When there was a lack of clarity about a moment or event in her life, yes, Eela could dwell until she worked it out, but when there was clarity? It was done. It hadn’t always been that way, but it was a skill she had built and practised over and over again through her life.

Gazing out over the market, for a moment she watched the people going about their lives as they frequented the stalls. Such a simple and beautiful thing. “It’s strange to watch everyone and know that on a scale of only hours, Oed will have a such a historical moment, and we get to be a part of it. So much will change, and yet, a whole lot will just carry one as it always has. I do love that.”

~Eela