Posted by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) in A Lot Of Clothes For Nothing To Wear

Posted by Captain Eela Dasca (Lt. Governor) in A Lot Of Clothes For Nothing To Wear

Posted by Civilian Karilan Massat (Owner, Quill and Parchment Books) in A Lot Of Clothes For Nothing To Wear

(snip)

Karilan looked at Eela and let out a big breath. “Can I tell you something? And I’m telling you as my friend, not as a mental health person.”

“Of course,”Eela said, her face shifting into an expression of concern.

They took a breath and said “There is a reason I have so many clothes.” and they sat down on the bed. “I… I don’t know what is me. I never really have. I don’t gravitate, Eela. I stand her and looked confused when I just try to get dressed to go to the store. Clothes are the bane of my existence… and I have rooms of them. I just… I just don’t know what I like. And I don’t know how to convey who I am without knowing that as well.” They looked down and sighed. “I’m sorry. I just…” and they looked up at Eela, “… I need to know what you see when you look at me.”

Karilan

Eela moved over to the bed and sat down next to them, bringing one leg up partly on the bed so she could face them. She reached out a hand and took theirs firmly as her hazel eyes gazed intently. For several moments she said nothing, just gazing with fondness and care.

“I see an extraordinarily beautiful soul who is not one thing, but many. I’m not heterosexual, Karilan, and I have dated many different people of different gender expressions over the years. And while I don’t know first hand what it is to question my own gender, I have experienced others learning theirs, and I also know what it is like to look in the mirror and not know who you are, to doubt what deep down you know is true.”

She took in a deep breath and gave their hand a squeeze. “I can describe your qualities, the essence of who I experience, but words are… lacking. May I show you instead?”

~Eela

Karilan looked at Eela and said simply “Ok.” and then they chuckled slightly. “But don’t go digging. I have some very odd things going on up there.”

Karilan

“Oh, my dear, I wouldn’t worry about shocking me of all people, but I assure you I don’t go where I’m not wanted,” Eela said emphatically.

Focusing her mind on Karilan and carefully dropping the barrier that held back her telepathic connection, Eela closed her eyes and conjured a feeling of Karilan. It was not a singular image, nor a single emotion. Instead, there was a sensation of rippling waves that bled into something colourful akin to a beautiful aurora on a night sky. Something that shimmered and was set against a deep night sky. But it was not darkness. The stars ground you in the vastness. Space could be cold, but not this. Warmth brushed over her- like walking through a sunbeam.

When she opened her eyes again, Eela felt emotional and took a moment to gather herself and find her words. “I don’t know if that makes any sense,” she said as she lifted her other hand to Karilan’s face. “I can describe your delicately beautiful face and large pale blue eyes, and maybe I can ascribe you to an aesthetic. But it wouldn’t feel genuine, because I experience people differently. Some of that is being psi-positive, some is being Haliian, and the rest is just a lifetime of knowing that the galaxy is wide and full of complicated and indescribable beings.”

~Eela